These past few days have been interesting...lots of snow, which was pretty cool. I didn't play in it much. I did get out and hurl a few snowballs, but other than that I wasn't really into it. I almost went sledding, but the group was kind of divided on that issue, so I ended up going back to my room and playing an unhealthy quantity of warcraft, losing mostly. I do fairly well with a good team behind me, on my own I get killed. But that's really not that important I don't suppose. That was....Tuesday I guess. Tuesday was yesterday (well day before technically), seems it was longer ago...strange how your mind does that sort of thing to you.

I've felt kind of disconnected from "the group" of late. The snow only compounds the issue. I know a lot of it is me...I've had lots of work to do and such, but part of it is just that on the whole they're not the best at thinking beyond their rooms. Colin's not that bad, but he keeps kind of a spur of the moment schedule...and when he's 1/2 mile away, it's hard to be included in stuff like that. Angela and Joe...on the other hand far too often don't really think very far beyond themselves (especially now that they're a couple again). I'm making it sound worse than it is. Just the other day, we got together for pizza and "Fierce Creatures" (a movie with the cast from "A Fish Called Wanda"). So, it's not like I'm being systematically excluded, but I don't really get into playing Civ II, which they've taken up. Joe had a new IM identity, and I didn't know for days because he didn't IM me. People started asking me what his name was. "had jokinn in it somewhere" "I think it started with an A" That sort of thing. With the snow, it takes me even longer to go from one end to the other...and I almost question if it's worth it. Then I remember that the food's on that end of campus. If I catch them before they've eaten, we'll probably eat together...then they go play their games, and I usually find myself talking to peoples online, or writing...or (when we're not snowed in) doing my large quantity of work. Enough whining in that direction. Worst case scenario, I'll become a hermit.

I came to the AURICS room to think, figuring I could listen to my Pink Floyd and write in complete isolation. Really, who in their right mind would be in Daniels at 1 a.m. especially with all the snow out there. The answer that becomes quickly obvious, is Peng. He's in here playing CivII of all things, and so it's a bit distracting. As a result, some of the thoughts I thought I might formulate and reflect upon are having trouble figuring out what to do.

I talked with Erin today. I just logged into IM, and there she was. I talk with her so rarely these days, just 'cause she's got better things to do than sit online all day, unlike yours truly. Most of our conversations revolve around Kate and Traviss. As you might guess, Traviss is her significant other. As much as I doubt she would be overly annoyed at me including the details of our conversation, being that she'll likely never meet any of us, I'm leaving them out just to be considerate. I think I've mentioned her before, but I don't know what I said, so this may be repeat info. She and I have sort of a total honesty policy. Neither of us expects to meet the other, so we can admit deep dark details of our life, and not worry about it. She's keeping a journal currently, it's kind of like letters to Traviss and such. She plans to give it to him at some point. I think that's an awesome idea. I have a handwritten note from Kate that means the world to me. I think that on one of those surveys that went around I put that my favorite gift I'd received was an ornate wooden box, but I don't think that's right. I think my favorite gift was the note that came inside the box. So, I could imagine the impact of an entire journal. I don't think I could do that, keep a physical journal to give someone else. I would worry too much that whomever I was writing to wouldn't get it, or not be interested in what I had to say. It goes back to the quote from "The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock." I think it was journal0...I know it was journal0. The quote about: "That's not what I meant at all" or something along those lines. This journal in many ways is a much safer endeavor (my writing pace quickens as "Eye of the Tiger" starts playing). This journal is safer because I just ramble and don't really worry about if anyone else cares. I'm not really presenting this to anyone, although I think I have a sort of secret wish that Kate finds it and it gives her a better impression of who I am. At this moment, I only know of 2 people who read this, and strangely enough both of them are keeping similar journals. I kind of promised Daniel I'd let whomever finds it find it and such, much as I'm doing with my own journal, but I don't think a mention here hurts. I find it interesting that we both start at number 0 (Comp. Sci. to the end, no thanks to the Hernandez). We also both named our personal bio pages me.html. Anyways, I'm glad Daniel has a page now, and the quote board's going up. I think I'm going to start e-mailing responses to quotes, and see if it catches on. For all I know I'm the only one reading them, no I take that back I know Nikki checks it too. Looking at the top of this paragraph, and where I am now, I wonder how I got here....so I'm going to randomly start a new paragraph.

Tada. Having thus started a new paragraph, I'm not sure what to do with it. Oh I know...yesterday (but what feels like today since I haven't been to bed) marked 11 months that Kate and I have been dating. That's a damn long time. It doesn't feel like that long at all. Part of it is no doubt that we've spent oh...8 months of that in separate cities. About this time last year, I had no idea what was going on. I'm about to lapse into a long pointless story, so feel free to skip down the page a bit ; ) Anyways, it was the 22nd of January...I know this because of an e-mail from Erin that I didn't throw away. Kate and I both find ourselves in the Big Fishtank. Or maybe I found her...who knows. I forget exactly what I started out doing...we ended up spending a number of hours in there taking purity tests (making fun of me for mine), doing online astrology, and there was some love-meter thing on excite maybe? We ran a lot of couples through that one. Round about 11:00 (check is at 12 on fridays for those of you who don't remember) Erin comes on, and we start talking. Kate's sort of reading over my shoulder. I consider making some statement about Kate watching, or something, but I don't. Midway through this conversation...she asks me how things are going with my "friend", my answer? "about the same as always." What was I supposed to say with her reading over my shoulder? Erin pressures me to talk to her, says something about what might have been...I answer vaguely...and shortly thereafter I have to make check. Kate had cafeteria workservice this semester...Saturday lunch...usually working the sandwich line. Funny how many sandwiches I ate on Saturdays (and it becomes obvious how the characters in "Harry's Diner" were easy for me to write). So, I'm getting my sandwich as usual...and she asks if I'd like to come to invites on her hall that evening. I said "sure" I think I said sure, I said something in the affirmative, being careful not to wet myself or anything else that might indicate both how happy and surprised I was to be asked. She won't be there for I-viz, but she'll be back in time for Invites. I'd originally intended to tell a slightly shorter story, but I'm finding I remember a lot more than I thought I did. This is the first time anyone's invited me to invites, so that's something in and of itself, but add to it that it's a girl I've been obsessing about for the better part of a very long time and well that's where I was right then. Being my normal secret keeping self, the only person I think I told lives in Ohio. Max had gone home for the weekend or something, so Nikki and I hung out in and around Second Bryan. Nikki actually invited me to invites as well at some point that evening...never before and then twice in one day...I think life is like that. Of course, I explained that I had already been invited by Kate, I'm sure she had something to say about that...I think everyone did whenever we did anything together that someone else found out about. It was your typical 2B invites...your own knees were digging into your chest, while someone else's dug into the small of your back. I enjoyed it anyways ; ). The next weekend, we had Escher-viz...really it was August and Ryan screwing around again viz...but we were mostly using Escher this time. We made so many I-viz signs that year, it was great. So, we're distributing these signs all over the place, and run into Kate and some other people. One way or another, I end up inviting her to invites. The only things I really remember from that night were playing a hand of spades me and Kate vs August and Allison, and me managing to put our team negative in just one hand. I think we watched The Princess Bride, always a popular choice. I know I walked her back to her dorm as always...but other than that I don't have any real recollection of the evening. The following weekend, I just "happen" to be outside the cafeteria about the time she gets done with workservice. Imagine that. Anyways, it's a beautiful day, and I manage to drag her away from her homework for a walk down to Oval park. We sit on the swings and talk for a bit, then head back 'cause she's getting kind of cold, and has work she should've been doing all along. I think that's the point at which I decided "what the hell, why not?" You see, the SGA had been pulling their usual stunt selling roses and carnations to be delivered the day before we left for extended (a lot of people were annoyed to be going home for valentines). I had been considering purchasing one, but of course I wasn't sure, and all that. So that was the point at which I decided to do it, dumb or not. That monday was the last day, and I think I was one of the last people to purchase one 'cause I remember not purchasing one at the early part of the lunch 'cause one of Kate's friends was by the table. I place my order, discovering to my dismay that the person on the other side knows my name...so I can't put Suomynona or anything smart like that on the little form. I to this day do not know her name, but she knew mine. So, there's actually recorded evidence to the effect that I purchased the rose. I put on the card: "The stuff dreams are made of" or something like that, and a little smiley face. I think I spent the rest of my week contemplating the end of the world. I also played: "Run For the Roses" a lot. It seemed to fit. Friday comes along...Kate and I both had english first period on fridays...funny thing that I so often made breakfast on fridays, and walked with Kate and Amy to english. On this particular Friday, I had a Miller test. I'd had a Miller test that November as well...but probably only Daniel and maybe Kate could tell me why that's significant...So, on this morning I've got my usual breakfast that I never finish, Kate and Amy are sitting towards the back of the cafeteria. I sit down with them. Kate launches into a story about a "funny thing" that happened that morning. She explained that she had received...3 flowers? I don't remember. I know one from Cam, one from Cheng, and one that didn't seem to have a name on it...Imagine that. We go through all the, "I wonder who sent it" "I wish I could thank them" stuff. I look at it and wonder with them who might have sent such a strange note. Then I go take an English test...needless to say, I wasn't really thinking about english. I passed though...maybe got a decent grade...I don't remember. The story, of course, continues...but most of the other details aren't all that interesting. Not that any of you really probably felt like hearing that whole thing, but I just thought I'd write it all down while I was having clarity of timeline.

It's 4:25 a.m. now, and I still haven't finished that article...I think I'll put it off until tomorrow...bad I know, but what other choice do I have? I think we'll have school friday perhaps....and the paper's kind of due then....if we have class...hopefully not...we'll see. But I'm going to bed ; )