My Strongest Suit

I don't know about you, but I can envision Percy singing this entire song from AIDA verbatim, as a sort of Creation of Man Goes to Vegas. (Although minus the "negligee" line. Maybe.)

My Strongest Suit

In life, one has to face a huge assortment

Of nauseating fads and good advice

There's health and fitness, diet, and deportment

And other pointless forms of sacrifice

Conversation? Wit? I am a doubter

Manners? Charm? They're no way to impress

So forget the inner me, observe the outer

I am what I wear, and how I dress

Oh now I believe in looking

Like my time on earth is cooking

Whether polka-dotted, striped, or even checked

With some glamour guaranteeing

Every fiber of my being

Is displayed to quite remarkable effect.

From your cradle via trousseau

To your deathbed, you're on view, so

Never compromise, accept no substitute

I would rather wear a barrel

Than conservative apparel

For dress has always been

My strongest suit

Staying in or hitting townwards

From the top and working downwards

I ensure that every stitch is stitched in time

Whether wig or hat or turban

Whether plaid, boudior or urban

Not to strut your stuff outrageously

Is a crime

And the few who are invited

To my wardrobe are delighted

As they wander through my things

To find en route

That in negligee or formal

I am anything but normal

For dress has always been

My strongest suit

I am what I wear

I said anytime

Anywhere

So bring me all my finest

Most audacious, my divinest

Most revealing, most expensive and to boot

Most arresting

most heart-stopping

most free-flowing

Most eye-popping

Dress has always been my strongest suit.

You know that I am what I wear...

(etc.)

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