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MALE VERSION
First I was afraid I was petrified
At the ugly slapper that was lying by my side
I would've drunk a little less,
I would've tried to keep my head.
If I'd known for just one second you'd
Assault me in your bed.
I tried to go, walk out the door
But you've been sitting on my legs and I
Can't feel them anymore
And now you're sitting on my face, my nose
Has vanished - not a trace,
I only hope that you're big knickers aren't
Made of liquorice lace
I want to go, I've got to leave
Before your fat and naked body makes me want to heave
Only hope that no one saw me walking home
With such a slut.
God the things that you get up to when you're
Half cut.
I can't believe, I'm lying here.
It's all 'cos of that f**king evil drink that
We call beer
You can sod you beer goggles, shit I must
Have been blind
To mistake that Hoover dam for a se*xy young behind.
Please let me go, I'm getting scared
There's nothing I can do to stop those ugly
Bre*asts from being bared.
I think that I must have been mad, God what
Made me want to court her?
With t*its that look like Tesco bags I've just
Filled up with water
It's time to go, run out the door
She's started hinting she wants se*x on her
Dirty lino floor
I don't think there's anything worse
Than the al-co-hol-ics curse.
I WILL SURVIVE !
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FEMALE VERSION
At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
By the ugly wanker that was lying by my side.
I would've drunk a little less, I would've
Tried to keep my head,
If I'd know for just one second I'd be in
Your crusty bed...
I tried to go, walk out the door.
But I laughed so hard at your small knob that
I've fallen on the floor.
Your butts a pimply mess, it's just a broken-out
disgrace,
But I'd rather look at that, than at your
Fu ken ugly face...!
I want to go, I've got to leave.
Your talk of chicks and football really makes
Me want to heave.
I only know I've got to stop my drinking
Spirts and the beer
Coz when I looked at you last night, you
Looked just like Richard Gere !
I can't believe, that we both shagged.
You should be wearing concrete shoes or
Simply bound and gagged.
I'm fu__ing off right now, I'm jumping on the
Flippin' train
And I'm not stopping till I'm home and washed
Your greebies down the drain.
Please let me go, I feel quite sick,
We had the worst se*x in the world and you're
An ugly prick
I should have shagged your gorgeous mate, at least he's
got a lovely flat
But no I go and trust the booze and now I'm
Stuck with you, you twat.
It's time to go, run out the door.
You look so ugly it should really be against the law.
I'm going to give up all the booze, I'm going
To have no stupid fun
Coz waking up beside your mug, just makes me
Want to be a nun !
I WILL SURVIVE!!
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