JOKES - AMONG FRIENDS

Guyana Perfume

An old Guyanese lady is in an elevator in a high rise apartment building in New York, going to visit some relatives.

A beautiful young honey gets in, smelling like very expensive perfume. She turns up her nose at the old woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio, Beverly Hills, $120.00 an ounce."

The old lady, with a deadpan expression, says nothing.

Another young and beautiful woman smelling expensive, enters the lift, turns, looks down her long pointed nose at the old lady and says "Chanel No.5, Paris, $200.00 an ounce".

The lift is now filled with the aroma of the magnificent scents of the combined perfumes.

One floor later, as the old lady approaches her destination, she quietly eases out a long silent burst of gas, which quickly overpowers the combined expensive perfumes and leaves the two women with water in their eyes.

As she steps out of the elevator, she turns and says "Plantain, Guyana, $360.00 a pound."

De woman dat can't spell

There were two Guyanese friends - one on a bus, de other one in the street.

The one on de bus wanted everyone to know she get a phone now. So she showing off by yelling to de one in the street saying, "a get de ting, yuh know, gal".

So the one in de street said, "Wat thing?"

The one in de bus reply, "you know de "F"!

The friend on de street said,"wat "F"?

From de bus, de friend reply, "you know, de phone"!

Sinuses

A little old lady from Cummingsburg goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My pupps never smell, and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've pupped at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was pupping, because they don't smell and are silent".

"The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week".

The next week Cummmingsburg comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but my pupps......although still silent....... stink terribly."

The doctor says, "Good!!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

A Guyanese And A Trini

A Guyanese man is having breakfast one morning; coffee, toast bread, butter & guava jelly (jam), when a Trini man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.

The Guyanese ignores the Trini who, nevertheless starts a conversation.
Trini: "You Guyanese folks eat the whole bread?"

Guyanese:(in a bad mood): "Stupid! Of course."

Trini:(after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Trinidad, we only eat what's inside. The crust we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Guyana.

The Trini has a smirk on his face, and the Guyanese man listens in silence.

Trini: " Do you eat jelly with the bread?

Guyanese: "Of course we do."

Trini:(cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't in Trinidad, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them,transform them into jam and sell the jam to Guyana."

Guyanese: "Ayo use condoms fuh sex in Trinidad?"

Trini: "Why of course we do" (the Trini says with a big smirk).

Guyanese: "And wha ayo a do wid de condoms aftuh?"

Trini: "We throw them away of course."

Guyanese: " Abe na do da. In Guyana we put dem in a containa, melt dem down into chewing gum and sell them to ayo Trini people...nice talkin wid u."

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Sam Chase & Jack Mello

Sam:Jack, yesterday I went into Boysie place deh next to Globe te-etuh, and in de yard I hear a beautiful woman's voice coming from de bathroom, singing duh Doris Day song "I'm a big girl now".
Jack:Was who?
SamWait nuh! Well me too - I did wan' see who dis lovely voice belong to. Yuh know? I thought was a cute young plum, just ripening on de branch. So naturally, I hang around de yard waiting for de bathroom door fuh open, to see is who.
Jack:Wha happen Sam, wha happen den?
Sam:Man, I stay a long time, listening to the lovely singing - was all dem songs about girls growing up, an' what will be will be. De whole yard watching fuh see is who.
Jack:Was who Sam? Wha happen?
Sam:Well Jack, at last de door open an' we see a dainty small foot stepping out. Everybody strain' deh neck fuh see was who. Yuh know was who, Jack? Yuh know was who?
Jack:Who Sam, WAS WHO?
Sam: Jack, - was ANNA!

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Sam Chase & Jack Mello

Sam:
Well Jack, I ent sleep at all last night. Big commotion next door last night man.
Jack:
Eh eh! Was wah?
Sam
Man, Alan from next door come home drunk. He come home so late dat he wife Doreen lock de gate, so 'e kyan get in de house.

Well Jack, Alan drunk drunk drunk. He drunk and disorderly!.... He start one singing at de top o' he voice - at dat time o' marnin'. 'E Wake up everybody in de street wid de singing.

Alan start singing(to the tune of "for he's a jolly good fellow")....

Ah had yuh befo' we get ma-rid,
Ah had you befo' we get ma-rid.
Ah had yuh befo' we get maa-a-rrrid..

By dat time Doreen so vex dat she stick she head out de window, and finish Alan song at de top o' SHE voice...

"An', so did aaaall yuh friends"
Jack:
Oh gaaaad!

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SAM CHASE (Oswyn Adolphus Chase) (1903-69)

GUYANESE COMEDIAN.
Sam Chase was the premier professional entertainer of his time, playing before urban and rural audiences, in cinemas and in public halls.His career started in the 1920s and lasted for forty-four years.

Chase was a master of timing and could improvise at a moment's notice. His portrayals of women were in no way crude - instead, he relied on ridicule where ridicule was due, always warning his audience that his performance had not the remotest connection to anyone living or dead. He was skilled at involving the audience in deciding the outcomes of his plays, which were based on some contemporary event.

At the height of his career Chase was playwright, musician, producer, promoter and principal actor. Accompanied by a dancing team, he toured the French and Dutch Guianas as well as Trinidad and other Caribbean islands. His plays include Gentlemen, the King; Guardroom Jitters; and The Collapsible Bridegroom.