The Naturalization Process
The choice of Natty Daddy's everywhere is the bottle. Natty in a bottle, conventially
priced the same as its aluminum counterpart is a little slice of liquid heaven, for about $5
a 12 pack. UVA currently holds the title as cheapest Natty vendor known, with good ol' Harris Teater dealing cases out for an easy on the wallet so you can still afford your crack habit $6.99, plus tax. UR and VT students and Nat-o-holics must throw down $8.99 a pop for 24 cans of
pleasure. The tall boy Natty-in-a-bottle still remains unseen by the posse. Any sightings
should be surrendered to the appropriate NDT agent.
The Age old Question:
Natty vs. Beast
The age-old question of the best beer must be addressed here. For starters,
Milwaukee's Best, which for starters doesn't even taste like beer, is referred to as
Beast. This brings to mind what we were all thinking: the striking image of the Beast: a
severely retarded warthog drooling uncontrollably, while simultaneously discharging
various fluids from its genitalia. Natty, on the other hand, conjures up images of a fresh
spring rain, young naked girls frolicking through a field of wild flowers on a cool summer
day. These were the most common images that people thought of when they were
asked. The winner must be Natty, as this Beast is pure evil by point of its namesake.
The taste is also an issue. The light spring water influenced taste of Natty has proven
unbeatable in numerous studies amongst 7-12 year olds. Beast falls last in the Pepsi
challenge, failing to tackle the perennial losers: pee, blood, diarrhea, reproductive fluid,
goo, and even gasoline. Natty 1, Beast 0.
Natural Ice: God's Mistake
The Natural Disaster, or Natural Ice, remains banished from NDT sanctioned events.
The full bodied taste is very similar to a 60/40 split of urine and rhea. Avoid this foul
cocktail at all cost.
Also avoid the effects that the Natural Disaster leaves on its victims. The "fightin' beer",
it makes even little school girls rowdy and looking to whoop your ass all over VA. Also a
problem is the immense pain that results the following day. Definitely liquefies your
genitals, leaving you groping for prosthetic testicles, and a penile shaft replacement.
Don't try it, some guy i know said it was terrible.