-- Live from Calgary, Alberta -- 7:00 pm Eastern Time -- The SaddleDome -- FHW proudly presents --
i feel nothing, longing for something, relax take a moment to take your clothes off show me what your made of, drugs, to sooth me
(We bust into a montage of clips from FHW's past events..We view scenes of FHW's early beginnings of President Brown walking into VP Inglis's locker room & then hearing a single gunshot fire out.. We see a scene of the legandary Devine Rights being taken off from the top of the firkntron by Archangel as he plummets into the chest of the now-dead man. We see a scene of dastardly intentions from long ago as we see the limo of one Nino Brown & his clansmen. We see scenes of gore & blood, scenes not unforgotten by the memoirs of the FHW all beldned in nicely with Staind's Suffocate...)
all alone, leave me here i'm dying, all alone, just kick me in the face, all alone, all alone & trying, all alone, i suffocate
(More clips suddenly splash upon the firkntron as fireworks begin to stream up, but not bewildering the fans.. We see quick shots of Scorpion & Brian Lash going hardcore in one of there famous Ladder matches. We see a brutal scene of Archangel & Demon falling down with a ladder right on top of Archangel himself. We see Dre taking down an old FHW jobber with a violent hurricanrana, we see Sabotage getting blown halfway across the ring from an exploding barbed wire death match.. We see Insomniac looking out toward the fans & spraying a strange green mist from his mouth...)
i'm not gifted, slightly twisted, try hard; try harder just to see if i can push you any further, drugs, to soothe me
(...Another clip opens up, this time revealing a shot of Scot Lamont hammering the Backdoor Man in the back of the head with a beer bottle in a barroom brawl.. We see the Mounty powerbomb someone over a stareway at Spring Break.. We keep going & reveal a shot of Crusader holding the world title well above his head.. We go into a shot of Flashback in a fist fight with Demon.. We clip to show Crusader standing boldly at the first Last-Man-Standing.. We continue on...)
all alone, leave me here i'm dying, all alone, just kick me in the face, all alone, all alone & trying, all alone, i suffocate
(We fade into a scene of Nicolaus McOwen taking on Archangel with Scot Lamont at his corner, that turns into Archangel raising the hand of Crusader after a well-fought victory which molds into Tremere doing a screwjob to Demon & Archangel, finally finnally finnishing with Crusader preforming the End of the Road & then a final cut of Archangel kneeled down in front of Crusaders grave... Fade to black...)
-- Take two drops to the head & call me in the morning --
(We open up backstage where we see three limo's arriving simultaneously... Three white limos.. They park beside each other... One of the doors open & out steps a midgit version of Lee F'n todd... We hear the fans burst out in laughter behind the scenes... Out of the second limo is Tumbler, a midgit version as well, and out of the third limo is Stu Price.. The crowd is in histerics.. We fade to the Ricochet logo & then pan around the arena to Peter Roberts...)
Peter Roberts: Good god folks! Good god almighty, it's Good Friday, and it's Good Friday the 13'th! The best Friday to some.. Some people like the Daemon Krav's & The Tempests of the world! A day of reckoning thought by many others & just another supersticious holiday to all-else, but you know what?! This is FHW & it doesn't matter what day of the week it is because there's always something going on behind the scenes that would make anybody think of any of the above mentioned things! This is Firk'n Hardcore Wrestling! This is the top-fed hands down!
Fred Estridge: I tell you, with some of the matches that are schedueled tonight.. Hell is gonna break loose, and it's gonna be a biscuit of fun!
Peter Roberts: ...a biscuit of fun?
Fred Estridge: Time to get hardcore?
Peter Roberts: HUH?! Dammit, that's my line! Don't even think of it you subconscious line stealing son of a bitch! ...Well folks, once again, FHW is here to enlighten you with one HELL of a damned CARD! You wouldn't believe tonight was a Ricochet card! you'de think it was a damned PPV! The lineup is incredible! INCREDIBLE! ...Plus there's always the few happenings that ALWAYS occur on FHW, and god only knows what in the hell else could happen here tonight, with the Scot as the damned President! Endless possibilities!
Fred Estridge: Lamont taking FHW was like a wakeup call for me...
Peter Roberts: ...what with you being his damned bum buddy 'n all...
Fred Estridge: HEY DAMMIT!
Peter Roberts: Well folks, tonights card is STACKED & this Calgary crowd is GOING NUTS... It seems as though the fatal death of Steven Eckert, aka: The Crusader that the fans have finally settled down & gotten back into things.. It was a tragic thing to happening to the e-wrestling world & god knows it's always going to have an effect on us...
Fred Estridge: Even me.
Peter Roberts: OH WELL... Anyways folks, tonights lineup is mainstream as we start off with Lee F'n Todd who will face off against a man who's already made his mark on FHW by claiming victory with the FHW Hardcore title.. A title that doesn't come without a price.. Tumbler's really been getting into Plague's face as of late, mind you.. He's been getting into Insomniacs face alot as well... He's stolen both there titles, but he'll have enough problems tonight as he faces a man who alot think are underrated.. Jonas Prophet.. IT should be an interesting matchup to say the least.
Fred Estridge: It's gonna be a bore.
Peter Roberts: ...Following that Avalanch puts his Online title... On the line... He puts it up against none-other than John McCrakken himself, Johnny was a little worried about the challenge at first, but he's damned to give it his all, as he always does.. He's had a rough couple of weeks since the Pay-Per-View & hopefully things calm down a little bit tonight, but I guess we'll wait & see...
Fred Estridge: McCrakken needs to go to an institute, we all saw how he blew at the PPV... What a freak...
Peter Roberts: ...and to follow up that match, the main event to end all main events.. Somehow, someway... Flashback & Archangel were put into the ring together to face off against the Lost Souls members.. The Demon & the Insomniac... ALOT of big names tonight & like I said earlier, that's not including what in the HELL ELSE could possibly happen tonight.. it's a non-stop thrill shop & it's TIME TO GET HARDCORE!
Fred Estridge: FUN LIKE A BISCUIT!
Peter Roberts: ...time for Fred to just say no... Well, it looks as though things are off to a quick start this evening...
(We look up at the firkntron where a VERY large cake is being delivered to the UK Crew's room...)
Peter Roberts: ...what in the hell is this?
(...the man delivering the cake knocks on the door... The door opens & Stu Price pears out.. He looks up at the cake & a smile crosses his face... He grabs the cake & wheels it into the room...)
Peter Roberts: What in the hell is going on?
Fred Estridge: Looks as though the U.K. Crew has a secret admirer...
(...The camera follows into the room as we see Tumbler & Todd turn to face the cake...)
Lee F'n Todd: Yeah, lemme guess.. The cake has rat poisoning...
Peter Roberts: ...sounds like Todd's a little cautious here.. Tumbler just dug into the cake... Stu's right in there now! Lee's hesitant but now he's eating the cake.. He might be right DAMMIT! That cake could have ANYTHING IN IT.. Anything AT ALL!
Fred Estridge: Blech... I just had some nasty thoughts...
Peter Roberts: ...what the he... I can just barely hear it, but I think I hear.......DISCO MUSIC?! What in the HELL?! NO!
(...suddenly the cake bursts open & a strange brew of porno music begins playing.. From out of the cake pops a very disgusting man dressed up in drag.. the UK Crew backs away & runs screaming out of the ring... The scene fades to black & the crowd goes into histerics...)
Fred Estridge: ...I think i'm feeling a little bit drowzy right now...
Peter Roberts: Gonna faint from that hot stud in the cake?
Fred Estridge: No, ...He looked like my dad.. I'm a little worried right now...
Peter Roberts: Good GOD, that was the most DISGUSTING & REVOLTING thing i've ever seen, but hey! I'm not trying to offend anyone.. it's just my thoughts. All I can say right now is BLECH.. Somebody in the FHW, or one of our billions of fans REALLY has issues & A HUGE crush on the U.K. Crew.. what a vulgar ACT INDEED. Disgusting, absolutly DISGUSTING.
Fred Estridge: I'm a little disturbed right now.. Can we just get the show rolling?
Peter Roberts: ...i'de think it would be for the best... It looks like Plague's gonna have an upperhand considering Lee Todd is probably a little traumatised after that experience... None the less, this should promise to be an excellent match... Two star athletes going at it...
(...Without warning, My Generation by Limp Bizkit pounds out of the numerous speakers within the arena as Plague steps out through the curtains. He stops upon the top of the rampway, scans the crowd with a look of indifference, and then makes his way down to the ring with a slight limp. "Ladies & Gentlemen, the following match is schedueled for one fall... Currently making his way to the ring and being accompanied by Craig Kneeshaw, hailing from Darlington, England...he is 6'2" and weighs in at 262lbs...he is the walking infestation...the president of pox... the HARDCORE CHAMPION... HE is none other than PLAGUE!" Plague slides into the ring and makes his way to the corner of the ring. When it looks as if he is going to climb the ring post, he stops and does nothing except stare into the massive crowd around him as he awaitsthe bell...)
(The lights in the arena go out and smoke fills the isle. The midgit version of Lee strolls through the curtain just as the lyrics to King Nothing starts. He slowly strolls down the isle with his left arm raised above his head. The crowd cant stand him and bombard him with trash as he comes down the isle... They even hate his cute midgit counterpart, now thats heel heat if i've ever seen it ... "...and his opponent, the INFAMOUS CHAMPION, currently coming to ringside, hailing in from Darlington, England.. He weighs in at 234lbs & stands at 5'9"... He is one half of the tag team champions as well.. HE IS LEE F'N TODD!" ...he rolls under the bottom rope, slaps the announcer, steps on his foot & then gouges his eyes as he falls back over the top rope... the bell rings...)
Peter Roberts: What in the HELL IS THIS?! Plague's scratching his head, he doesn't have a clue as to whats going o... GOOD GOD! The midgit Todd just STEPPED ON Plague's FOOT.. Plague's shaking his damned head... NO! The midgit Todd smacks him across the back of the leg & then grabs onto his leg, as if... bearhugging it.. Plague is trying to shake the little guy off but he won't budge...
Fred Estridge: Baha, this is classy stuff... This is Lee todd at his best!
Peter Roberts: Finally, Plague shakes the little Lee off of him & begins to chuckle to himself as little Lee charges him... OH! Plague grabs him off of the ground... POWERBOMB! He drives the midgit Todd into the CANVAS & HARD. Plague now picks the minitature Todd up off of the canvas & whips him into the ropes... The Todd comes back & Plague scoups him up &... WOAH! He LITERALLY THROWS HIM head first into the TURNBUCKLE! Good god almighty, that must have HURT... The little man bounces off of the turnbuckle where Plague grabs him & TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER! This is rediculous! Damned U.K. Crew!
Fred Estridge: This is tastless, overused humour & i'm glad i'm witnessing it! This is HILARIOUS!
Peter Roberts: Plague places his foot on the chest of the junior Todd now as the reff counts...
one...
two...
thre...
Peter Roberts: WHAT IN THE HELL?! THE REAL LEE TODD JUST CAME IN with a CHAIR & broke the pin with a chair shot right to Plague's BACK! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY... Plague's back is arched forward.. He turns around & THWACK! Plague gets a chair shot right to the HEAD!
Fred Estridge: Oh right, it's just Plague.. He's got so much brain damage that he probably didn't feel that anyway...
Peter Roberts: Lee grabs him now from behind &... NO! NO! NO! DAMMIT, NO! He's going for the F*CK YOU!! Dammit NO! NO! ...WAIT... Plague FALLS BACK! He crushes the chest of Lee Todd as he lands back first right on top of him & Lee falls flat face first onto the canvas! ...the midgit leaves the ringside...
Fred Estridge: That midgit had more wrestling ability than Plague & Todd combined...
Peter Roberts: It looks as though we finally have a match in the making here as Lee Todd's finally stepped up to the plate.. He went for the cheap shot, but missed by inches... Plague's sitting up & getting back up to his feet now, Plague reaches down & begins to pull Lee Todd up to his feet, he whips him quickly against the ropes... Lee comes back with a diving shoulderblock, but NO! Plague catches him part-way & lets him down nice & easy with a bodyslam!
Fred Estridge: That looked as though it didn't hurt one bit! C'mon! when these guys gonna hurt each other!
Peter Roberts: ...I don't know but Plague's pulling Lee Todd back up once again by the hair & now launches him into the corner.. Plague steps up to him & begins laying in the shots to the lower abdomin. He lets go a fury of shorts & then a quick uppercut across Todd's jaw.. Plague now grabs him & tosses him across the ring into the opposing corner... OH! Lee todd hops up on the corner & propells himself Backward, he turns right into Plague & then knee's him in the CROTCH! GOOD GOD REFF! C'mon, LOW BLOW! Lee now rakes the eyes.. Plague turns around & Todd grabs him around the waist... NO! NO! BACK SUPLEX into an arch! He's got him in the bridge pin!
one...
two...
thre...
Peter Roberts: NO! Plague kicks out somehow... Todd lets him go & then gets right back up to his feet... Plague begins to get back up & Todd drops him with a dropkick to the head, knocking him back down... Lee then drops a back elbow right along his chest.. Plague holds his chest in pain as Lee grabs him up by the hair & goes to whip him against the ropes but Plague REVERSES... Lee hits the ropes & comes flying back with a cross body scissors & wraps Plague around down to the canvas!
Fred Estridge: Ouch & a half...
Peter Roberts: Lee F'n Todd's right back up ass Plague's slowly getting back to his feet... Todd throws himself at Plague but Plague reads it, grabs Lee by the head & around the waist with his free hand & DROPS HIM! German SUPLEX! Excellently executed! He drops Todd right on his back & now Plague is stepping right back up to the plate.. He's using the turnbuckle to pull himself up... Todd's slowly pushing up off of the canvas trying to get to his feet.. He's up & PLAGUE rips into him with a damned clothesline from HELL! He drops Todd like he was nothing!
Fred Estridge: OH! But he is something! He's a weenie!
Peter Roberts: Plague reaches down now & pulls him back up.. He gives him a quick knee to the gut & then sets up.. YES! Gutwrench POWERBOMB! ...Plague has a vertical press in on Todd...
one...
two...
thre...
Peter Roberts: NO! NO! NO! I have no idea how in the hell it happened but Todd somehow, someway managed to kick out of that one & Plague can't believe it himself.. Plague steps off & argues with the reff.. Todd seizes the opportunity & tries to propell himself off the ropes but Craig Kneeshaw reaches him & TRIPS HIM before he had a chance to get a move off! Good god, Plague turns around slightly chuckling.. Todd's face first on the canvas & Plagues up & DOWN! Huge knee right to the spine!
Fred Estridge: Well, it used to be a spine.. Now it's just a mess...
Peter Roberts: Todd's got his back arched.. He's in a hell of alot of pain right now & Plague drops another knee into his BACK! Good god almighty.. Plague grabs him by the arm & yanks him up to his feet... He twirls him around & whips him chest first into the turnbuckle.. Lee Todd bounces out slowly, i dont think he knows where he is... Plague grabs him, BRINGS HIM UP! It looks like he's setting up for the OUTBREAK! He lifts Todd up, but NO! Todd flips over Plague's BACK & GRABS HIS HEAD ON THE WAY DOWN OF THAT OUTBREAK BRAINBUSTER! Todd falls back with that rude awakening wannabe move, the F*CK YOU! GOOD GOD, what a REVERSAL!
one...
two...
three...
Peter Roberts: THATS IT! THATS IT! Plague's out cold & Todd will walk away with the victory in this outstanding matchup here tonight.. Good god almighty, that was incredible... I don't know how in the hell Todd's even WALKING, Plague looks a little dazed himself, but good god almighty, what a match.. We gotta turn you over to commercials for a second now.. Good god, good god...
Peter Roberts: ...and we are back after that exciting commercial break..
(Come out & Play suddenly begins to play over the firkntron as Tumbler comes up on the firkntron with a big smile on his face & two belts, one on each shoulder...)
Tumbler: Hey PLAGUE... You want my title don't you?! You think you EARNED THIS TITLE!? Well then, meet me at the RING right now.. I'm on my WAY!
(...Almost instantly Plague steps out to an enormous obvation...)
Peter Roberts: I've got a bad feeling about this one...
(Plague looks around & then Come Out & Play begins to blast.. Plague towards the firkntron & awaits Tumbler, but from the audience.. Tumbler hops the rail with a chair...)
Peter Roberts: What in the HELL IS THIS?! God DAMMIT NO! Tumbler RACES in from behind PLAGUE & CRACK! He just smoked him right in the damned BACK & Plague is down! Plague is DOWN! OH! Tumbler now digs that damned chair into the ribs of the Plague! Good god almighty, this is a cheap shot if i've ever seen one! OH! Another cramming of the chair into Plague... good god! Good god, Tumbler now tosses the chair aside, belting some poor fan in the head with it... WHAM...
Fred Estridge: Plague's kind of dumb.. I mean, DUH.
Peter Roberts: ...Tumbler's just pulled something from behind the entrance se... NO! It's a GAS CAN! GOOD GOD NO! We've seen enough fires in FHW for too long dammit! You know how many FHWers have been sent to the hospital for second degree burns DAMMIT?! 15!!! Do you know how BAD that is god dammit NO!? He's pouring the damned gas all over Plague.. Plague's trying to get up but Tumbler holds a boot across his throat, choking the life out of him...
Fred Estridge: This is great, we're gonna have a bonfire! I'll go buy some marshmellows!
Peter Roberts: ..If Tumbles does this, Plague's gonna be a damned marshmellow, NO! Tumbles has got A DAMNED LIGHTER & DROPS IT! HE DROPS IT & Plague has just BURST OUT into FLAMES! Good god! Good god! Tumbler is walking away, he's got a DAMNED SMILE ON HIS FACE! When is it going to end god dammit Tumbler?! when the HELL WILL IT END?!
Fred Estridge: Hopefully not before we get some weiners on the grill & drink back a cold one...
Peter Roberts: JESUS... FINALLY, the FHW Fire Patrol has arrived & they are putting out the fire of Plague... Dammit, that was bloody atrocious, Atrocious... there loading Plague on a stretcher now & carrying him out, the fans are chanting...
[...PLAGUE...PLAGUE...PLAGUE...]
Peter Roberts: ...he's formed quite a fan base since his arrival to the FHW & with him fighting someone like Tumbler, it's without doubt that he deserves the recognition! This is unbelievable! Folks, what a night this has been! It's been helatious to say the least & a HALF.. It's been a bloodbath! Hell in a handbasket!
Fred Estridge: A biscuit of FUN!
[Peter just blinks...]
Peter Roberts: ...errr right, and we still have glorious action to come at you! ...Coming up, the Tumbler faces off against Jonas Prophet in what should be called a very VERY interesting matchup...
(The lights go out and a spotlight shines on the entry way representing a light of god. Bad Religion by Godsmack begins to play and after several moments of no Prophet, begin to quieten their ovation. Suddenly and as if on cue, Jonas Prophet steps out from behind the curtain as the song slows to a sermon. Dressed entirely in black signifying his brotherhood as well as his white collar, Prophet walks slowly to the ring with the holy bible held out to his side. "Ladies & Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall with a fifteen minute time limit. Currently making his way to the ring, weighing in at 300lbs and standing 6'6" tall...he is a man of the cloth and a representative of the Lord...he is the MINISTER OF PAIN... he is...JONAS PROPHET!" Prophet slowly enters the ring. He makes his way to the center of the ring, kneels and says a short prayer,and then sits up, awaiting his opponent)
(Without warning, Come Out and Play by the Offspring kicks in over the firk'n speakers. The crowd rains down a torrent of hisses and boos as Tumbler, er... the midgit version of Tumbler, the youngest member of the malevolent U.K. Crew peeks his head out from behind the curtains. Five rows of red pyro's fire up in front of him, blasting off into the air. After the smoke clears, Midgit Tumbler fully emerges from behind the curtain with his infamous broomstick held high in the air, as well as the Hardcore and Lightweight Championship belts strapped around his waist. The crowd works itself into a frenzy of hate as the midgit version of the hit-and-run artist Tumbler makes his way down to the ring. Instead of normally jawing the fans, he holds out both of his arms and salutes the fans with his middle fingers, all the while approaching the ring. Before jumping up onto the apron, Midgit Tumbler removes his ill-gotten championship belts and tosses them to a stage hand. The midgit Tumbler jumps onto the apron with agility and steps into the ring holding up his broomstick one more time. "...And his opponent, hailing from Darlington, England...weighing in at 230lbs and standing 6'2"tall...he is member of the notorious U.K. Crew...he is...TUMBLER!" The crowd boos even louder as he gives a courteous bow... The bell rings...)
Peter Roberts: ...and it would seem as though Jonas looks a little confused right now... The midgit runs at him & he just basically steps on the midgits head with a vile kick to the face, the midgit falls flat on hi... GOOD GOD! LOOK! LOOK!
Fred Estridge: HOLY NUTCASE!
(...from the roof yielding a sledgehammer.. Tumbler fly's down on a bungee cord & Swings it into the Prophet's back...)
Peter Roberts: GOOD GOD! GOOD GOd.. Tumbler chops the cord & gets back to the ring! This is uncanny! Jonas is barely moving & Tumbler charges in with a big knee to the sternum... That midgit has dived out of the ring.. Tumbles now whips him across the ropes.. Jonas comes back & KITCHEN SINK! Ouch almighty...
Fred Estridge: Guess you can't say everythings here except the kitchen sink.. hyuk...
Peter Roberts: Yeah, good one Fred... Jonas now lifted to his feet by Tumbler..
Peter Roberts: ...Jonas is up & GOOD GOD! He just levelled Tumbler with a CLOTHESLINE as he arose from his "courteous bow" to the public! I don't think that I've ever seen somebody deliver such a vicious clothesline during my entire career! Tumbler is lucky to be alive!
Fred Estridge: Not only that, but I'd say that he's lucky enough to still have a head connected to his body.
Peter Roberts: Prophet is continuing the assault. He's got Tumbler up...and he floors him another CLOTHESLINE! Two vicious clotheslines by the Prophet and Tumbler doesn't look to good. Prophet helps Tumbler up as he grabs a handful of his hair and sends him across the ring with an IRISH WHIP. Tumbler bounces off of the ropes and is met with an amazing DROPKICK by Prophet!
Fred Estridge: Yeah, and Tumbler tumbles like a drunkard out of the ring and lands hard on the concrete surface.
Peter Roberts: Prophet isn't showing much ring savy here...he's celebrating in the middle of ring by pointing up to the ceiling.
Fred Estridge: Why can't Prophet celebrate Petey? That's the first time that the religious lard ass has ever been able to land a half decent dropkick. I propose a toast...to the giant lard ass dressed like a stupid son of a b...
Peter Roberts: God Damn it Fred! He's a man of the cloth...leave him alone! Jesus Christ, some people...
Fred Estridge: Heh Heh...
Peter Roberts: What's with you blasphemer?
Fred Estridge: you took the Lord's name in vain. Prophet's going to be mighty pissed after I show him this tape.
Peter Roberts: Don't you dare, Fred.
Fred Estridge: Oh puh-lease Petey. Your ass is going to be in a sling.
Peter Roberts: Fred...I...said...don't...you...even...dare...I'm serious. Dead serious.
Fred Estridge: Whoah Old Yeller...put that foam back in your mouth. Are you going rabid on me?
Peter Roberts: Tell me...why shouldn't I?
Fred Estridge: Uh...
Peter Roberts: What do you think the only thing is that has kept me from ripping you a new asshole. What do you think it is that keeps me here putting up with all of the sh*t you spew week after week?
Fred Estridge: Umm...
Peter Roberts: Exactly Fred...you haven't a thing to say because the guys in the back feeding you your lines can't scrape up enough numbers in the I.Q. department to think of something witty to say. They haven't a mother f*cking clue of how to respond to me. Stop being such a tool Fred.
Fred Estridge: Uh...isn't there a match to call?
Peter Roberts: Do it yourself jackass...I'm going to go for a walk.
Fred Estridge: Uh...can you bring me back a Coke?
Peter Roberts: Blow me.
[Peter Roberts arises from his seat beside Fred, removes his headset, and storms off, disappearing into the back...]
Fred Estridge: Uh...I don't think I like angry Pete. Meek Pete is much more fun to push around. Well, since it doesn't look like he's coming back, I guess that I should earn my money and call this match.
Fred Estridge: Both men are brawling on the outside, exchanging lefts and rights. Prophet, with the height and wieght advantage seems to have the advantage over the smaller Tumbler. Prophet with a quick knee to Tumbler's midsection and Tumbler falls backwards against the barricade. Prophet slides back into the ring, runs at the far ropes, bounces off and hits Tumbler as he was trying to re-enter the ring with a BASEBALL SLIDE!
Fred Estridge: Prophet is back up in the ring, and he's positioned himself by the far turnbuckle...it looks like he's waiting for Tumbler to get back up. Tumbler is taking his sweet time gathering his bearings...wait no! Tumbler is reaching under the ring and I don't think that Prophet knows...Tumbler is up to one knee...it looks like he might be holding onto something under the ring, but I can't see what it is. Prophet sees Tumbler's stirring as a sign and charges at him...Prophet through the second and third ropes with a SUICIDE DIVE, but...OH MY...uhh...OH MY DOG!
Fred Estridge: Tumbler was playing possum all along. Tumbler just broke a mop handle over Prophet's head as he flew out of the ring! Tumbler is a genius! Prophet is bleeding badly, which is good...dogdammit, it's about time some blood started to flow. Tumbler is going back under the ring for some more toys...he tosses out a kendo stick...a vacuum cleaner...and a mop bucket. Tumbler throws all of the toys into the ring and turns his attention back to the downed Prophet.
Fred Estridge: Tumbler grabs him by his ears and helps him up to his feet...BITCH SLAP by Tumbler! Prophet looks groggy...Tumbler with a KNIFE EDGE CHOP...and another...and another. Tumbler is backing Prophet up into the iron turnbuckle post. Tumbler winds up emphatically and delivers a HAYMAKER...but he misses and smashes his hand against the unforgiving metal of the iron post! Prophet drops to one knee and delivers a devestating LOW BLOW to Tumbler! The Minister clears his bloody face with his hand and punks out Tumbler, shoving him backwards.
Fred Estridge: Prophet locks up Tumbler and drops him on the concrete with a DDT! Prophet picks Tumbler up by the hair, hoists him up, and slams him back onto the hard concrete with a BODYSLAM. Prophet mounts the grounded Tumbler and begins to lay in the beats on his forehead. Prophet is mercilessly beating on Tumbler's brow...and Tumbler has been opened up! There may still yet be hope for this messenger of Dog!
[Peter Roberts passes through the curtains & comes back down...]
Peter Roberts: Did you miss me?
Fred Estridge: Aah! Where'd you come from?
Peter Roberts: The back, of course. Great match we've got here. Jonas has really turned things around and is taking out his frustrations on Tumbler.
Fred Estridge: Uh...are you still mad?
Peter Roberts: Nope...that's water under the bridge...partner.
Fred Estridge: Man, I could hug you...but I won't. I know that you might take it as me hitting on you, and I don't want you get your gay hopes up.
Peter Roberts: Prophet picks the bloody form of Tumbler up and tosses him into the ring. Prophet follows him in and delivers a hard stomp to Tumbler's head. Prophet helps Tumbler up once again...and what's he doing?
Fred Estridge: The man of Dog is putting the mop bucket on Tumbler's head!
Peter Roberts: Prophet has got the kendo stick now...he's levelled the stick with Tumbler's head...he's sizing him up...WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!
Fred Estridge: Big Min just cracked that kendo stick over Tumbler's bucket head four times...but I have to ask...what good did that do?
Peter Roberts: Undoubtedly, Tumbler's head must be hurting.
Fred Estridge: Why? He's got a mop bucket on his head! I bet the smell inside that mop bucket is hurting Tumble-ina more than that kendo stick did.
Peter Roberts: You're right! Tumbler just tossed the mop bucket off of his head and is looking at Prophet as if he's stupid. He's just glaring at Prophet and shaking his sore hand out. He doesn't even look phased! It looks like Prophet has finally realized his mistake...
Fred Estridge: It took the lummox long enough.
Peter Roberts: He's winding up with the kendo stick for another shot...but he doesn't even get a chance to deliver.
Fred Estridge: Tumbler just delivered a swift boot to Big Min's nutsicles!
Peter Roberts: And Prophet has collapsed in a heap. He's holding onto his genital area...look at his face...you can see the pain etched upon his bloody face.
Fred Estridge: It's not like he's going to use them. Hasn't he taken a vow of celibacy or something?
Peter Roberts: What's Tumbler doing now...he's got the vacuum cleaner and he's repositioning it in the center of the ring. Tumbler goes back over to Prophet and helps him up....only to drop him back down to the mat with a SINGLE ARM DDT!
Fred Estridge: Talk about adding insult to injury.
Peter Roberts: Tumbler is back up and once again he's helping Prophet up...he scoops him up for a body slam and...Oh my God! Tumbler just dropped Jonas Prophet's head onto the vacuum cleaner!
Fred Estridge: HOOVER DRIVER! HOOVER DRIVER! Tumbler just hit the HOOVER DRIVER on Big Min!
Peter Roberts: Cute. Tumbler is back up and he's crossing the ring. He's climbing up the turnbuckle to the top...he leaps off and lands on Prophet with a SOMERSAULT LEG DROP!
Fred Estridge: That was the TERRIBLE TUMBLE! First the HOOVER DRIVER, and then the TERRIBLE TUMBLE! What's next?
Peter Estridge: Tumbler is up once again and he's trying to pull Jonas to his feet.
Fred Estridge: Prophet doesn't look like anything more than dead weight in Tumbler's arms.
Peter Estridge: What's he going to do now? ..
Peter Roberts: Fred... I think something weird just happened?
Fred Estridge: eh?
Peter Roberts: Look at our names above.. I think Marm was drunk when he wrote this one...
[...Fred Estridge nods...]
Peter Roberts: ...Tumble now lifts Jonas up... and PLANTS HIM! Snapping his neck on the CANVAS with a DDT! tumbler rolls over on him & goes for the pinfall...
one...
two...
three...
Peter Roberts: HE GOT HIM! HE GOT HIM! Jonas will unfortunatly be cost another loss on his sheet, but he got hit with a damned SLEDGEHAMMER! ...and a DAMNED VACUME CLEANER for gods SAKE! This is rediculous! Absolutly rediculous!
Fred Estridge: This is CLASSY!
Peter Roberts: Tumbles grabs his two belts & runs to the bac... WAIT A MINUTE! Plague just ran out & CLOTHESLINED Tumbler ALL TO HELL! He just NAILED HIM DOWN ENTIRELY! Good god almighty.. Plague lifts him up & PLANTS HIM with a Pull back PILEDRIVER! GOOD GOD! Tumblers busted all to hell! Plague's pulling him up again... and WHAM! Pump-handle SLAM on the damned entrance ramp! All I can say in reply to that, is OW. Plague reaches down for his hardcore title but NO! NO! Tumbler with a LOW BLOW! Tumbler with a LOW BLOW sending Plague to his knee's!
Fred Estridge: ...a familiar position i'm sure...
Peter Roberts: ...Tumble grabs his two belts & walk confidently back up... NO! THE INSOMNIAC IS HERE! THE INSOMNIAC IS HERE & JUST SMOKED tumbler with a DAMNED CHAIR... Tumbles falls back unconscious & NOW HERE COMES LEE F'N TODD & STU PRICE! They double clothesline the Insomniac down HARD! Good god almighty.. Good god almighty... Lee grabs the belts & Stu pulls Tumbler away back toward the entrance way... Plague is slowly starting to get up.. He looks down at Insomniac & then back up toward the entrance way... Good god almighty... Tumbler SOMEHOW managed to get away... He's bloody as hell mind you, but he's a marked man...
Fred Estridge: He's barely a man...
Peter Roberts: ...Good god, what an unbelievable turn of events here tonight... We'll be right back after this commercial...
Peter Roberts: ...and we're back after that wonderfull commercial break & the firkntron has just lighten up...
(..We look up at the firkntron to see a scene of Avalanch pushing back a hot coffee, slowly walking down a corridor... We see as Lee Todd pases him...)
Lee Todd: Hey buddy, nice to see you, no hard feelings dude. Nice hat by the way...
(Avalanch looks at him, a little bit confused.. Lee holds out his hand as if to shake it... Avalanch is a little suspicious but offers his hand.. Lee puts his hand in & THEN SPEARS Avalanch down against the floor! ...Spilling hot coffeee against himself! Lee pulls him up & Hits the F*CK YOU. He grabs 'Lanch's hat & calmly puts it on... As he walks away he speaks...)
Lee Todd: Really nice cap...
(The firkntron fades to black...)
Peter Roberts: GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY, what is with that Damned UK CREW?! There gonna get marked by the ENTIRE Firk'n Hardcore Wrestling LEAGUE FOR GODS SAKE... This is nothing short of rediculous! Avalanch has a damned MATCH COMING UP NEXT & he just got cheap shotted by Todd... This is UNCANNY & UNCALLED FOR GOD DAMMIT! Somebody has GOT to do something about the damned UK Crew...
Fred Estridge: Cocsure is walking round the back, dissapointed
he didn't get a match on the card. Stu walks past him and shakes
his hand.
Stu: Hey, I truly feel sorry for you man, I tell ya what I'll
give you a shot.
Fred Estridge: Woah! Stu hits a stiff european uppercut and then
dives at him, nailing a thesz press and raining down fists on
him.
Peter Roberts: Bad news, here comes the rest of them, Tmblers got
a sledgehammer!
Fred Estridge: This is disgusting, Tumbler just hit JOBBER five
times with that damned hammer!
Peter Roberts: JOBBER is in real pain, this is bad - somebody get
security!
Fred Estridge: And what's going on now? Lee hits the F*CK U! F*CK
U on the concrete!
Peter Roberts: Stu is stood there laughing, holding his I.C belt.
He brings it up, and smashes it into the skull of JOBBER!
Fred Estridge: Damn them limey bastards! This is disgusting,
where are they taking him now?
Peter Roberts: There coming to the ring! They drag Johnny Cocsure
down to the ring, kicking and screaming!
Fred Estridge: What's this? Tumbler has a referee's jersey on!
Stu picks up JOBBER and nails a vicious Stun Cutter. Stu makes
the cover.
One...
Two...
Thr...
Peter Roberts: Sick bastard! He pulled JOBBER back up, he rolls
him out the ring. Lee takes him and rolls him onto the spanish
announce table.
Fred Estridge: No! Don't do it!! Tumbler comes off the top rope
and nails the Terrible Tumble through the table! They're broken
in half!
Peter Roberts: Stu picks up JOBBER and rolls him into the ring,
Lee throws a cup of water over Tumbler to wake him up. Stu picks
up JOBBER
Fred Estridge: Just finish it off damn it! Another Stun Cutter,
he makes the cover.
One...
Two...
Three...
Fred Estridge: Geez, that was impressive stuff from our great I.C
champion!
Peter Roberts: Fred, something weird's going on tonight...
Fred Estridge: Why do you say that?
Peter Roberts: Well, first.. I had your last name for a little while, and just now in that segment... You were talking with my personality.. It was creepy!
Fred Estridge: YEAH! I know.. Normally i'de be bashing on someone, but this time I was commentating! Must be Friday the 13th or something! I dunno!
Peter Roberts: Good god almi... NOW WHAT?!
(...Pretty fly for a White Guy begins to blast over the firkntron as President Scot Lamont steps out... The fans actually cheer for him...)
Peter Roberts: What in the hell is he doing here?!
Fred Estridge: ...he's god, he can do whatever he wants, whenever he pleases...
(...He walks out toward the ring & slides in with the mic.. He lets the crowd settle down & begins to speak...)
Scot Lamont: Ladies & Gentlemen, I just wanted to come here & tell you how great things are going with your GOD back in charge... No more Presidents wielding shotguns... No more Brown jokes... Just a KICKASS President Lamont doing his job as he should... Anyways... I just hired some new staff & I thought I would let you in on 'em...
Peter Roberts: New staff? What the hell?! We've run without a staff for 3 years now!
Scot Lamont: ...First of all, i'de like to introduce our four REFF's... Firstly, the very UNFAIR.. The very BIAS... Tyro Ronnie! ...Secondly, a man who will let you do absolutly ANYTHING you want... Garry Petersen. Third, a man that wont let you get away with ANYTHING... However, a very un-attentive man... He is Snide Williams! ...Lastly, the main reff... Michael Jacob.. The Amish Reff. ...Thats it for now folks, just wanted to let you know that some matches might be a little more interesting.. In fact, one of the first reff's for FHW will be premiering in the match following... Garry Petersen. Let's hope he does a good job huh?
(He grins & makes his way out of the ring...)
Peter Roberts: New reff's?! What was wrong with the ones we had before?!
Fred Estridge: They didn't have personality.
Peter Roberts: ...This could be a unique thing for Firk'n Hardcore Wrestling & things could very well change very easily, but i guess we'll have to wait & see... Good god folks, what a night... Coming up next now... Avalanch puts his ONLINE title on the LINE... He's giving McCrakken the shot of his life & this should be extraordinary..
(Before anything... Garry Petersen, the reff for tonights match slowly walks towards the ring...)
("Ladies and gentlemen..." Push It by Static X hits the airwaves and from out of behind the curtains walks Avalanch. The towering monster storms his way to the ring, flipping off the fans as he progresses. ("... making his way down to the ring, standing at 7'2" and weighing in at 475 lbs, from Chicago, Illinois, he is the epitome of devestation untamed, he is the ONLINE CHAMPION... He is AVALANCH!!!") The fans goe absolutly nuts as he steps into the ring slowly.. He pressence deffinatly not missed.. He raises his arms into the air & then smashes them down as blue pyro's blast off from all four corners of the ring... He stands in the center of the ring awaiting his opponent...)
(The lights go out. Three blue pyros go off one after the other on the stage. "He's Got Game" by P.E. starts to play. The lights around the arena start to flash blue. Abig eplosion is heard once more and there stands John McCraken. He struts to the ring, a grin on hsi face, a look of over confidence. He slides under the rope and goes to the top rope as the fans cheer "...and the challenger, currently entering the ring hailing in from Death Valley, Nevada.. He weighs in at 6'2" & weighs in at 224lbs... He is JOHN MCCRAKKEN!!!" ...The fans roar there approval... The bell rings...)
Peter Roberts: ...and it looks as though this one is on, and what a dandy it should be... McCrakken deffinatly the smaller of the two men... He's circling Avalanch right now.. I don't think he knows what he's gotten himself into.. Petersen's in the middle of these two men & signals them to start... McCrakken's looking a little frightened...
Fred Estridge: I can't understand, i mean.. 'Lanch is only almost TWICE THE SIZE OF HIM 'n all...
Peter Roberts: OH! McCrakken with a quick shot to the ribs, another! Anot... NO! 'Lanch grabs his head, brings it forward & SNAPS IT BACK! He hurles McCrakken back to the canvas, and I mean... HARD... I think he bloody winded McCrakken there with that damned assault... Avalanch grabs him by the back of the head & pulls him back up to his feet.. He throws McCrakken across the ropes & then rips him a new one with a bloody boot to the FACE! GOOD GOD! his foot IS AS BIG as McCrakkens damned FACE, if not BIGGER...
Fred Estridge: Well, the way it just pancaked McCrakkens face, it's probably the same size now...
Peter Roberts: ...Lanch with the vertical press already...
on...
Peter Roberts: Good god, not even a damned one count... 'Lanch is slowly getting up & pulling McCrakken back up to his feet by the back of the neck.. OH! McCrakken with a series of punches to the abdomen of the big man... McCrakken throws himself off of the ropes & comes back with a shoulderblock which staggers the big man... 'McCrakken's off of the ropes again with a clothesline! Once again he staggers the big man back some...
Fred Estridge: ...at this rate, he'll knock him down next week sometime, or when 'Lanch falls asleep from boredom...
Peter Roberts: ..johnny's off the ropes again & flys in with a shoulderblock & THAT BARELY PHASED the Avalanch! Good god.. McCrakken's back up & he doesn't know what to do! He runs up & knee's 'Lanch right in the chest but 'Lanch just pushes him off... McCrakken goes for a standing side kick but it barely even hurts Avalanch... 'Lanch is a damned OGRE... He takes another kick by McCrakken & it looks as though he's feddup, he grabs McCrakken as he goes for a third boot & then whips him across the ropes... McCrakken comes back with a high cross body bl... NO! He dives right into Avalanch's arms & Avalanch brings him down with a RIB BREAKER! Good god! He slams McCrakken's damned RIBS on his damned KNEE!
Fred Estridge: Oh well, it's for the best.. Keep McCrakken from wrestling, help us all...
Peter Roberts: ...Lanch is lifting McCrakken up by the arm now & tosses him into the rope.. McCrakken comes flying back into 'Lanch's arms who heaves him up, and tilt-a-whirl side-SLAM! Yeouch! McCrakken's gonna be feeling that one come winter... Avalanch now puts the boots to McCrakkens THROAT! McCrakken's screaming & kicking like a dying man!
Fred Estridge: I think I like this reff! He's just pretending not to see it! Baha, I love it!
Peter Roberts: Petersen not being too agressive here... 'Lanch lets go of the throat of McCrakken & pulls him up by the arm.. 'Lanch rips into him with a shoulder block... Avalanch now tosses him into the ropes... GOOD GOD! Lanch in the corner with an... Well, ironically.. an AVALANCH! ...or a body splash... GOOD OGD, he just SQUISHED poor Johnny boy down to size... McCrakken wobbles out of the corner into Lanch's arms who HEAVE HIM UP... GOOD GOD.. WAY UP! He's got him in a powerslam position, and now.. Now he's PRESSING McCrakken! GOOD GOD! He's pressing 224lbs here with EASE.. He finally lets McCrakken down HARD onto the canvas...
Fred Estridge: So far a very even matchup...
Peter Roberts: Yea... ERR, what the HELL are you talking about?! ...Which match are you watching!? ..McCrakken is being physically dominated... 'Lanch is pulling him up to his feet... OH! He knee's him into the chest before throwing him against the ropes once 'gain... McCrakken comes flying back as Avalanch picks him up off of the canvas... TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER! Tilt-a-whirl BACKBREAKER! Good god almighty, what athletisism by the big man, he puts McCrakken to sleep with that one & now Avalanch with a lateral press...
one...
two...
thre...
Peter Roberts: BY GOD! He kicks out! I don't know how in the hell he managed to do it, but McCrakken kicked OUT! 'Lanch doesn't look as though he can believe it himself.. He's grabbing McCrakken up by the hair... Avlananch goes to try to whip him across the ropes but Johnny REVERSES! He sends Avalanch against the ropes but NO! Avalanch grabs them before flying back & Johnny see's this! He runs at Avalanch with a head full of STEAM! He goes for a clothesline but the FHW Giant READS IT & back body drops McCrakken over the DAMNED ROPES! Good god, McCrakken lands right on his own DAMNED SPINE! Good god almighty... McCrakken's arching his back & it looks as though he may have hurt something... Avalanch awaits his opponent from the inside of the ring, he's got his arms folded...
Fred Estridge: 'Lanch is gonna rip McCrakken's limbs off! I know it!
Peter Roberts: He's gotten pretty damned close so far... McCrakken's not even moving.. Petersen looks down at him making sure he's... Well, breathing... Johnny's been through hell since the PPV, but he's here for a fight... well, sort of... He's still not moving very fast, but at least we know he's alive now...
Fred Estridge: Moving?! He's more or less.. Twitching if you ask me... should the miserable little bug get up, he's just gonna get destroyed... He should crawl into the ring & tap for no reason...
Peter Roberts: ..Well, he's actuallying beginning to get back up now... He's slowly pushing up off of the concr... What the HELL?! He just grabbed A CHAIR FROM UNDERNEATH THE RING... 'Lanch doesn't see it as he looks down & THWACK! Good god, McCrakken cracks him GOOD across the SKULL.. Man oh MAN... McCrakken slides into the ring but the FHW giant is STILL STANDING! I don't know how in the hell he's doing it, but damned if he wasn't.. He's STILL STANDING.. He's got an open wound across his forehead.. McCrakken grabs that chair & RAMS it into the chest of the big man... and now winds up & THAT DROPS HIM! THWACK! He swung that thing like a BAT right into the forehead of Avalanch & 'Lanch is bleeding like nothing...
Fred Estridge: I didn't know nothing could bleed...
Peter Roberts: McCrakken now grabs the legs of 'Lanch.. and RIP! GOOD GOD! Make a WISH, a big legsplitter there & 'Lanch is holding his crotch in pain.. He pulls himself to the corner & sits up but HERE COMES JOHNNY! He runs in & DROPKICK to the face of 'Lanch right against the damned TURNBUCKLE... Good god almighty.. 'Lanch is bleeding but GOOD... McCrakken runs over by him & begins to slowly pull him up by the arm... McCrakken grabs him... He's got his face in a front-face lock.. He hops up on the turnbuckle & STOrms down with a TORNADO DDT from the turnbuckle & sends 'Lanch flying down on his own damned HEAD...
Fred Estridge: Big oaf can't feel head injury's.. He's brainless!
Peter Roberts: McCrakken now with a face stretch... He puts both feet on 'Lanch's face & steps on it.. Petersen's letting this all go down...
Fred Estridge: ..Me think I like this reff...
Peter Roberts: ...McCrakken now grabs that chair & sits it down in the middle of the ring... He pulls Avalanch up in the corner & sets him up standing.. McCrakken backs away & takes a running START.. He hops up on the chair & then off of the chair with a SAVANT KICK! He nails 'Lanch right across the damned THROAT & sends him falling FACE FIRST ON THE DAMNED CHAIR! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! GOOD GOD! 'Lanch is busted open like Fred's mother...
Fred Estridge: HEY!
Peter Roberts: ..I was refering to her C-section fred...
Fred Estridge: Oh.
Peter Roberts: ...McCrakken now climbing to the top-rope... He's signalling & LEAPS with a frog SPLASH! GOOD GOD, what AIR TIME! He comes thundering do... NO! 'Lanch grabs that chair & holds it in the air & McCrakken lands CHEST FIRST ONTO IT.. The chair falls back NARROWLY missing 'Lanch & McCrakken falls loosely to the canvas... Avalanch sits back up & grabs McCrakken up... He'S CINCHING HIM UP WITH A POWERBO... NO! NO! McCrakken reverses it into a hurricanrana! Good god almighty, he brings 'Lanch down so that his back lands on that damned CHAIR.. McCrakken now off the ropes with a springboard moonsault! HE LANDS IT & pulls up the HUGE leg of the Avalanch, this COULD BE IT...
one...
two...
thr...
Peter Roberts: I don't believe it!
Fred Estridge: I do.
Peter Roberts: ...SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY Avalanch has KICKED OUT of that one... This is atrocious this one.. McCrakken can't believe it himself, he express's his feelings toward the reff & then walks by him... 'Lanch uses the ropes to get back to his feet & now McCrakken grabs that damned CHAIR.. What in the HELL is he doing?!
Fred Estridge: Getting HARDCORE!
Peter Roberts: ...MCCrakken is placing that damned chair between the ropes of the second & first buckle... He turns around & SPEAR! SPEAR! SPEAR! GOOD GOD! Avalanch comes out of NO WHERE & WHAT INTENSITY! HE BLASTS INTO McCrakken with a SPEAR right against that damned CHAIR! OUCH IS ALL I CAN SAY! He CRUSHED McCrakken's BACK against the chair & that chair has folded right in damned HALF... Avalanch pulls himself out of the corner & drags McCrakken out into the middle of the ring, he then puts on the vertical press...
one...
two...
three...
Fred Estridge: YES!
Peter Roberts: NO! GOOD GOD! NO! NO! NO! The reff is SAYING NO! It was only a two COUNT! I don't believe this & Avalanch is in the reff's FACE! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY... McCrakken is getting up slowly but surely, this might be a mistake on 'Lanch's part... McCrakkens with a DROPKICK across 'Lanch's back sending him splashing the reff against the CORNER! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! OUCH! OUCH! Avalanch turns around & McCrakken nails him with a low blow & THEN PLANTS HIM WITH A DDT! Good god almighty.. McCrakken rolls over his body & turns on the HEAT! THE HEAT IS ON FOLKS! Good god, McCrakken's got that lion tamer style move on Avalanch & LANCH IS TAPPING! 'LANCH IS TAPPING GOD DAMMIT, but the reff is STILL OUT... Good god almighty...
Fred Estridge: I don't think i've ever seen 'Lanch tap before...
Peter Roberts: ...I can't believe it myself, but the reff can't see it... He's slowly starting to get back up... FINALLY 'Lanch reaches out & grabs the ropes in the knick of time as the reff turns around & tells McCrakken to break the hold, but McCrakken's NOT breaking the hold.. He's got it cinched in TIGHT... Petersen's trying to pull him away but McCrakken will NOT LET GO... GOOD GOD! 'Lannch is SCREAMING At the top of his lungs! He could be getting his leg permanently injured! Petersen's CALLING FOR THE BELL! He's calling for the BELL! The Bell is RINGING! THE BELL IS RINGING & John McCrakken has been DISQUALIFIED!
Fred Estridge: Silly kid.
Peter Roberts: ...McCrakken doesn't look like he CARES! He still got the Heat cinched in! Good god, he's got it in tight... He's lost it AGAIN.. This happened at the damned PPV & it's happening now! The match is over, he's been disqualified... Petersen is STRUGGLING To pull him off, but NO! Johnny just elbows the reff down to the canvas.. These damned reff's need to get into shape here.. McCrakken is NOT LETTING GO OF THAT HOLD & Avalanch has PASSED OUT... WAIT! Insomniac just dove into the ring.. McCrakken see's him & lets go of Avalanch.. Insomniac runs at him with a clothesline, but NO! McCrakken DUCKS, gets around Insomniac & PLUGS HIS LEGS DOWN with another HEAT! Good god, now he's got Insomniac in the HEAT!
Fred Estridge: Baha, now Insomniac is tapping!
Peter Roberts: Good go... OH! Avalanch is BACK UP & CLOTHESLINES McCrakken off of Insomniac & HARD... 'Lanch slides out of the ring & pulls Insomniac out.. Insomniac & Avalanch are making there way back up the rampway.. Good god, McCrakken's an untamed BEAST these days & Avalanch is walking away with one HELL OF A LIMP... Good god almighty, good god almighty... Unbelievable folks.. Absolutly unbelievable. Good god. Good god.
Fred Estridge: Sheesh, what a nighty.. McCrakken's gotta hit the asylum soon..
Peter Roberts: He may very well do that... That HEAT seems to get deadlier & dealier each time he uses it.. He really ranks back on the back with that one... It's surprising how he can keep the largest of men down, and Insomniac & McCrakken don't seem finnish with each other... Good god almighty, what a match. What a damned fine match. ...Good god, and we still have one to GO...
(We look up at the firkntron which just got lit up... We see the UK Crew entering there locker room & finding another celtic cross... Lee pulls a note off of it...)
Stu: Whats it say?
Lee F'n Todd: ...We are everywhere?
Tumbler: LAME.
(...Lee scrumples the paper into a little ball & laughs it off... He then opens the door to the locker room where we see Seamus O'Reilly holding what looks like a sniper rifle right on Lee's head... Lee backs away slowly & his eyes widen...)
Peter Roberts: WHAT IN THE HELL?!
(...We hear a sudden gunshot & then the scene fades to static...)
Peter Roberts: What in the HELL JUST HAPPENED?! what in the DAMNED HELL JUST HAPPENED GOD DAMMIT?!
Fred Estridge: You don't think...
Peter Roberts: ...he wouldn't have... NO! It's not POSSIBLE DAMMIT! WE'VE got a camera crew going there as fast as possi... THERE!
(...The firkntron lights up again showing Lee todd whiping some red off of his new hat...)
Lee F'n Todd: What the f*ck?
Tumbler: Thank god it was only a paintball gun...
(Scene fades...)
Peter Roberts: THANK GOD IS RIGHT. We need some settling down in the FHW here.. Things are getting completly out of control! Lee could have been shot god dammit! THE U.K. Crew has another man on there hit list! That's about 60 wrestlers against them now! Good god! I don't think this one's gonna be over for a long... long time.. Unbelievable... Folks, we gotta cut to our last match of the evening & hopefully, no fires, no gunshots.. Just one hell of a wrestling match but we're gonna have to wait & see... Good god... Good god... Good god.. Flashback & Archangel are teaming up against Demon & Insomniac.. It's gonna be a slobber knocker...
Peter Roberts: ...welcome back folks, and man.. What a great couple of weeks it's been 'thus far... ...and it comes up to this clamatic ending to tonights card.. Let's take a look at last weeks happenings...
[clip]
Peter Roberts: That seemed like an awfully slow count... Tremere's up & he's in the face of the reff... and what the HELL?! Flashback just dove into the ring behind the reff's back.. Shinji hits the ring to meet him but.. He grabs Shinji with an upper-body airplane SPIN into a Death Valley DRIVER! GOOD GOD, the VERTIGO! THE VERTIGO! ..Wait, what the HELL?! NO! NO! Flashback's pulling Shinji up once again... He pulls him up to his feet, and DROPS WITH A BRAINBUSTER THROUGH THAT TABLE IN THE CORNER! Holy JESUS MURPHY ALMIGHTY GOD! Flashback rolls out of the ring now... Tremere's STILL being blocked by the reff who shoves him into the corner, and then dives to the canvas as Archangel covers Shinji...
[clip]
Peter Roberts: Not SELLED! Tremere pulls the reff away before he could count to three.. Tremere's back up & SMACKS THE REFF! GOOD GOD... The reff falls down & then begins laughing.. Tremere can't put this one together, 'nor can anyone else... Archangel's back up & he looks down at the reff & WHAT THE HELL?! Look at HIS EYES! Look at his DAMNED EYES.. He can't believe what he see's... The reff is back up now.. Archangel powerbombs Shinji outside of the ring & the reff just took Tremere down with a spinebuster! GOOD GOD... The reff looks at archy & Archangel NODS?! Who in the HELL IS THAT REFF?!
Fred Estridge: Some schmuck
undoubtedly..
Peter Roberts: ...The reff climbs to the top-rope now & looks
down.. LEGDROP from the ... the TOP ROPE! THE DIRT NAP! THE DIRT
NAP! I RECOGNISE THAT MAN! I RECOGNISE THAT MAN! It's NICOLAUS
MCOWEN & Archangel just went for the cover!!!
one...
two...
three...
Peter Roberts: GOOD GOD! McOwens is BACK & him &
Archangel EMBRACE.. Flashback slides into the ring & him
& Archy stare each other down.. Archangel... EXTENDS A HAND
& Flashback GRABS IT! There shaking hands god dammit! There
shaking hands! I don't bloody believe this! This is incredible...
Shinji is BACK UP! Shinji is back up! ..He picks up that chair
& THWACK! He nails Archangel right in the back, LEVELING him
back to the canvas & Demon just stepped over the ropes... He
grabs McOwen from behind... GOOD GOD! A thunderous electric CHAIR
DROP! He brings McOwens down right on his damned FACE!
Peter Roberts: Flashback pushes Demon into the corner & then runs in with a back elbow & Insomniac & Avalanch are running down to ringsid... who's that in the lost souls shir... JONATHON BRIGGS! IT's Jonathon BRIGGS DAMMIT! All three men dive into the ring & a rumble pursues & now Lee F'n Todd & Tumbler just came in from the audience.. Lee pulls Flashback out of the ring & drops him with a DDT.. Look up by the firkntron! Stu was about to run out & Scot Lamont & O'Reilly have teamed up against HIM! ALL HELL IS BREAKING LOOSE! ALL HELL IS BREAKING LOOSE! Is this just a PREVIEW OF STABLE WARS?! God DAMMIT! GOD DAMMIT ALL!
Peter Roberts: ...so as you can see, this week is not to be overshadowed by last weeks event where McOwen made a dramatic comeback.. Flashback & Archangel joined hands.. It was a match to be talked about forever.. It was bloody unbelievable & that brings us to tonights main event where for the first time on National Television.. Flashback & Archangel will team up to face off against the Lost Souls.. Insomniac & Demon! ...This is gonna be a match for the ages folks, let me tell you.. Hardcore? It's more than likely...
Fred Estridge: I certainly hope so...
Peter Roberts: ...Well, lets get it over with...
(The reff Michael Jacob comes down to ringside...)
Peter Roberts: ...hope you all have you VCR's set folks.. This one's gonna be great...
(...Final Destination by NiN begins to sound throughout the arena and in the center of the ring the name FLASHBACK appears in green lights. "Ladies & Gentlemen, the following tag-team matchup is schedueled for ONE FALL... Currently making his way to ringside...Hailing in from Montreal, Canada... He weighs in at 245lbs & stands at 6'4"... He is the FHW WORLD CHAMPION...HE IS...FLASHBACK!!!" The crowd roars in approval at the mention of his name, and roars even louder as he walks from out of the back. Dressed in black and green, Flashback walks slowly down to the ring as the crowd continues cheering... He then slides into the ring...)
(...The lights go dim and Unforgiven II begins over the PA system. The crowd jumps to their feet in anticipation. As the music reaches its climactic tones, Archangel and Gabriel push the curtain aside and step out into the arena. They stand atop the ramp momentarily and look around at the thousands of cheering fans. A video of Archangel's greatest matches and title belts plays on the Firk'n Tron as he and Gabriel slowly walk to the ring. … "...and his partner, Currently entering the ring, the former IC Champion, the former WORLD champion, the former EVERYING champion, weighing in at 285lbs and standing at 6’7”, from Paradise, PA, ARCHANGEL!!!" Archangel makes his way into the ring, followed closely by Gabriel. Upon entering the ring, Archangel stands on the top turnbuckle, and stands there, his head thrown back and his arms outstreached. He then jumps backwards into the ring, takes off his signature black trenchcoat and hands that to Gabriel who sits it neatly onto a chair beside Peter Roberts The fans roar loudly...)
Peter Roberts: ...never has there been such a powerfull force since the days of Dre...
("One" flows through the PA system as red pyro and flames erupt from the stage. "Lost Souls" flashes across the Firk’n Tron as Demon emerges from behind the curtain. The crowd gives him a huge pop as he thrusts his hands into the air as flames burst once again from the stage. "...aand there opponents, first making his way toward ringside, weighing in at 280 pounds and standing a commanding 6’10"…he is the master of the Demon Driver…a Lost Soul…HE IS DEMON!!" Demon walks down the ramp to the ring and keeps a constant eye open as he awaits Insomniac...)
(Meet the Creeper begins to slowly start as Insomniac steps out from under the curtain in a very cryptic manner... He enters down the rampway slowly & looks on with a vicious sense of hate, he stares down Tragedy inside of the ring, blue & white pyro's flash as he raises his arms to the side & darts toward the ring, "...and his partner, Currently Coming to the ring, hailing in from the City that Never sleeps... He weighs in at 220lbs, and stands in at 5'10", he is part of a very powerfull stable known as the Lost Souls, he is former Hardcore Champion, Former Tag-Team Champion... The CURRENT Lightweight CHAMPION... An FHW LEGEND... HE IS THE INSOMNIAC!!!" ...The crowd roars in aproval & wait for the bell to ring... the bell rings...)
Peter Roberts: ...and this one is on! It's schedueled as a Tag tornado matchup meaning ALL FOUR MEN will be in the ring at once at ALL times... OH! Insomniac dives at Flashback & starts throwing in fists.. Archangel just whipped the Demon across the ropes & takes him down with a boot across the face.. He drops him like a ton of bricks.. Flashback just threw Insomniac into the corner & he's ripping down on him with a mudhole stomping for the likes i've never seen before.. Archangel's pulling Demon back up & Flashback grabs Insomniac, Archangel & Flashback work in coordination & whip Demon & Insomniac right into each other! GOOD GOD!
Fred Estridge: I think the good god is somebody that Demon & Insomniac want on there side...
Peter Roberts: Archangel & Flashback both grab Insomniac & whip him into the ropes, OH! Double BACKDROP! Good god, that probably just crushed the spine of the Sleepless one right there.. Flashbacks now pulling Demon up by the hair... OH! Fist to the gut, another! another.. Demon is hunched over, Flashback pushes him into Archangel who drops him like a ton of bricks with a violent DDT! The menevolent Flashback's now pulling Insomniac back up to his feet, he twirls him around & whips him into Archangel who heaves him up! GOOD GOD! ChokeLIFT! CHOKELIFT! Flashbacks up & DROPKICKS Insomniac while held up by the throat! Good god... Michael Jacob's warning Archangel about choking... The FHW phenom just ignores him & walks right by...
Fred Estridge: Shouldn't treat reff's that way...
Peter Roberts: Flashback's pulling Insomniac back up & OH! Bodyslams him overtop of the top-rope! Dammit.. Flashback now turns toward Archy who's got Demon back up & tosses him against the ropes... Archangel gets on all four's as Flashback runs at him, leaps overtop of Archy & takes Demon down with a spinning tornado DDT! Good god, what teamwork on the Legacy's SIDE! Flashback now pulling Demon's leg from under him & pulling him back toward the ring... He's holding him there as Archangel ascends to the top-rope... he's signallin... NO! Insomniac climbs up the apron from BEHIND ARCHANGEL & JUST BEFORE Archangel LEAPS... Insomniac BULLDOGS HIM FROM THE TOP-ROPE!
Fred Estridge: HOLY FREAKING DAMNED SH*T!
Peter Roberts: Demon moved out of the way just in time, i can't believe that Archy just got bulldogged to the canvas by the Sleepless one, that was absolutly atrocious... Flashback now pulling Demon up & whips him into the ropes... Insomniac runs in behind him as Demon clotheslines HIM! GOOD GOD! Insomniac SPEARS Flashback at the same time & Flashback just got double the momentum he didn't WANT! He just got a whole hell of alot of pain... Demon now grabs Flashback by the throat & pulls him to his feet & chucks him into the corner by the throat.. Insomniac's off the ropes with a springboard back elbow onto the broken down body of the FHW phenom...
Fred Estridge: Nice.
Peter Roberts: Demon's choking the life out of Flashback in the corner now..
one...
two...
three...
four...
Peter Roberts: He lets go & Flashback looks as though he's out of breath... Jacob is warning Demon now... Demon pushes him aside & heaves flashback up on the top-turnbuckle, using his shoulder for leverage... He sits Flashback up... Insomniac just pulled Archangel up & took him down with a rocker dropper! GOOD GOD! He drives Archangel's head into the canvas once again... Archangel lands NOSE FIRST DAMMIT! Demon off the top-rope with a TOP-ROPE DEATH VALLEY DRIVER & GOOD GOD! I don't think Flashback has a neck anymore!
Fred Estridge: A couple more of those & people are gonna think he's a juice monkey 'cause you know what they say right?
Peter Roberts: No, what?
Fred Estridge: People with no necks are steroid users! DUH! Look at 90% of our roster!
Peter Roberts: Oh god, shutup Fred... Demon's pulling Flashback back up & Insomniac just crashed Archangel's skull into the corner... Now Insomniac rakes the FHW phenoms eyes using the ropes.. Archangel turns around holding his eyes & Insomniac takes him OUT OF THE RING with a DROPKICK! Archangel falls through the ropes & plows down to the concrete below... Insomniac's now climbing to the top-rope as Demon pulls Flashback back up... He sets him up for a powerslam, but NO! Flashback hops out of it & gets behind Demon... GOOD GOD! He dropkicks him to the back sending him against the ropes & Insomniac just FLEW off the top-rope with a SWANTON BOMB & MISSED! DAMMIT, he MISSED! Archangel rolled out of the ring in the knick of time & Flashback just grabbed Demon off the rebound of that dropkick & drops him with a reverse DDT! He turns him over for the lateral press...
one...
tw...
Fred Estridge: WOW! Not even a two! Flashback must really be a wimp!
Peter Roberts: Good god almighty... Archangel's pulling Insomniac up now & sets his neck on the gaurdrail, and Archangel is choking the damned life out of him! Good god, he's squishing that adams apple like hell against the gaurdrail... Flashback's pulling Demon back up by the arm, He twists it around & SNAPS IT DOWN! Good god, Demon's hopping around in pain... Flashback pulls his arm back & NAILS HIM with a back heel kick to the side of the head! OUCH!
Fred Estridge: Flashback's really flexible, damned FREAK.
Peter Roberts: Demon didn't go down surprisingly after that one & now Flashback runs at him & Demon grips him along the way! CHOKESLAM! CHOKESLAM FROM HELL! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! CHOKESLAM FROM HELL! Demon lifts the leg of Flashback.. This could BE ALL!
one...
two...
t...
Peter Roberts: ...and good god, ALMOSt... Jacob's not even paying attention to the carnage on the outside of the ring as Archangel just threw Insomniac into the steel steps... Insomniac tumbles over them & lands back first... Insomniac's somehow pulling himself up... OH! Gabriel's behind him... Insomniac turns face to face with him & Gabriel puts his finger to his lips & GOES SHHHH...
[surprisingly, with that.. The entire audience goes SHHHHH...]
Peter Roberts: GOOD GOD! Insomniac's FROZEN THERE... Archangel comes in from behind, high fives Gabriel & then belly-to-back SUPLEX'S HIM ONTO THE STEAL STEPS! Good god almighty, he breaks Insomniacs damned HEAD OPEN WITH THAT ONE... OH! Demon just launched Flashback against the ropes & then catches him into a bearhug! GOOD GOD! He's applying pressure like nothing but Flashback breaks the hold with an earringer... Demon lets go instantly & Flashback runs at him with a quick back elbo... NO! Demon reads it, grabs Flashbacks underarms, FULL NELSON SLAM! Good god, he drops Flashback on his own backside!
Fred Estridge: That must have hurt, if not alot, then a little...
Peter Roberts: Demon's going for the cover again...
one...
two...
Peter Roberts: NO! A kickout at the two this time... Resilient bastard isn't he... This is atrocious... Archangel's got Insomniac setup now & TELL ME HE'S NOT! TELL ME HE'S NOT! GOOD GOD! AN ELEVATED POWERBOMB via UNDERTAKER... Right onto the STEEL STEPS!
Fred Estridge: Who the hell is the undertaker?
Peter Roberts: He's a big league out of the WWF...
Fred Estridge: What's the WWF? World wildlife foundation?
Peter Roberts: Argh, nevermind... All I know right now is that Insomniac is in a HELL HOLE OF PAIN... Archangel grabs him up again & it looks as though he's gonna try for that elevated powerbomb AGAI... He gets him UP... BUT NO! Insomniac pushes off on the way up & falls grabbing Archy in a front-face lock! GOOD GOD! He falls with a DEVESTATING DDT which drops Archangel with his face FIRST onto the damned STEPS! GOOD GOD! Archangel has been bloodied.. Insomniac rolls away holding his own chest... Flashback just nailed Demon with a spinning heel kick.. Sending him into the corner... Flashback runs in now & WHAM! Demon hits him with a BACK ELBOW! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY... That sends Flashback stumbling back holding his nose.. He turns around again & finds Demon coming off the second rope with an AXE KICK! JESUS! What AGILITY!
Fred Estridge: That must have hurt.
Peter Roberts: Undoubtedly... Wait a minute, what in the HELL is going on now?! The lights in the arena have just SHUT OFF?! what in the HELL?!
Fred Estridge: The electricians are STILL sucking at getting the lights working, SHEESH!
(We hear a bell & the lights come back on...)
Peter Roberts: WHAT IN THE HELL!? I heard that BELL & I SEE THAT BELL! That BELL IS IN THE HANDS OF TEMPEST! Tempest somehow pulled archangel into the ring & through DEMON OUT... Tempest LAID Archangel OUT with that damned RING BELL... The reff is calling for the REAL BELL! It's gonna be a NO CONTESt. Good god almi... Tempest POWERBOMBS flashback on TOP OF ARCHANGEL! GOOD GOD! TEMPEST IS BACK! TEMPEST IS BACK & WE ARE OUT OF TIME FOLKS! WE ARE OUT OF TIME!
(fade.)