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April 20, 2000 Wow, I havn't written on-line since October...havn't even used the year 2000 in it. Crazy how time flies - lots of things have changed. At this point in my life, I can finally say I am happy. I'm not weighed down with all that adolescent crap about friends and popularity and boyfriends. I am me. I am finally happy with me. And it's so weird...so hard to explain. But everything painful, as cliche as it sounds, was a building block. Experiences to look back and reflect upon,to learn from. Mistakes I made, things I can't believe I have done. But I don't regret anything. Some people who know me, wonder what would have become of me if I continued down that path, but I don't think I could ever have. I essentially have this personality that needs to sidetrack once in awhile to understand and experience whats going on outside the path I'm taking. This divergence is what makes me appreciate who I am today. So ya Im happy, I think I've said that enough. It's just I finally know what I want to do, who I want to become, what I'm looking forward to, and how Im going to get there. I understand what makes me tick, I understand that a few good friendships are better than 10 poor ones, and finally I'm content within myself that if I don't like something I'll say it, and if some guy I'm dating is an ass, Ill drop him quick. I decided instead of being a hypocrite, I will live up to my philosophy that life is what you make it, and it shouldn't be about some rat race, but about enjoying life, the quality of it, and the relationships you form on the way. So I'm leaving the country for a couple of months. Which means no updates (not that they have been frequent lately!) I'm taking off by myself to live without boundaries or restrictions...I'm travelling so I can be who I am without limitations or expectations...and to get drunk (that's a given). My departure is in two weeks..so I will hopefully update (if I can remember how to update) before I get on my plane. So no rants, no sadness, no anger...sorry guys..but life is a rollercoaster so who knows what the future will bring. Two words I say to myself: don't live in the past, and never regret the past - its the building blocks to who you are now. OK! I'm out. Recent Entries: Haunted Musings Betrayal |