Clean Blonde Jokes

Q.What did one of the blondes legs say to the other? A.Nothing, they've never met! Q.Why did the blonde jump off a cliff? A.She thought Libra had wings! Q: How does a blond kill a fish?  A: She drowns it!  Q: How does a blond kill a bird?  A: She throws it off a cliff!  Q: How does a blonde lose five pounds? A: She takes off her make-up.  Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?  A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!  Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?  A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.  Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?  A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.  Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?  A: The vegetable garden.   Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?  A: She slipped off and fell down the drain. Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?  A: She missed the Earth!  Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?  A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.  Q: Why does a blonde drive a BMW?  A: Cuz she can spell it...  Q: How Do You Confuse A Dumd Blond?  A: Put Her In A Room Shaped Like A Circle And Say Go Sit In The Corner..  Q: What do you call a blonde holding a balloon?  A: Siamese twins  Q: How is a blonde like a a bottle?  A: They're both empty from neck up  Q: What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?  A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.  Q: How do you confuse a blonde?  A: You don't. They are born that way.  Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?  A: They're too hard too peel.  Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?  A: You find the M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.  Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?  A: Proofreading.  Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspsense?  A: I'll post this answer tomorrow.  Q: Why do blonde wear shoulder pads?  A: To keep from bruising their ears.  Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he preforms brain surgery on a blonde?  A: "Space. The final frontier....."  Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?  A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.  Q: How does the blonde car pool work?  A: They all meet at work at 7:45.  Q: How do you know that a fax came from a blonde?  A: There is a stamp on it.  Q: What do you do if a blond throws a grenade at you?  A: Pull the pin and throw it back!  Q. What does a U.F.O and an intellegent blonde have in common?  A. You always hear about them... but you never see them!  Q: Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?  A: She was trying to make up her mind!  Q. How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?  A. Who knows? It has never been done!  Q: Why did blonde throw a puppy on a bun & in the microwave?  A: She wanted a hotdog.  Q: What did the blonde do when she broke her tuperware?  A: Called the plastic surgeon.  Q: What is 500 ft. long and has an IQ of 40?  A: A blonde parade!  Q: Why did the blonde smile everytime there was a flash of lightning?  A: She though someone was taking her picture.  Q: What's the advantage of marrying a blonde?  A: You get to park in the handicapped zone.  Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?  A: Her IQ goes up.  Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?  A: She was run over by the zamboni machine.  Q: How do you steal the window seat of a blonde going to Paris?  A: Tell her the seats that are going to Paris are all in the middle row.  Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?  A: RUN LIKE HECK...she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.  Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?  A: A foursome.  Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?  A: To see what was on the other side.  Q: Why did they stop doing the "Wave" at a acricket game? A: The blondes were drowning.  Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?  A: In case she locks her keys in the car.  Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?  A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.  Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?  A: They always forget the recipe.  Q: Did you hear about the blonde that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?  A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.  Q: Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a wreck?  A: The spare tire in her trunk blew out.  Q: Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see "20,000  Leagues under the sea?  A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.  Q: Why did the blonde stand in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?  A: She wanted to see what she looked like sleeping.  Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leaves?  A: She fell out of the tree.  Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?  A: One  Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number 11? A: She couldn't figure out which one to write first.  Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?  A: A widow.  Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?  A: Two: one to stand in the bathtub, and another to hand her the blow dryer.  Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?  A: The cow fell on her.  Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves"  A: She fell out of the tree.  Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?  A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.  Q: Why didn't the blonde want to fax her resume?  A: It was her only copy.  Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?  A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.  Q: Why does NASA hire blondes?  A: They are doing research on black holes and empty space.  Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box space?  A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.  A2: So that when they are on the bus they can tell if they are coming home or going to work.  Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?  A: Because they can understand them.  Q: Why do all blondes have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?  A: (Finger on chin) "Duh, I don't know" (hits forehead) "Oh, I get it!"  Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?  A: From eating with forks.  Q: Why do blondes have more fun?  A1: Because they don't know any better.  A2: They are easier to keep amused.  Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?  A: To cover up the valve stem.  Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (Goods and Service Tax in Canada)  A: Because they can spell it.  Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?  A: The over doesn't go to 700 degrees.  Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?  A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.  Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?  A1: They can't remember the number.  A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.  Q: Why don't blondes eat jello?  A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.  Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?  A1: What's a lightbulb.  A2: One. She holds the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around her.  A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaaaddy!"  Q: Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the  street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?  A: The dumb blonde, because there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a smart blonde.  Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?  A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.  Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?  A: There have been reported sightings of Bigfoot.  Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?  A: Reservations.  Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?  A: Change.  Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in her ear?  A: "Thanks for the refill."  Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?  A: A whine cellar.  Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?  A: An air mattress.  Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?  A: A mental block.  Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?  A: A dope ring.  Q: What do you call an unmarried blonde in a BMW?  A: Divorcee  Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?  A: A visitor.  Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?  A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound and she weighed 125 lbs.  Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?  A: The noise gave her a headache.  Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?  A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.  Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?  A: They get lost.  Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?  A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.  Q: What is the difference between elvis and smart blondes?  A: Elvis has been sighted.  Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?  A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.    Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?  A: Branch Manager  Q: What do you call a smart blonde?  A: A golden retriever.  Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?  A: The back of her head.  Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?  A: Ariticial intelligence.  Q: What does a blonde owl say?  A: What, What?  Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?  A: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.  Q: What's the blonde's cheer?  A: "I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B. L. O. N....ah, oh well..I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea, yea, yea..."

Back to Jokes

Q. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman? A. Cause you have to hollow out it's head! One day 2 blondes decided to drive to Disney Land. When they saw a sign that said 'Disney Land left' they turned around and went home. Q. How do you change a blonde's mind? A. Blow in her ear. Q. What is eternity? A. When 4 blondes meet at a 4-way-stop-sign-intersection! Q. What does a blonde see when she looks into a box of cheetos? A. Donut seeds. Q. What is the fastest way to get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A. Wave at her. Q. How do you get a blonde to laugh at a joke on Saturday? A. Tell it to her on Tuesday. Q. What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A. She moved. Q. What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? A. She turned it over and used the other side. Q. What is a brunette between two blondes? A. An interpreter. Q. Why did the blonde write "TGIF" on her shoes? A. To remind her that "toes go in first." Q. What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? A. The 1995 Hide and Seek World Champion. Q.Why did the blonde get thrown out of the M & M factory? A. She kept throwing out all the W's. Q. Why was the blonde staring at the orange juice container? A. Because it said "Concentrate". Q. How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? A. Shine a flashlight in her ears. Q. What does a blonde say when asked if her blinker light is on? A. They're broken, they're working, they're not working, working, not working.... Q. Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering? A. The noise gave her a headache. Q. A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. A. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces." Q. What do you call 10 blondes in a refridgerator? A. Frosted Flakes. Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been on your computer? A1. White out on the screen. A2. Writing over the top of the white out. A3. There is a condom on the joystick, and money in the drive. Q. How do you drown a blonde? A1. Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. A2. Stick a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool. Q. Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle after only 6 months? A. Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years. Q. How do you amuse a blonde for hours? A. Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper. Q. What did the blonde name her pet zebra? A. Spot. Q. How do you confuse a blonde? A. You don't. They're born that way. Q. How do you drive a blonde crazy? A. Give her a bag of M & M s and tell her to alphabetize them. Q. What goes: VROOM... SCREECH... VROOM... SCREECH... VROOM... SCREECH? A. A blonde going through a flashing red light. Q. Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? A. She missed. Q. What did the blonde say when she knocked over a priceless Ming vase? A. "It's okay Daddy, I'm not hurt." Q. How do blonde brain cells die? A. Alone Q. What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? A. Pregnant.

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