All I want is everything

by M. F. Luder (mfluder@ec-red.com)

Title: All I want is everything
Author: M. F. Luder
Email: mfluder@ec-red.com
Pairing: Ryan/Seth
Category: Romance
Summary: Sometimes, you just want everything you can have
Song Challenge: Yngwie Malmsteen -- "All I Want Is Everything"
Author's note: Written for The Song title Challenge at kardasi.com. To Vera, who loves the boys; and to Nortylak, thanks for helping me out.

He has ten forms before him.

Ryan has ten, even twelve, schools to chose from.

He hasn't been accepted to any of them, but Ryan is certain that, with a little luck, he just might have five thick folders waiting for him before summer arrives.

He has a future now.

He studied harder than ever his last year, his grades proving it. He'd got a good GPA, and his SATs went really well.

He's written great essays, taking him almost two weeks in total, but it's worth it.

It's worth it, seeing Sandy's and Kirsten's smiles, pride in their eyes.

Ryan's done it. He has built a future for himself, and it's all because of them.

Ryan doesn't think he can thank them enough.

"Dude, ready?"

Ryan turns around and Seth standing by the pool house's door. "What?"

"What? You forgot?" Seth's rolls his eyes. "Great. Everybody forgets about me. Summer pretends she doesn't know me just because I didn't let her drag me shopping and now you, my own boyfriend."

Ryan rolls his eyes. "Drama queen."

Seth gasps, hand over his chest. "What? What did you say? Let me remind you that the one who likes plays is you, not me."

Ryan knows he'll never hear the end of it where Snoopy is concerned. He stands up, closing the folder, forms inside. He walks towards the door.

"Seth--"

"What? It's not like I wear tight wifebeaters and open shirts over them, to attract the ladies. I'm very happy as a taken man."

"Good," Ryan says with a small smile. "You are."

Seth nods, shifting from one foot to the other, moving away so Ryan can walk out of the pool house.

"I am, and I know that, but you don't seem to."

Ryan lifts an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah, I saw you eyeing that cheerleader at school last week."

Ryan snorts. Right. "You're crazy."

"Am I? Am I really, or are you just saying that so you can go out with her behind my back?" Seth sighs dramatically, and bats his eyelashes. "My very own boyfriend, lying to me. Lying to me, and to my face."

"First of all," Ryan says, arms thrown over Seth's neck. Seth grins, pleased, and his hands move to Ryan's waist. "There's no way I can do anything behind your back. You're with me 24/7."

"Well, that's one of the pros of a live-in boyfriend, huh?"

Ryan nods, the corners of his lips curling upwards. "And second, I wouldn't lie to you."

"How so?" Seth tilts his head, cutely, and Ryan bites down the instinct to kiss Seth's nose.

"Because I can't lie to you."

Ryan leans over and kisses Seth on the lips, and hears a soft whimpering sound leaving Seth's lips. Ryan smirks, smugly, because he's the only one who can get that sound from Seth.

*****

Ryan lets out a long sigh.

Twelve thick envelops to choose from.

Twelve.

Twelve more than he would have dared dreamed of two years ago.

Twelve.

There's UCLA and Berkley, as expected, but there's also NYU, Notredame, Brown, and even Yale.

Yale. Yale, an Ivy League university. Yale; Ryan hadn't even known where it was until two years ago. Yale, which Ryan wouldn't have dared to apply to, if Sandy hadn't pushed him and nudged him until he gave in.

Yale.

Ryan lets out a long sigh, overwhelmed.

Twelve colleges to choose from. One to go to, with Seth, together, in an apartment.

College and Seth. God, could this be even more perfect?

Arms surround his chest and a second later a head is rests on his shoulder.

Ryan smiles.

"So, you got in, huh?"

Ryan nods.

"To all of them."

Another nod.

There's a chuckle that tickles his ear, and then a kiss against the base of his throat. "See? I told you you'd get in, but you... No, I won't. I don't even know why I'm sending this to Yale. They'll laugh. A kid from Chino going to Yale?"

Ryan can imagine Seth rolling his eyes.

"I didn't say they'd laugh."

"Well, you might as well have, with the reluctance you send that envelop. See, I told you." Seth kisses him again, tightening his hold. "I told you. You're amazing; they'd be lucky to have you there."

"I think they just let me in because Sandy put in a good word."

"Who, dad? What, you think my poor father from the Bronx knows somebody at Yale?" Seth tilts his head. "No, no one. Now mom... she might know an executive or two, being the posh woman she is."

Ryan chuckles, turning around to look at Seth. "Posh? Did you say posh?"

"Who, me? Nope." Seth shakes his head rather enthusiastically. "Not me. My dear mom is lovely and beautiful and perfect..."

"And posh."

"Dude, you love me." Seth pulls away, standing straight. "You wouldn't do that to me, would you? Give your boy to the hands of a maniac like that."

Ryan laughs, a throaty sound, and stands up from the desk, envelops forgotten for a moment.

"Yes, I love you."

"See, I told you. I knew you wouldn't--"

"But that doesn't mean I'm not telling her you called her posh."

Seth sighs, tilting his head. "And if I kiss you really hard and really long?"

Ryan squints.

Seth smiles, taking a step and kissing Ryan. Seth feels Ryan shuddering under his lips.

Lingering on the kiss, Seth opens his eyes and watches Ryan letting out a shaky breath though barely parted lips.

Mission accomplished.

With a wide smile and brown eyes shinning, Seth places his hand on Ryan's back, guiding him towards the house.

"See? I told you. I rock."

"Yes, you do." Ryan smiles, opening the glass door leading to the kitchen. "But I'm still telling."

"But, Ryan, love, sweetie..."

"Kirsten!"

*****

Kirsten wipes away another tear, handkerchief held tightly in her fingers. She's grinning from ear to ear. Both her boys, graduates. Both her boys.

It couldn't get better than this.

Sandy shakes both hands, tightly, then nods. "I knew you'd do it boys. I just knew it. I'm so very proud of you."

He hugs Ryan first. Seth is grinning on the side, diploma in his hand, the other one touching the tassel on his cap.

Sandy holds Ryan at arms length, still smiling. "I'm so proud of you, son."

Ryan nods, throat tight. He will never get used to Sandy calling him son.

With one last smile, Sandy lets go of him and hugs Seth.

It's Kirsten's turn with Ryan. She hugs him tightly, like he's going to leave right after and won't have dinner tonight in a fancy restaurant reserved months ago, like he's going to college in two seconds, not in three months.

She sheds a few tears on his shoulder.

"Kirsten," he says, patting her back, and she whimpers another second before pulling away. Her eyes are red.

"Oh, Ryan, I'm so proud of you. Of both of you." She smiles at him, tears shinning in her eyes, and then kisses his cheek. "My boy."

Ryan blushes, ducking his head, and she lets him go. Ryan sees her doing the same with Seth, and Seth hugs her awkwardly while muttering, "Mom, please."

Ryan laughs.

"Dude!"

Ryan turns around. Luke and Marissa walk towards them, Summer right behind them. Luke lifts his hand in high five, and Ryan grins as their hands shake.

Marissa looks pretty in her bright blue dress, Summer in burgundy. He smiles at both of them.

"So, we'll see you at the party tomorrow, right?"

Ryan nods, Seth taking his rightful place by his side, arm thrown over Ryan's shoulder loosely, but possessively.

"Sure, it'll be cool. We'll see you there. "

Seth's grinning; Ryan can tell by his voice. It's still weird for them, not much, but a little weird. Not weirder than the fact that Ryan gets invited to parties before Seth even hears of them, but weird nonetheless.

Marissa kisses Ryan goodbye on the cheek, whispering "Good luck" while Summer hugs him tight.

"Chino, you better watch out. Cohen can be such an idiot sometimes."

"Hey! I resent that."

Summer rolls her eyes. "Cohen, I love you, but you're still a nerd. Come on, Coop." She shakes her head, turning around and walking away with Marissa towards the Coopers.

Seth looks at Ryan, confused. "What the hell was that? Me, nerd? Dude, that's so wrong."

Ryan doesn't say anything.

"Dude, really, I'm not a nerd. I barely even read comics now."

Still, nothing.

"Dude, really, you're scaring me! I'm cool. I dress cool."

Ryan tilts his head, ironic smile on his lips. He remembers the Hug your shirt shirt, and it's not funny.

"Okay, okay, so you're the cool one of the couple. I get it. Can we leave now?"

"Boys, hold on." Kirsten turns around, waving at one of the eight photographers Harbor High School hired for the occasion. "We need to get our picture taken."

Seth rolls his eyes, shaking his head. "Mom, really--"

"Seth."

Seth shuts up. Ryan is still impressed by Kirsten's ability to shut him up with a word. Ryan hasn't got that far yet. He can quiet Seth with fifteen words and a kiss, but not one. It's usually "Seth, would you please shut up? I swear to God I'll kick you out", and a kiss, to soften the words.

Seth and Ryan stand side by side, Kirsten on Seth's left, and Sandy on Ryan's right.

The photographer is looking at them, nodding, before lifting his camera.

Ryan's smile is genuine, and wider than usual. He seems not to be able to stop grinning. His chest seems light and laughter seems to bubble in his throat. Last time he felt this way, he had kissed Seth for the first time.

The flash goes off, and Ryan knows he'll like this picture.

*****

Ryan is sitting on his bed, eyes fixed on silver.

His fingers, to his surprise, aren't shaking.

"Dude, ready?"

Ryan looks up, hand closing over silver, pocketing in a second. He smiles at Seth.

"Mom is going crazy; she thinks we're gonna lose our reservations." Seth rolls his eyes. "Yeah, right, like she didn't confirm them a million times last month."

Seth tilts his head, gazing at Ryan's.

He's wearing a black suit, white shirt and black tie. Ryan looks very formal, great and amazing at the same time.

Seth can only whistle. "Whoa. Boy, don't you clean up nicely."

Ryan stands up, brushing invisible strands from his pants. "Thanks."

Seth looks just as amazing. He's wearing a dark blue suit with clear blue shirt and navy tie. So handsome, Ryan can't stop looking at him.

"So, how do I look?"

Ryan smiles tenderly. "Perfect."

He closes the space between them, and kisses Seth on the lips. It's as perfect as their first kiss one year ago.

Seth pulls away, smile on his lips, hand caressing Ryan's cheek. "I love you."

Ryan smiles back. "I love you too."

"Now, unless we want to be dismembered by my mom, we should get going."

Seth turns around but Ryan grabs Seth's wrist. Seth turns back, looking at Ryan. "Ryan. What? We gotta hurry--"

Ryan nods. "I know. I just..." He sighs. This seemed easier in his mind. "I just..." another long sigh."

Seth frowns, gazing at Ryan intensely. "Ryan, you okay? You're weirding me out. What's it?"

Taking in a deep breath, Ryan closes his eyes for a second.

He can do this. He's done things he used to think of as impossible. He's graduated from high school, he's going to college, and he doesn't have a record. He can do this.

He opens his eyes, brown eyes gazing at him with love and worry, and suddenly, it's as simple as breathing.

Ryan pulls out the silver ring from his right pocket, held in between thumb and forefinger. He lifts it so Seth is looking at it instead of Ryan's face, and waits.

Seth's gasps, then frowns. He leans forward, staring at the ring, like he can't believe it.

Ryan can't believe he's doing this either.

"Ryan--"

"I love you."

Seth's eyes shift focus, and gazes at Ryan once again. "I know. I love you too."

"You're everything to me."

"Oh, god, Ryan--"

"No, let me finish."

Seth nods, lips almost trembling.

"I love you, and you're all I ever imagined love could be. You're... God, you're perfect. You're perfect, and loving, and mine." Ryan pauses. "Mine. I love you, and I want you to be mine, for good."

Seth swallows, his head jerking towards the ring. "Is this what I think it is?"

Ryan smiles, and it is easy to do this. "It's what you want it to be."

Seth pauses, closing his eyes very slowly. He lets out a long sigh, he opens them slowly, and Ryan can't believe Seth is nodding.

"I love you."

"I know," Ryan chuckles. "I love you too."

"So?" Seth lifts his eyebrow, eyes darting to the ring once more. "Are you going to do this right or not?"

Ryan chuckles, nervously and unbelievably, then looks at Seth. "Seth, would you marry me?"

Seth nods at once. "Yes."

Ryan's smile pulls at his lips, and he can't stop himself. He places the ring on Seth's fingers, then kisses him.

"So," Seth says as they pull away. "We're getting married."

"Well, not really. Not legally. I mean, we can't."

Seth shrugs. "So, who cares? We're getting married."

Ryan nods. "Yeah."

Seth kisses him again. "I can't believe this." Seth takes Ryan's hand in his, pulling him towards the house. "Wait until I tell mom. She'll die! She's already been crying over us leaving, and that won't happen until after summer. She's gonna die."

Ryan rolls his eyes, letting himself be lead by Seth, and he smiles inwardly.

He can't believe it himself. A future, with Seth. A good future, with a career and Seth.

For someone who didn't want anything as a child, he wants everything now.

And, to his own surprise, he has it.

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