I hate baby-sitting more than almost anything else in the world. Everyone who knows me knows this, except my mother. No matter how many times I tell her that, she insists on finding baby-sitting jobs for me.

When she suggested to Diana that I watch Zoe and Mackie for the afternoon, the smart thing would have been to refuse politely. Unfortunately, I'm not an intelligent person.

A four year old and an eight year old. How hard could it possibly be? I thought. I used to watch little Timmy Johnson from across the street when he was four. If Zoe was anything like him it should be a breeze.

Apparently there's a huge difference between boys and girls, besides the obvious. When you yell to a boy in the next room and ask what he's doing, he'll yell back that he's playing with matches. Ask a girl the same thing and all you get is her innocent little voice saying,"Nothing!"

And it's rarely nothing.

****

Marcella had managed to get herself a cheap flight into a small airport a half hour away from our house, so I'd told Diane that Mackie and Zoe could just come with me when I went to pick her up.

About ten minutes into the trip my favorite Linkin' Park song had come onto the radio and I was happily singing along when suddenly Zoe said in a hushed voice,"That man just said a bad word!"

Bad word? I was puzzled. I had listened to that song about a zillion times and had never heard a single swear in any of Linkin' Park's songs for that matter.

I listen closer to the song.

"He just said it again!"she squealed.

I had forgotten that when you're four, shut up is considered the worst word on the planet. In my world, shut up is cultural.

I hit the button for a top forty station that was sure to not have any bad words, unless they started talking about Shakira, in which case they tended to turn into gutter-babies.

"I don't like this song,"Zoe now complained.

Like I cared.

I glanced back at Mackie who, to my extreme delight, was engrossed in his Game Boy. At least I wouldn't have to deal with two complainers.

Once at the airport, I had finally managed to find a parking space, which coincidentally was out in the middle of nowhere, when Zoe announced she had to go potty. Really bad.

"Why, oh, why, do kids always have to use the bathroom when it's the least convenient?"I muttered as the three of us ran hand in hand towards the general direction of the airport terminal.

Finally at the bathrooms, I left Mackie outside with strict instructions not to move a muscle. He still had his Game Boy, so I figured he'd be okay. I ushered Zoe into the Women's room and stood outside her stall and waited for her to finish.

And waited.

"Are you done yet?"I hissed, wondering what she could possibly be doing in there, besides driving me insane and causing us to be late picking up Marcella.

"I'm doing poopies,"was her answer.

Oh, someone save me please.

****

FORTY-FIVE MINUTES LATER, we finally left the bathroom.

And Mackie was gone.

My life was over.

I started running around in a panic, when Zoe spotted him in a tourist shop."Look, there he is!"

He was happily waving at us from the checkout line."I had to buy more batteries for my Game Boy,"he explained.

Batteries were the least of his problems. I all but threw the batteries on a shelf and grabbing both him and his sister's hands, I dragged them towards the baggage claim where I saw Marcella sitting on her suitcase, looking dejected.

"Don't even ask,"I muttered when we reached her.

"You're pretty,"Zoe told her.

Marcella bent down and smiled at the little troublemaker."Well aren't you just the sweetest thing!"

I bit my lip.