Subject: One Thanksgiving Morning
>
> _
> ( \
> \ \ Did you know that.....
> / / /\
> / / .-`````-. / ^`-. Football was actually invented
> \ \ / \_/ {|} `o by a group of women,
> \ \ / .---. \\ _ ,--'
> \ \/ / \, \( `^^^ ...as a way to keep their
> \ \/\ (\ ) husbands out of the kitchen
> \ ) \ ) \ \ on Thanksgiving!
> ) /__ \__ ) (\ \___
> (___)))__))(__))(__)))
>
>
> ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
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>
> There was an old married couple that had lived happily together for
> nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by
> the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke.
>
> The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her
> eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every
> morning she would plead with him to stop ripping such nasty farts.
> He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor
> to see if anything could be done, but the husband wouldn't hear of it.
> He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he
> would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her
> hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he
> didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out."
>
> The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband
> continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until
> one Thanksgiving morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to
> prepare the family feast. She fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes,
> gravy and of course a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's
> innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her
> husband's problem. With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the
> turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her
> flatulent husband would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she
> pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband's
> jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into her
> husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed
> back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal.
>
> Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud
> ass-trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and
> the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs
> bathroom.
>
> The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as
> she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him,
> she had finally gotten even!
>
> About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood
> stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip
> to keep from laughing and she asked him what was wrong.
>
> He said, "Honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I
> didn't listen to you"
>
> "What do you mean?" asked his wife.
>
> "Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one
> of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God
> and these two fingers,... I think I got'em all back in!!!"
> .__________________________.
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