The way things are
Chapter four

by M. F. Luder (mfluder@ec-red.com)

Title: The way things are
Author: M. F. Luder
Pairing: Should be Ryan/Seth in the near future. Hints of Ryan/OC
Rating: PG-13
Category: Angst... lots of it. Romance in a while. Sweetness in a couple of months.*shrugs*
Summary: Ryan finds himself in a compromising situation which puts the Cohen Household in a peculiar position. Ryan's friendship with Seth is also on the line. It can either draw strength from this, or break apart completely.
Warnings: MPREG (male pregnancy). Read at your discretion. 
Author's note: It's unbetad, so all mistakes are mine. 

Ryan takes in a deep breath, eyes closed, trying to center himself.

"Feeling better?"

He nods, slowly, afraid he'll feel ill again. After a moment, convinced his voice won't quiver, he says, "Yes, thanks."

When he opens his eyes, Kirsten's smiling at him, lovingly, motherly, and his chest aches for something he doesn't recognize.

"It's okay, it'll pass."

"When?"

Kirsten lets out a long sigh, picking up the glass she retrieved from the cabinet mirror, and fills it with water once more. "In a while." She hands the water to Ryan, who only drinks half of it this time. "A long while."

Ryan feels like snorting, but stops himself from doing it. Instead, he places the glass on the sink and swallows thickly.

He straightness up and takes another breath before opening the bathroom door.

"Ryan?"

He turns around, looking at Kirsten.

"When you get back from school, we can talk. If you want, that is."

He thinks about it for a moment, then nods, because there are many things he doesn't know, and has no idea where to begin. It's nice that she offers, just as nice that she puts up with him, pregnant and all, in her house, taking up her space and food. But Ryan doesn't think about this, not now. He had enough time to think about it over the weekend. He nods, once again, before turning around and walking back to the kitchen.

He sees her smile out the corner of his eye.

*****

Seth sees Ryan walking towards the kitchen, acting like nothing happened, like he hasn't been puking his guts out until a minute ago, like he's all cool and all mighty, like the smell of coffee and bagels haven't upset his stomach. Like Seth doesn't have to have breakfast at school because he's sure Ryan will end up throwing up on him if he so much as touches his cereal.

He notices Ryan's jaw is clenched, and Seth assumes he's trying to keep his cool. Seth feels for him, really does, because there's nothing worse than being sick. When Seth got food poisoning, at least Seth knew it would only last a day, two tops. But this... after what his dad told him, Seth wonders when will Ryan will be able to touch breakfast without feeling like hell.

"Are you okay?"

Ryan nods at Sandy's question, tersely, and picks up his backpack from the floor. When he stands up, a wave of nausea fills him, and his hand move over to his lips, not really touching them. He pauses, then swallows thickly.

"You sure?"

Ryan sighs, then nods again. He hates being the object of attention, he hates feeling sick, but mostly, he just hates the fact that he can't do anything about it.

Seth tilts his head, biting down his lower lip and his question of whether Ryan would want breakfast or not. Ryan probably doesn't want to come close to any food within the next year.

"Do you want something--?"

Sandy waves at the kitchen, and Ryan closes his eyes, his throat burning. Anything but food.

"No, thanks. I'm fine."

Seth checked his watch. "It's getting late." He stands up, picking up his own backpack.

Ryan frowns. "Won't you have something for breakfast?"

Seth thinks about it, feeling his stomach complain silently, the shakes his head. Ryan's tired face, and the way he presses his lips together after what Seth can only guess as a wave of nausea, make up his mind. "Nah, not hungry."

Ryan nods, not really convinced. Now, not only he couldn't have breakfast, apparently Seth wouldn't either. Great, just great.

Kirsten walks into the kitchen, smiling at Ryan. Ryan ducks his head, half embarrassed at all the attention.

"I'll take you boys."

"Don't worry honey," Sandy kisses Kirsten in the lips. "I'll take them. I gotta detour anyway." Three cups of coffee and a couple of cinnamon bagels on the agenda.

Ryan swallows, walking out of the kitchen door.

Seth pauses for a moment, then follows Ryan.

*****

Seth pretends he doesn't notice the way Ryan pushes his food in his plate, a grimace in his face.

Ryan only does this for five minutes before giving up, picking up his tray and throwing the plate on the garbage.

"Can't eat?"

The question leaves Seth's mouth before he can think of it further, before he can stop himself, and then feels like slapping the back of his own head. Stupid of him, really, because Ryan probably still feels a little nauseated. It's only eleven in the morning, and barely three hours ago Ryan was puking his guts out.

Ryan looks up at Seth, surprised at the words, but mostly surprised at the fact that Seth's actually talking to him. Not much, not the babble he's used to, but it's something.

He shakes his head, picking up his bottle of water. "My stomach..."

Seth nods. "Is it bad? I mean, there might be something you can take for the... nausea." He whispers the last word, leaning over to Ryan, conspiringly.

Ryan chuckles at the trait he recognizes as very Seth-like. "No, it's not that bad." He pauses, remembering Kirsten's implication that it'll be a while before he can have breakfast. "I'll pass, I'm sure."

"Mom probably knows a thing or two." Seth almost chokes on his words. He so doesn't want to talk about this. "You should talk with her."

Ryan smiles. Seth's actually talking to him. "Yeah, probably."

He lowers his eyes, fumbling with the bottle cap, and pretends not to be revolted by Seth's lunch.

*****

Ryan blinks, eyes focused on his hands. It reminds him of the night he told the Cohens. He doesn't like that memory. They didn't react badly, and that reassures him, but he still feels like he disappointed them.

A hand covers his, then squeezes. "There's nothing to be ashamed of, Ryan. Really."

Ryan wishes he could believe her. He's pregnant. It's worth being ashamed of.

"How long will it last?" He asks after a while.

Kirsten seems to be pondering his question. "You're in your third month, and nausea can continue up to your fourth, or your fifth."

Great. Another two months of this. Great.

Kirsten sighs. "It can continue through all your pregnancy."

Ryan lifts his eyes to her. "What?"

"Ryan--"

"I'm gonna be throwing up for the rest of this? Are you sure?"

"I'm not sure, but there have been cases. I had a friend who had morning sickness all--"

"It's not just in the mornings," he whispers, and feels even more of a freak.

Idiot. Idiot who couldn't even ask his own mother about that thing that made her cry when two phrases were spoken. Idiot for not asking the moron of his brother, and even more of an idiot for sleeping with the bastard.

Kirsten smiles sympathetically. "Nights?"

Ryan shakes his head. "Lunch. I can barely... I can't even see Seth's lunch..."

"I know. It's okay."

"I was sure I was gonna throw up on him." He chuckles nervously, and at the stupidity of his words, but it's the truth. He feared for Seth for a moment there.

"I'm pretty sure you won't."

"I'm not so sure."

She sighs. "Do you want something to drink, maybe? You barely touched your dinner." She stands up, walking towards the fridge.

Ryan shakes his head. "No, thanks."

"You have to eat."

"My stomach doesn't agree."

Kirsten chuckles, filling her mug with hot water and dropping in bag of cinnamon tea. She opens a cupboard, getting Seth's favorite vanilla crackers, and a bottle of water.

She places the crackers and water in front of Ryan, taking a sip of her tea. "Crackers do wonders. Just eat them in between classes, it should settle your stomach."

"Thanks."

She gazes out the French doors and into the night. It's barely a little after ten, but Sandy has already gone to bed, as Seth, leaving Kirsten and Ryan to their talk. Sandy had kissed her on the cheek, letting her know he wouldn't come downstairs until she told him. Kirsten was grateful for that.

"You can't stop eating."

"I'm not hungry."

"I know morning sickness pretty much killed your appetite, but it isn't healthy for you." She pauses, taking another sip. "Or for the baby."

Ryan stills his hand, swallowing, before biting the corner of the cracker.

His jaw is set, and Kirsten knows he's more nervous than he is worried. It's the shock, the impression, and the impossibility of it all. She knows it'll take a little bit of time for the information to settle, for Ryan to accept that he's actually pregnant. It happened to her, and it'll happen to him.

He shouldn't fear, but he does, and Kirsten wishes she could do something, say something, to make it all better.

"There are things you'll have to stop eating."

She doesn't want to talk about it, and when Ryan nods tersely, he proves her supposition that he doesn't either.

"I know."

"Coffee, for example. We can get decaf, if you'd like."

Ryan shakes his head. "No, it's alright. I don't want to--"

Kirsten cuts him off before he can finish the sentence. She's tired of his assumptions that everything about him is an imposition on her, on them. "It won't be too much trouble Ryan. It never is." She smiles, and she hopes it's reassuringly. She doesn't know how else to reach him. "We can get decaf, if you'd like."

Ryan nods once, then the corners of his lips turned up in a small smile. "Thanks, that'd be nice."

Kirsten nods at him, smiling fully. A small win, but a win nonetheless. "You can't have too much, however. A cup a day maybe. Even less, probably."

"It's okay."

"You can't smoke, either."

Ryan snorts. "I guessed as much." He pauses, finishing the cracker in his fingers, then picking up another from the bag. He's hungry all of a sudden. "I threw my pack two nights ago. Figured it'll help."

"Has it?"

"No, not really." He pauses, embarrassed, but mostly frustrated at seeming week. "My fingers itch."

Kirsten grins in remembrance. "Oh, I understand."

Ryan cocks his head to the side, intrigued, eyes squinting just the slightest, in that uncanny ability of his to say things without saying them.

Kirsten chuckles, loud in her throat, both hands holding her mug. "You didn't know that about me, did you? Before Seth, I used to smoke."

One eyebrow raises.

"Yeah. I really liked it, too, but when I got pregnant, I had to stop." She shrugs. "Afterwards... I just didn't feel like doing it again. Oh, don't get me wrong, my fingers itched and twitched through all my pregnancy. I even got to yell at Sandy for a month or two, just because I couldn't have a cigarette."

Ryan grins, somehow pleased. "I'm glad. I feel like I'm going through detox."

"In a way, you are."

He has another cracker. He feels like snorting. He hasn't been hungry all through the day, and now, it feels like he could eat five packages.

"What else?"

Kirsten thinks it over. "You can't use your bike anymore."

Well, no point now, anyway. It isn't like he has anywhere to go, or anyone to go to. It isn't like he has to sneak out of the house late at night, or pretend he stayed late at school after class, or went to the library for a book.

Still, now he has no means of transportation. He's more pathetic than usual, even for him.

She looks at him over the rim of her mug as she takes another sip. "I can take the Sedan to work, and you and Seth can take the Range Rover to school."

Ryan nods.

"You can drive."

Ryan hears for now tacit in the air.

"And for emergencies."

Emergencies. Kirsten's implication is very clear, and Ryan gets it, loud. She shouldn't worry, because there's nothing out there for Ryan to go to. Not anymore.

"Sure." He pauses. "For emergencies."

Kirsten nods, and doesn't touch the subject anymore.

Ryan doesn't want to talk about it, either.

"I'd appreciate it if Seth went with you." Kirsten looks at him. "Just in case something..."

Yes, that's tacit. Ryan gets that, too. They'd been protective of Seth until Ryan came along, and now, in his condition, they feel they have to be protective of Ryan as well.

Ryan doesn't blame them, and actually understands them. He knows he can take care of himself, though, and probably so does she. But it's for her peace of mind, and Ryan can do that for her, and for Sandy.

"Sure. No problem. Seth can go with me..." He swallows. "If he wants."

Kirsten waves it off, like it's no big deal, but she isn't shone out by her best friend, she didn't have to put up with the deafening silence of her room all through the weekend. She doesn't know how it feels to finally have a friend, and then lose it.

"He's rather paranoid, too, you know?" She smiles at him, grinning, proud of her son. He wonders about that feeling, wonders how it feels to be proud of your child.

His jaw clenches for a moment.

Ryan blinks slowly, teeth almost clattering against each other, and chooses not to think about that.

"He takes that after Sandy." She pauses, then chuckles. "Well, after me, too. He'll want to be with you every moment. He'll worry himself crazy. I know. I know him."

Ryan nods, tensed, but doesn't answer. He hopes she's right. He hopes Seth worries, doesn't leave him alone, bothers him senseless, and cares. He hopes Seth does, because it really hurts that he doesn't so far.

Chapter five
The way things are

Home - Archive - Submissions - Gallery - Last Updated - WebMistress