TITLE: Friends, Nothing More, Nothing Less 
AUTHOR: Dolittle92125
FEEDBACK TO: susanw@valmark.com 
CODES: C/7, J/C
RATING: PG-13 
DISCLAIMER: Paramount, baa baa woof woof.

SUMMARY:  Upon their return to the Alpha Quadrant, Seven has 
doubts about her relationship with Chakotay.





Part 1



"What’s wrong?" he had noticed her distraction during
dinner, but had decided not to pursue the subject. But now
distraction had evolved into fidgeting and evasive behavior,
something was definitely going on. They had spent enough
time together for him to recognize the signs. Seven was
upset about something, and since she wasn't willing to
discuss it with him he had a pretty good idea it involved
him.

"There is nothing "wrong". I have something to tell you and
I am trying to determine the best way to go about it." Seven
felt the small amount of dinner she had consumed surge in a
wave of nausea. She had felt unwell since her conversation
with her former shipmates earlier in the day. Their
apparently offhanded comments had left her emotions in
turmoil. Anger and despair warred with shame and
humiliation, leaving her completely unsure of how to
approach Chakotay.

He moved to stand by her on the small balcony of his
apartment. He extended his arm to encircle her waist and was
surprised when she flinched and moved away from his touch.
"Seven, what the hell is going on? Everything was fine
between us this morning when I left but now you're looking
at me like I've suddenly grown horns and a tail. Tell me
what’s wrong."

Taking a deep breath and gathering her courage Seven blurted
out the first words that came into her thoughts. "I accepted
an away mission this afternoon. I think that perhaps it
would be better if we were apart for a while. I think that
you need time to sort out our relationship. Where, or even
if, I have a role in your future. ." Her voice suddenly
cracked, the emotions she was trying so desperately to
manage were gaining control of the situation. She turned
away from Chakotay trying to gain a measure of control back.

"Sort out our relationship?" He truly seemed puzzled by her
remarks. "I didn't realize we needed any sorting out."
Confusion and anger colored his tone making his usually calm
voice harsher, deeper.

She closed her eyes and gathered her thoughts, trying to
rely on the order that had always comforted and guided her.
" I was informed today that you and Captain Janeway have
been involved in a long term relationship for years. I had
always assumed your relationship with her was on a
professional level. I was, of course, aware of the
friendship between you, I had no idea that the two of you
were intimate." He face colored at the thought of the
intimacies they had shared. She just couldn't imagine
Chakotay and the Captain in similar circumstances.

Chakotay closed his eyes against the wave of anger and pain
that lanced through him. How could he explain a relationship
that he had never fully understood himself? Sure they had
both flirted with each other, he had spent hours alone in
Kathryn Janeway’s company. He had tried to pursue a romance
with her the first few years in the Delta Quadrant. Only to
be turned back and sidetracked each time. Kathryn had
flirted with him, touched him, and even aroused him at
times. But she had never crossed her own self-imposed line.
Theirs was a complicated relationship; friendship that
hovered near intimacy but never crossed beyond. He decided
to make the simplest explanation he could find.

"We aren't intimately involved. We're friends, nothing more,
nothing less. Just good friends. Who the hell told you we
were more than friends? "

She clearly hesitated, obviously weighing the situation. "
That isn't important. I was also informed that everyone on
the ship either knew or suspected you and the Captain were
mutually attracted to one another. Apparently everyone was
surprised that you became involved with me. I don't
understand how I could have been ignorant of the
relationship between you and the Captain. My ignorance of
human behavior is more daunting than I thought. " She closed
her eyes, hoping to stop the burn of tears beginning behind
her eyes. She had sworn to herself that she would not allow
herself to become overly emotional. Calm, rational
discussion was the logical course of action to follow she
told herself.

" You, more than anyone know that most of the crew were
gossiping fools. I'd like to think you have a little more
faith in me than that by now. " As close as they had become
he was surprised and hurt that she doubted his commitment to
her. He wasn't given to frivolous relationships and had
thought long and hard before approaching Seven socially.

" I have been thinking about that all afternoon. I don't
believe that you deliberately set out to mislead me. I think
that at the time you were confident that the Captain would
never be free to pursue a relationship with you. I was, as
Tom Paris would put it, " a consolation prize". You were
anticipating life in the Delta quadrant, not here on Earth.
When we returned so suddenly you felt bound by honor to
pursue the relationship that we began in the Delta quadrant.
Knowing what I know now, I can no longer be socially or
intimately involved with you. You must pursue your
relationship with the Captain until you have resolved how
you feel about her one way or the other. It would be
illogical to come to any other conclusion." Seven was amazed
at how calm and matter of fact she sounded, internally she
felt anything but.

"What about how we feel about each other Seven? Have you
been playing some kind of game with me these past months?
What about this relationship? Am I just supposed to just
pretend what we have has never existed." He couldn't believe
she was willing to throw away what they had in favor of what
he might find with Kathryn Janeway.

"My feelings are irrelevant to the problem. The issue is
between you and the Captain. Since she is my friend I can't
allow my emotions to stand in the way of her happiness. I
care deeply for both of you. It would be selfish for me to
think of myself at a time like this." Her voice trembled as
she fought for control. Chakotay must never know how deeply
she had fallen in love with him. He would feel honor bound
to stay with her and she didn't think she could bear to be
his second choice. She would rather lose him entirely than
live with the specter of another woman between them.
Especially if that specter was Kathryn Janeway, a woman she
deeply honored and admired. A woman she also felt a deep and
sudden hostility for.

Chakotay thrust his hands through his hair in complete and
utter frustration. He had no idea how to stop the situation
from escalating into a worse mess. He had been happy, very
happy the last few months with Seven. But sometimes when he
least expected it he would have doubts. A little voice that
whispered "What if? " Was that because of unresolved
feelings for Kathryn? Could he and Kathryn be happy together
if they were given the chance? God knew he admired the woman
and had settled for friendship since the command structure
had made more impossible. He wasn't her direct subordinate
anymore though. But on the other hand there was Seven,
beautiful, intelligent, and sensitive. A woman he had come
to admire, then love.

"Your feelings are never irrelevant Seven. Don't ever let
anyone tell you that they are, including yourself. You've
fought too hard and come too far to let anyone or anything
make you think that. I know all this is confusing to you.
I'm confused myself. Hell, I thought I had reconciled my
feelings for Kathryn a long time ago. Now to be honest I'm
just not sure. " He faced her, concern for her etched on the
lines of his face.

"I don't want to hurt you, I hope you realize how much you
mean to me." He reached out to trace the outline of her
sculpted cheekbone; his fingers warm against her skin.

She resisted the temptation to rub her cheek against his
hand. To lean into the warmth of his body and forget about
the real world. She had to remain strong, she reminded
herself. This issue had to be addressed.

"I have no desire to see anyone damaged by this situation
either, Chakotay. I just can not see an alternative. I moved
my personal belongings back to my own apartment this
afternoon. Perhaps some time apart will help all of us come
to some sort of resolution. The assignment I accepted will
take me away for approximately 6 months. You won't be able
to contact me, and I will not be able to contact anyone on
Earth either. Perhaps by the time I return the situation
will seem clearer."

" You just went and accepted an away mission? Without
talking to me first? Don't you think this is something we
should discuss?" Hurt and anger exploded in him at her
apparent indifference to their relationship. " Am I allowed
any say in the matter? God, Seven, I can't believe you can
just pack your bag and leave me. Don't you even care what
happens to us? You've said that you love me, was that just a
lie? Has the last few months been an" experiment" for you?
Are you ready to move on to the next subject? " He knew he
was hurting her but couldn't seem to stop the flow of words.
He turned to stare into the now dark sky; he forced himself
to inhale deeply, to calm the flow of anger coursing through
him. He heard her turn away from him and re-enter the
apartment but kept his face turned to the sky and the
cooling breeze. He didn't quite trust himself to speak yet,
he decided to give both of them a few minutes to clear their
heads. Her actions puzzled him, made him question his
decisions, confused him.

Quietly, without looking at him, eyes brimming with unshed
tears Seven silently let herself out of the apartment.
Leaning against the exterior wall she struggled to gain
control of her emotions. Although she knew that her actions
were for the best she wished she could undo the past few
hours. Six months suddenly seemed like an eternity. And for
all she knew Chakotay might find permanent happiness with
Captain Janeway, turning the six months into forever. For a
brief moment she wished they were all back in the Delta
quadrant. The daily struggle for survival seemed almost easy
compared to intimate relationships. On Voyager she had
relied on duty to regulate her life. Here in the Alpha
quadrant she had lost the luxury of that safety net and
found herself longing for that sense of security and safety.

Forcing back her tears she headed for the small
institutional apartment Starfleet had assigned her when they
had finished debriefing her. The evening air had turned
cool, almost cold. Seven shivered as much from the emotions
flooding through her as from the cold. Her apartment was
only a short walk from Chakotay’s and she remembered how
happy they had been about the location. He had teased her
about making sure she was within transport distance of him.
She sighed as she punched her entry code into the control
panel and entered the apartment,

It was furnished with an eye only for functionality and
practicality. She had never bothered to add any personal
touches, the majority of her time was spent with Chakotay
and it had seemed to be a waste of resources to bother with
the décor. It’s interior suddenly seemed as grim as the
future and a wave of grief swept over her at the thought of
not seeing Chakotay for at least six months, perhaps never.
Dropping onto the eminently functional and hideously ugly
gray couch she sat in the darkness and allowed her emotions
free reign. A flood of unchecked tears coursed down her face
as the reality of her actions sank in.

In his own apartment a few block away, Chakotay entered his
apartment, determined to sort out the situation with Seven.
"Seven?" he called to her, searching the living area before
entering the bedroom.

The silence echoed around him, mimicking the sudden
emptiness in his heart.



Part 2



Chakotay sighed as he checked his messages. Seven had left
over two months ago and he had only had one communication
from her. And that had been on the day she departed. He
still missed her, missed her smile and the funny way she had
of looking at everything from such a literal angle. He
missed the sound of her laughter when he told her bad jokes,
the warmth of her skin against his when they made love.
Truthfully he missed everything about her. Truthfully, he
missed her more than he wanted to. He had just about
convinced himself that she didn't miss him at all, almost
made himself believe it. Almost, but not quite. The chime of
his door interrupted his introspection. He crossed the room
and unlocked the door manually. Standing before him, large
as life, was Kathryn Janeway. He hadn't talked to her or
seen her in a couple of months, not since right before Seven
had left.

"Cat got your tongue?" she smiled, that smug little smile he
was so accustomed to and stalked into his living room. After
seven years together on Voyager she didn't wait for an
invitation. As usual she just took charge.

Belatedly gathering his wits Chakotay smiled and gestured to
the couch. "Have a seat. I'm just a little surprised to see
you. I thought Starfleet kept you too busy for socializing."

She laughed and patted the cushion next to her. "Sit down
and I’ll tell you all about it. I’ve been hearing some
interesting stories about you as well. I’ll be wanting all
the juicy details you know."

"Maybe we should plan on having dinner together. I know a
really nice little Italian place we can go to. We’ll be
guaranteed no interruptions if we leave the apartment. I
don’t know about you but that sounds pretty good to me." He
smiled for the first time in two months. Maybe Kathryn’s
showing up was a sign. Maybe it was time to stop brooding
over Seven and move on. Maybe fate was giving him a nudge in
the right direction. Maybe.

Kathryn smiled and rose from where she had seated herself.
"Sounds like a plan to me. Why don’t we go now? We can have
a drink before an early dinner. No burnt replicator meals
tonight." She was referring to the many burnt meals the
replicator in her quarters had managed to produce while they
were in the Delta quadrant. She had sworn the thing had
deliberately ruined the meals she tried to prepare.

"Sounds good. Let me grab a jacket and we can walk to the
restaurant. The evenings have been getting pretty cool
lately." He headed towards the bedroom as he spoke.

##

The restaurant was nearly empty; a few scattered patrons
were enjoying glasses of wine or other beverages while
waiting for their orders to be served. They had their pick
of seats due to the earliness of the hour. They chose a
booth with a window overlooking the sea and seated
themselves. A waiter appeared, filling their glasses with
water and offering menus with a flourish.

"My name is Rodrigo. I will be your waiter this evening.
Perhaps you would like to start with a drink from the bar or
an appetizer. I highly recommend the house wine. It has a
lovely bouquet and a robust flavor" he smiled showing white
teeth behind a dark mustache. "It compliments almost all the
house specials and is especially nice with the pasta
dishes." He produced an old-fashioned order pad and writing
instrument, waiting patiently for their choices.

"I think I’ll go with a glass of the house wine. Kathryn,
what would you like?" Chakotay smiled at his companion. She
was concentrating on the drink menu as though it were a life
and death situation. "Kathryn?" He touched her hand to get
her attention.

"What?" She looked up with a start. She shook her head,
smiling ruefully. " I’m sorry. I think my mind was a million
miles away. I’ll have whatever you’re having; I’ve always
relied on your taste before. So far you haven’t led me
astray" she smiled flirtatiously. An _expression he hadn’t
seen directed towards him for years. He returned her smile
with one of his own. It felt good to forget about his
problems, he realized. It actually felt damn good.

"So what kind of projects does Starfleet have you up to? He
sipped the wine Rodrigo poured into his glass and nodded his
approval. The waiter moved to fill their glasses and
discreetly moved away, leaving them to peruse the menus at
their leisure. They took their time, finally both choosing a
simple pasta dish.

"Well, currently I’m working on a project to catalog and
examine all the alien species we encountered in the Delta
quadrant. Startfleet and the Federation want a full report
on what species show potential to be allies or even join the
Federation. They’re equally interested in determining what
level of threat each represents as well. The potential of
the Delta quadrant is almost unlimited. There’s a great deal
of excitement over this project it’s being given top
priority." Kathryn paused to take a sip of wine and Chakotay
took the opportunity to respond to her.

" I would imagine that the Borg and Vidians still offer the
biggest threat to the Federation. Both races showed extreme
hostility and menace and total disregard for other life
forms. I would think that you would concentrate on that
aspect first. The Borg in particular, I would imagine. We’re
not really sure how much damage we really inflicted."

"Actually, I’m pretty confident that we won’t be hearing
from the Borg for a while. I think we dealt them a crippling
blow. It’s going to take them a while to recover, if they
ever do. Speaking of Borg, how’s Seven?" She skillfully
switched topics of conversation.

Chakotay sighed. He had been hoping to avoid this particular
topic of conversation. Especially given the circumstances of
why Seven had left. " I guess she’s all right. I haven’t
heard anything to the contrary. I would imagine if anything
were wrong I would have heard. She isn’t able to contact
anyone directly, apparently."

Kathryn leaned forward her voice lowered to a conspiratorial
pitch." There are some very interesting rumors circulating
about you two, you know. I had an appointment with Starfleet
medical today. The doctor was extremely opinionated about
the topic. More so than usual, if you can believe it" she
paused. "He seems to think that Seven left so abruptly
because you did something to hurt her. I tried talking to
him but it was like banging my head on a wall. I don’t think
he’s forgiven you for stealing her away."

"I didn’t steal Seven. She just wasn’t interested in the
doctor romantically" Exasperation crept into his voice. "And
I certainly didn’t do anything to intentionally hurt her.
The doctor needs to get over his hostility. You’d think the
ex crew of Voyager would have something better to do with
their time than gossip like a bunch of old women." A touch
of bitterness crept into his voice. " Their gossip is a
whole lot more damaging than they might think it is."

She laughed, " Damaging. You sounded exactly like Seven when
you said that. You need to remember we were more than just a
crew Chakotay. We were, are, a family. They’re just worried
about the two of you. Is there something to worry about? You
seem kind of evasive. "

"Not really, our relationship is pretty much finished. At
least I think it is." He grimaced at the memory of that last
evening. "Let’s just say we didn’t part on the best of terms
and leave it at that. "

"I’m so sorry, Chakotay. I really didn’t know that you two
were having problems. You seemed to be getting along so
well. Better than I expected truthfully. When I first heard
you two were dating I almost went into shock, I don’t think
anyone was more surprised than I was. " She leaned forward
and took his hand in both of hers. " If you need someone to
talk to I’m always here for you." She relinquished his hand
and turned her attention to the plates the waiter was
placing in front of them...

##

"So once we finish categorizing all the..." Chakotay 
realized with a start that he really wasn’t paying attention 
to what Kathryn was saying. His mind had wandered while she 
extolled the virtues of her newest project. Suddenly he 
realized that all she had talked about for the two hours was 
work. Starfleet this and the Federation that. Did she ever 
think about anything else? Talk about anything else? He 
forced himself to focus on her voice, to pay attention to 
what she was talking about.

They had fallen into an easy routine of meeting for a drink
and dinner several times a week. The easy camaraderie they
had shared on the ship had reestablished itself within a
matter of a few dates. He still hadn’t heard from Seven, and
Kathryn’s companionship eased his loneliness. The only
problem was that the relationship seemed to have stalled at
that level. Deciding that it was now or never, Chakotay
decided to plunge ahead and try to change the "parameters"
of the relationship.

"Kathryn, let’s go do something totally different this
weekend. We haven’t been seeing each other except during the
week and I think that we should plan some kind of getaway. I
think both of us are ready to get away from Starfleet, the
Federation and work of any kind for a couple of days. " He
flashed his dimples in a smile. " Maybe it’s time we took
this relationship to a new level. I can’t think of a better
time to do that than this weekend. I have a friend who has a
rustic cabin up in the foothills. He’s more than willing to
lend it to me. Come-on, say yes. It’ll be great. Just you,
me and the great outdoors." He took her hand, a familiar
teasing glint in his eye. "You’re not afraid to be alone
with me are you?"

"Of course not." She still seemed hesitant to accept his
offer. "It’s just that I’ve never been much for nature. I
know you enjoy that kind of thing but "roughing it" is just
not up my alley. Maybe we could find somewhere else to go.
Somewhere with room service and real beds. I could really go
for a weekend of unbridled pampering. "

"I think we need to get away from the city Kathryn. As long
as we stay anywhere near San Franciso someone or something
will interfere. You know it as well as I do." He tried to
coax her with logic.

She admitted there was a great deal of logic to his
argument. As long as she stayed in the city limits she could
be tracked down. But camping, internally she suppressed a
shudder. There wasn’t one single aspect about it she
enjoyed; a rustic cabin in the woods was the same as camping
in her book. Smiling at the expectant look on his face, she
nodded in agreement.

"Great. You won’t regret this. I’ll make all the
arrangements, get all the supplies we’ll need, and pick you
up at 0500 hours on Saturday. If we get there early we’ll
have almost two whole days to enjoy before you need to be
back."

Two whole days of nothing but nature, how lucky could she
get she thought wryly. Gathering her jacket and always
present PADD she rose "I better get going. I have an early
meeting in the morning with Reg. Barclay. We’re going to try
and establish communication with Neelix in the Delta
quadrant. It’ll sure be nice to hear from him again. He’s
probably already married by now. But right now we’re only in
the planning stage of the game."

"Too bad Seven isn’t here. She’d probably be able to help
you. She was key to establishing contact with the Alpha
quadrant when we were on Voyager. She’d probably enjoy the
challenge, not to mention the chance to work with you
again." She noticed that although Chakotay was smiling,
there was a hint of regret in his voice.

"You really miss her don’t you?’ She asked him softly,
measuring his response.

"More than I ever thought possible. But I’m getting past it,
moving on." He paused, "It’s time, I think.

I’ll always regret what might have been. We were good
together. But I can’t dwell on what might have been. I need
to get on with my life. Obviously she has." He smiled and
offered his arm. "Let me walk you home, it’s getting late
for you to be alone on the street."

##

Chakotay arrived promptly at 0500 hours Saturday morning as
promised. He looked far too wide-awake and alert for any
human being to be that early in the morning. He loaded her
small bag of clothing into the shuttle and looked at the
pile of PADDS and other work related files she had piled
next to it.

"Kathryn," exasperation and humor colored his voice, "this
is supposed to be a relaxing weekend. Not a working retreat.
Can’t some of these wait for you to get back?"

"Are you kidding? These are only the urgent ones. I have a
pile in my apartment that’s twice as big. We’d better get
going before I change my mind. I’ll be working extra hours
all week to make up for this weekend." She seated herself in
the shuttle and looked around with interest. "Not as nice as
the Delta Flyer, but it’ll do."

Shaking his head Chakotay finished loading her possessions
and readied the shuttle for flight. Kathryn had already
buried herself in one of her files by the time they were
airbound...



The cabin that belonged to Chakotay’s friend was as rustic
and primitive, as Kathryn had feared. They had running water
and plumbing, thankfully, but the owner had decided to
eschew modern power sources for the dubious attraction of
candlelight and firelight. Perhaps the dim lighting would
hide the less than sterling furnishings as well. The cabin
had obviously been furnished with castoffs from the owner’s
friends and relatives.

"Kathryn, why don’t you go and relax while I start dinner. I
thought we could take turns with the cooking. I’ll do dinner
tonight and you can cook breakfast in the morning. You
should be able to handle toast, even with your dubious
cooking skills." He laughed when she grimaced and threw a
saggy pillow from the couch at him.

"Very funny Chakotay. Just for that I’m not going to offer
to help you. I’m going to work up an appetite by going for a
long walk in the woods and then I’m going to take a long hot
bath in that sorry excuse for a tub afterwards. I expect
you’ll be done in the kitchen by then. " She grabbed her
sweater and headed for the door, looking over her shoulder
to grin at him...



Kathryn sighed contentedly and stretched her feet towards
the fire. "Dinner was great Chakotay. Funny I never knew you
were so proficient in the kitchen. Replicator yes, kitchen
no."

Chakotay was silent for a minute, a smile hovering around
the corners of his mouth. " I learned quite a bit about
cooking from Seven. She really knew her way around the
kitchen, and being a perfectionist she always made
everything from scratch if possible. Helping her in the
kitchen was fun, and I seem to have picked up some of her
talent as well." The memories of those times spent in the
kitchen were obviously pleasant from the tone of his voice.

"She must have been one hell of a teacher because that meal
was outstanding." Kathryn slouched further in the couch,
arms behind her head. They sat in quiet contentment for
several minutes, enjoying the fire and the peace and quiet
of the woods.

Chakotay had really outdone himself. The cabin’s austere
lines were softened by the glow of multiple candles placed
in strategic locations. He had somehow found enough wild
flowers to place several bouquets around the room as well.
Their fragrance mingled with the scent of the candles and
the robust aroma of the red wine they were sipping. The fire
crackled and popped, casting a rosy glow over the entire
room. It was the perfect setting for romance.

"Chakotay..." Kathryn turned to him at the same time that he
turned to her

"Kathryn..." they spoke in unison then both laughed 
nervously
and looked away.



"You first" Chakotay spoke quietly, not quite looking her in
the eye.

"I’m not quite sure how to say this. You know how much you
mean to me, don’t you Chakotay?" she continued not really
expecting an answer to her question. " You know I will
always value your friendship. But this just doesn’t feel
right. Something’s missing, all the pieces are in place but
nothing quite feels right." She sighed, "I’m putting this so
badly, but it’s hard to put what I feel into words."

"I know what you’re trying to say Kathryn. "We’re" what’s
not right. You and I together as a couple. We’ve been
friends far too long to lie to one another. As much as I
wanted this to work, it just doesn’t feel right. I expect
you feel exactly the same. It’s like trying to force your
left foot into your right shoe. It might go on but it just
feels all wrong. I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out
how to tell you that I just can’t go through with this. I
just didn’t want to hurt you." Chakotay felt a deep sense of
relief flood through him.

"I didn’t want to hurt you either Chakotay, you’re one of my
dearest and closest friends. But truthfully I have never
been so relieved in all my life. I’ve been sitting here
trying to figure out how to tell you the exact same thing. "
Kathryn smiled and sat back in the couch. "I’m glad we got
that settled. I was absolutely dreading the moment you tried
to kiss me." She teased him, trying to lighten an obviously
tense moment.

" Well, thanks a lot. It’s nice to know the idea of kissing
me is so repulsive." His smile removed the sting of his
words. "I'll have you know that some people have actually
enjoyed kissing me."



" I’m sure they have. I’m just not one of them." She teased
back. "I think I might even know one or two of them," she
added with a teasing grin.

"Very funny. I think it’s time to change the subject. More
wine?" He picked up the bottle and refilled both of their
glasses.

"I guess it’s safe to drink it now that I know you won’t try
to seduce me." She took a sip and turned to look at him once
again. His face was pensive in the firelight. " I think that
you and Seven need to give yourselves another chance. It’s
pretty obvious you still have feelings for her." She held up
her hand to ward off his denial. "I think that you need to
contact her when she gets back and talk things out. Make her
understand that I’m not a rival for your affections. Just a
very good friend to both of you." Her voice softened " I
want what’s best for you, for both of you. Think about it at
least won’t you Chakotay?"

He rose and added wood to the fire, his back to her, "I’ll
think about it Kathryn." He spoke quietly. She knew him well
enough to know he was mulling over the idea. If she knew him
he would think about it and meditate about it for days, at
least it was a step in the right direction….



Part 3



There was storm blowing in. The sky was darkening and the
wind intensifying with each passing minute. Glancing at the
sky, Chakotay pulled his coat closer to his body and picked
up his pace. He was hoping to get back to his apartment
before the storm hit. A few random sprinkles of rain
spattered against his face and he grimaced against the
dampness. Head down he hurried down the street. All he
really wanted was a change of clothes and a warm drink. He
didn’t even see the tall slim figure hurrying the opposite
direction, until they collided in the middle of the sidewalk
a few feet away from his apartment building.

"I apologize, I wasn’t paying attention to..." the speakers
voice trailed off as recognition dawned on her face.

"No, it’s my fault. I had my head down and I didn’t even see
you." Chakotay drew back and looked into a pair of very
familiar blue eyes. "Seven." He was stunned, surprised to
see her. He hadn’t even heard she was back. She appeared
pale in the gathering gloom, thinner than when she had left,
he wondered if she had been unwell.

"Chakotay." Her eyes searched his face. A familiar frown
furrowed her forehead, a sign she was flustered.

He opened his mouth to speak at the exact moment the sky
opened and they were deluged by the storm. Without speaking
he grabbed her hand and pulled her along to his apartment
building and into his ground floor apartment. She apparently
hadn’t been expecting the storm, she wasn’t wearing a coat
and her clothes were drenched and clinging to her body. Her
usually immaculate hair was wet and hanging in wet, stringy,
ropes around her face. But she was still looked incredibly
beautiful to him.


Shrugging off his own damp coat he turned to his unexpected
guest. " You’re drenched. Better get out of those wet
clothes. You know you can’t stand being sick." He gestured
towards his bedroom. "Take whatever you need. You know where
everything is."

"Chakotay, I can’t just impose on you. I should leave." She
shivered as she spoke. She looked somewhat like a forlorn
drowned rat.

"Don’t be ridiculous. You can’t go out in the storm; you
don’t even have a coat. If you stay in those wet clothes
you’ll catch a cold. Remember the last time?" He moved
closer and gave her a small nudge in the right direction.

She nodded in agreement and walked into his bedroom. It was
exactly the same as the last time she had slept there. She
moved to the closet and perused his wardrobe. That too
appeared the same. Selecting a warm flannel robe, she
crossed to the bathroom and began shedding her wet garments.
Wrapping herself in the warmth of his robe she allowed
herself the luxury of inhaling his familiar scent. She
rubbed her cheek against the softness of the fabric
breathing deeply, remembering the warmth of his arms around
her. Crossing to the mirror, she ran his comb through her
wet hair, attempting to coax it into some semblance of
neatness. Taking a breath to steady herself she turned
towards the living room.

Chakotay looked up from the fire he was lighting and watched
her approach. " I thought you might be cold so I went ahead
and lit the fire. It doesn’t look like the storm is letting
up anytime soon, so you might be here for a while." He rose
and went towards the kitchen area. " Are you hungry?"
Without waiting for her reply he began assembling
ingredients for a simple meal.

She moved towards the fire, unsure of what to do what to
say. The situation was awkward to say the least. She
stretched her hands towards the warmth of the flame and
contemplated the Borg enhancement on her left hand. Idly she
traced its outline, wishing, not for the first time, that it
could be removed.

"Penny for your thoughts" his voice interrupted her
introspection.

"I doubt they are worth even that" she replied. "Although a
penny would have significant value to a collector of Terran
history."

"I hope you still like pasta." He brought two plates into
the living room and placed them on the coffee table. The
aroma of garlic and herbs mingled with that of Parmesan
cheese, reminding her of the last meal she had eaten with
him.

"Come on sit down. The foods getting cold" he gestured to
the place beside him on the couch.

"I’m not..." she spoke with difficulty. " I’m not very
hungry." The thought of calmly sitting beside him and eating
was impossible to contemplate. She turned to the fire again.
Sudden tears rushed to her eyes,

She had missed him almost unbearably for over six months.
Now that she was here she had no idea how to initiate
reconciliation. In fact she had no idea if he wished to
reconcile. She had pictured this moment over and over in her
dreams and imagination and now that she was faced with it in
reality she felt emotionally over whelmed by it.

"Seven, what’s wrong?" She felt him move up behind her. His
voice was soft, kind. Her undoing.

She felt the tears that had filled her eyes, cascade down
her cheeks. Tasted their salt on her lips. Unable to speak
she shook her head, tried to move away from him. He knew her
too well though and anticipated her withdrawal. His grasp on
her arm was light, but enough to keep her from moving away.
His hands were gentle as they turned her to face him.
Gentler as they raised her tear drenched face up to meet his
gaze.

"I can’t do this." He felt the sob reverberate through her
body before he heard it.

"Can’t do what? Talk to me." His touch was still gentle; he
raised his hand to her face. His thumb gently traced the
tear tracks on her cheek.

"I can’t." she whispered. "I lack sufficient courage"

"You’re one of the bravest and strongest people I’ve ever
met Seven. You’ve never lacked courage in all the time I’ve
known you." He knew he was speaking the truth. Even in his
anger and hurt he had admired her.

"But I am a coward" she whispered. " It’s why I took the
away mission. I told myself that what I was doing was best
for all of us. But I was lying to myself. I didn’t even give
you a chance to explain. I took the cowardly way out." She
closed her eyes, pain and grief etched on every feature of
her face. " I listened to idle gossip and allowed myself to
believe it. It was easier than facing the truth."

"What truth? What was so important that you found it easier
to leave me? I need to know Seven. Did I do something to
hurt you?" He was confused by her confession. As confused as
he had been six months earlier.

She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath, as though
gathering courage before speaking. "I was afraid." She
answered simply.

"Afraid of me?" He searched his mind for something, anything
that he had done that would have engendered fear.

"No" her voice was hoarse, almost harsh. "I was afraid of
myself." She faltered, then continued, determined to be
absolutely truthful, regardless of cost. " I was afraid of
how much I loved you. Afraid that you might love her instead
of me." Her voice dropped even lower. "I was afraid of being
insufficient, of failing. And that fear made me jealous. She
is one of my best friends and I was jealous of her. That
jealousy shamed me made me feel even worse. I decided that
if I left those feeling would go away." He had to strain to
hear her whispered confession. " I was wrong."

"Seven, why didn’t you tell me all this before? You would
have saved both of us a whole lot of pain and loneliness. Do
you have any idea of how I felt when you left? How much you
hurt me?"

She shook her head, turning away before he could see the
fresh batch of tears that sprang to life.

"Don’t turn away. I need to know how you feel. I want to
know what you feel for me now. I think I deserve that much,
don’t you?" He gently forced her to meet his gaze. "Don’t
you want to know how I feel about you? About her?"

Trembling with the force of her emotions, she forced herself
to maintain his gaze. Numbly, she shook her head in an
affirmative motion. Knowing would be better than living with
the doubt that had plagued her for the past six months. She
waited, silently, steeling herself for the worst.

"Hell," he swore softly. "Maybe I should just show you how I
feel." With a sudden movement he pulled her flush to his own
body and lowered his mouth to hers. As his lips touched
hers, he was suddenly ravenous for the taste of her kiss,
the sensation of her soft lips against his own. He deepened
the kiss, felt her response, tasted the passion in her
response. Breathing heavily he broke the contact between
them and cupped her face in his hands.

"I have missed you every minute of every day that you were
gone. But I want to make one thing clear. Absolutely clear.
Kathryn Janeway and I are friends. Close friends, but
nothing more. There isn’t an ounce of passion between us. No
spark, no fire. I want to be sure you understand that. I
don’t want her standing between us for the rest of our
lives. I don’t want to ever go through this again." His gaze
bore into her tear stained one, willing her to understand.

Overwhelmed she nodded, unable to trust herself to speak.
She was suddenly exhausted, body and mind shaking with the
strain of remaining upright. She felt herself sway and
righted herself with extreme effort.

Suddenly his arms surrounded her, lifted her. She felt his
heart beating beneath her cheek, the nubbled texture of his
sweater against her skin, the gentle warmth of his lips
against her temple. The bed beneath her was comforting, the
sheets cool and soothing against her body. She felt the
warmth of his body as he gathered her against him, relished
the sensation.

"Chakotay," her voice was a whisper in the dark.

"Shh, go to sleep. We can talk more in the morning." He
caressed her hair, smoothing it back from her face with a
gently hand. Relishing the sensation of holding her in his
arms.

"I... I love you. I wanted you to know." Her voice was soft,
sleepy, barely audible.

He smiled, gathered her closer, "I know. I love you too. Now
go to sleep." He kissed her again, gently, lips softly
touching hers and settled back against the pillows. He felt
her lips gently kiss his chest where her head rested. He
felt her move closer to him, twining her body with his, her
curves nestling into the more angular muscles of his own
form. Contentment and peace swept through him, a sense of
rightness, of belonging. Contented, they slept. Their future
before them.



*********************
The End