Handy Dandy Dictionary to decipher Personals Ads
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WOMEN'S ADS |
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| 40-ish | 49 |
| Adventurer | Slept with all your friends |
| Athletic | No tits |
| Average looking | Has a face like a basset hound |
| Beautiful | Pathological liar |
| Contagious Smile | Does a lot of Ecstasy |
| Educated | Banged her Political Science professor |
| Emotionally Secure | Medicated |
| Feminist | Fat ballbuster |
| Free spirit | Junkie |
| Friendship first | Trying to live down reputation as a slut |
| Fun | Annoying |
| Gentle | Comatose |
| Good Listener | Borderline Autistic |
| New-Age | All body hair, all the time |
| Old-fashioned | Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs |
| Open-minded | Desperate |
| Outgoing | Loud and Embarrassing |
| Passionate | Sloppy drunk |
| Poet | Depressive Schizophrenic |
| Professional | Certified Bitch |
| Redhead | Bad dye-job |
| Reubenesque................. | Grossly Fat |
| Romantic | Looks better by candle light |
| Social tray | Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvre |
| Voluptuous | Very Fat |
| Weight proportion w/ height | Hugely Fat |
| Wants Soul mate | Stalker |
| Widow | Drove first husband to shoot himself |
| Young at heart | Old bat |
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MEN'S ADS |
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| 40-ish | 52 and looking for a 25-yr-old |
| Athletic | Watches a lot of NASCAR |
| Average looking | Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back |
| Educated | Will patronize the shit out of you |
| Free Spirit | Banging your sister |
| Friendship first | As long as friendship involves nookie |
| Fun | Good with a remote and a six pack |
| Good looking. | Arrogant |
| Very good looking | Dumb as a board |
| Honest | Pathological Liar |
| Huggable | Overweight, more body hair than a bear |
| Likes to cuddle | Insecure mama's boy |
| Mature | Older than your father |
| Open-minded/interested | Wants to sleep with your roommate but she doesn't |
| Physically fit | Does a lot of 12-ounce curls |
| Poet | Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall |
| Sensitive | Cries at chick flicks |
| Very sensitive | Gay |
| Spiritual | Got laid in a cemetery once |
| Stable | Arrested for stalking, but not convicted |
| Thoughtful | Says "Excuse me" when he farts |