Consumer instructions
These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods:
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children.
(Or pets! What's for dinner?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to what: outer space? underwater?)
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Have a lobotomy)
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief)
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