2-12-00 (2:45 a.m.) I always have trouble starting these things, and I think it's mostly that I have to work my way out of my little securities, into trust mode. Putting trust in someone is a dangerous thing, they can't betray you until you put your trust in them. Everyone's into this "Knowledge is Power" stuff, but I think trust is probably more powerful. It's difficult to determine which secrets can be shared, and which secrets are yours to share. There are many elements of my life that never make it in here, because it would involve divulging secrets which are not mine to share. I'm sure I've fudged from time to time, and said things that maybe those people would prefer unsaid, but I try to keep those to a minimum. To those of you following the saga of my life, Kate received my letter (the post office is yet to disappoint me). She e-mailed me back, saying mostly things I had guessed at, but there's a sense of security in hearing someone else say them. It was a confirmation which I won't say I needed, but I greatly appreciated. She thanked me for the journal I sent her, but whether or not she'll use it is anyone's guess. I hope she does. I've been reading from the book I purchased "True Love" by Robert Fulghum. I suggest Robert Fulghum's books to everyone. He tells storys, and gives examples of life at its greatest. He teaches important life lessons. He's Chicken Soup For The Soul, without being hokey and preachy. This book is mostly just letters people sent him, but they're really neat. They range from people smiling at someone while they're stopped at a stoplight, to old people caring for one another, and even one story about an adolescent with an anonymous benefactor who replaces his porn with newer better porn. I currently have 3 copies of this book. One's for my father, one's for me, mine all mine muahahahaha, er....and one's for loan. Mine'll be for loan too whenever I'm done reading it. I think I have maybe a couple of his other books, which are technically my father's, but well....he had hardcover versions, and I thought I'd spread the good advice. Let me know if you guys want to borrow 'em. I've been playing way too much WarCraft lately. August uninstalled StarCraft, so that he could pass his classes. I don't think I need to do anything so drastic, but I think I do need to work harder. I'm about 100 pages behind in Absolom, Absolom. I have a rough draft of a paper based on these chapters due Monday, and I slept through English today. I still haven't picked up the Promissory note I need yet. I need to give the CSC people a copy of my license and Social Security Card. I need to catch up in Discrete. I need to write a program for my Assembler class. I need to enter all the grades for the programs I graded into the spreadsheet. Colin got kind of a bad grade, and I felt bad about it. It was mostly his failure to comment enough. Commenting was worth a lot of points on this assignment. I really enjoy answering people's questions. Often they're dumb questions, and they don't quite get everything I tell them, but they always come out knowing just a little more. I suspect I'll start having more people show up for my Tuesday/Thursday sessions. I hope so. As much as I like checking e-mail, and IMing people. I feel like I'm stealing from the school, and grading those programs I saw that there are a lot of people who could use some help, so hopefully they'll feel confident asking me. In addition to all that, there's a lot of stuff to do/learn for the OC training class. As a response to one of my first OC journals, Roxanne asked me to pick some things I should work on, so they could work on them with me. I still haven't e-mailed her back. The OC application had a question that asked us to list 2 weaknesses. I put: "Difficulty evaluating self" and "See Above." I couldn't think of any weaknesses I wanted to admit to, and I wasn't about to put some kind of BS like: "I might enforce the rules too much" or "Whenever I start something, I just really have to finish it." So I ducked the question, and now I'm putting it off. Although Roxanne's basically pegged them. I might post her letter at some point, but she listed some possibilities. I think my answer, when I get around to it, will be that I'm not assertive enough. I let a lot of things slide in the interest of being easier. There are times when this is a good thing, and there are times when you just need to give someone a slap in the face, and tell them they're being stupid, in a nice way of course ; ). There are days I could use a slap in the face. Angela's roommate needs to be more assertive. I might e-mail her and tell her that. Probably not. She does what I do in a lot of ways, tries to be unobtrusive. Last night, we were watching a movie when she came in. So, she sat at her desk barely able to pull the keyboard out, and apologizing to us about the way we had to move the TV to let her sit at her desk. She needs to realize that we really don't mind moving the TV, and at least some of us feel bad about her being so nice. I wish that periodically she'd just tell us: "Would you mind leaving." That way I'd know that when she didn't, she really didn't mind us being there. I'd be mean to her, until she got mean back, except she's too nice, I'm too nice, and she would probably never be mean back. She's an OC too...I wonder if they've pinpointed any such things with her. I've had no real sense of what day it is this past week. I've been up really late a lot, and I just check the calendar a lot. One night, I couldn't sleep, and I just had this moment of clarity in which I wrote 2 poems, and I think something else, though I can't remember what it was ; ). One of the poems I think came out well, and the other needs a lot of work, I'll probably post them both though, here in a day or two. I know I'm leaving out so much of what I wanted to talk about. My week's just been so busy, and I haven't been taking notes, maybe I should start. Do kind of like Daniel does. I'm looking around my room, and seeing a lot of stuff I should be dealing with. I think I'll put all my wall-hangings back up, including my "Never play leapfrog with a Unicorn" screen-print. I think I'm going to water August's plant while I'm at it.