Report by: Billinblack

OK, let's get the boring and irrelevant (to you, the reader) bit out of the way: got to London just before noon, found my hotel (yippee! no arriving back home at 3.30am this time!), met up with some of my buddies, got changed, went with one of said buddies to start queueing at Bar Sapphire at 4pm, and, um, queued... See, I said it was boring...

Actually, geniuses that we are, we did manage to walk past Bar Sapphire three times before we found it - but then again, and somewhat reassuringly, so did most of the other early arrivals in the queue! The queue began to grow at around 5pm, and we two were joined (EVENTUALLY, ahem, mentioning no names, but you know who you are!!!) by the rest of our happy little band - and then the doors opened a little after 6pm.

I must say, I much prefer Bar Sapphire to Pages - much lighter, not so claustrophobic, and more seats! Once the doors were opened, we made a beeline for the front, and got as close to the stage as possible - well, DUH!!! During the "waiting for Robert" bit (like Waiting For Godot, but ultimately more rewarding), they showed a video of "Tattoo", and I made my way to the bar for a drink. And then, somebody said, "He's here!".

It felt like Robert snuck in quite quietly - perhaps because we were some way from the door, we didn't notice at first... I'm not even sure what time he arrived - just that one minute he wasn't there, and the next minute he was.

So, the How He Looked section of the report: he was wearing a black roundneck sweatshirt, black trousers, black lace-up shoes, all topped off with the brown cord jacket (I've seen photos of him wearing it before, I think from a previous Fedcon and/or Manchester con). WHERE WAS THE LEATHER JACKET??? WE LOVE THE LEATHER JACKET!!! Ah well, maybe next time... He looks as though he's "filled out" a little - and no, that is NOT a polite euphemism for "got fat", cos he certainly isn't! Personally, I like him with a bit more meat on his bones...

But, ah, the hair - a triumph, I think we can safely call it! Yes, gray is back! Just a smidgeon around the sides, but it looks GOOD! It's quite long, brushed back off his face, and... could it be? Could it possibly be?? Well, maybe the lighting in Bar Sapphire was playing tricks, but it looked to me (and several others agreed) like it isn't black any more, but a very dark brown. Now, not giving too much away, but I think you'll find all the best people ARE dyeing their hair dark brown this year...!

As at Pages in May, there was a photo session (although the photos were printed out on the spot rather than taken away to be developed). If memory serves me right, it started about 7pm. Now, those of you who were unfortunate enough to read my Pages report will know that I'm not overly fond of having my photograph taken, so... Yup, you guessed it, I went for it! In the vain hope, of course, that one day somebody will be able to capture me on film looking VAGUELY like a human being. Actually, it got pretty close this time; there were two photographers, two cameras, so I guess they used the shot which didn't break the lens for the finished version... I can't say that I was proud of it, but at least I was nowhere near as embarrassed by it as the Pages one! For the photo itself, it was all relatively quick and painless; a very quick snuggle with Robert, click, click, and you're done. The phrase "wham bam thank you ma'am" springs to mind - whatever happened to "watch the birdie" and "smile for the camera"? Still, I digress...

Photo session over, Robert took a very brief break - couldn't have been more than a couple of minutes, because the Q&A started at 7.40pm. Initially, it was the usual story: loads of flashes going off, and Robert just gave in to it for a minute or two, and just stood there, getting shot! Eventually, he quietened us down, and said it had been a long day for him. He'd done a signing session in Swindon earlier on in the day; somebody had told him that Mozart was born in Swindon, but he wasn't sure if that was true... He'd decided that all there was to Swindon was a shopping mall - he didn't see anything else. People were, apparently, pretty surprised to see him there; several times during the session, he'd been asked,"What are you DOING here?". To which he'd replied,"Taking your money - what else?".

He'd noticed that, before he'd appeared, a video had been playing - whose voice had he heard? Was that one of the Munchkins (as in Wizard of Oz, for those not old enough to remember). Cue Captain Janeway impression - bad boy, Robert, bad, BAD boy!

He said that he didn't have much to say - "you'll have to get me going". Can you imagine the sound of approximately 100 women going "oooooOOOOHHH!!!".

First question: if he could go anywhere and do anything with Jeri Ryan, what would he choose?

He thought for a moment, and then decided that he'd take her to The Cheesecake Factory, eat cheesecake with her, have a lovely conversation - for starters...

Robert then said that he'd heard that Tony Blair might turn up that evening - he hoped so, because he had a few questions he wanted to ask him (another impression followed, of course, though not quite as polished as his KM one).

Next question: did he like cakes?

No, he doesn't have a sweet tooth - too late, as the lady who'd asked the question was already passing forward a plastic container full of cakes that she'd brought with her from the shop where she worked. Once the box reached Robert, he eyed the contents most suspiciously, and asked those of us near the front whether we thought that one of them looked half-eaten? To which some bright spark further back in the audience replied, "Be an optimist - it's not half-eaten, it's half-uneaten!". No, Robert decided, having examined it again, he wasn't THAT optimistic...

On Friday night he'd been to see "Twelfth Night" at the Donmar (Emily Watson as Viola). He'd arrived in London at about 5pm, and hadn't managed to get any sleep on the plane, so he was very tired; he said he'd stayed awake for the first half of the play but fell asleep during the second half!

Next question: What else would he be doing while he was in London?

He said he was hoping to see some more plays (somebody suggested maybe he should go and see Twelfth Night again - he could sleep through the first half this time, stay awake for the second, and then he would have seen the whole thing!). He would maybe see some friends - "if I have any left". He mentioned his travel plans for the weekend - flying from London to Frankfurt for the Q&A there, then back to London, and then "back to Timbuktu, where I live".

Next question: Would he make it to Louie's gig at Spazios on the Monday?

He said no, he didn't think he would - he'd need to recuperate after this trip.

Next question: How did he feel about acting in Shakespeare's plays?

And no, we didn't laugh TOO loudly when Robert couldn't pronounce the name "Shakespeare" properly, did we?! He said he likes doing Shakespeare almost as much as he likes doing Star Trek...

He told us about the "incident" at Pages when somebody had asked him to sign a photo with the message "Brannon Braga is a wanker", and how it had been posted as though he'd written it of his own accord. He said BB had phoned him and asked him why he'd written it - "Well, you are a wanker, Brannon" "Yeah, I know, but did you have to tell everyone?".

Next question: Why was he appearing in London again? Why didn't he visit Dublin for a change?

He said he would have, but he's been banned from appearing in Dublin - and Belfast, and Shannon, and...

Next question: If he could choose, what part would he like to play next?

Answer - Janeway! Or maybe he'd like to be the First Lady of Ohio... More seriously (!), he said he was "close" to playing Othello in the theatre - couldn't say too much at this stage, though.

Next question: Somebody had heard that he'd been composing classical music?

Robert said yes, he'd been trying to, but he didn't think he'd be the next Beethoven - although he is going deaf...

Next question: What had he been up to since he appeared at Pages?

"Well, I left Pages, went to sleep, went back to LA, made some phone calls, worked on some classical music, put on my pyjamas, went to sleep. The next day, I woke up, had two cups of coffee... that's pretty much been the way the last 180 days have been". What colour were the pyjamas? They were blue - light blue...

Next question: Would he like to go into space?

He replied that the more time that he spends in the US, yes, he thought space would be better! Maybe it was time to start looking for other places to live - even without oxygen. Yes, he could imagine living in space - "me and 7 of 9...".

Next question: As he'd spoken out in the past about what has been happening in the US, did he ever protest in public?

"Are you from the CIA?". He said that every chance he gets, he talks to people who are in favour of starting a war with Iraq, and tries to "enlighten" them - tries to make them think about exactly why they want this war. He said he keeps getting answers along the lines of "Iraq bombed the Twin Towers, dude! It's true - I heard it on TV!".

He thought the only reason that Tony Blair was so keen on going to war was that it meant that he could spend more time on George Bush's ranch (and yet another Blair impression)...

Next question: Had he thought of going into politics?

"No - it would be too easy to defeat me". It was suggested that maybe he could get someone to write his speeches for him - "That would make me another George W Bush!" Robert then talked about forest fires in Texas, and wondered about the logic of lighting a fire to prevent a fire from spreading; (Texas accent here, folks!) "That's the way we do things in Texas" "Maybe that's why Texas is fucked..."

Back to politics: Robert said that he used to do drugs - "nothing outrageous" - but there was so much in his past that could be used against him by the right wing that there was no point in thinking about getting involved in politics.

[And for those of you who are wondering whether he was joking about that last bit - I certainly didn't think he was - I could be wrong, but...]

He thought for a moment, and wondered if Ronald Reagan could get to be President, maybe he should reconsider... Although everybody knew that Nancy was the one who was really in charge. And was it just him, or had anybody else noticed how much Nancy Reagan looked like Bing Crosby? You never used to see them in the same place at the same time - and have you ever heard her sing?...

Next question: Why did he stop doing drugs?

"I outgrew it..." He said that now, he enjoys having "clean lungs and a clear head" too much to want to be bothered anymore.

Next question: Does he work out / have a keep fit programme?

Robert said he didn't have a programme as such - sometimes he goes running or does jumprope (what we Brits would call "skipping", I suppose). He explained that, in Hollywood, everything was about status - the reason he didn't go to the gym was because he couldn't be bothered to dress up in a tux and drive an expensive car just to keep up with his "peers". Otherwise, they'd all be pointing at him and saying, "Ooh look, he hasn't got a job!".

Next question: What car does he drive?

He wouldn't say - "Do you want the licence plate as well?" He then talked about problems he'd had in the past with, um, overenthusiastic fans. One time, he'd met a woman at one of his Q&A / convention appearances; he'd given her an autograph, and as she was leaving, he'd said, "Hope to see you again".

So, six months later, he was at home, and there was a knock at the door; standing there was a guy who worked at one of the hotels in LA - this woman had been staying there, and had sent the guy up to the door (while she stayed parked outside) with a note, asking Robert if she could come into his house for a visit! Robert said he told the guy, "Tell her to come down here so I can kill her!". He said he was speechless for about 15 minutes - and then the first words out of his mouth were, "Where's my fucking gun?"!

So, she did walk up to the house, all smiles and holding her arms wide waiting to be embraced - Robert just looked at her in astonishment and said,"Are you NUTS?". And then he told her to fuck off!

He asked us how many of us thought he'd been mean - "Oh yeah, there's some idiot at the back there - ever seen 'Play Misty For Me'?".

Next question: Had he considered the "potential stalker factor" when he'd signed up for Star Trek?

"She was an aberration" - although there was another time he got stalked...

He was driving towards home one day, when he noticed he was being followed by a guy in a car with Oregon plates, wearing a Star Trek baseball cap (not too much of a giveaway, then?!). Robert decided he was going to take a right turn and see if this guy followed him - he did. A second right turn, and he was still behind him. After the third right turn, he decided he'd had enough - he slowed down, and motioned for the other car to draw level with him. Both wound down their windows, and Robert asked him, "Are you following me?". But the guy insisted that he wasn't, he lived locally, and he was just driving home - "OK, so what's your address?". The guy spluttered a bit and couldn't think of an answer, so Robert gave him "a few choice words", and drove off - luckily, without being followed ths time...

Next question: Would he appear in a Star Trek movie?

He didn't think there was much possibility of being asked - "About as much chance as an ice cube has in the Sahara!".

Next question: Other cast members (no names were mentioned) had said at the Blackpool con that Robert had been trying to get sacked from Voyager?

He said that, towards the end, EVERYONE involved had got bored with the show - cue some wicked impressions of Tim Russ, Garrett Wang, Robbie McNeill, Bob Picardo... He said Kate Mulgrew felt more of an attachment to the show than the rest of them - (in a KM voice) "I created the role!" "No, you didn't, Genevieve Bujold did, but that's another matter..."

Even the writers had got sick of Voyager in the end - there were a lot of dissatisfied people involved - "Even Gene Roddenberry! It's true, I channel him from the spirit world, and he's coming through right now: he says "Nemesis" won't make more than twenty million worldwide!" He said that he hadn't watched "Enterprise", but he thought the dog looked quite cute, and he couldn't understand all the Bakula bashing.

And then - a reprise of the poem "What Star Trek Means To Me"!!! In fact, that was the only line we got, but it was good to hear part of such a literary classic again!

Next question: How difficult had it been to get the part of Chakotay?

Auditioning had been quite a long process (I think he said that initially they'd wanted a woman for the role?). His agent had asked him whether he was interested in going for it - he read the script of "Caretaker" ("Last script I read!") and liked it, so he decided to try it. But no, for him, it hadn't been too tough.

Next question: Does he come from a Native American background?

"Yes, I was born in America..."

Next question: Were they originally going to make him Janeway? (I think that what the questioner meant was, was he originally considered for the Captain's role? Of course, that's not the way it got answered!)

Robert said that, if Voyager had carried on for eight or nine seasons, he might just have turned into Janeway. Or maybe he would have turned into a cross between Tuvok and Chakotay - Chakotok...

Maybe if KM had left after season five, he might have had to play Janeway... When she was trying to make her decision whether to stay, she was asking people (KM voice again), "Will you miss me?". According to Robert, because nobody said they would, she decided to stay.

He explained that he knows he teases her a lot, but you have to understand that she has a great sense of humour. He mentioned that he hasn't seen her for eighteen months, and said he thought she was probably still on Stage 8 at Paramount, ordering people about...

He told us how he'd actually been invited onto the set of "Enterprise"; Garrett Wang (and Tim Russ, and Robbie McNeill) had asked for permission to visit, but were refused, but for some reason Robert had actually been invited?! He thought that was strange... Then Brian (the event organiser) took the mike and told us how Levar Burton had gone onto the set a week before directing an episode, and had actually been thrown off it because he didn't have permission to be there!

Robert took the mike again, and remarked how wonderful it was to be part of the Star Trek family...

Next question: Was he happy with "Endgame"?

"Loved it! Such a beautiful way to wrap up the show! Who needs to do Shakespeare?!" They developed the Chakotay/7 relationship so well - "it makes me proud!".

"And what about that stupid woman who married the Doctor? Can you imagine what the children would turn out like?" He told us how people who had worked on other ST series had visited the Voyager set and been amazed by how much fun they all had - "Garrett Wang sniffing coke, Ethan Phillips dropping his pants, Robert Picardo showing his fan club round..."

He didn't think he'd have worked too well with Patrick Stewart - "Young man, you have too much hair"! He could imagine PS trying to instruct him in the finer points of reading technobabble - "Aw, fuck off Patrick!".

Next question: Would he like to work on "Buffy" or any other Joss Wheedon project, or would he avoid it because it was sci-fi?

He wondered if people were trying to put him off working on things by telling him they were sci-fi - "Is Buffy really sci-fi?".

Next question: Did he prefer Abbott & Costello or Laurel & Hardy?

Answer: Laurel & Hardy - "they were actually FUNNY" (sounded like he's not a big A & C fan!).On the subject of what made him laugh, he mentioned WC Fields, Laurence Olivier's Hamlet (!), Alec Guinness, Peter Sellers, Monty Python... As for film stars he admired: Humphrey Bogart, Gary Cooper, Burt Lancaster (nope - no Burt impression this time). However, he said you can't beat a good Patrick Stewart movie... There was a bit of a discussion about just how many movies and voiceovers PS did - "How much money does one guy need?".

(Going from memory, I think it was at this point that Robert said he didn't know why he'd been picking on PS so badly that evening, because he likes him really...)

Next question: Did he ever suffer from stage fright?

He said the only time he ever had stage fright was when he'd had a scene with Janeway. Somebody shouted out, "Stop being bitter and twisted", to which he replied, "I'm not bitter - just twisted!". I'm so glad I wrote that one down, cos I can use that...

Stage fright had only ever been a problem for him if he wasn't confident about the quality of the production.

Next question: Did he have any tips for overcoming stage fright?

He said that preparation / rehearsal was important - to get one's confidence up. Robert said he'd never been REALLY nervous about appearing on stage, although he knew people who got themselves so worked up they would be shaking, throwing up, whatever: "If you need stage fright to rev up your energy levels, quit acting and go do drugs - no, I didn't really mean that!".

Besides which, he became an actor to do stage work, not television or movies.

Next question: What does he plan to do next?

He said he has a couple of scripts "doing the rounds", and some interest had been shown in them - although, again, he couldn't say any more about that for the time being.

Next question: Did he enjoy making "El Diablo"?

He said yes, he did - there was some sort of discussion with somebody in the audience about working with horses, and I have it written down in my notes that this person said, "you can do a lot of wonderful things with a horse", and that Robert raised his eyebrows and replied, "Yes, you can!". No, I'm not entirely sure I understand it either... Sorry, but that's all I got.

Next question: Was that really Ethan Phillips in the bath in "Caretaker"?

"No, it was a muppet!".

Next question: What books was he reading at the moment?

"I just finished reading 'Mosaic'" - OK, I'm not sure, but I think that may have been a joke...! He mentioned a book called "The Art of Strict Composition" - I think he said it was a seventeenth century work, but I'm afraid I didn't get the author's name. Plus, Thayer's biography of Bach, and a book by CPE Bach on composition. Somebody asked if he read newspapers - no, he doesn't - "It's all lies".

Next question: If he were offered a one-off role in "Enterprise", would he take it?

"No, they wouldn't let me on the set!" Maybe if they offered him a million dollars, he might, but he didn't sound too keen.

Next question: Did he read fan fiction?

No, he didn't visit fanfic sites, but he said that sometimes he gets sent excerpts; he thought that the concept of Janeway/Chakotay was bad enough, but Chakotay/Paris??? - who would want to see that? (several cries from the audience of "I'd pay good money to see that!!!").

Robert told us how, when they used to get visitors to the set, he, Robbie McNeill, Tim Russ and Garrett Wang used to play around and act camp with each other (he said that they got fed up with these people standing round watching them eating doughnuts, so they decided to have some fun with them). Apparently, he and Robbie were the best/worst of the lot - telling each other they looked lovely - "Have you done something different with your hair?". When time came for Robert to get back to work, he'd turn to the visitors and say in the same camp voice, "Ooh, time to play Chakotay again - I must go and butch up"...

Garrett, he said, often used to bring women to visit the set - Robert would walk right up and ask them, "Why are you hanging around with him? Seven years he's been an ensign - why don't you come over to my trailer instead?". And then, one day, Garrett brought his sister to the set. Robert told us that she was very beautiful, and had a lovely figure, so he decided he was gonna wind Garrett up... He invited his sister to meet him in his trailer for lunch (insert GW impression here) - "Hey man, you can't - that's my SISTER!". So, there were Robert and the sister in the trailer, and Robert persuaded her to jump up and down with him, so that it was moving (as in, "if you see the trailer rocking, don't come knocking"!). Lots of giggling noises from inside, and there was poor Garrett outside hammering on the door, shouting, "What are you doing in there?". Robert came to the door, pretending to zip up his trousers and said, "Waddya want? I'm having dessert!".

(I'm afraid my description doesn't do it justice - but I was laughing so hard I was crying, and didn't have a chance to get many notes taken!)

And that, unfortunately, was the end of the Q&A session (I didn't really notice the time, but I think it was about 8.50pm - whatever, I could definitely have stood another half hour at least - these things never seem to go on long enough).

Autograph session next - not too much to report here, really (except that somebody may kill me when she finds out about this - erm, I apologise in advance!). I had my photo from the session to be signed, plus a copy of the "Nemesis" photo from the ORB store, plus a couple of copies of the latest Star Trek Monthly (with an RB interview in). The photos I got signed "personalised", pausing only to take the piss out of Robert's handwriting (sorry, mate, but I genuinely couldn't read what you'd written on mine!). Then I handed over the magazines - Robert asked if I wanted them personalised too, and for some unknown reason my mouth said, "No thanks, I'm too laid back and chilled out to bother about that"! I mean, what the HELL is that supposed to mean? It doesn't even make any sense... Well, I'm sorry again to my friend for being so stupid - I can only cite extreme brain failure in mitigation, and hope that one day she'll forgive me.

That was pretty much it for the evening - I did see Robert again briefly just before he left, and he planted a quick kiss on my cheek, which was nice of him... In conclusion, then: another raucous evening, with a most enjoyable Q&A. I had a good bunch of ladies keeping me company, and I'm grateful to them for helping to make the evening even more special than it already was. Next time? Well, you never know...

Bill
October 2002