The way things are
Chapter one

by M. F. Luder (mfluder@ec-red.com)

Title: The way things are
Chapter: One
Author: M. F. Luder
Email: mfluder@ec-red.com
Pairing: Should be Ryan/Seth in the near future. Hints of Ryan/OC
Rating: PG-13
Category: Angst... lots of it. Romance in a while. Sweetness in a couple of months.*shrugs*
Summary: Ryan finds himself in a compromising situation which puts the Cohen Household in a peculiar position. Ryan's friendship with Seth is also on the line. It can either draw strength from this, or break apart completely.
Warnings: MPREG (male pregnancy). Read at your discretion.
Author's note: I wasn't sure about posting this story, but since I've already published it in my LiveJournal, I figured I could give it a shot. Yes, it's an mpreg. If that isn't your cup of tea, then don't worry. Don't read it. I can handle it. *g*
It's unbetad, so all mistakes are mine.
And, finally, this one goes to Vera. You're the sweetest.

Ryan closes his eyes.

His fingers clutch at his hair, elbows digging into his knees. He sighs.

He had known something was wrong with him. He had known it for a while now, couple of weeks. He hadn't been feeling normal.

Ryan opens his eyes, gazing down at his shoes.

He doesn't know why, but he had known something was wrong with him.

His eyes gaze to his left, over his shoulder, and fall to the white plastic stick, and Ryan doesn't need to see the pink line.

"Shit," he mutters.

He fucked up.

Ryan sighs again.

Two days ago, he had remembered the attempts from his mother at talking with him when he was fourteen. He had remembered her tears, her hands shaking as she lit another cigarette. She had never finished two whole sentences.

That should have clued him in. He should have pushed the issue.

But he didn't, and now he's paying for it.

He had been close, Ryan had almost been able to taste it. He had had the chance to go to college, to have a career, to be someone. He would have made it, he would have left behind his past, the idea of a future as a dealer, or a casualty.

He had been so close.

Now, now he was a statistic in premarital relations, and unsafe sex.

Fuck.

He had had the chance of his life, handed it by Kirsten and Sandy, and he had blown it.

And now, he has to tell them.

Ryan closes his eyes again.

Fuck.

*****

This isn't how he imagined it, though he had been trying to come up with a possible scenario for the past four hours he had been staring at the stick.

He hated plastic from now on. And medicine. And ten minute tests.

Ryan clears his throat, eyes down. He doesn't want to see them when he tells them, he doesn't want to see their disappointment. He doesn't want to see Seth in the eye either.

"I've been seeing this person," Ryan starts, thumbs circling one another, over the kitchen table. "This... guy, for the past couple of months."

Bombshell one.

There's one gasp, then silence.

Ryan takes that as his cue to continue.

"I didn't bring him over... because, well, I knew he wasn't the kind of guy to bring over." That was an understatement. "That's why I didn't say anything until today." Ryan knows he wouldn't have if it weren't for imperative circumstances. He'd rather just forget about that part of his past. He can't now.

Ryan swallows.

His thumbs pause in mid motion, his nails digging into the back of his palm.

"That's not all."

Ryan bits down his lower lip, eyes focused on his hands. He doesn't want to see them, to see disillusionment in their eyes. He couldn't bare it.

"Ryan, it's okay--"

Ryan shakes his head, cutting Kirsten's motherly words. It's not okay, no matter what she says. It's not okay. It's his entire fault, and it's not okay.

"That's not all," he repeats. It's barely the beginning.

Ryan wishes there was another way to say this. There isn't. He's looked; there isn't.

"My mom... she tried to explain it." He snorts. "She didn't do a good job. I think she couldn't understand it herself. She never just came out and say it." he pauses. "I'd rather she would have."

Ryan closes his eyes for a moment.

"She always started the same, saying that I was important to her, that I was special." Ryan opens his eyes, just barely, and his fingers come to focus. "I never understood what she meant by that, or where she wanted to get. Then, she'd tear up, and I figured it didn't matter if it made her cry. I never asked."

He should have asked.

He should have asked, he should have pushed until he got a straight answer, until he got the entire truth, but he didn't.

No point in regretting it now.

They don't interrupt him, Ryan notices. Maybe because it's the first time he's relinquished any information of his past on his own. Maybe they just don't want to spoil the moment.

Ryan sighs.

"Trey tried to talk about it a couple of times."

He remembers those times, too. Trey was either too drunk or too high, and he didn't make any sense either. He was even worse, but Ryan doesn't say that.

"He would only say..."

Ryan gnaws his lower lip, the words coming to the forefront of his mind. He says them without flinching.

"He'd just say Never bottom."

The words feel raw on Ryan's tongue, and he bites back his anger on that poor explanation. Stupid explanation. Lousy lame ass explanation. It told him nothing, it gave him nothing.

He's sure Kirsten is looking away, the words too crude for her.

"I didn't know, I had no idea..."

He's starting to babble, but Ryan closes his mouth shut. It'd be even worse if he babbles.

"I really, really didn't know."

His jaw is set tight. He feels awful. He's irresponsible, idiotic, borderline on moronic.

He feels like banging his head on the table. He's sixteen, he's six-fucking-teen. He doesn't have anything. He doesn't have anything to give, anything to provide with.

He's an idiot, and he's proving it now.

"Ryan," Kirsten tells him softly when Ryan doesn't speak for a full minute. Her hand covers his, and she squeezes.

Ryan feels even more awful.

He lifts his eyes to her. She smiles at him, tenderly, almost lovingly, and when she says, "Everything is alright," he nearly believes her.

Ryan shakes his head, biting down his lower lip. He wonders how long, and how hard, he'd have to bite to draw blood.

"I'm pregnant." It's barely a mutter, a whisper, and Ryan doubts if they even heard him.

Her hand stiffens over his, and Ryan's lips press into a thin line.

"What?"

The word comes out of Kirsten's lips before she can stop it. Ryan understands.

He sighs, pulling his hands from under hers. He needs the distance. His hands move under the table, on top of one knee, where they can't see him clenching and unclenching them.

"I'm pregnant," he repeats. "That's what mom couldn't say, and what Trey never got the nerve to speak off. I can... I don't know why..." He doesn't even want to know why. "But I can... I could. I am."

He blinks, slowly, nearly painful, his lips press against each other harder, and his canine teeth bites down onto the corner of his lower lip.

This isn't what they asked for when they received him in their house. They thought they were receiving a boy who could be best friend with their son. They didn't know they were receiving a boy who not only could get pregnant and put a new spin to teen pregnancy, but also a boy who would relate with men close enough to get pregnant.

There is silence in the room and Ryan waits to be asked to leave, to pick up his things and just leave, and he's ready for that.

However a hand falls down on his shoulders and Ryan forces himself to look up. He only sees Kirsten, a smile on her face that looks reassuring and acquiescent with the idea. For a moment, Ryan doesn't understand. He turns around and Sandy nods once, twice, the corners of his lips twitching upwards.

Ryan doesn't understand them. They confuse him. They seemed so willing to accept everything that may happen to him.

"It's okay," Kirsten says again, squeezing his shoulders. "It's okay. We... we'll talk about this, and we'll see where to go from here. What do you think, Ryan?"

Ryan nods, numbly, because he hadn't thought about this possibility, and he doesn't know how to react.

When his gaze shifts and lands on Seth, Ryan swallows thickly. Seth is looking down, at his hands on the table, a frown on his face. Seth looks like he's both confused and surprised at the same time, at Ryan's words.

Ryan nods again, imperceptibly. He'll let Seth deal with it. He'll give Seth time.

He'll wait for Seth's reaction. He can do no more.

Chapter two
The way things are

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