-- Live from Salt Lake City, Utah -- 7:00 pm Eastern Time -- The Delta Center-- FHW proudly presents --
i feel nothing, longing for something, relax take a moment to take your clothes off show me what your made of, drugs, to sooth me
(We bust into a montage of clips from FHW's past events..We view scenes of FHW's early beginnings of President Brown walking into VP Inglis's locker room & then hearing a single gunshot fire out.. We see a scene of the legandary Devine Rights being taken off from the top of the firkntron by Archangel as he plummets into the chest of the now-dead man. We see a scene of dastardly intentions from long ago as we see the limo of one Nino Brown & his clansmen. We see scenes of gore & blood, scenes not unforgotten by the memoirs of the FHW all beldned in nicely with Staind's Suffocate...)
all alone, leave me here i'm dying, all alone, just kick me in the face, all alone, all alone & trying, all alone, i suffocate
(More clips suddenly splash upon the firkntron as fireworks begin to stream up, but not bewildering the fans.. We see quick shots of Scorpion & Brian Lash going hardcore in one of there famous Ladder matches. We see a brutal scene of Archangel & Demon falling down with a ladder right on top of Archangel himself. We see Dre taking down an old FHW jobber with a violent hurricanrana, we see Sabotage getting blown halfway across the ring from an exploding barbed wire death match.. We see Insomniac looking out toward the fans & spraying a strange green mist from his mouth...)
i'm not gifted, slightly twisted, try hard; try harder just to see if i can push you any further, drugs, to soothe me
(...Another clip opens up, this time revealing a shot of Scot Lamont hammering the Backdoor Man in the back of the head with a beer bottle in a barroom brawl.. We see the Mounty powerbomb someone over a stareway at Spring Break.. We keep going & reveal a shot of Crusader holding the world title well above his head.. We go into a shot of Flashback in a fist fight with Demon.. We clip to show Crusader standing boldly at the first Last-Man-Standing.. We continue on...)
all alone, leave me here i'm dying, all alone, just kick me in the face, all alone, all alone & trying, all alon...
<Record Scratch>
(A still frame image of Lee Todd pissing on top of the firkntron lights the arena & the arena begins to boo...)
i feel nothing,
longing for something, relax take a moment to take your clothes
off show me what your made of, drugs, to sooth me
(We bust into a montage of clips from FHW's past events..We view
scenes of FHW's greatest superstar. We see an image of Lee F'n'
Todd's first FHW appearence smashing a bottle of brown ale over
Avalanches head. We see a scene of the legandary F*ck U being hit
on the legendary Fireman in Lee's oficial debut match. We see a
scene of a dastardly powerbomb from long ago as we see the
Freebird launched in to a barbed wire corner. We see scenes of
gore & blood, scenes not unforgotten by the memoirs of the
FHW all blended in nicely with Staind's Suffocate...)
all alone, leave me here i'm
dying, all alone, just kick me in the face, all alone, all alone
& trying, all alone, i suffocate
(More clips suddenly splash upon the firkntron as fireworks begin
to stream up, but not bewildering the fans.. We see quick shots
of Lee F'n' Todd drinking shots in one of his legendry piss ups.
We see a brutal scene of Lee and Stu's double knock out slap. We
see Lee F'n' Todd taking down Flashback like a jobber with a
violent strangle hold, we see Fireman flop like a fish as he
lands on an oak table.. We see Lee F'n' Todd flipping off the
fans...)
i'm not gifted, slightly
twisted, try hard; try harder just to see if i can push you any
further, drugs, to soothe me
(...Another clip opens up, this time revealing a shot of Scot
Lamont been humiliated at FHW Forever.. We see Lee F'n' Todd drop
ducati with the F*ck U to lift the Infamous title.. We keep going
& reveal a shot of Lee holding the tag titles well above his
head.. We go into a shot of Flashback in a fist fight with Lee..
We clip to show Lee standing boldly at the first Friday
Ricochet.. We continue on...)
all alone, leave me here i'm
dying, all alone, just kick me in the face, all alone, all alone
& trying, all alone, i suffocate
(We fade into a scene of Lee taking on Malkaivian with no one at
his corner, that turns into Stu raising the hand of Lee after a
well-fought victory which molds into Lee doing a screwjob to
Avalanch stealing his hat, finally finnally finnishing with Lee
preforming the F*ck U & then a final cut of Lee F'n' Todd
waving sarcastically from the production truch... Fade to
black...)
-- Frank Estridge? --
Peter Roberts: My god will that man ever give up, thats the biggest pile of garbage i've ever seen.
Fred Estridge: He just spat on tradition and I love, it.
Peter Roberts: He messed with our oppening credits and filled it with meaningless moments from his own career, what an ego this man must have.
Fred Estridge: You know what I forgive him for kicking my ass, that was priceless the look on your face Pete.
Peter Roberts: That's it folks I give up, how can I possibly comment on that, this is bull sh*t pure and simple... and somethings on the firkntron
(The scene opens revealing a shot of Insomniac walking down a large corridor, the crowd blasts off with cheers as they see him slowly marking his way down the hall. He looks as though he has something big on his mind.. He's wielding both hands in fists & looks as though his eyes are about to explode, he takes a step around one door & rips it open, he steps inside & walks toward another door marked Lamont... The secratary tries to stop him but before she could reach him, he already opens the door to Lamonts office, Lamont puts the phone down & looks up...)
Lamont: What in the HELL are you doing here?!
Insomniac: I specifically asked you for a match this week, not a TAG MATCH. You obviously have *NO* power here. I'm tired of waiting, I think it's time to take things into my own hands!
Lamont: Now hold on chump, hold on.. Ok, settle down, settle down.. Settled? Yes, good. Ok, I know exactly what you need oh fearless Sleepless one.. You need a one on one matchup for a change, so let's have you go against... Hmmmmm...
Insomniac: Somebody worth my time I hope..
Lamont: OK! ...Well then... I guess you'll put up DOUBLE DUTY TONIGHT. You don't think I have the power?! Obviously, you don't think enough! You'll not ONLY be fighting in that tag match tonight, you'll also be fighting against your newest STABLEMATE.
(We hear the crowd in the background booing there asses off...)
Lamont: That's right my little friend! You'll be putting yourself on the line against Jonathon Briggs in a BARBED WIRE MATCH! Baha, I love it! I'm so damned talent, now get the hell out of my off...
Insomniac: I don't think s...
Lamont: You don't think enough.
(The Scot gives a curteous wave as two large security gaurds heave the Insomniac out of the roof... Lamont sits back down with a large smile on his face... The scene fades to black...)
Peter Roberts: LADIES & GENTLEMEN! Boys & GIRLS, welcome to FIRK'N HARDCORE WRESTLING! A new era in wrestling! THE FIRK'N ERA! Folks, it's been a thrill ride & Stable Wars has been announced, a whole one match! Lamont has challenge Todd to a BARROOM BRAWL. It's gonna be a hell of a match, these two are so full of themselves they won't disapoint!
Fred Estridge: Well, Todd will, but the Firk'n god himself won't.. He's the best when it comes to carrying worthless hacks like Lee Todd...
Peter Roberts: Your entitled to your opinion Fred, your wrong, but your still entitled. ...Alright so what's up for tonight?! It's going to be one hell of a show, a non-stop rollercoaster & besides the six-match lineup, god only knows what in the hell can happen backstage! Starting off the night, Nicolaus McOwens makes his return, he faces another two men in a triple-threat! Edmond Paine the seconds.. A man of tremendous controversy & newcomer, Jack Daniels, a damned drunk if you ask me, it's bound to be an excellent match, but only god knows...
Fred Estridge: Edmond's strange, McOwens is quiet, look for Daniels to pull off an upset!
Peter Roberts: ...I don't believe this... Your going for someone because there name is a bloody alcoholic DRINK. I didn't even think you were that shallow Fred.
Fred Estridge: ...well, now you know...
Peter Roberts: ...Anyways, to add to the lineup, President Lamont will team-up with stablemate Seamus O'Reilly to face up against Searching for Skillz. This match was supposed to happen last week, but it didn't, so we'll see what happens this week, it should be a hell of a dandy.
Fred Estridge: Lamont wins.
Peter Roberts: ...how did I know you were going to say that? ...After that, in the third match of the evening a double-debut... Jimmy takes the ring to make his debut against another newcomer named "The Crippler" Mark Stevens. Heads are gonna roll...
Fred Estridge: ...so are my eyes.
Peter Roberts: ...Dammit FRED. No pleasing you is there?!
Fred Estridge: Sure there is, the firk'n one's in a match, that pleases me... So what else is on tonights card?
Peter Roberts: Well, it would seem Insomniac's pulling DOUBLE DUTY tonight... first he teams up with Plague to fight Tumbler & Lee Todd! Now that's going to be an interesting match to say the least! All four of these men have been involved in each others buisiness as of late & they should put one one hell of a show... Plus Insomniac has to fight Jonathon Briggs in a barbed WIRE match immediatly after, god only knows if anyone will walk away, Insomniac's a hardcore legend but Briggs is known to go past the limit... It's gonna be an all out bore!
Fred Estridge: A wise decision on part of Lamont, have two stablemates rip each other apart! I love it!
Peter Roberts: ...LAST, a match that's been talked about as of late.. Avalanch & Demon will be teaming up to face off against another interesting combination... For the first time, Tempest will be teaming up with Flashback in what has been speculated to be a very untrusting team, but god only knows what they have in store for us! Folks, hell is getting ready to serve it's swing & it's time... time to get... HARDCORE!
Fred Estridge: Fun like a biscuit.
Peter Roberts: I hate it when you say that.
Fred Estridge: COPE!
(Suddenly, The Firk'Ntron cuts to an image of a serene meadow background. We see trees at full bloom and tall grass swaying in the gentle breeze. They sky is blue, dotted very sparsely with a white cloud here and there. We hear a somewhat familiar voice narrate for the scene.)
Voice: Look at this, it's beautiful, it's nature. Standing out here one can hear an orchestra being played. No, not your typical strings and brass or your horns and percussion, but the orchestra of nature. First, the buzzing of the grasshoppers hiding in the tall grass slowly fills your ears. Some people think it annoying, but others listen for the beauty about to ensue. Slowly, we hear birds start chirping, adding their notes into the rhythm of the outside. The wind blows the grass and leaves, creating a rustling sound that filters in and out of this song like no other. The slight popping noises of some plants and other insects add to the effect, and those who listen are starting to enjoy what they hear. More buzzing is heard from worker bees that scurry to gather pollen. A slight hissing is now heard followed off and on by the croaking of a distant frog. Next is the distinct cawing of crows, the quacking of ducks, and the very distant, yet clear, sound of water running. Every once and again, an animal moves through the area, adding it's own part, yet stopping that of others, and the orchestra starts over once again. This sound is serene in its intangible beauty. The sound is, for lack of a better word, perfect.
(The screen cuts again and we see two words on a black background.)
Simply Perfect
(The Firk'Ntron cuts to another image, the nature channel setting of a tiger. The tiger has been documented from birth, and is now an adult in its natural habitat. We again hear that familiar voice narrating, a voice we should know instantly, but have not heard for far too long.)
Voice: Here we see a tiger in it's natural habitat. The orange fur of the tiger is great for blending in with the grass it stalks through, and the black stripes are even better for the deception of shadows. Tigers are the world's strongest cats, and could easily kill a man in one swipe of its mighty paw. As strong as the tiger is, it is also nimble. As far as agility goes, it is one of the supreme examples in predators, striking evermore quickly. As we all know from the average house cat, a healthy cat is composed of mostly muscle. We see the sleek body of a cat move with the utmost grace. Its high percentage of muscle makes it a most feared predator. Now, imagine that particular cat, only six feet in length and 500 pounds in weight, definitely the most feared predator. The tiger also shows a very cunning side, using wits and tactics to take its prey down simply and easily. The tiger as a predator is, for lack of a better word, perfect.
(Once again only two words are left on the Reapertron...)
Simply Perfect
(The Firk'Ntron lights up again, this time showing a most familiar man. Perfect height and weight, perfect teeth and hair, perfect physique. This man can be only one man, he is, Brian Thorn. The sunglasses, the signature pants, the cocky strut and smile, all these are now remembered from time past. Thorn stands in one place, and starts slowly rotating on some type of platform. We hear the voice again, and know it must be his, dubbing over this image.)
Thorn: "Man," a usually primitive and simple being, also rating very low on the intelligence scale. "Wrestler," physically a bit more talented than that of normal men, but still lacking in intuition, cunning, and originality. "Thorn," perfect strength, perfect agility, perfect stamina, perfect intuition and cunning, perfect charisma. Thorn, the perfect wrestler, is not only back, he's better than ever. He is the ultimate model of perfection in a mortal man, he is...
(Once again only two words appear on the Firkntron...)
Simply Perfect
(Suddenly the lights go out and the Firk'Ntron lights up as "Prepare Yourself" blares over the sound system. We see various wrestlers, including Curtis Slamm, Drake Raynor, Maverick, and some Clowns all on the receiving end of the Perfect Drop, the Perfect Press, and of course, the devastating "Double Take." An explosion occurs near the ramp, and we see in a single spotlight our hero and yours, Brian Thorn. The fans cheer as he flashes his million dollar smile while strutting his way to the ring. He slaps hands with fans as the the spotlight follows him down. He jumps into the ring, performs a jumping heel kick, and blows kisses to his fans. Finally he grabs a mike)
Thorn: For those of you who know me, those of you who are my die-hard "Thorn Faithfuls," I just want to say, it's nice to see you all again. And, for those of you who don't know me, I just want to say... where the hell have you been?? In a cave? Under a rock? I mean come on, people, I am Brian Thorn, the ultimate model of perfection in a mortal man. I mean, you heard my narration about myself! For crying out loud, if you haven't heard this name before, you don't deserve those seats you bought. You people look up to me; you should all know who I am. Now, down to business. The FHW has recently decided to hire on my talents. I'm guessing they were fed up with only being able to hire jobbers like Archangel and Drake Raynor, so Prez Lamont decided to boost ticket sales by spreading the news of my signing on. Well, at least you fans have something to look forward to. I guarantee that. I also guarantee that soon, I will be the top card of the FHW, the main man. Yes, for whoever is concerned, I will soon be... champion. And why? Why should I be so sure of myself? Why should I know this to be true? Because, my friends, I am... Simply Perfect.
("Prepare Yourself" begins to play again and Thorn begins to leave, blowing kisses and stopping at one female in particular to start flirting, moments later she has left his interest and he leaves.)
Peter Roberts: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, First it was the ERA of gothic FREAKs, and now what is this?! It's the damned era of ARROGANCE! Can we stay away from one shear & utter thing & have everyone be something ELSE! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY!
Fred Estridge: Excuse me Peter, I think you should calm down.
Peter Roberts: ...and why in the HELL is that?!
Fred Estridge: You're missing the big picture here... Brian THORN is PART OF THE FIRK'N HARDCORE WRESTLING ORGANIZATION. Do you understand?! Do you KNOW what that means?! BRIAN THORN IS HERE! ...another GOD of the squared CIRCLE! ...another GODLY UNHOLY UNSTOPPABLE FORCE! Perfection at it's FINEST! I saw him first when we commentated for the LWA & lemme tell you, this 'lad can GO the whole 9 YARDS... He's everything you ever wanted to be & MORE!
Peter Roberts: ...another damned wannabe if you ask me...
Fred Estridge: You'll see. Lamont's done some hiring & I commend him for it!
Peter Roberts: Well folks, the shows about to ROLL, let's get on the steam engine & let this puppy RIP...
Fred Estridge: What's with you tonight?
Peter Roberts: I don't know, I just feel particularly cheesy tonight... So sue me!
(The spotlights on the entrance way seems to brighten for a moment before dimming to near darkness. The playfully brassy sound of "Death or Glory" sounds as a large man wearing a nicely tailored black suit emerges from the back. He pauses at the entrance, soaks in his surroundings, and then proceeds to walk several feet before he stops. He crosses his massive arms on his large, barrel chest and glares disdainfully out into the crowd. Moments later, a much physically smaller man emerges from the back. Two spotlights home in on the man and reveal him to the crowd as the words "The Duke of Paine" appear on the Firk'n Tron. The "Duke of Paine" makes his way slowly towards the ring dressed in a beautifully tailored black suit, white dress shirt, and silver tie. As the "Duke" walks by on his way to the ring, his larger companion follows. Stopping at ringside, "Ladies & Gentlemen, the following match is schedueled for one fall... Currently making his way to ringside being led to the ring by William Escobar, hailing in from Las Vegas, Nevada... He weighs in at 235lbs & stands at 6'2"... He is Edmund Payne the 2nd!!!" ...Mr. Paine removes his jacket, tie and cufflinks and hands them over to his companion. As he ascends the steps leading into the ring, Mr. Paine undoes several of the upper buttons on his shirt as well as rolls up each of his sleeves, he then flaps his hair around, smiles & stands at the ready..)
(Wake Up by Rage suddenly blasts over the firkntron, the crowd is shocked by the blazingly sounds of the Machine & there cheering there asses off just for the name sake, suddenly Jack Daniels steps out non-chalent & just begins to walk toward the ring, once in a while eyeing an audience member & just continually walking on... "...and his opponent in this Triple-Threat matchup, making his in-ring debut, he hails in from Laguna Niguel, California, he weighs in at 245lbs, he stands at 6'3"... He is JACK DANIELS!!!" ...The crowd cheers more than you'de expect for the newcomer...)
(No Sleep Til’ Brooklyn"
begins to play and Nic McOwens slowly walks out from behind the
scenes to a huge ovation from the crowd. He gets halfway down the
ramp and Pyros begin to blast off all over the arena. "...And there opponent standing in at
6’1 weighing in at 225 lbs. He is the master of the DirtNap.
He comes from the part of Hell’s Kitchen New York. .He is
Your former FHW World Championship title holder. He
is..Nicolaus...MCOWENS!!!!!"
...He walks around the ring flaunting both of the title to the
crowd and gets a mixed reaction. He hands the titles to the time
keeper and waits for the match to begin, and it does just that.
The bell rings...)
Peter Roberts: ...and this one is on, McOwen's first time back in action in a LONG TIME & nobody can quite figure out why he's been so quiet as of late, but we'll see how he does in this re-debut... All three of these men have something to prove, Escobar's already cheering Payne on from the outside, Daniels wants to make a name for himself & McOwens is out to put on a show... Should be a GREAT matchup...
Fred Estridge: A homo, a drunk, and a washout... Yeah, it's got a great matchup written all over it...
Peter Roberts: OH! Here we go. no, wait, no we don't... Daniels went in for the grapple with Payne but then realised that Payne's a little odd & swifted away.. McOwen grabs him from behind, Payne turns around & McOwens backs away... Good god, c'mon! Put your homophobia away & get into this one would you! Daniels looks as McOwen, McOwen nods & MCOWEN & DANIELS JUST grappled with each other in a shoulderlock.. Payne shrugs his shoulders as Daniels shoves McOwen into the corner & hits him with a quick shoulder across the jaw.
Fred Estridge: Oh, a big hook with a wild swing from Daniels right into the sternum of McOwen! The drunk's a cheap fighter!
Peter Roberts: Daniels now grabs McOwen in the corner & flings him out into the hands of PAYNE... Payne quickly takes him down with a legdrag takedown! McOwen pushes away & gets back to his feet, but Daniels knee's him forward, Nicolaus falls into the hands of Payne again & Payne drops him with a quick armdrag takedown... McOwen hits back first & gets back to his feet, he runs full steam at Edmond who grabs him & rips him down with another armdrag, Payne looks up & finds a face full of muscle as Jack wails him down with a tremendous clothesline, McOwens is getting back up...
Fred Estridge: Bad move. Stay down & play dead, save you energy!
Peter Roberts: OH! McOwens with a thunderous flying right hand right across the face of of Daniels! OH! McOwens firing in shots from every-which way now... OH! A knee to the chest, followed up instantly with another one... Daniels try's for a return fist but McOwen raises his hand & blocks it & then returns another right to the side of Daniels head.. McOwen now grabs Daniels & whips him in.. NO! Jack Daniels reverses the move & sends McOwen flying into the ropes.. McOwen hits & fly's back with a flying shoulder press, knocking Daniels back down hard to the canvas & Payne is up...
Fred Estridge: Christ, I wish Payne would stay down...
Peter Roberts: Payne's got McOwen now & snaps him into the ropes & follows up, ironically enough with a snap suplex! Woah is me! He brings him right onto his backside & ALMOST on top of Daniels chest, good thing Jacky boy read that one & rolled away while he had the chance... He's getting back to his feet now, he runs in from behind Payne, grabs his head & BULLDOG! BULLDOG! He drives Payne's head into the canvas & he drives it into the canvas with tenacity! I don't know what that means, but it sounds cool!
Fred Estridge: In a way, Payne just received head by Daniels...
Peter Roberts: Good god Fred.. Jack Daniels is now wrapping the legs of Payne around, looking for the sharpsho... NO! NO! Dropkick from McOwen from behind & Daniels flips over the top-ropes into ESCOBAR LAND! Escobar, formerly known as WHITE grabs Jack Daniels around the waist & WHAMMO! He cracks him down with a vicious belly to belly & it looks as though that may have knocked the wind out of Daniels... Escobar now pulls Daniels up & rolls him back into the ring where McOwens waiting patiently & begins to wail the boots in on him...
Fred Estridge: ...after this Daniels is gonna be the first person to be able to describe what another mans foot tastes like!
Peter Roberts: McOwen pulls Jacky 'o up & rips him acr... Nope! No such thing as Jack returns the favour & sends McOwen flying across the ropes to where Payne is standing & Payne grabs him QUICKLY! ABDOMINAL STRETCH! AB... Oh my...
Fred Estridge: ..He's humping his damned LEG!
Peter Roberts: ..well, a somewhat "modified" abdominal stretch here... Daniels runs across the ring now, Payne see's the oncoming rival & lets go of McOwen & not a second too soon as McOwen feels the blunt end of a violent uppercut, knocking him dead to the canvas.. Payne now steps over McOwen & grapples up with Daniels! ...OH! Daniels with a knee to Payne.. Payne's hunched over in pain & Jack Daniels grabs him & drops him with a DDT! He drops him right on his damned HEAD! McOwens up & he runs at Daniels, but Daniels reads it & GERMAN SUPLEX INTO A BRIDGE!
on...
Peter Roberts: OH! ...not even a damned one count... Jack Daniels is lifting McOwen up by the head & swings him into the ropes... He runs in & SPLASH! An avalanch in the corner.. McOwen falls out holding his chest & falls flat on his face, Daniels turns around to face Payne who's now up, he BOOTS Daniels to the groin & drops him! He drops him with a double-arm DDT! GOOD GOD! I don't think the human neck is supposed to bend that way! That's absolutly atrocious! Good god! Good god!
Fred Estridge: That looked like it hurt, not alot, but at least a little...
Peter Roberts: Daniels is being pulled back up to his feet from the back by Payne... Payne quickly grips around him & he's apply's an OCTOPUS STRETCH! GOOD GOD! He's got it locked in & he's got it locked in TIGHT... I don't think Daniels can take too much of this, WAIT! McOwens up, he runs against the rope,s springboards off & SPRINGBOARD MISSILE DROPKICK to the back of Payne whos falls with Daniels in his graps & falls right on top of him!
Fred Estridge: ...so many jokes, so little time...
Peter Roberts: GOOD GOD! ...McOwens up to the top-rope as Daniels is back up... OH! McOwens fly's off, wraps his legs around Daniels head & brings him down with a flying headscissors takedown! GOOD GOD, what athletisism by Nicolaus here! He's pulling Daniels back up & whips him into the ropes... Daniels comes back & McOwen cinches him up, GOOD GOD! A titl-a-whirl backbreaker & what tenacity at that! McOwen for the COVER & THIS COULD BE ALL! THIS COULD BE ALL!
Fred Estridge: Hopefully.
one...
two...
th...
Peter Roberts: NO! NO! NO! Payne breaks the pin! ...and not a second too soon either... Good god, Payne's reaching down & pulling McOwens up... OH! A kick RIGHT TO THE GROIN! Come on REFF for christs sake.. Payne throws him into the corner & then runs in with a back elbow... McOwen wobbles out but Payne pushes him right back in.. Payne's now climbing up on top of him & CHRIST ALMIGHTY! He's girating his damned HIPS in front of his face! This is an outlandish act! Payne's now laying in the fists & this crowd is counting along... one... two... three... four... five... six... seven... eight... nine...
Fred Estridge: HOLY SHIT! I hope he's wearing A CUP!
Peter Roberts: Jesus! Jack Daniels just came in & kicked right up in between Payne's LEGS! Payne hops off the turnbuckle & turns around to face Daniels who brings him down with a bodyslam... McOwens stumbles out of the corner & Daniels rips into him with a fury of fists & then throws him back into the corner.. Payne's rolling out of the ring & Jack Daniels is lifting McOwen up onto the top-turnbuckle... Escobar's helping Payne to stand & FRANKENSTEINER by Daniels in the corner & McOwens hits the mat HARD...
Fred Estridge: ...for the love of god Pete, do not say Payne & Hard in the same sentence...
Peter Roberts: Payne's now grabbing a chair from an audience member... Jack Daniels is climbing to the top-rope, but Payne's on the apron & THWACK! THWACK! He just CRACKED Daniels off of the top-turnbuckle with two quick chair shots.. Daniels falls & HEADBUTTS McOwens GROIN... Good god almighty... Payne's climbing to the top-rope now & he throws that folded chair on top of Daniels BACK, this looks dead... WAIT NO! Daniels is UP & he grabs that chair as Payne fly's off the top-turnbuckle with a frog splas... Daniels sits the CHAIR UP & DIVES AWAY & PAYNE JUST DID A FROG SPLASH ON THAT DAMNED CHAIR! GOOD GOD! GOOD GOD!
Fred Estridge: So much for any important organs...
Peter Roberts: Unbelievable... Payne's holding his chest in pain & Daniels is going for the cover now...
one...
two...
thre...
Peter Roberts: JESUS NO! McOwens pulls his foot away in the knick of time & saves Payne...
Fred Estridge: ...and you can bet Payne's got a crush on him now!
Peter Roberts: For christs sake Fred, get over your homophobia already! This is getting annoying! Daniels turns around & shoves McOwen into the corner... Nicolaus comes storming right back out but Jacky boy reads the move & heads him down with a damned bodyslam! Good god... Payne's slow to get back up to his feet.. He's in the opposing corner & trying to regain some momentum...
Fred Estridge: ...not too much time for that!
Peter Roberts: GOOD GOD! Daniels runs at him & goes for a backsplash in the corner but NO! Payne rolled away in the knick of time... He's one flukey son of a bitch... He's getting up to his feet as Daniels slowly wobbles out of the corner.. Payne grabs him quickly & drags him down to the canvas... GOOD GOD! THE POOR MAN'S FOLLY! THE POOR MAN'S FOLLY! Daniels is doing everything he can to get out & OH! McOwens slams a dropkick into the side of Payne's face to break the hold... Unbelievable!
Fred Estridge: Damn, thought it might end today.
Peter Roberts: ...Unbelievable action here tonight... McOwens is pulling Daniels up now... He whips him into the ropes.. Daniels comes back & THE LAST CALL!!! THE LAST CALL!!! GOOD GOD, that's his patented modified DOMINAT... what in the HELL?! Payne just LOW BLOWED DANIELS! Daniels is on his knee's & NOW Payne wraps in that leglock with inverted chinlock & MCOWENS IS TAPPING! MCOWENS IS TAPPING! Payne has just STOLEN Daniels win god dammit!
Fred Estridge: I'm just glad it ended TODAY.
Peter Roberts: ...JESUS! Payne will walk away with a WEAK VICTORY. A very tainted victory at that, but he'll walk away as the victor none the less, unbelievable... ...and now somethings lighting up the firkntron...
(The camera cuts backstage to reveal the midget Todd walking, he knocks on Lamonts Presidential office, the Scot opens the door & finds nothing amusing about the 'wee man's butocks. Lee F'n Midgit has just mooned the Scot.. The Scot leaves the office & begins to give chase to the little midgit, the dive down corridors, Lamont runs toward a corner...)
Lamont: C'mere you little english bastard!
(...The Scot darts around another corner to see the midgit duck into a small room marked medical room...)
Lamont: You can hide all you want 'wee man, but you're gonna 'git 'yer ass kicked.
(He opens the door & charges in without thought. Suddenly we see the back of his limp body fall to the ground, we see two hands holding shock padals stolen from a local hospital. The man holding them steps out & reveals himself to be Lee Todd... He's in a doctor's uniform & giving an extremly large smile.. He pulls out a pair of stethascopes & then pulls them up to the Scot's chest, listening to his heartbeat...)
Todd: Oh my god! We're losing him!
(He quickly throws the stethascopes aside & shocks him again, Lamont's limp body jumping a good two inches into the air... Todd shocks him, again... AGAIN... the lights begin to surge in the arena, security quickly takes a grab a hold of him & begin to pull him away slowly...)
Todd: Get well soon Scotty!
(The firkntron fades...)
Peter Roberts: GOOD GOD! GOOD GOD! I thought we'de seen EVERYTHING but this is just added to the FHW indiffrences to other feds! That was absolutly atrocious! Lee F'N Todd is an f'n MADMAN!
Fred Estridge: ...and i'm starting to like him for it... I'm thinking the Scot's lost his touch & there's a new god in town, that new god is MR.FATIGUE!
Peter Roberts: ...Looks to me like your selling out Fred... Lee Todd has to be taught a lesson & I can only hope the Scot's the man to do it! I'm glad he's taken a face turn! He's a mans MAN now & he knows what he's doing!
Fred Estridge: God did NOT make sellouts a 'wee bit better, he made them a 'wee bit bitter because Todd stole the spotlight.
Peter Roberts: Good god, just when you thought you saw it all... Leave it to Todd... Good god. Good god. Time for our next match of the evening as Jimmy makes his debut against the rebirth of Jonas Prophet... Should be a hell of a match...
(War Machine begins to slam over the firkntron as it lights up with "The Crippler" ...Mark Stevens then emerges with Keresa by his side, pyro's blaze from all directions... "...Ladies & Gentlemen, the following match is schedueled for one fall... Currently making his way to ringside, he hails in from Chicago, Illinois... He weighs in at 275lbs & stands at 6'6"... He is the master of the STEVENPLEX... HE IS THE CRIPPLER... MARK STEVENS!!!" ...Half of the audience roars in anticpation of this guy... He rolls into the ring & stares up the entrance way, almost daring his opponent to come out prematurely...)
(...Immediatly following, Breakdown by Tantric begins to echo over the firkntron as the 6 footer, Jimmy, dressed in his hawian shirt, Brown lugs and khaki cargo pants smiles his way onto the stage. He smirks at the crowd a bit and in perfect glee makes his way to the ring. He leaps onto the apron, and steps through the ropes, removing his hawiian shirt & staring face to face with his opponent... "...and his opponent, he hails in from Philidelphea, Penn... Making his in-ring debut, weighing in at 212lbs, he stands at 6'0"... He is... JIMMY!!!" ...again, half of the crowd cheers, the other half doesn't know quite what to think of him yet... The bell rings...)
Peter Roberts: Ok folks this should be a real barn burner,
Jimmy's young and hungry and Stevens is on the verge of becoming
a real young prospect here in FHW.
Fred Estridge: Please this match is a card filler at best, no one
wants to see these two wrestle. Hell I wouldn't even watch the
match if they didn't pay me.
Peter Roberts: Will you stop that, these two men may very well be
the future of FHW. There circling each other now Stevens in a
traditional shooting position he strikes with some nice crisp
kicks to the inner thingh.
Fred Estridge: He's really gonna knot that leg up and take it out
of commision if Jimmy doesn't do something fast. But lets face it
the likely hood of Stevens getting a victory here is pretty much
none exsistant.
Peter Roberts: Jimmy see's his chance he dives in and locks in a
front waistlock he flips over in to a Northern Lights suplex,
Stevens lands on his feet what balance.
Fred Estridge: He got lucky thats all, Jimmy had him there.
Peter Roberts: Stevens locks in a waistlock of his own, in to a
german suplex. He's holding on and brining him up for another
one........ bang that had to of took it's tole on Jimmy.
Fred Estridge: Dear beloved we are gathered here today to mark
the passing of Jimmy in to the void of mediocrity.......
Peter Roberts: Don't count him out yet Stevens drags him up and
Jimmy catches him with a small package.
One...
Two...
Thr..............
Fred Estridge: He just got out Stevens wriggled out at the last
minute but Jimmy smells blood.
Peter Roberts: He's hitting him with sharp left and rights now,
he picks up the much larger Stevens and nails him with a hanging
brain buster.
Fred Estridge: The Crippler just got himself a concusion, that's
going to be a b*tch when he wakes up tommorow.
Peter Roberts: Jimmy has to stay on top he's giving up a good
60lbs to Stevens and has to keep him off his feet to neutrolise
Stevens superior power. Although Stevens is one hell of a matt
wrestler too.
Fred Estridge: And that's why Jimmy needs to do the smart thing
and get a chair this is hardcore wrestling. Crawl under that ring
and grab a handfull of weapons. Anything you can find.
Peter Roberts: These two men are putting on a wrestling clinic
and you want them to go hardcore. What the hell is wrong with
you. Jimmy's locked in a Mexican Surfboard now and Stevens is
writhing in pain. This move puts pressure on four major points of
articulation. Stevens need's to get out and fast.
Fred Estridge: What the hell is wrong with this damn official
Jimmy's clearly pinning himself here, one, two, three, four......
come on ref quit picking your nose and wake up.
Peter Roberts: The ref's just now noticing and Stevens is in bad
shape, but he's actually pinning his opponent.
One
Tw.......
Fred Estridge: The rookie finally realises and turns Stevens
loose. Hahaha he's jawjacking with the ref now questioning his
call. I don't think thats such a good idea. Stevens has a chair
and THWACK........ Turn out the lights the party's over.
Peter Roberts: Stevens wants this bad he's locked in the Japanese
Strangle hold and he's sinched it in tight. Jimmy's going to have
a hard time breathing now but if Stevens is hoping to put him to
sleep, the ref can't make that call.
Fred Estridge: I love it, Jimmy's out but Stevens has hold of
both arms so the ref can't check them. Stevens has to break the
hold. He goes for the cover.
Peter Roberts: He's got that cover really sinched in there he's
pulling the tights for extra leverage. But he doesn't need it
Jimmy's body's gone limp.
One
Two
Thr...................
Jimmy just managed to drape his left leg over that bottom rope.
Great ring pressence there but Jimmy's running on fuems now.
Fred Estridge: Stevens drags Jimmy up and whips him in to the
ropes, Jimmy reverses it and catches him with the PANCAKE. He
just flipped his ass, pass the syrup.
Peter Roberts: Jimmy's drained though he doesn't have enough left
to crawl over and make that cover. These two men have gave us
everything they have tonight.
Fred Estridge: Yeah but they've got nothing left now, theyre just
lying there like fish out of water. Pass the Playboy Pete cus our
jobs done here.
Peter Roberts: Jimy's just managed to drape his arm over the
ref's out of position though. He goes down to make the count but
it's too late Stevens allready kicked out.
Fred Estridge: Yo Peter isn't that center fold yo momma.
Peter Roberts: What the f*ck.
Fred Estridge: My mistake I thought I recognised that pussy, from
last night when we got aquainted at that cocktale party, but it
ain't her.
Peter Roberts: You son of a b*tch, you take that back or i'll
drag you in that ring right here right now.
Fred Estridge: Your momma's had more hands on her than a door
knob.
Peter Roberts: Shut up, shut up shut up, we've got a job to do.
Stevens is up now he hits a vicious clothesline and Jimmy hits
the mat like a sack of potatoes.
Fred Estridge: Oh yeah your momma, she's got that cute little
birth mark on her booty shaped like a..............
Peter Roberts (covering his ears):
BaLaLaLa, I can't here you Stevens locks on a nice elevated crab
but Jimmy powers out using his hands he crawls back under the
legs sending Stevens back towards the ropes. He sends him off the
ropes again and he's got it again another Pancake. ...Jimmy now
quickly turns & hops up on the third turnbuckle, and what's
he... GOOD GOD! SHOOTING STAR PRESS! ...YET ANOTHER PANCAKE! GOOD
GOD! PANCAKES ALL AROUND! He pulls Stevens leg up....
one...
two...
three...
Peter Roberts: ...and this one is OVER. It looks like Jimmy's gonna walk away with his first win under his belt here in Firk'n Hardcore Wrestling & an impressive win it was... Good god, what a match, what a match indeed... and NOW WHAT?! Must we have one of these damned interferences ONCE A MATCH?!
Fred Estridge: YES!
(The firkntron lights up showing a shot of walking in the back.. It's a locker room Plague & Insomniac are talking.. Craigs also in the room & the three of them seem to be arguing...)
Plague: No, were going to do things my way.
Insom: I don't think so.
(Plague shakes his head with Craig trying to stop him, but 'alas, no luck.. Plague steps out into the open corridor where he bumps into Stu.. Plague & Stu make eye contact & Plague begins to laugh at Stu for what happened earlier...)
Stu Price: Shutup! Shut your mouth!
Peter Roberts: Good god!
(Plague begins to shake his head & starts to walk away...)
Stu Price: Lee & Tumbles are gonna kick your ASS.
(Plague turns around raising his eyebrows in surprise... Suddenly, from behind, Tumbler kicks Plague in the back.. Plague turns around, we notice that Tumbles has setup some chairs & then hits a modified version of Lee Todd's F*CK U onto the chairs... Stu begins putting the boots to Plague as Tumbler looks down, spits on him & says...)
Tumbler: See you tonight champ.
(The two walk off the scene as the firkntron fades to black...)
Peter Roberts: GOOD GOD, how LOW WILL THE UK CREW SINK DAMMIT?! This is PATHETIC! PATHETIC GOD DAMMIT! THIS IS PATHETIC! This night is growing more-so anticpated than we could ever imagine with 4 matches still left to go! What in the HELL ELSE COULD HAPPEN HERE TONIGHT!
Fred Estridge: I don't know, but I sure as hell look forward to it!
Peter Roberts: ...well, lets try not to waste anymore time as we bring you to our next match of the evening between stablemates Insomniac & Jonny Briggs...
(Meet the Creeper begins to slowly start as Insomniac steps out from under the curtain in a very cryptic manner... He enters down the rampway slowly & looks on with a vicious sense of hate, he stares down Tragedy inside of the ring, blue & white pyro's flash as he raises his arms to the side & darts toward the ring, "Ladies & Gentlemen, the following match is schedueled for one fall... Currently Coming to the ring, hailing in from the City that Never sleeps... He weighs in at 220lbs, and stands in at 5'10", he is part of a very powerfull stable known as the Lost Souls, he is former Hardcore Champion, Former Tag-Team Champion... The CURRENT Lightweight CHAMPION... An FHW LEGEND... HE IS THE INSOMNIAC!!!" ...The crowd roars in aproval & wait for the bell to ring...)
(Raw by Staind plays on the FHW's PA
system as the lights go out. Two pyros go off on the top of the
ramp at the same time as the FirkTron shows the name
Johnathan Briggs. The lights go back on and Johnathan Briggs
walks down to the ring. "…
and his opponent, standing at 6’3” and weighing in at
280 lbs, from
Boston, Massachusetts, representing the Lost Souls, this is his
in-ring RETURN since injury, he is JOHNATHAN BRIGGS!!!!" ...enormous obvation as he steps
into the ring... The bell rings...)
Peter Roberts: Both men shake hands there starting out as
friends but what will be the status of the Souls when this ones
all said and done.
Fred Estridge: And the bigger question, the one on everybody's
lips does anyone really care. I mean the souls are older than
dirt.
Peter Roberts: Yeah but they get better every time you see them
wrestle. They lock up in a collar and elbow tie up Briggs slides
around the back with a wristlock, in
to a hammerlock. Reversal by Insomniac in to a full nelson. It
looks like there going to do this one clean.
Fred Estridge: This sh*t makes me sick to my stomach this is
wrestling theres no room for that. We want chairs, and tables,
and hammers and strippers, and hot
dogs.......
Peter Roberts: Errrrrr Fred the match.
Fred Estridge: Oh yeah fun like a biscuit.
Peter Roberts: I think that sais it all folks. Briggs fights out
of the Full Nelson and takes Insom down with a snap mare. He
quickly sinches in a front face lock. He's
wrestling a smart match he realises Insoms got to be a little
fatigued and he's using that to his advantage.
Fred Estridge: Yeah but it's so boring.
Peter Roberts: Insoms coming back now the fans are really behind
the FHW legend. He fights his way back up to a vertical base
hitting Briggs with sledge hammer
like elbows till he breaks the hold. Out of nowhere Insom hits a
fantastic standing dropkick.
Fred Estridge: Now this is more like it there starting to get
warmed up now.
Peter Roberts: Insom bounces off the ropes and hits Briggs with a
bone crushing high cross body.
One
Tw.......
Fred Estridge: Far too early you'd think a legend like Insomniac
would know that by now. Its simple fundimental the first thing
most wrestlers learn.
Peter Roberts:Briggs is up now and he hits Insomniac with a great
hiptoss he follows with a lightning quick leg drop. Now he drags
him up swining fisherman suplex
but he doesn't go for the cover.
Fred Estridge: Yeah he's going for a chair he's gotta be, he's
too smart to stick with the souls.
Peter Roberts: Nope he's dragged Insom up and thats a great belly
to belly. Now he's locking on a spinning toe hold. Reminicent of
the legendary Terry Funk.
Fred Estridge: Round and round he goes, watch out Insom he's
gonna break your toes.
Peter Roberts: Very clever Fred but Insom counters in to a small
package. No Briggs manages to roll over but they break before the
ref can count. Insom springs up
and spears Briggs who frails his arms as he goes crashing through
the ropes to the outside.
Fred Estridge: Uh oh Briggs looks pissed he's holding the back of
his head and glaring at Insom. Yes, Yes Yes praise the lord
Briggs just picked up a chair and
threw it in the ring. He's got another and another then another,
He signals to the crowd and all of a sudden it's raining chairs.
Peter Roberts: My god the rings full of chairs and Insom took
some nasty shots there. Briggs climbs in the ring and Insom
throws a chair at him. Briggs catches it and
Insom super kicks it straight in to Briggs's skull.
Insomniaction, Insomniaction.
Fred Estridge: Say what ?
Peter Roberts: Briggs stumbles back and lands on a chair. He gets
up quick though and smack he just opened Insom up with a wicked
chair shot. Now Briggs is
gouging at that wound like a wild animal.
Fred Estridge: This ones turned real nasty, real quick gotta love
it.
Peter Roberts: Briggs has a bloodied Insom set up for a
piledriver but with all the chairs littering the ring this one
could be a career ending move.
Fred Estridge: No Insom counters with a backdrop. Briggs lands on
the hard steel and now he's in real trouble. Insomniacs going up
top he launches off with a frog
splash.
Peter Roberts: Briggs rolls out of the way and Insom misses
coming down sternum first on one of those chairs. Someone needs
to clear the ring. Insoms bleading
from the mouth I think he's busted internally.
Fred Estridge: Briggs is up now and he's going for that
Piledriver again, he hits it this time and Insom is broken in
half. Briggs drags up a limp Insom he throws him
out of the way. He's setting up too folding chairs ajasent to
each other. Now he's got Insom set up for the Double Trouble
through the chairs.
Peter Roberts: Thats his partner god damn it he's going to kill
him. No wait Lanch and Demon are out there trying to talk some
sense in to Briggs. Briggs turns his
opponent loose but Insom capitolises with a low blow.
Fred Estridge: He leaps back behind the two chairs holding on to
Briggs forcing him face first in to those instriments of torture.
I love it hit him again Insom.
Peter Roberts: Insom hits a northern lights but it took
everything he had left and he can't hold the bridge in to a pin.
Insom stands up and collapses in to the ropes.
Lanch and Demon help both men up and try to get them to leave.
But theres a stair down going on theyre going to finish this, and
it won't take long. Both men get into a grapple, NO! Insomniac
with a knee to the groin & tosses Briggs into the corner.. He
follows in & catches him in with another knee!
Fred Estridge: I think I know whats coming.
Peter Roberts: I think Insomniac does, in fact! It's the TOP-ROPE DRAGON SUPLEX! GOOD GOD! THE SIGN OF THE BEAST! THE SIGN OF THE BEAST! THE SIGN OF THE BEAST!
one...
two...
three...
Peter Roberts: IT's OVER! IT'S OVER! good god, but what does tihs leave for the Lost Souls?! there breaking up god dammit! They are BREAK... k...
Fred Estridge: DAMMIT!
Peter Roberts: ...Insomniac just helped Briggs up & They're SHAKING HANGS! Good god almighty, this is unbelievable folks! Unbelievable. ...The Lost Souls are leaving together & Good god, this is absolutly atrocious.. Good god, what a night this has been, just two more matches before the main event, first Searching for Skills gets it on with the European Foundation & then... Insomniac pulls double duty with Plague, and GOD KNOWS how in the HELL Insomniac & Plague are supposed to co-exhist... It's gonna be messy, now for the next match...
(Intro's for SFS & Europeans go off...)
Peter Roberts: HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SUCH AMAZING INTRODUCTIONS?!
Fred Estridge: NEVER!!!!
Peter Roberts: Two top teams here in FHW hoping to get there
shot at the tag team champions the U.K. Crew. I guess it's Lamont
starting things off for his team against Stump for the Searching
for Skills combination.
Fred Estridge: Yeah this should be great god's gonna kick a
little ass presidential style.
Peter Roberts: Stump starts off quick offering the Scot a test of
strength. The Scot agrees and offers his left hand but when Stump
goes to take it quickly puts it down and offers his right. Stump
goes for the right but Scot offers left again. Stump now a little
frustrated shakes his head only to be met by a kick to the mid
section.
Fred Estridge: Now thats funny, not like those punks from the
U.K. Crew.
Peter Roberts: Lamont with a crushing bulldog followed by a quick
tag to Seamus.
Fred Estridge: Damn it whered Lamon't go. I don't want Seamus I
want the big guy in there. This is an outrage I WANT THE SCOT, I
WANT THE SCOT.
Peter Roberts: Why don't you shut the hell up. You can see that
the E.U. are going for a smart strategic attack here with quick
tags cutting the ring in half. Seamus has grabbed Stumps leg and
he's slamming that knee in to the mat trying to destroy that knee
cartlidge and destroy his vertical base.
Fred Estridge: Not a bad move but the Scot would do it just a Wee
bit better.
Peter Roberts: Geez Fred you could write a book on the art of
sucking up you make me sick. A commentators supposed to give an
unbiased account of an match.
Fred Estridge: Seamus has locked on an Indian Death lock now if
he falls back that's really going to tear at Stumps knee and make
it very hard for him to get back to the neutral corner.
Peter Roberts: He's fell back and now he's reaching out for
Lamont. Lamonts grabbed his arm to gain extra leverage Stump is
screaming in pain and the ref doesn't realise whats going on. He
finally realises and calls for a break.Seamus turns him loose,
but the refs telling him to leave the ring he's counting it as a
tag and forcing Lamont to get in the ring. Meanwhile Stumps
crawled across the ring and got the hot tag to T.J.
Fred Estridge: Bah these officials today need to know there role.
Peter Roberts: T.J. Comes in on fire as Lamont and Seamus argue
with the ref he slams Lamont then scoops up Seamus and gives him
one two for good measure. He drags them up and smashes there
heads together.
Fred Estridge: Noggin Nocker, Noggin Nocker !!!
Peter Roberts: Seamus finally leaves as T.J. drags Lamont out to
the middle of the ring and nails him with an inverted facebuster.
He follows with an elbow to the spoil of the back. Now he's got
Lamonts legs and he hurls him across the ring with a giant slam.
He lands right next to Stump. T.J. Tags Stump in.
Fred Estridge: Stump hoists Lamont up on his shoulders as T.J.
mounts the ropes. I think they call this the Tiddlewink toss.
Peter Roberts: I beleive the actual term used for this one is a
doomsday device but T.J. missed as Stumps leg gave out on him and
he dropped Lamont who rolls to the corner and tags in Seamus.
Fred Estridge: I'm beginning to like this guy, got to love amyone
who'd shoot Lee F'n' Todd with a sniper rifle.
Peter Roberts: I'll have to agree with you on that one. Seamus
with a nice back suplex followed up by the sharp shooter.
Fred Estridge: Ah ha a fitting move for the Irish Sniper.
Peter Roberts: Stump powers out though using all that upper body
strength. He stands up and runs the ropes hitting Seamus with a
flying mexican lariot.
Fred Estridge: Did someone say Mexican i'd love a bureto right
now.
Peter Roberts: Not after the last time you stunk up the booth. No
more Mexican food for you buddy. Seamus didn't go down though
Stump runs again this time flipping behind Seamus he hits a
crushing reversed DDT but he holds on and sinches in a dragon
sleeper.
Fred Estridge: Is the ref blind he's cheating, he's cheating.
Peter Roberts: It looks legal to me but T.J's assending the ropes
and he just came crashing down with an elbow across Seamus's
exposed sternum. Stump covers.
One
Two
Thr......... Lamont breaks it up pulling Stump off and hurling
him outside the ring on to the arena floor.
Fred Estridge: As Seamus recovers and the refs busy with T.J. on
the otherside of the ring Lamonts battering Stump with a chair on
the outside. God is laying the smack down Scot style.
Peter Roberts: But wait through the crowd it's Lee F'n' Todd
brandishing an pogo stick. What the hell is he going to do with
that...... BOING he just lamped Lamont with it. Wait a sec Stu
just bungee jumped down from the ceiling he just smacked Seamus
over the head with a mallet then bounced back up to the rafters.
Lee bounces back down the isle on his pogo stick and the ref is
none the wiser as to what just happened here.
Fred Estridge: Damn those Brits and there stupid interferences
Lamon'ts bleeding all over the place and Stump just crawled in
the ring.
Peter Roberts: Stump desperately crawls on top of a bloodied
Seamus for the cover.
One
Two
Thr............
Fred Estridge: Kick out, Kick out my god how did he do it, how
did he kick out. He truly is worthy of his partnership with the
mighty Scot.
Peter Roberts: Stump looks confused I don't think anyone saw the
U.K. Crew not even there victims. Stump picks up Seamus and locks
on the hangmans noose. Seamus's limp body dangles limply over his
shoulder. Stump realising his leg won't hold out snaps him over
in to a Dominator and tags in T.J.
Fred Estridge: This is a traversty this is an outrage i've got to
help Scot.
Peter Roberts: Oh dear Fred just left the broadcast position he's
just tackled T.J. but T.J. didn't budge Freds now holding on to
T.J's legs for dear life as T.J. fights to kick him off. Lamonts
up and he just nailed T.J from behind. He drags Seamus over to
the neutral corner and forces a tag. Lamont and T.J. are now
trading lefts and rights both men drop to there knees who's gonna
give first. Seamus is back in now & runs in, but he's cut off
by Stump! Cut off with that running jump swinging DDT! He drops
him like a ton of bricks! Lamont's trying to get past the reff as
TJ makes the blind cover, the reff turns...
one...
two...
three...
Peter Roberts: GOOD GOD! Searching for Skills has PULLED OFF THE UPSET! Searching for Skills has PULLED OFF THE UPSET! Good god, what a MATCH! I think some of this patheticness had to do with the UK CREW! Jesus, what a NIGHT, what a night indeed & we're on a roll... NEXT MATCH...
(Suddenly, without warning, Meet the Creeper begins to play. Insomniac steps out from behind the curtain and slowly makes his way down the ramp. A huge smile graces Insomniac's normally hateful face as he approaches the ring. He stops halfway down the ramp and raises his arms above his head while blue and white pyro's flash behind him further up the ramp."Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team match is scheduled for one fall with a twenty minute time limit. Making his way to the ring, hailing from the City that Never sleeps... He weighs in at 220lbs, and stands 5'10" tall, he is the former Hardcore Champion, Former Tag-Team Champion and the current Lightweight Champion... He is an FHW LEGEND... HE IS THE INSOMNIAC!!! And his partner..."The crowd roars in approval as Insomniac slides gracefully into the ring.)
( My Generation by Limp Bizkit pounds out of the numerous speakers within the arena as Plague steps out through the curtains. He stops upon the top of the rampway, scans the crowd with a look of indifference, and then makes his way down to the ring. "...currently making his way to the ring and being accompanied by Craig Kneeshaw, hailing from Darlington, England...he is 6'2" and weighs in at 262lbs...he is the walking infestation...the president of pox...he is none other than PLAGUE!" Plague slides into the ring and makes his way to the corner of the ring without looking at Insomniac. When it looks as if he is going to climb the ring post, he stops and does nothing except stare into the massive crowd around him.)
(The lights in the arena go out and smoke fills the isle. The crowd grows silent as the tune of Guns 'N Roses Sweet Child of Mine starts playing over the firk'n speakers. Lee Todd and Tumbler step out from behind the curtains and are greated by a torent of boos and hisses. As they slowly stroll down the isle, arms raised above their heads, a wave of pop bottles and other refuse rains down upon the two members of the U.K. Crew. The anger expressed by the crowd intensifies as the two roll into the ring one after another, approach and climb the corner turnbuckles, and pose with their arms raised above their heads. Lee removes his belts and passes them to a stagehand, while Tumbler tosses his stolen belts out of the ring to the ground. "And their opponents, introducing first...he is one half of the current tag team champions, the reigning INFAMOUS CHAMPION, and a member of the notorious U.K. Crew... hailing from Darlington, England...he weighs in at 234lbs and stands 5'9" tall...He is LEE F'N TODD! And his partner...ha! Not this time!" The announcer cuts his announcement short as Lee approaches him and raises his hand up to slap the announcer. As Lee attempts to slap the announcer, the announcer manages to duck. Slightly irate, Lee stomps at the announcer's foot, but once again, his attempt is avoided. Totally infuriated, Lee launches his fingers out in a sneaky eye gouge attack, only to be blocked by the announcer's Three Stooges block. As Lee retreats stamping his feet in disapproval, the announcer nearly doubles over in a fit of laughter. As he stumbles about the ring, the announcer trips over one of Tumbler's feet and falls through the middle and top rope, crashing head-long onto the concrete floor outside of the ring. The bell rings...)
Peter Roberts: It may sound like an oximoron but Insomniac
looks tired, he's already had one match tonight and this ones
really going to take its tole on him.
Fred Estridge: Insom never get's tired sleep deprived, a little
edgy yeah but he's like the freaking energizer bunny he's never
tired.
Peter Roberts: Plague and Insomniac aren't wasting anytime and they're charging the two members of the UK Crew. Insomniac charges Tumbler and knocks him over with a FLYING FOREARM to the knoggin', and Lee is floored by Plague as he drops him with a RUNNING DROPKICK to the side of the head!
Fred Estridge: Quick start by the ambiguously gay duo. Fester's on Lee like a bad case of crabs while Sleepless Beauty is pummelling Tumbler's head repeatedly.
Peter Roberts: The ref is interjecting himself trying to regain some sense of order as Lee Todd and Tumbler roll battered to the outside. What're Insomniac and Plague doing? Plague is standing with his back to the ropes and Insomniac is charging at him.
Fred Estridge: Fester just launched Sleepless over the top rope and he crashed into Toddles and Tumbles with a SPINNING PLANCHA! Fester's joining the party...he's using the ropes to propel himself...SLINGSHOT CROSS-BODY ATTACK on Tumbles!
Peter Roberts: The U.K. Crew is taking a beating early on. If this keeps up, the unlikely tandem of Insomniac and Plague could end up being victorious! Insomniac and Plague are to their feet and they're helping Lee and Tumbler up. Plague is holding both dazed men up as Insomniac backs up. Insomniac retrieves a chair from the crowd and charges Lee and Tumbler. Insomniac with a head of steam...he jumps...
Fred Estridge: And cracks the chair over the skull of his partner! I love it! As much as I dislike Toddles and Tumbles, these gays really know what they're doing in and out of the ring.
Peter Roberts: Umm...gays?
Fred Estridge: Don't get your hopes up Petey, I slipped.
Peter Roberts: Alright Frank.
Fred Estridge: Sure thing Peter Estridge.
Peter Roberts: Well...Hmmph.
Fred Estridge: There you have it folks...a best of marm's mishaps, brought to you by marm himself.
Peter Roberts: By the way...who's marm?
Fred Estridge: I'm not really sure.
Peter Roberts: Anyways, back to the action. How quickly the tides have changed. Lee and Tumbler are in the ring while Insomniac is on the outside helping Plague up. Plague looks disoriented after that accidental chair shot by his partner.
Fred Estridge: Accident, your fat ass. Insomniac meant to hit Plague just as sure as the Scot is truly a God. With Stable Wars coming up, the fewer enemies you have, the better. Insomniac is just doing the Lost Soul's dirty work early.
Peter Roberts: Plague has taken exception to Insomniac's help and just decked him in the chin with a solid right! The unlikely duo is unfolding right before our eyes! Plague is pursuing Insomniac with the chair that was used to clobber him in the head and Insomniac has fished out another chair from the audience. Plague is chasing Insomniac around the ring!
Fred Estridge: Toddles and Tumbles don't have a friggin' idea what's going on. Hell, I don't have a friggin' idea what's going on?!
Peter Roberts: Insomniac just slid into the ring and Plague is right behind him. Lee and Tumbler have retreated to their own corner to get out of the way. Plague is stalking Insomniac around the inside of the ring...he charges Insomniac...and runs right past him?! He's heading for Lee Todd!
Fred Estridge: Sleepless turns and runs at Tumbler! Whammo! Ouch! Insomniac just beheaded Tumbles and sent him flying over the top rope with a viscious chair shot to the head and Fester just surgically implanted his chair in Toddle's gut. Ah, yes! Fester delivers unto Toddle's gut again! It was a ruse! The ambiguously gay duo just pulled a fast one!
Peter Roberts: Tumbler is on the floor face first holding his head in pain and Lee is on the floor of the ring holding his stomach. Plague is going to hit him again!
Fred Estridge: Who cares! Sleepless is climbing the turnbuckle with his chair in hand. He jumps off and places the chair under his leg...Holy sh*t! Holy Mother-f*cking sh*t! Sleepless just landed with a LEG DROP on the back of Tumbler's head on the concrete floor! And to add insult to injury, Sleepless rode a metal chair all the way down onto Tumbler's head!
Peter Roberts: Oh...my...God. Is Tumbler dead?
Fred Estridge: I don't know, but he sure is bleeding a lot! Look at the size of that pool! Insomniac is a hardcore God!
Peter Roberts: Tumbler isn't moving and Insomniac is down holding his leg and buttocks. He's probably broken his leg and shattered his tailbone. A move like that is totally uneccessary- It riskes injury.
Fred Estridge: Hello flyboy...What the Hell are you talking about? Sleepless was just doing his job the best way he knows how to do it. He's a wrestler, remember, and a hardcore icon at tha!?
Peter Roberts: Back in the ring, Plague has Lee cinched around the waist...he lifts him up and drops him with a BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX. Plague quickly picks Lee up again and maneuvers around behind him. He tries to lift him up but Lee blocks his attempt with an elbow to Plague's face...and another...and another. Lee reverses and has Plague locked up from behind...REVERSE DDT by Lee Todd!
Fred Estridge: Desperate times call for desperate moves from desperate men.
Peter Roberts: Todd is collapsed on the ground and Plague is slowly stirring. In the meantime, Insomniac is up and he's taking it to the corpse of Tumbler. Insomniac is using his chair to steady himself...I don't think that he can support his own weight on that leg of his. Insomniac mounts Tumbler and applies a CAMEL CLUTCH to Tumbler. Tumbler isn't even moving! Tumbler must be unconcious!
Fred Estridge: I should hope so. I would hate for anybody to have to go through what he just experienced and still be concious...err, wait a sec...no I wouldn't. Damn you Tumbler, you lame assed cop out!
Peter Roberts: Plague is up first and he grabs a handfull of Lee Todd hair. Plague hooks him up for a suplex but Todd blocks it with his leg. Plague with a knee to Lee Todd's gut...that breaks the block...Todd is up...it looks like this is going to be the OUTBREAK!
Fred Estridge: Toddles is too ring savy to fall just yet...I give him five more minutes.
Peter Roberts: Todd slides out of the OUTBREAK and hooks Plague up from behind again...REVERSE DDT again?
Fred Estridge: Not this time Junior. Fester just spun his body and head around and powered Toddles over with a picture perfect NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!
Peter Roberts: The ref is counting....ONE....TWO... kick out at two! My God!
Fred Estridge: Talking about your God, look at Insomniac and Tumbler. Sleepless has given up on the Camel Clutch and is working the back of Tumbler's head over with a series of elbows. Talk about beating a dead horse...
Peter Roberts: Todd and Plague are up...collar and elbow tie up...Lee IRISH WHIPS Plague into the ropes but Plague reverses it. Todd off of the ropes...Plague leap frogs Todd...Todd rebounds off of the ropes again...Plague goes for another leap frog but Todd greets his testicles with a swift boot! Plague is down in serious pain!
Fred Estridge: He's whipping the government mule...
Peter Roberts: What?
Fred Estridge: Sleepless Beauty...he's beating Tumbles black and blue. Sleepless is taking out all of his pent up rage on Tumbles carcass. This is great!
Peter Roberts: While you revel in the fact that Tumbler is seriously injured and needs medical attention, I'll call the rest of the match.
Fred Estridge: Sure thing Petey.
Peter Roberts: Lee grabs Plague's legs and drops a KNEE into his nether regions. Plague is in pain!
Fred Estridge: You'd like to see that, wouldn't you?
Peter Roberts: Eh?
Fred Estridge: Plague and Paine...you know, going at it.
Peter Roberts: Keep your own fantasies to yourself Fred. There's no need to tell the world about your secret inhibitions.
Fred Estridge: Ha! Trying to turn this around on me are you? Well you just wait, I'll catch you and hit you real good.
Peter Roberts: Todd has Plague up and he pushes him against the ropes. Wait, Todd is tangling Plague's arms up in the ropes. Todd is backing up...it looks like he's going to...no.
Fred Estridge: Toddles finally noticed his little buddy getting his ass thrashed and is coming to the rescue. Toddles is out of the ring and SPEARS Sleepless off of Tumbles body! Toddles is on top of Sleepless and is pounding on his face with his fists!
Peter Roberts: In the meanwhile, the ref has untangled Plague from the ropes and Plague is bouncing himslef off of the ropes. What's he going to do?
Fred Estridge: SUICIDE CORKSCREW DIVE by Fester to the outside...but unfortunately for Sleepless, Toddles moved just in time! Plague just crashed into his own partner!
Peter Roberts: Todd picks helps Plague up, smacks his head into the ringside barricade, and tosses him into the crowd. Todd picks Insomniac up and pushes him into the ring. Todd in after Insomniac and he drops a fist into the side of Insomniac's head. Insomniac is open...Insomniac is bleeding!
Fred Estridge: More blood! Alright! Toddles has Insomniac up...and he drops him with the F*CK YOU!
Peter Roberts: He's not capitalizing...Todd has Insomniac up again...he's hooking him up for another F*CK YOU.. wait...here comes Plague. He jumps the barricade just as Todd drops Insomniac with a second F*CK YOU! Todd covers Insomniac...Why'd Plague stop? He's grimacing in pain!
Fred Estridge: That's because Tumbles just grabbed onto Fester's leg and is biting into it! He's gone cannibal! Plague pulls his leg away as Tumbler spits out the reminense of plague..
one...
two...
three...
Peter Roberts: NO! NO! PLAGUE STOPPED THE COUNT IN THE KNICK OF TIME! PLAGUE STOPPED THE COUNT IN THE KNICK OF TIME! Jesus christ! All Hell is breaking loose as Tumbler slides into the ring & just bulldogged Plague to the canvas! This is incredible!
Fred Estridge: This is classy.
Peter Roberts: Plague's grabbed Tumbler & he's setting him up... YES! THE OUTBRE, but NO! Todd just did the F*CK YOU TO INSOMNIAC AGAIN BEHIND PLAGUES BACK...
one...
two...
three...
Peter Roberts: IT'S OVER! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTy, it's OVER! what a FRICKING MATCH! WHAT A DAMNED FINE MATCH, GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY, what a NIGHT it's been & we still have one MATCH TO GO! GOOD GOD...
(The last of the intro's start up... There's a delay after Flashbacks...)
Peter Roberts: ANOTHER SET OF AMAZING INTRODUCTIONS, but where is Flashback?! Demon, Avalanch, and Tempest are all waiting for him inside of the ring...
Fred Estridge: WAIT! Look up on the Rafters!
Peter Roberts: What in the HELL!? How in the HELL did he get up there & what in the hell is he doing...
Fred Estridge: ...Look at the firkntron...
In that church; did they burn
from within those prayers, did i yearn
I felt there screams, there hunger scorn
from the depths of flame, i am reborn
Peter Roberts: GOOD GOD, that sounds like something from a GUILTY MAN! That church that burnt down, Flashback was proven innocent, WAS HE?! what in the HE... NO! GOOD GOD! GOOD GOD! The ring has just EXPLODED! THE RING HAS JUST EXPLODED! This is absolutly UNBARABLE. Flashback is now sitting with his knee's on the rafters looking down & GRINNING EAR TO EAR. This is UNBELIEVABLE! UNBELIEVABLE!
(fade to black.)