The Worst Disability

by The Rabid Aardvark

In the widespread and controversial debate about which is the worst disability, such things as truncation, blindness, and various forms of retardation hold most of the spotlight. Upon reflection, however, I have determined that the worst disability is in fact none of these, but rather simply being fat.

The plethora of grievances our chunky brethren no doubt possess is hard to address or even conceptualize in a work of less than several pages. However, for the sake of brevity, let me address some of the key points.

First, being fat is not considered a disability either legally or socially. Instead, it is viewed as simply socially unacceptable. Fat people are viewed as disgusting, ugly, unattractive gluttons with no self control or self respect. They are also stereotyped as stupid and unfriendly. Instead of being pitied or supported for their condition, they are mocked and teased and poked with sticks. They receive no compensation for the many things they miss out on because of their massive proportions. Our distended friends must suffer their disability alone.

Fat people are also severely handicapped. Most obviously, their choice of activities is limited. They cannot fit their massive bulk into roller coaster seats. Some can’t even fly without buying additional seating. Their performance in sports is limited, leaving them either completely out of an important social activity (and meeting potential friends) or finds them performing behind the rest, leading to social stigma and lowered self image. Few can run, leading to being late for important events. Even when physically able to run, knowing they look laughable doing so may lead them to forestalling this activity. Some fat people fall down for no good reason, which is both painful and embarrasing. They have to spend hard-earned money for buying larger cars because they can’t squeeze into smaller ones. It is proven that people who are less attractive get less promotions and raises.

Self-esteem is another tragic thing that effects these fatsos. While being truncated or blind is seldom the fault of the victim, being fat is widely seen as being caused by gluttony and lack of proper diet and exercise. This view is in turn transferred to the victim him/herself, who is left with the thought, “It’s my fault I’m fat.”

Being fat is even worse than being obscenely ugly. While the hideous cannot be blamed for the fact that their very visage makes our stomachs wrench, fat people aren’t so lucky. And while truncated or blind people may receive pity and compassion from their fellow man, and perhaps even ugly people can share in this pity, it is very absent for the fat.

Fat people suffer more physical disabilities than normal people outside of their fatness. They are proven to have shorter lives with more health problems. However, I know of no insurance company that will include being fat as anything but a ‘risk factor’ that lowers instead of raises insurance payoffs.

Unloved, unattractive, friendless, and physically limited, the fatso has little to look forward to in life. Not even a beautiful nurse towelling off his stubs or changing his bandages. The best a lardo can hope for is another Twinkie.