This is us

by Taltos (taltos@charter.net)

Title: This Is Us
Pairing: Seth/Ryan
Rating: NC-17

Ryan stares out the window of the limo NBC had sent for him and wonders why he had even bothered to come. Seth didn't want to see him. That much had been painfully obvious upon their accidental meeting in the hotel lobby a week before. Hell, he didn't much want to be here either, but he hadn't been given much of a choice.

They'd won the race and were now obligated to give the Today Show an interview whether they liked it or not. It was in their contract and if they wanted the money they had to follow the rules. Ryan had never been very good with rules.

His blatant disregard of rule number one, no kissing Seth, had taught Ryan that rules really were meant to be adhered to in all situations; especially those involving Seth and his natural exuberance. But in his defense, at that particular point in time Ryan really had been at the end of his rope.

Spending weeks with Seth alone traipsing across the continent had been hell of the purest kind. Sleeping next to him every night, showering in close proximity, it had all driven Ryan completely up the wall. Ryan had spent years perfecting his avoidance of all the things sex and Seth related until that last day.

They had won and Seth's excitement had been more enticement that Ryan had been able to handle. He had grabbed him and kissed him on national television to the horror of everyone involved. But Seth had felt so right crushed against him in a fierce hug that Ryan hadn't been able to help himself.

And now Ryan had lost the best thing in his life. They hadn't spoken since that night and Kirsten and Sandy weren't talking about the 'incident' and all Summer and Anna did was tsk at him.

"Sir, we've arrived."

Ryan snapped himself back to the here and now and sighed. As much as he wanted Seth, he wanted his best friend back.

He was ushered into the building and through make-up and wardrobe before he ever caught his first glimpse of Seth. Ryan's breath caught, his heart sped up and his palms started to sweat. He wouldn't have thought it possible but in the short time he'd been without his daily fix of Seth he had almost forgotten how beautiful his friend was.

Raven hair curls along this nape of his neck and Ryan can feel his fingers flex. He wants to run his hands up and through Seth's tangled mop of hair before tightening his fingers and sealing their mouths together. But then again Ryan thinks that, that is what got him into trouble in the first place.

Like Seth can feel Ryan's eyes on him he turns slowly and they face each other for the first time in three weeks. Ryan's not sure what hits him first, the lack of venom in Seth's eyes or the longing staring back at him.

Ryan approaches slowly like Seth is a wild animal and without the proper amount of caution he'll flee in an instant.

"Hey."

He's surprised at the wobble in his voice and wonders if Seth notices.

"Hey."

There are breathless seconds were they stand doing nothing but staring at each other, eyes locking and Ryan feels like his heart is about beat out of his chest. He wants to say he's sorry, he wants to say it was the heat of the moment, but he knows they're both lies and he can't bring himself to lie to Seth right this second.

"Seth, I-"

"Can we talk after this, maybe get something to eat?or something?"

Ryan can't find his voice to answer with the well spring of hope and relief surging through his body so he nods instead.

Soon they're escorted to the set, put in place, mic'd, fluffed and coached, ready to go.

The entire ordeal is nothing but a blur to Ryan. Seth does most of the talking and he somehow manages to smile and nod in all the right places. Before he knows it, there's a woman by his side removing the microphone and they're led behind the cameras and shown to their limos.

"Your limo or mine?"

And although Ryan wants to laugh at Seth trying to make light of the situation, he can't quite summon the energy.

"Whichever."

"Look, Ryan if you don't want to-"

"No. I mean yes, I want to talk I just don't care which car and I don't care where."

He knows he sounds as anxious as a virgin on prom night but he can't help it. His brain is muddled and he feels like he's floating in space and everything is moving in slow motion.

They decide on Ryan's limo and Seth's room. A compromise Seth jokes.

The ride to the hotel is made in awkward silence, both in their own world staring out their own window. The elevator ride is similar only with Seth fidgeting madly enough to drive Ryan out of his mind.

Locked inside the safety of Seth's room, Ryan isn't sure where to begin and every sentence that pops into head seems wrong. The one that finally comes out makes him want to cut out his own tongue.

"So, how have you been?"

"Fine. And you?"

"Good."

It seems like there are miles between them when just a few short weeks ago Ryan could read every thought that crossed Seth's face.

"Ryan-"

"Seth-"

A short stilted laugh and then Seth takes the reins.

"Why?"

And isn't that the million dollar question. A thousand answers flit though his mind. None of them that Seth wants to hear, Ryan is sure.

"I?God, Seth, I don't have the right answer. It just?"

"The right answer? I just want an answer."

At this point Ryan figures he has nothing to lose, at least nothing he hasn't already lost.

"I wanted to."

Seth does his impression of a fish and Ryan starts to think that of all the answers he had, maybe that one was the worst.

"Again, why?"

Ryan lets out a frustrated breath and starts at the beginning.

"I'm attracted to you. I have been for years but I built this defense mechanism where you're concerned and after weeks of nothing but all Seth all the time I snapped. There's no better explanation I can give you. I'm sorry I embarrassed you, I'm sorry that I did it on national television, but most of all I'm sorry I lost you."

As Ryan's steam runs out so do his nerves and he sinks into the nearest chair closing his eyes and laying his head back. He figures if he sits here long enough Seth will be fully disgusted with him and leave and then he'll be home free with many lonely years in front of him to forget how much Seth means to him.

From across the room he hears a snort and then a bark of laughter followed by what Ryan suspiciously thinks are giggles. Ryan never once suspected laughter, disgust, anger those he expected, but laughter never crossed his mind.

Ryan cocks his head, opens his eyes and sees Seth in near tears he's laughing so hard.

"What the hell is so funny."

"Us. We're both morons."

Ryan says nothing but arches an eyebrow.

"I saw the look on your face right after you pulled back and I thought you were disgusted. I thought maybe the moment got out of hand and when I kissed you back it freaked you out so I ran. God, Ryan I've wanted you for years."

Ryan's heart starts to trip hammer at Seth's admission and suddenly his future doesn't looks so bleak.

"And if I kissed you again?"

Seth's eyes go dark and a pink tongue darts out to wet dry lips and Ryan feels that motion all the way down to his toes.

"Try it."

The walk across the room to Seth feels like a million miles but worth every step. When his lips slide across Seth's he can't stop the shiver that runs down his spine. Seth's body fits against his like they were made specifically for each other and Ryan knows without a doubt that this is most right thing he has ever experienced in his entire life.

Seth's tongue shifts against his, it's a warm wet slide that has Ryan clutching at Seth with both hands. Hips shift and chests slide and when Seth pulls away from his mouth and to run his tongue down Ryan's throat, Ryan knows that the last three weeks without Seth were worth it if it gets him this.

Soon enough they're shirtless and horizontal on the bed with Seth sealed tightly between his legs. The rough slide of denim against denim is making them both moan and pant like it's their last day on earth.

There's a mouth at his collarbone and fingers pulling at his nipples and Ryan knows he should probably be a more active participant but all he can think is that he's waited years to feel this. Years wanting to hold Seth against him and feel the tremors that run down Seth's spine and he doesn't want to miss a second of every exquisitely tortuous thing Seth is doing to him.

But the soft smooth flesh of Seth's back is calling to him and there's a spot behind Seth's ear that his name on it and if he doesn't do something soon it's going to be all over and he'll need recovery time. Without much effort he rolls them and he's straddling Seth's thighs grinding their erections together with a slowness that has Seth fisting his hands in the sheets below him.

He traces the line of Seth's chest with one finger all the way down to his belly button where he stops and replaces his hand with his mouth and fucks the tiny little opening. Seth bucks under him with a gasp and Ryan smiles against Seth's skin.

Ryan watches with half lidded eyes as Seth's back arches hard and his head whips back and forth on the pillow when he plucks at Seth's nipples.

He slides his body flat, his hips moving faster against Seth's as he pulls one section of flawless skin into his mouth after another. Seth's legs fall open and Ryan fits himself in the vee of Seth's thighs and his breath stops. When Seth's hands latch onto his ass and he's pulled harder and tighter against Seth's body Ryan can't stop the increase in rhythm.

Seth's hard for him, hard because of him and it drives him crazy to know that Seth wants this as much as he does. And it's so good. So fucking good Ryan thinks he's going to die. Having Seth under him writhing like a cat and fucking up against him like he can't get enough does things to Ryan's brain he can't even comprehend. He pushes Seth's legs higher and rocks his hips faster.

"Ryan, please."

And then he's scrambling backward because he has to taste. Has to feel Seth on his tongue and live out the fantasy he's had for more years than he can count. With shaking fingers he unzips and unbuttons Seth's jeans. Denim and boxers quickly fall to the side of the bed and Ryan is breathless as Seth is bared completely to him.

He falters for a millisecond until Seth's eyes meet his and the hunger staring back at him drives him forward.

Tiny cat-like licks at first, just to hear Seth whimper because as long as Ryan lives he'll never get enough of that sound. When Seth's hips lift just that little bit, body all but begging for what he wants, Ryan doesn't hesitate.

The taste and texture of Seth explodes across his tongue and Ryan can't help but moan around the hard flesh in his mouth. Seth's so hard Ryan knows this isn't going to last long and when Seth's hands fist in his hair Ryan knows he isn't either. His own personal kink is being lived out this very second and if Seth's pulls any harder he's going to come in his pants like a sixteen year old.

His name falls from Seth's lips just before Seth's body goes rigid and he's pouring down Ryan's throat. The hands in his hair twist and tug and Ryan's hips go erratic pressing into the mattress and he realizes that he isn't going to be able to save these pants as orgasm hits him hard enough to leave him seeing stars.

Seth pulls on his shoulders and he moves up to seal his mouth to Seth's. The kiss is sweet and full of promise and Ryan thinks that maybe, just maybe it will all work out in the end. Their kisses turn slow and soft until they're just gently resting their foreheads together.

"I think this means mom and dad won."

"Won?"

"The bet."

"The bet?"

"Are you just going to repeat everything I say?"

"What bet?"

"The one about how long it would take us to make up."

"Oh, God."

"Hey, it's okay, at least Summer didn't win, we'd never live it down."

Ryan buries his head in Seth's neck and wishes for an apocalypse.

"Look at it this way, at least we don't have to worry about telling them. I mean there is a 'this' to tell them right. It wasn't just?"

Ryan could hear the uncertainty in Seth's voice and his only concern at that very moment was making Seth feel better.

"No, Seth. This is?us."

And Ryan knew that if Seth was a cat, he'd be purring. He felt a tug on his pants and heard a sleepy Seth mumble against his neck.

"Take these off. Want to feel you while I sleep."

After a quick wipe down Ryan was back beside Seth and within seconds was covered with an arm and a leg thrown across his body. He had never expected it turn out like this. He had thought that possibly Seth might eventually forgive him, but never had he imagined that he'd finally get what he wanted. As far as Ryan could tell, life was good and getting better by the second.

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