Greatest JLA Lines

collected by Michael Weyer

JLA #24

Executive Action
Plastic Man: (on the Shaggy Man) "Planetary-level threat? What planet?"
Plastic Man: "We have met the enemy and he is us...."
Green Lantern: "Aquaman, hey! Great kingdom you've got here. Uh...what's a Shaggy Man and am I old enough to know?"
Warmaker One: "Simulations suggest that the Sea King's current power levels will permit a depth to air leap of 10,000 feet per second at full range. However, he'll have to travel directly up from 20,000 feet. He's tough. But at those pressures, even he can't stop nitrogen bubbles forming in his blood. That's gonna hurt. Gentlemen, we've just given Aquaman the bends."
President: "I'm afraid a new arms race has begun."
Orion: "My destiny lies in battle, Scott Free, and I will go where that destiny drives. But you....But you relenquished godhood and chose to walk among humans. I don't understand."
Mr. Miracle: "I love them, I suppose. And when the day comes, Orion, I'll stand with them against this threat...."
Huntress: "I'm not an idiot, Batman."
Batman: "Good. Then maybe we can work together."
Batman: "Helicopter drop point, Gotham Gardens, 10:30. Be there. And wear black."
President: "You can't do this, Eiling....Your men can't take on the entire Justice League..."
Eiling: "We've been studying these people for some time, sir. The JLA are civilians. My men are Marine Corps. You watch."
Flash: "Thanks for the ride. It's nice to just relax at Mach 5 for once. Sorry about my boots, Wonder Woman, but they always smell that way."
Wonder Woman: "I'm not sure whether we've become the greatest crimefighting team ever assembled...or just a disaster waiting to happen."
JLA #25

Scorched Earth
Warbird One: "Gentlemen, I belive the technical term is 'turkey shoot.'"
Soldier: "Sir, we're firing on an angel, sir! Some of the men are religious, sir!"
Commander: "This is a direct Presidential order, soldier! We're here to take down the Justice League. And our intelligence says the angel wears mortal flesh, which makes him fallen----you tell that to your boys from the Bible Belt."
Aquaman (after Flash gives him Speed Force): "Is this what it's like for you all the time?..."
Flow: "My entire body is composed of smart liquid. I'm more 'Aquaman' than you'll ever be."
Plastic Man: "What made you decide to burgle a top secret military installation?"
Batman: "I decided it was in the national interest."
Batman: "There are a number of options here."
Plastic Man: "Yeah, but I know all the funny ones."
Plastic Man: "We're testing a new top secret X-Files black ops microwave mind control weapon, soldier! Got that? For at least a half hour, it'll make you see everybody's uniform in bright primary colors! And so help me God, if you ain't seeing my uniform in bright primary colors, you are a sissy Middle Eastern communist traitor with no future in this man's army, soldier! So what do you see when you look at me, girlie-boy?"
Soldier: "Sir, bright primary colors, sir!"
Plastic Man: "Rockabye loooooo-zir!"
Batman: "Superman was right, the 'secret origin' of the Ultramarine Corps is a fake. There is no 'dimensional barrier.'"
Plastic Man: "Too bad. That was my favorite bit. So what happened to the General's head? Somebody find his collection of Muscle Man magazines?"
Plastic Man: "This is the most tasteless ventriloquist act I ever saw."
Eiling: "This is not some half-baked villian scheme, Batman. This has been a carefully planned military operation. America is already mine. Maybe you still think you can stop me....I'd like to see you try."
JLA #26

Our Army At War
Eiling: "Immortal. Invulnerable. Unstoppable. You heard the spiel the first time."
Eiling: "'The Shaggy Man.' Me, I never had a day unshaven since my daddy handed me my first razor. That 'Shaggy Man' style had to go....You can call me the General and be nice about it, little lady!"
Soldier: "I believe it! Bullets bounce off his %*&!<@ chest! I see it! I can't shoot %*&!<! Superman!"
Soldier: "What next, Sarge? You want us to stick Mother Theresa in a freakin' gas chamber?"
Green Lantern: "Man, I've been throwing up stuff I ate when I was in second grade...."
4-D: "Prove there's still a human being inside that 'ultimate weapon.'"
Flow: "Yeah, prove it and stop Lea yelling in my face. You got any idea how much louder sounds are through water?"
Batman: "This is a teleport dock."
Plastic Man: "Great! Set the controls for Rio and let's go squander our dignity in style! Is this a 'get out of jail free' card or am I flexible?"
Plastic Man: "Tell us you have a plan, Caped!"
Batman: "I appreciate your confidence in me, Plastic Man. Of course I have a plan."
Warmaker One: "I speak for all four former Ultramarine Corps officers: The 'S' on this man's chest says more to me about honor than any flag."
Superman: "Where will you go, Warmaker? What will you do?"
Warmaker: "Everything you can't, Superman."
Warmaker: "We will kill if we have to. If we have to, we'll let you know."
Aquaman: "Superbia? Fascistopolis...I've lived too long."
JLA #27

The Bigger We Come....
Secretary: "They said they're here on business, sir."
Ray Palmer: "University stuff?"
Secretary: "World-shattering superhero business, apparantly."
Ray: "How's life?"
Flash: "Ah, laundry, shopping, super-villians, the occasional week where you're stranded in time...you know how it is, Ray."
Green Lantern: "Yeah, it's kinda like being the new James Bond. Everybody hates you at first but they start to lay off a little once you've saved the universe a few dozen times."
Ray: "It's interesting how enthusiastic the students get when you include super-heroics in the syllabus. The dean doesn't like my methods, but I told third year the answers to their optics paper were sitting on my micro-desk if they could figure out a way to read them."
Ray: "For a community built on secrets, superheroes are surprisingly bad at keeping them."
Ray: "Life was just too fast in those days...It's easier for Flashes. They've got time for everyone."
Ray: "Boys, you're asking me to step back into the past. I'm a scientist, not a historian. My passion is for the future..."
Ray: "Four students have a crush on me. Three of them are girls...."
Huntress: "Crack-dealers or mad scientists who hate the JLA: They're all just scum in my book, Wonder Woman."
Bruce: "Ten times as many members doesn't make us ten times more effective, Clark."
Bruce: "I trust the current membership with my life because they're the best the world has to offer. We're only called upon in international crises, and people must be certain the JLA still guarantees an elite response force."
Bruce: "Besides, I'm sure we all agree (Huntress and Plastic Man) have become tremendous assests since the League invested a little hope in them."
Clark: "You mean they keep an eye on the rest of us for you."
Bruce: "Precisely."
Clark: "That means I can give you orders, doesn't it?"
Bruce: "Of course it does. And I encourage you to start, if only to see how far your authority stretches."
Clark: "Frankly, I think you should know that these constant adolescent displays of independence are getting tiresome. Your peevishness is starting to have an adverse effect on the team."
Bruce: "Hh. I almost thought you were serious."
Clark: "I've been practicing."
Bruce: "This chairmanship is going to your head. What next? Another roundup of all the world's nuclear bombs?"
J'onn: "Waiter, I think we might take a look at that menu, after all."
T.O. Morrow: "Sorry about the confusion, Oracle, but as much as I enjoy trashing the plans of dear, old Ivo, I'm afraid the very thought of assisting the JLA makes me feel quite seasick."
Oracle: "Whaaat?"
Morrow: "Letting you think you still had half an hour to assemble the troops was just my way of hanging onto a little criminal integrity, my dear. No hard feelings, I hope."
Oracle: "You sick freak!"
Morrow: "One tries one's best."
Amazo: "I'm the one-man Justice League and I'm..."
Plastic Man: "...tired of looking like a frumpy, middle-aged woman? I know exactly how you feel, girlfriend!"
Martian Manhunter: "You might have our powers, but you'll never have our passion, robot. That's why you're going to fall tonight."
Amazo: "A mind-scan using your telepathy reveals that even you don't believe that, Martian Manhunter...and to tell you the truth, I'm not sure I blame you."
Atom: "Relax. Figuring things out is what I do for a living."
Power Girl: "No, I don't want to know why they call you 'Eel,' Mister O'Brien."
Green Lantern: "Hey! How come (Superman and Batman) don't get monitor duty?"
Atom: "But here, the term papers push back the frontiers of reality. Here, the final exams decide the fate of the planet. And I'll do all I can to ensure they never get an 'F.'"
JLA #28

Crisis Times Five Part One
Captain Marvel: "Holy Moley....First time I've ever seen anyone scared of a derby hat."
Jay Garrick: (On Flash's afterimages) "Talk about 'Where's Wally?'..."
Jay Garrick: "You'd leave me standing, son..."
Flash: "I can leave photons standing, Jay. I wouldn't sweat it. I may be the fastest man alive today, but you still got there first with the name."
Jay Garrick: "Well, this is the kind of stuff you get to see first when you're an old man with superspeed and insomnia."
Flash: "Listen, about this new guy...if he acts like a robot, it's because he is a robot."
Plastic Man: "The Thunderbolt could do just about anything, huh? Except be entertaining..."
Flash: "Batman worked this out, right?"
Huntress: "In five minutes flat. I refuse to even say Mix...whatever..."
Wildcat: "I was in town catching up with Catwoman. I think she's sweet on me."
Sentinel: "Johhny has Alzheimer's, Ted; last time I visited him he thought I was Betty Grable."
Wildcat: "You got better legs, Alan."
Zauriel: "I serve God's love, not God's wrath. This monstroisty appals me, Gorgonel."
Gorgonel: "The Presence has many faces, Zauriel; It's primal wrath is no less esential to the health of the universe than Its benevolent aspect."
Zauriel: "You're asking me to rescue the Wrath of God and challenge a force from outside Creation?...Of course you're asking me...."
Villian: "Take a good look at King Midas; everything he touches turns to crap."
Triumph: "That's a universal translator."
Villian: "I've got a 'universal translator' just like it in my toliet bowl."
Villian: "Codename: Crapman."
Lkz: "Neron? Never heard the name. Too many vowels for my liking."
Shazam: "You must not go alone but in the end you must remember the wisdom of Solomon. For all else will fail...."
Captain Marvel: "Thanks for the tip."
Sentinel: "Our headquarters was in a concrete ball. I remember one point during the war when there must have been about a hundred of us in there."
Wildcat: "And then Liberty Belle blew one off and tried to blame it on Al Pratt? I used to sweat like crazy in that place."
Sentinel: "Ted...we noticed."
Green Lantern: (on the JSA) "It's like having Babe Ruth for dinner, dude...."
Wildcat (on his statue): "Thanks a million, fellas; I look like some kind of pervert."
Wildcat: "...How come everybody else looks noble in this and I look creepy?"
Hourman: "Excuse me...the next seven minutes is filled with irrelevant conversation. I'd like to move things along..."
Jay: "You could do with learning some 21st-century manners, son. We like our irrelevant conversations..."
Plastic Man: "Wildcat! Please tell me those are inflatable muscles...! I know I'm every tomcat's dream but...you're just boasting now!"
Wildcat: "Shut yer yap, O'Brien. I remember Father Gilhooley chasing you down with a Bible in one hand and a shillelagh in the other. You were full of it then and you're full of it now. So let's just try to be professional."
Plastic Man: "Everyone's a critic."
Lkz: "Your soul is too small for me. I only need your world to play in."
Triumph: "I..I do wish...I was Triumph again...With a better haircut..."
Wildcat: "Let me tell you, the old JLA/JSA team-ups used to be pretty wild; things happened in the old days."
Huntress: "You taught Batman how to box...Can you teach me to stay sane around superheroes?"
Green Lantern: "Defcon Four, guys! DEFCON FOUR!"
JLA #29

Crisis Times Five Part Two: World Turned Upside Down
Huntress: "I'm going to be sick...."
Wildcat: "The union suit means we're the guys who don't throw up when the world goes nuts, honey."
Plastic Man: "You want surrealism, try dueling with the champ!"
Triumph: "I just figured you might not agree with the motivation, so I forgot to mention the mind control aspect of our partnership."
Wildcat: "When life gets weird, my advice is to roll with the punches and hope you're standing at the final count."
Wildcat: "Back in the old days, Doc Fate would have waved his amulet and saved the day."
Hippolyta: "Well, we have girls for that now, Ted..."
JLA #30

Crisis Times Five Part Three: Worlds Beyond
Triumph: "Who did my JLA fight? Can you even remember? Terrorists and idiots in bad costumes. Small-scale space maniacs. We didn't even get real costumes! You people save the world on a daily basis! You get the chance to look good against galactic super-villains."
Steel: "....See your doctor..."
J.J.: "I'm fifteen years old! *^%$@*&E! Are super-heroes! Know what I'm saying? I have zero qualifications!"
Hippolyta: "Young man, I don't mind saying I find your language to be lacking in subtlety."
Lkz: "Your fool cannot command you, but mine has given me power over the Earth! All flesh! Every atom! Mine to bend and shape like clay!"
Yz: "Sez you."
Green Lantern: "I"m Kyle Rayner. I'm Green Lantern. I've been repeating that since I got here and it still sounds like an unconvincing salesman. Screw Kansas, man! I think I'm in the 5th Dimension."
Green Lantern: "Why couldn't it be Superman? Why did I get 'the man with the child in his eyes'?..."
Green Lantern: "It's you and me against the 5th Dimension, Cap. But trust me, man, in a world this crazy, you are the guy I want on my side."
Captain Marvel: "I guess that's a compliment."
Huntress: "We're still alive, Wildcat, and we're still sane. I'd have gone crazy earlier if it wasn't for you two. When this is over, I want to join the Justice Society..."
JLA #31

Crisis Times Five Part Four: Gods & Monsters
Triumph: "Everything has to be a fight, doesn't it?"
Batman: "My contribution to today's historic meeting of the JLA and the Justice Society: One of Doctor Mid-Nite's blackout bombs. You're a bright kid, Ray. Stay out of this."
Triumph: "And as for you, Batman...360 degree hyper-senses...You're not so great."
Triumph: "Get these two into the brig or whatever it is they call it. It's a brig on 'Star Trek,' any..."
Green Lantern: "Hi. I'm Kyle Rayner a.k.a. Green Lantern a.k.a. the sap who always gets suckered into all the weird time loops and crazy parallel worlds. I really thought I'd seen everything. Hello the 5th Dimension!"
Green Lantern: "Captain Marvel's, well...He's like a kid's idea of what a grown man should be. He's strong and he's tough and we couldn't have made it here without him...But he's never kissed a girl. Not even his mom."
Captain Marvel: "I have to get back to Earth to do some serious skywriting..."
Green Lantern: "Man...it's when I hear guys say crazy stuff like that, I remember why I love this job. Then we start decompressing back to flatland and I forget..."
Qwisp: "..So that's the deal. I can do anything here and you can try to stop me. I want action! Excitement! Sacrifice!"
Qwisp: "Free will. There is no end to the games I can play with your lives. I just got here and I've only begun."
Qwisp: "Too bad. I always forget how fragile things are here. Your 'laws of physics" I can wear them like a funny paper hat if I want! It's going to be real easy to be the Justice League's greatest foe."
J.J.: "Three-D means solid. I just proved that, *^$%@!$96^&...."
Triumph: "...I could have joined any time I wanted...Ha. Do you think if I go back in there and just say I'm real sor----"
Jay Garrick: "Last couple of years, it's been one after the other; Al and Johnnie and Charlie and all the others...Good men and women I never had that last drink with, that last chance to tell them how proud I was to fight in their company...Ah....Old man crap..."
Huntress: "...Please, don't be dead...Please..."
Wildcat: "...You know, you have the sexiest voice I ever heard...Okay, you and Catwoman. It's even."
Wildcat: "So, I got nine lives. The afterlife has a catflap, guys."
Sentinel: "Since when did you have nine lives?"
Wildcat: "Since 1945. Fighter's gotta keep his advantages quiet."
Wildcat: "Come one, Alan! Do I look seventy? You think this is diet and exercise?"
Wildcat: "Hey, don't look at me. Garrick's the guy with time on his hands."
Jay: "Ah, come one, Alan...We don't know how many lives any of us has left."
Plastic Man: "So, who's the popsicle and what flavor would he be if I licked him?"
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