The class before lunch i do not share with Tami. It's one of two periods we're not in the same class, respite or relief are confused adjectives. Right about now, i should be in that class.
I'm not in that class right now though, instead I'm outside on the front lawn of the school listening to melodys being blast into my ears as loud as i can get them.
If you could call them that.
Something about the way some can scream and yell about how all the vocies do is complain is amazingly soothing.
Right now the rain is fairly light, just making tiny diamond speheres on the black fabric of my sweatshirt.
My hood is up to guard my headphones from the liquid onslaught.
This is a boring moment.
My earlier verbal attack from the school councilor has left me shaken. Not so much the fact that he was right. I admit i have let my grades plummet, I have started to disrespect my teachers, and all that other stuff that goes in the comment section of your report card. No, him acknowledging this is routine however, today the message driving it forward has never been so clear. Simply put, the future's glamor is fading.
I will never be a doctor, lawyer, or any jobs to write Haden and my dad to brag about. My house or apartment will be small, cramped, and crowded due to the fact that I'll have numerous roomates just to pay the rent.
SOme existance.
My job will undoubtedly contain the phrase "Do you want to supersize that?" I'll share it with kids who are working their way through college; secretly laughing at me.
Some life.
Right now it feels this world wasn't made with people like me in mind. It's funny how some of the saddest revelations come in the rainy pathetic day package.

After sitting here long enough to feel my sking grow cold from the rain seeping through my sweatshirt; which wasn't very long at at all, I feel a hand on my shoulder.
Death is fine, give me mine, screams the vocalist.
The blonde from friday night asks hows it going.
Desperately i Search my mind for the name that Tami told me.
In vain.
Right about now I'm doing just fine.
She asks if i want to go for a ride, and I accept.

The radio starts playing a poppy top 40 tune that's halfway over when the blonde turns on the engine of her car.
No surprise that the interior feels familar.
I raise an eyebrow at the blondes music choice and she explains it apologetically, shortly after putting in a home made tape.
"Check out this band, I think they're awesome and they're local." She explains that she has a little sister she gives rides to school.
An 8th grader, all prep attitude with a preference for Top 40 radio hits and Blink 182. Almost scary.
As the music starts to come through the speakers in her car i start to sing along out of habit.
The blonde laughs.
I tell her Tami fell on top of me during this song.
She tells me Tami already tolder her about it.
So much for origonality.

We drive off campus and head down a nearby road. It finally occurs to me that i have no idea where or why we're driving to and that it'd be a good idea to ask. Is it odd that I don't ask where we are going eve after this reveille? I don't; why ruin a great song with conversation?

A white house, green finish, picket fence; a scene straight out of one of my parents childhood sitcoms. All that's missing are the morals, cute dog, and a rougish child named Beaver.
Instead they have Phil.
Phil is gay.
he tells me this while I am sittong on the couch; shivering from the rain water. His sister is upstairs chaning because she was alos drenched from today's freakish storm.
Phil is eighteen, he lives at home still because two years ago he was pulled over, driving; drinking.
He hasn't had a license since.
He asks if I know how hard it is to live on your own without a car.
I almost smile.
Phil also tells me that I shouldn't smoke. It's bad for my health. He then lights a Marlboro and with the two fingers holding the cigarette pointing at me, he tells me to remember that.
Phil is a very outgoing guy.
So i figure, why not? I tell him how my left testicle is deformed.
He laughs.
The blond comes downstairs and asks Phil if he's been nice to me. She gives me another apologetic look and tells me Phil can be outgoing just a little too much.
Phil smiles, then starts to play with his lighter.

"I dropped out today." We're sitting in the blondes room, sitting on the floor, backs against her bed.
Apparently she turned 16 two weeks ago, making it legal for her to drop out of school. She finally got the nerve today to go through with her plans. Right after she was sent to the office for being 5 minutes late to class.
I've been 16 a year and a half and I still don't have the guts or motivation to drop out.
"And for once in my life, I wonder if i made a bad choice."
I stay silent, but look at her with suprise.
"Well, think about it, the future is here already for me. From here on out everything i do is going to affect my future in some way or another."
It's odd, I don't even know this girl's name and yet here she is, opening up to me in a way most people don't.
Before either of us can say anything more a fire detector goes off downstairs followed by hysterical laughing from who i assume is Phil.
The blonde gets up and starts to run downstairs; I follow.
Downstairs, Phil is hitting a flame on the couch that he was sitting on with a pillow. All the while giggling like a child.
Second thought, make that a crazy man.
Apparently Phil set the couch on fire, and while they put it out, I make my way back outside, pull my hood back up, turn on the discman, and start the long walk back to school.
I don't even bother trying to hitch.
It's lunch break when I get back so I go where I normally would. And there, hunched over a piece of paper and drinking a soda; is Tami.