Title: An Evening on the Lake
Author: Charles H. Shiring
Feedback to: shafshir@microconnect.net
Parts: 1/1
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Standard. Paramount owns characters and
situations; this particular use of them is mine.
Summary: While on the holodeck with Kathryn, Chakotay
ponders the frustrating state of their relationship.
An Evening on the Lake
by Charles H. Shiring
Chakotay hesitated before the holodeck door, but finally he
reached up and activated the holodeck. "Computer, start
program Chakotay-twelve-beta."
"Program activated," responded the computer.
Kathryn Janeway took Chakotay's hand as he entered the
holodeck. "Computer, privacy override," he ordered.
"Authorization Chakotay-nine-one-five."
Lake George stood before them, its beauty lit by a full
moon. He had spent many hours here with her, but, as
always, something wasn't right.
Kathryn didn't appear to notice. "What'll it be tonight?"
she asked. "Sailing or just a walk by the lake?"
Chakotay considered the question for a moment before
answering. "Sailing, I think."
"I was hoping you'd say that," Kathryn answered with a
smile.
Their boat was tied up in the usual place and Kathryn jumped
aboard with the ease of someone familiar with the sea.
Chakotay cast off the lines and followed her aboard.
The wind was steady from the east, and they worked together
with the ease of a team that had worked together for a long
time. The little ship quickly picked up speed, and soon
they were miles from shore.
After sailing for about an hour, Chakotay furled the sails
and set the sea anchor. The shore was barely visible and
the moon was setting over the water. Above them the stars
shone brightly. Chakotay sat back and took in the sight,
and Kathryn made her way over to him, settling in his arms.
It felt so right to hold her in this way, but another part
of him said that it wasn't.
He thought back to earlier this evening, when Kathryn had
invited him to dinner in her quarters-not a frequent event,
but still, not the first time. He'd arrived on time, to
find the room lit by candlelight. They ate and made small
talk, but when he tried to move further, she shut him down.
What did she want? He didn't know. Didn't she know that
candlelit dinners were reserved for someone who was more
than a friend? But friendship was all she seemed to want.
She knew how he felt about her. Hell, he'd told her on New
Earth. It had seemed then that the relationship would
blossom into something, but then Voyager returned and that
ended that. For the next several months, she was, if
anything, colder to him than ever. Then had come the first
invitation for dinner. He'd hoped that she wanted to take
up where they had left off, but no; it was just dinner.
Then came an invitation to go sailing on Lake George. Again
hope soared, only to be deflated again. It was as if she
wanted him, but was afraid to let go and would back out at
the last second.
But what choices did he have? Fleeting relationships of a
few days with whoever they encountered on their voyage?
There was no one on the crew he could consider as a
prospect. B'Elanna might have been a possibility once, but
she was married to Tom. Most of the rest of the crew were
much too young; among the women, Kathryn was about the only
contemporary he had.
The other drawback was his position as first officer. If he
asked a woman out, he would never know if she was going out
with him for him, or because she felt she couldn't refuse a
request from the first officer. With Kathryn that wasn't a
problem. She was his commanding officer, though in some
sense also his equal. After all, he had been captain of his
own ship and only fate had made him a first officer here.
If they'd been back in the Alpha Quadrant, he'd still be
considered a captain-if he'd survived the war and wasn't in
a Federation prison. But if they'd been in the Alpha
Quadrant, he could have just walked away from this situation
and been done with it.
Here on Voyager, it was Kathryn or no one. Sometimes he
thought that having no one would be better than putting up
with the way she treated him. Always giving him just enough
encouragement to keep him on the line. This had to end!
Kathryn looked up at him. "What are you thinking about with
that miserable look on your face?"
"I was just thinking about us," he said quietly. "About how
this is wrong, me being here with you. It's just another
part of the torture I put myself through, and it has to
stop. In fact, I'm going to end it right now."
"But don't you want to be with me?" asked Kathryn.
"More than you know, but not like this. Computer, end
program."
Everything disappeared, leaving Chakotay sitting in the
middle of the holodeck, alone.
Slowly Chakotay stood up and headed for the door. Head down
and deep in his own thoughts, he exited the holodeck. He
had only taken a couple of steps into the corridor when he
almost walked straight into Seven without seeing her.
"Commander, is something wrong?" she asked.
Shaken from his own thoughts by the near collision, he
looked at her for a moment before answering. "I'm okay," he
answered in a low voice.
"From your movements and voice, I deduce that you have a
problem. May I be of assistance?"
"It's personal. Something I need to work out myself."
"The Doctor tells me that everyone needs a ear to listen
sometimes. Perhaps I can be that ear."
Chakotay stood looking at her for a moment as he weighed the
options. Here was a person who in many ways was outside the
normal command structure of Voyager. A person who did not
care about his rank, a person who seemed to care about him.
A possible solution to his problem?
He made his decision.
"If you're offering to listen, I'm accepting. Why don't we
go back to my quarters? It's more private there," Chakotay
suggested.
END
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