Sent: Thursday, October 14, 1999 4:20 AM
Subject: One For The Guys
Rules That (American * ) Guys Wish Girls Knew...
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short
hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women
always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with them.
Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find
the perfect present yet again!
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't
want to hear.
Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such
topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it
be.
Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
Crying is blackmail.
Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a
calendar.
Yes, going while standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- what makes you think we'd be any good at
choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
"Yes," and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
Check your oil.
It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments
become null and void after 7 days.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you
sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done -- not
both.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were
going out.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a
fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
If it itches, it will be scratched.
Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability
is not proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
------------------------------------------------
* Maybe you write a list for Australian or Japanese women (or men). If you can
then please send it back to where you saw this list. It will reach the author
eventually.
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