Growth
Flipping my old pictures, I realised I have grown a lot not only physically, but also mentally.
I used to think forming a family and being the master of a family means grown up. However, does everyone necessarily follow the same routine? Is it that easy? I wanna form a family, but whom want to form it with me? Never considered this when being a kid.
I dreamt one day I would be a DJ in Hong Kong. In fact, I tried it by taping songs for my cousins in Toronto. I enjoyed in giving comment on songs and sharing feelings through music. What duties does a DJ have? How to contact sponsors for some radio activities? How to catagorise music, say, new age, alternative? What to do to establish my own style? Seems all these questions were totally out of the mind of a 17-year-old high school boy.
I believed moving to Canada would make me very westernized. I could train myself up to speak good English and develop my taste on western food. I should grow my roots and stay in Canada forever. Hey, stop! How big is the Chinese population in Vancouver? How much time did I spend on any local medium? Can I really accept the cultural differences between the East and the West? A new immigrant started to re-evaluate what was considered as ideal life from his interest, value and thinking.
My fantasy on mathematics made me turned my head towards being math major in business school. Someone told me how bad it was to choose a major that he had no interest at all. So, I more insisted on going to math. Is it really a good subject? What kinds of job require math graduates? How big is the scope of the math field? How does it link to the overall society? What happened at the end changed my mind was the C+ calculus. I realised the same time that the world is REALLY BIG. Doing it well in the math provincial exam not necessary I am talented in math. I surrrendered.
Flight attendant is a dream job for many young people. Not because of its ceilling reaching salary (in many people's mind), but because of its job nature as well as the proud of controlling people in the cabin. Have you heard of how stewards got injured inflight? Do you know how much percentage bigger of a flight steward getting cancer than a normal office workers? What about air crash caaused by human mistakes? Soon, a flight attendant fever disappears without leaving any scratch.
What do you think? Am I not determined enough? Or am I too weak to insist my ideals? I won't object as you think that way because that's what I asked myself immediately after taking turns. But, would being too insist in something become a psychological burden? One may overcome all obstacles and reach his goal eventually. Would he be truly happy? Well, the answer should be yes if you assume that person has no other goal and sacrifice all his things (physical things, love, friendship, health...) without regretting.
I learnt to consider more dimensions of a decision simply because I don't want to regret. I don't want to be selfish. I don't mind going through more steps to reach the end. I don't mind stumbling as long as I can stand up immediately. I believe living under squards makes me appreciate more on my surroundings.
January 6 2002