3-3-00 (6:24 a.m.) I really need to right my sleep schedule. It's been largely due to distractions in the AURICS room. I was discussing with Peng lately, how it's become a place to play, game, and waste time. It used to be the only place where I got any work done. This is a bad thing. I may have to start doing work elsewhere. Or, we may remove all the games from these machines. We'll see. Basically, I've not gotten a lot of things done that I should've done earlier this week. I'm lost in Physics, which is bad. I do badly enough when I think I know what I'm doing. I may have to talk to the instructor. I don't really want to though. I think Wordsworth's quote applies to my week. "The world is too much with us; late and soon, Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers:" I feel that I'm always either doing work, or avoiding work, and that leaves no time for useful endeavors...like cleaning my room...or keeping up with my webpage...writing poetry...and I want to try once again to draw. I was just hit by about 7 different ways to continue this paragraph. So many things to think about...so many things to update about...so, I'll start a new paragraph...and see where it gets me ; ). Colin found my journal earlier this week. He mentioned Daniel's journal multiple times this week, but nobody was paying attention, as usual. Unfortunately, the trend didn't continue. They still haven't looked at mine. They did kind of a breaze through Daniel's...commenting on the highlights, and congratulating him on being ballsy for some of the stuff he admitted to. So, now people who never look beyond their gigantic noses *cough* joe *cough* know that this journal is out there. Although, I wager it'll be a while before he actually takes the time to read it. Not that I care. I think I kind of prefer him being off in his own little world. I kind of feel that there are certain people I trust within the boundaries of my mind...and I'm not sure he fits into that category. ; ) not that I really get to choose who comes in and doesn't...*shrug* The other night...Wednesday I guess...Angela was over here, in the AURICS lab. She did her usual, and fell asleep on the couch. So, about 3 a.m. Joe gets hungry. He, Peng and myself go in search of food. The search ends up taking Joe and Myself to Harris Teeter. We return with munchies for all. Angela wakes up and gets pissed. She was obviously not completely awake, but she was awake enough to be unfriendly. We heard all about her torturing herself to spend time with us 'cause she'd much rather be in her bed. I offer to walk her back to her bed. I knew at the time it was almost a mean thing to do 'cause I knew that wasn't the issue...I'm just tired of her griping about one thing, when it's really another thing that bothered her. She was mostly just lashing out in all sorts of general directions. Mostly it was just her trying to find reasons to be mad at us. I tried to get her to stop just dumping on us, and find out what the real issue was...but she just resorted to curling up and crying. I have a policy for ignoring anyone who's trying to manipulate me. This includes my own mother, so it definitely includes Angela. I let her cry herself asleep. Then I drew her picture. She wasn't too happy about that either, but that's a different issue. She just ended up feeling abandoned and unloved. I'm sure she had a valid point to make, but lashing out at people does not make them friendly towards anything you have to say, and puts them on the defensive. Once someone goes on the defensive, they're no longer listening, and only trying to protect themselves. She basicly just alienated us, then asked us for sympathy...she received none...and I think she's pissed at me in particular now. After Archery, I was right behind her trying to be friendly, and she ignored me. I've heard claims that she didn't hear us, (myself and joe) but I don't believe that for one instant. I was speaking at a volume I would use for people across the street, and she was only 2-3 feet from me. At this exact moment, I think Colin's the only member of our little group who's on good terms with Angela. I was talking with Hilary earlier today, and I think she and Angela could have a really good conversation...but Hilary doesn't feel comfortable talking with Angela. I just don't feel that I have the energy to deal with her (I think I've said that before). It's kind of a work vs. returns issue. It takes way too much effort to stay on good terms with Angela, and the rewards are not much. On a more positive note...I did spend a decent amount of time talking with Hilary about one thing or another. She was filling out an application for some honors program. I made up some fictitious past for her. I think she managed to change it so it wasn't complete BS. It kind of reminded me of the times August would ask me for an important event from his past, and I'd set up a scene for him. But that's just a random sideline. Hilary's been putting off a required beginner's drawing course. Both Joe and I are interested in trying to draw. Joe draws really well given enough time, and I draw okay, but have no patience. We're going to try to all take the same section, so Hilary can get through it, and Joe and I can learn to draw. I also found out about a course Hilary took her Freshman year 'cause she'd gotten out of all the English. It's a course in poetry. As much as I'm not in a hurry to have someone tell me what to write, and how to write it, and all that, I am interested in learning some technique, and style things that I wouldn't come up with on my own. I'll probably take it at some point. I think I'm required to take another English anyways. So, I'm kind of excited about that. I've always thought Hilary was pretty cool, but I never took the time to talk to her...a familiar theme in my life. I think I have plenty of time to get to know her better. I think we'll be keeping up with her and Peng for a long time ; ). Roxanna McGraw (assistant director for the Orientation program) called me yesterday, and left a message for me to call her. I don't know exactly why, but that scares me. I don't think I've done anything I shouldn't have, or not done many things I should have...but I don't know why else she would be calling me. It's probably the journal assignment I did a mediocre job on 'cause I had no idea what an out of state student would want to know about NC State campus. It might just be the form that was supposed to accompany the picture scavenger hunt, in which I verify that I agree with our grade, and the whole group worked together. Although I doubt it. At any rate, I'll find out later today. Yeah, that's the craziness for today...more to follow...and eventually some introspective examinations. But those require more effort than I now have for anything.