Chapter One – Jay

The first Tuesday of the new year dawned bleak and cold, a thick mist hanging heavy in the grey air, promising rain later in the day just as the meteorologist had predicted. It was an unusual day for the middle of the summer, but the weather suited Jay Peterson just fine. It matched his mood – unpredictable, dark, cold and surly.

At first Jay had not minded making the short commute to the Wellington Mental Health Asylum to visit his younger brother every Tuesday. He had been confident that Ved would snap out of his strange behavior sooner rather than later and make a speedy recovery, just like the doctors had predicted. But now it was just over six months later and Jay was still making the same journey every week, always hoping and praying that when he arrived at the asylum the doctors would tell him that Ved had made a miraculous recovery.

Jay pushed open the thick glass doors of the asylum, giving a polite smile to the attractive young nurse at the front desk. “Good morning, Mr. Peterson.” The nurse greeted him with far more enthusiasm than her job required. “Beautiful day today, isn’t it?”

Jay shrugged his shoulders, not really in the mood to make small talk. He reached for the clipboard at the front desk and quickly signed in. “I suppose the weather’s alright.” Jay said at last, setting the clipboard back in place and returning the nurse’s pen. “I’m not a big fan of rain, though.”

“Oh I am.” The nurse gushed, her eyes lighting up. “Anything to break up the monotony of summer.”

“How is he today?” Jay abruptly changed the subject, not caring if he seemed rude or not.

The nurse’s smile wavered slightly, but she quickly answered him. “Ved is doing fine, Jay.” She told him, her voice soft so that the others in the waiting room would not overhear. “But you have to be patient. We can’t push him too hard too fast or else we might just end up back at square one.”

“Right.” Jay’s lips drew together in a grim line as he nodded his head. It was a near carbon copy of the same answer she had been giving him for the past three weeks. Ved was digressing, slipping deeper and deeper into his fantasy world so much so that reality seemed like a fairy tale to the sixteen-year-old boy.

Jay sucked in a deep breath as he moved past the front desk and made his way down the long sterile corridor, the distinctive scent of disinfectant still heavy in the air. The hallways of the asylum were the same type of halls one would expect to find in a hospital, white, spacious and entirely depressing.

The Mental Health Asylum was the only hospital of sorts that Jay had let himself step foot in since Ved had been committed. Though he had once dreamed of becoming a surgeon, he found that visiting Ved every week at the asylum had worn down on his dream, causing him to give it up entirely. Now Jay wanted to do anything but be a doctor, even go into politics like his father had been pushing him since he was ten.

Presently, Jay arrived at the well familiar door marked with the painted on number 46. He knocked hesitantly, and then before Ved had the opportunity to beckon him inside, turned the doorknob and pushed himself inside.

Ved’s room was slightly less hospital-like, though it was still horrifically ugly. The color scheme was straight out of the 70s, puke green checked curtains that matched the multi-colored green, yellow and orange shag carpet. The bedspread was a solid burnt orange this week, clashing with the renter’s off-white color of the walls and just about everything else in the room, but Ved seemed not to mind.

The only personal touch in the entire room was the drawings that Ved has posted throughout. They were all of the same young woman, or teenage girl to be precise. Ved had sketched them, claiming that this girl he dreamed of really existed and that when he found her everything would be set right. Whatever right was.

“Hey there little brother.” A smile came to Jay’s lips for the first time since he woke up that morning. Ved was seated at the blonde wood grain Formica desk, hunched over desperately scribbling something onto the paper the asylum had provided for him. Other various papers were scattered about his desk and around the floor. Ved was rarely bothered to clean up after himself.

“Hi Jay! Come take a look at what I’ve been working on.” Ved greeted him enthusiastically, his dark eyes shining with intelligence. When Jay saw his brother like this it was difficult for him to realize that he was clinically insane, that his promising intelligence that everyone thought was such a blessing had turned out to be a curse, giving Ved nothing but a permanent record dotted with long periods of insanity.

Jay slowly made his way over to the desk, dragging the room’s only other chair over so he could sit down. He pushed aside some of the papers, glancing down reading the few words that were legible before he studied the picture Ved had been drawing.

“I saw her again last night.” Ved commented as he passed the beautifully done sketch to his older brother. Before Ved had been admitted to the asylum his artistic talent had been minimal, but given nothing to do but work on his natural ability Ved had improved remarkably.

“In your dreams?” Jay inquired, admiring the artwork. The girl was very beautiful, though still not fully grown into her looks. It seemed that her eyes were the part that Ved remembered most distinctively and he had spent a good deal of time perfecting the dark agates that seemed to glow off the paper.

Ved nodded, a happy smile spread across his lips. “I wish you could remember her, Jay. I know you liked her, even if it was dangerous for us to see each other.”

Setting down the drawing Jay let out a heavy sigh, shaking his head slowly. “Ved, I’ve told you several times, I don’t know this girl. I honestly don’t, and Ved, neither do you.”

“Yes I do.” Ved insisted. “I just can’t remember her name. But I will eventually. I keep remembering more and more each time I sleep. It’s like everything is starting to become clear.”

Jay closed his eyes, not wanting to see his brother talk such nonsense. Ved’s mental illness had snuck up on the Peterson family, disguising itself as typically teenage indifference at first. He started refusing to come down for dinner, saying he didn’t want to see his parents. Then he stopped calling them his parents, saying that they were imposters and that their parents were really dead.

After that Ved seemed to deteriorate more and more daily. He began to write down his dreams, insisting that they were the true reality and that somehow something had happened and everything had gotten mixed up. Jay had been allowed to read some of Ved’s ramblings, but none of it made sense to him, only terrified him, making him realize that his brother was quickly becoming a stranger to him.

And then she came along. The woman. The girl of his dreams. Ved claimed he was in love with her and that there was no other girl for him but her. Only she had no name and it was several months before Ved had been able to construct an entire face from his dreams. Jay had to admit the girl was quite lovely, but he couldn’t understand why Ved was so doggedly obsessed with her.   

“I’m not crazy, Jay.” Ved commented softly, his eyes locking with his older brother’s. “And deep inside you know I’m not.”

“Ved,” Jay began patiently, tenting his fingers. “You’re sick and you need help. That’s why mum and dad put you in this place. As soon as you get better you can come home and live a normal life again. Wouldn’t that be nice, Ved?”

“Our lives have been a lie, Jay.” Ved stated, studying his brother with an even gaze. “I’m not exactly sure for how long. I’m just now starting to piece it all together, but mum and dad, they’re not real.”

“Right.” Jay muttered sarcastically, running his fingers through his bleached blonde hair. “They’re imposters.”

“I know you don’t believe me, Jay.” Ved seemed saddened at the statement. “But it’s the truth. Trust me, I wish it weren’t. I miss Mum and Dad. I miss them a lot.”

“Then knock this off, Ved!” Jay was beginning to lose his patience. “You told the doctors you didn’t want Mum and Dad to ever come and visit you so they can’t see you until you snap out of this… this thing that you’re doing to yourself. Mum and Dad are not dead, no more than I am.”

“I never said you were dead, Jay.” Ved stated simply, seemingly unshaken by Jay’s emotional outburst. “You just don’t remember like I do.”

“Remember?! Remember what, Ved? This?” Jay picked up a stack of Ved’s papers and flung them across the room with irritation. “You’ve got to be kidding me, Ved. All these stories you write down are just that, stories. It’s not reality. Reality is that this is going to be the last time I can come see you for a really long time, Ved. I had been hoping you’d be better soon, but I guess that’s just not going to happen, now is it?”

Ved blinked his eyes, his expression serious. “What do you mean, Jay?”

Jay let out a low groan, sinking back into his seat, his head in his hands. “This isn’t the way I wanted to tell you Ved.”

“Tell me what, Jay?”

“I’m going away, Ved.” Jay whispered, feeling the tears of frustration begin to build up in the back of his throat. “To a university in Auckland. I can’t keep hanging around here waiting for you to get better, Ved. I can’t put my life on hold forever.”

“I see.” Ved stated, his tone strained.

“Ved, please. You’ve got to understand,” Jay looked up, his eyes pleading with his younger brother. “I wish I could stay here with you until you got better, but I’ve already missed—“

“It doesn’t matter, Jay.” Ved cut him off, shaking his head slowly. “None of that matters any longer.”

“Look, I know you think that this life we’re living isn’t really reality,” Jay sighed heavily, no longer having the energy to argue with his brother, “That all the adults are dead and things like school don’t exist any longer, but Ved, they do. You’ve made up an entire world inside your head, little brother, and maybe to you it’s reality, but to me it’s only fantasy. I’ve got to do this Ved. I have to.”   

“Then do it Jay. I won’t stop you.” The wobbling in his younger brother’s voice betrayed how Ved really felt. “Just know, it’s all for nothing. One of these days you’ll remember too. I know you will.”

Jay shook his head, feeling as if his heart was breaking inside of him as he studied his younger brother. Ved had had such a bright future and then this. Jay could only pray Ved would come to his senses before it was too late, before he slipped completely into his fantasy world ruled by the woman with the dark brown eyes and whimsical smile.

“Come back to us, Ved.” Jay whispered as he rose to his feet, giving his brother’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Please.”