Spare Time...insomnia...results.
Below are:
The Pimpernel Mystery Tango (Chicago)
Percy Brown Eyes (Ragtime)
The Chauvelin Song (Beauty and the Beast)
The Pimpernel Mystery Tango (Cell Block Tango from Chicago)
(Ken Labey plays castinets)
Robespierre: Chop.
Percy: Quick.
Marguerite: Fish.
Comtesse: A moi!
Chauvelin:Pimpernel.
Percy: Frou-frou!
(repeat, getting faster and more rhythmic)
Chorus: IT'S QUITE A PUZZLE
IT'S QUITE A PUZZLE
THIS MAN THEY CALL THE PIMPERNEL
HE'S SO ELUSIVE
AND NOBODY KNOWS
Percy: IF HE'S FROM HEAVEN OR HE'S FROM HELL!
Robespierre: Chop.
Percy: Quick.
Marguerite: Fish.
Comtesse: A moi!
Chauvelin:Pimpernel.
Percy: Frou-frou!
Robespierre:(speaking) You know how countries have these little flaws that get you down? Like traitors. Traitors are no good. So one day, I become dictator, and this Dr. Joseph Guillotine has a brilliant idea. We kill 'em. No, not kill 'em. CHOP 'em. So I say to him --Joseph, you build many of your lovely machines. And he did! So I said, anyone who breaks the law, we can put them in prison --then we chop off their head.
(singing) WE'RE GONNA KILL 'EM
WE'RE GONNA KILL 'EM
WE'RE GONNA KILL ARISTOCRATS
WE'LL SACRIFICE THEM
FOR LA REPUBLIQUE
AND WE'LL SEE WHAT THEY THINK OF THAT!
Percy: (to his band) I need Hastings here on the border of Paris by four a.m. Dewhurst will be riding solo, and he'll start off right away. St. Just and Andrew will search the two and a half rooms. See what you find out. Don't show you have money--oh, no!--but carry large bribes--they'll do anything for money, y'know? So you'll come back, a couple stowaways in the cart as usual...You know, you won't get caught if you're nice and quick.
YOU MUST BE CAREFUL
YOU MUST BE STEALTHY
AND THOUGH THE ODDS ARE TEN TO ONE
OF YOU SURVIVING
OF YOU NOT DYING
REMEMBER THAT IT'S ALL IN GOOD FUN
Marguerite: I try to communicate with my husband, I try to find out why he's leaving...But my husband, Percy, is a total fool. All these excuses he tells me. It was crazy! He kept saying all these excuses. And then, "I'm going fishing on the coast"! He's been fishing on the coast TEN DAYS!
I USED TO LOVE HIM
I USED TO LOVE HIM
BUT NOW OUR MARRIAGE HAS TURNED SO COLD
AND NOW I MISS IT
I START TO WONDER
IF THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE NOT BEEN TOLD...
Comtesse de Tournai: Eet MUST have been zee peempernel...and zen, we are thrust eento zee poTAto cart and I cry 'a moi! a moi!' but we have a burlap sack over our head and nobody hears 'a moi' because we are EEN zee poTAto cart--
Chauvelin: Yeah, but did you SEE him?
Comtesse: No--no SEE heem...
Chauvelin: My colleagues and I were really into the spirit of the revolution. Now, at the highest point in our day, we'd do thirty executions in a row -- aristocrats, women, children, priests, one riiight after the other. So one night at the Concergerie one of our trusted guards is making the rounds. He goes to an aristo's cell, opens the door -- there's nothing there but a little scrap of paper!
Well, he was in such a state of shock he could barely even tell us they were gone!
WE'RE GONNA KILL HIM
WE'RE GONNA KILL HIM
WE"RE GONNA CATCH THIS PIMPERNEL
WE'RE GONNA SEE THAT
THE FELLA GETS IT
IF THERE'S A SNOWBALL'S CHANCE IN HELL! (stamps foot three times.)
Chauvelin, mob echoes:
WE'RE GONNA KILL HIM
WE'RE GONNA KILL HIM
WE'LL PUT HIS NECK UNDER THE BLADE
AND THEN WE'LL SLICE HIM
AND THEN WE'LL DICE HIM
AND THROW THE BODY INTO THE... SEINE...
Percy: (drawling) I love well-made fabric. More than I can possibly say. And a real fine lace..satin...and brocade. But I hear of trouble? This pimpernel goes out every night, rescuing those demmed frenchies. And along the way he'll find fame, worshipers, and one big foreign mess. Most people see him as alive, but I see him as myth!
IT'S SUPERSTITION
THE MAN'S A PHANTOM
SURELY SOMETHING ELSE IS TO BLAME
DON'T KNOW WHO DID IT
BUT IF I'D DONE IT
I'M SURE I'D HAVE TO BE QUITE INSANE! (bangs stick twice)
(Percy and Chau sing counterpoint)
Percy:THE MAN'S A PHANTOM
THE MAN'S A LOONEY
THEY TRY TO SEEK OUT WHO'S TO BLAME
BUT THEY CAN'T DO IT
THE MAN WHO DONE IT
I'M SURE THAT HE MUST BE QUITE INSANE!
Chau: WE'RE GONNA KILL HIM
WE'RE GONNA KILL HIM
WE'RE GONNA FIND OUT WHO'S TO BLAME
HE SHOULDN'T TANGLE
WITH MONSIEUR CHAUVELIN
THAT SCOUNDREL IS JUST INSANE!
Robespierre: Many machines--
Percy: They'll do anything for money, y'know?
Marguerite: Ten days!
Comtesse: Een zee poTAto cart!!
Chauvelin: Just one little scrap of paper.
Percy: Purely mythical!
Percy & Chauvelin: I'M SURE THAT PIMPERNEL'S QUITE ...INSANE!
"Sarah Brown Eyes" from Ragtime
(scene: ballroom)
female admirer 1: What's his name?
female admirer 2: Sir Percy.
Admirer #1: He looks good.
Admirer #2: I know.
Admirer 1:(sings) There was no smiling in my heart that night
Hair was high, but my spirits were low
One look at him, though everything felt right
Drawling words all sweet and slow
He dresses fancy in those pretty shoes
Biggest fop I know is--
Percy Blakeney, in heels that high now
Percy Blakeney's got some fashion sense
He's got a big cravat
And giant plume, now
Percy Blakeney
Sure--can--prance...
Admirer #2: I never heard no poetry quite like yours
Where'd you learn how to say it that way?
You've got a style that one can't ignore
What is there that I can say?
Nothing for it but a "seek him here"
On that harpsichord...
Bounder: Percy Blakeney, there's a message
Percy Blakeney's only got one chance
It's a duke or duchess, prince or something
Percy Blakeney, go to France...
(dance break. scene fades to Marguerite waving goodbye to Percy, watching his retreating figure)
Margot: Save those guiltless innocents, now
Percy Blakeney...
Go...to...France...
Scene: Pimpernel, act one, right after Robespierre tells Chauvelin he'd better find pimpy, unless he wants to spend his days in prison wondering how one man could outwit the entire French army. Then he exits, and Chauvelin waits for the "Falcon" music to start. And waits. And he becomes agitated. He finally gives up, throws down his sword, and goes off to have a drink at a local tavern, where he runs into the little fat guy from Disney's animated Beauty and the Beast.
to "Gaston"
Chauvelin: I've been disgraced! Outsmarted! Publicly humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear.
Lefou: More beer?
Chauvelin: What for? Nothing helps.
Lefou (sings):Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Chauvelin
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd love to be you, Chauvelin
Even when taking your lumps
There's no guy in town as admired as you
you're everyone's favorite guy--
Chauvelin: (bangs on the table) You blathering idiot! Flattery is of no use to a man contemplating his revenge.
Lefou: Fine, fine. (Sings)
There's (almost) no guy in town as admired as you
You're (almost) everyone's favorite guy
(Almost) Everyone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not (that) hard to see why--
No one mopes like Chauvelin
No one stomps like Chauvelin
No one wears a red white and blue sash with BLACK like Chauvelin
You can ask any powerful Frenchie
And they'll tell you whose bad side the good guys got on...
And he's still kinda-sorta intimidating
Chauvelin: I say, that's enough!
Lefou: Who's a man among fluff?
Chauvelin: I can't take any more!
Lefou: Who (almost) got the hero next door?
Who's (almost) a super success
Don't you know, can't you guess
He's got no reason to look so glum!
Who's the one guy in town who's got (almost) all of it down?
And his name's C-A-U
C-H-A-U
sho--only one sho--
CHAUVELIN!