You Don't Know

Author: Kata (Katayla@juno.com)
Disclaimer: Let me check... nope, they still don't belong to me. And the
song is 98 Degrees'. Rating: PG
Category: Kyle/Tess
Summary: Tess POV. What does she really think about Kyle? Set after "We are Family."
Notes: Feeback off-list, please, to Katayla@juno.com .

******
Who could know the emptiness inside
Everytime I see your face
Too many feelings left behind

I love him. Does that surprise you? Tess Harding, the cold, heartless aliend in love with a human. And such an... inadequate human. Kyle is nothing like my dream man, nothing like Max, and yet somehow, he's everything I want.

Do you wonder why
I turn away when you look at me
Never wanting your eyes to see
This desperate heart that knows
How perfect we could be

I live in his house, his bedroom, and he doesn't know. He CAN'T know. He's not my destiny. So instead of loving him, I tease him and taunt him, never letting him guess. Pretending to be his sister. Sometimes even letting him see a glimpse of the true Tess, no one-- not Michael, not Isabel, not even Max, my so-called soulmate-- has seen. Certainly not Nasedo, the only father I've ever known, who is now gone. Despite all that, I keep turning from Kyle. Because it can never be.

Baby,cause you don't know, how I feel
Livin' my life without you
Baby, and you don't know what it's like
Lovin' you all this time

Oh, I've known that I loved Kyle for a while now. Ever since I used him. I'm stil ashamed of that-- using Kyle to lead Max to the library. The funny thing is, I've played with boys' hearts millinos of time before, and never regretted it. When I felt sorry for him, I knew something was different.

I'll give you all my heart and sould
Risking' it all on a chance
Now when I need you the most, you don't know

He called me his family. I've nver belonged before. Not even with the other three. He was trying to protect me. ME. No one's ever tired to protect me. I suppose Nasedo did, in his own way, but he was just a loyal servant, watching out for his rulers. Kyle doesn't have a reason.

All I ever wanted in the world
Baby I found in you
I never felt this way before
But I can't break through
And now I lie awake, alone at night
So afraid to close my eyes
Just one more dream of you
I'll carry here inside

I thought I loved Max. Maybe I did, but it was the the crush of a little girl, longing for what she couldn't have, clinging to fast-fading memories of a time long gone. Kyle is something new and exciting. He's something that could be just mine, not shared with Liz. (Although, he belonged to Liz at one point.) But it's too dangerous and he doesn't see me as anything but a sister. He told me so himself.

Baby cause you don't know, how I feel
Livin' my life without you,
Baby and you don't know what it's like
Lovin' you all this time
I'll give you all my love, heart and sould
Riskin' it all on a chance
Now when I need you the most, you don't know

He did offer to 'trim my lamp,' and I thought maybe, just maybe, he felt something for me. But the moment passed, and nothing came of it. I tried to convince myself that I felt nothing for him, that it was just a fleeting emotion. I haven't had many friends, and maybe I was just mistaking friendship for something more. I fooled myself for a while, but eventually I had to admit it: I love him. And he thinks of me as nothing but a sister. So I learned to hide my love and pretend I thought of him as only a brother.

And I would hold you all through the night
I would say right by your side
And I'd give you the world if your love as mine
But baby, could it be, I'm only dreaming
Don't let it pass me by

Kyle told me I was his favorite Martian. That memory never fails to make me smile. He doesn't want me to leave. I told him he was my favorite human. It was the truth, but not the whole truth. He's also my favorite person. I hope I can tell him that someday, tell him I love him. But I won't. This friendship is too special to spoil.

Baby cause you don't know, how I feel
Livin' my life without you in it
Baby and you don't know, what it's like
Lovin' you all this time
I'll give you all my love, heart and soul
Riskin' it all on a chance
Now when I need you the most, you don't know

Kyle doesn't know and he won't ever know. He's a human, I'm an alien. The combination never seems to work. And even if it did, how can I risk losing his friendship over my silly feelings. He doesn't love me, and I won't ruin his life by telling him. I'll keep my secret hidden, for all my life, if I have to. I, Tess Harding, have fallen in love with a human.

End

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