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SpamFish DaWeirdo Presents |
“Water on the Brain”
“Gee, Brain. What do you want to do tonight?”
“Same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the
world!”
 There was Brain, a large-headed
laboratory mouse with a voice like Orson Welles, writing
stuff on a small marker board, just his size. Next to him
was Pinky, a goofy-looking mouse with a British accent,
watching TV next to their cage in ACME labs. “Pinky!
Will you turn that incessant dribble off! I’m trying
to work on my latest plan for world domination!”“Poit! Sorry, Brain. I’m just watching an old episode of Star Trek. Ya’know, Spock has shorter ears than usual.” Brain replied, “That’s not Spock, Pinky. That’s Warren Christopher talking about the election.” "Oh, don't be silly, Brain! Of course it's Star Trek! Look! There's a Tribble! Look out, weird guy in the fancy black suit babbling about pregnant Chads and other stuff too technical for me to understand! AHHHHHH!!!!!!" "Pinky! Stop getting your fingerprints all over the TV! That’s not a tribble. That's the reporter's hairpiece!" yelled Brain, then calmly suggested, "Why don't you act like Joe Lieberman and stand quietly in the background while more important people, like me, make plans for world domination?" So, Pinky went back to watching TV as Brain went back to work on his calculations. Suddenly, something on TV caught Pinky’s eye. “Egad! There’s a picture of Pikachu behind that boring guy. Oh, and it’s carved into that big map thingy behind that boring guy! Gadzooks! It’s a lake! Brain! Look at this! Lookie lookie lookie!” Pinky ran over to Brain, pulled him over to the TV, and pointed, “Look! It’s Lake Pikachu!” Brain was less enthusiastic. “Yes. It’s a lake that looks like a pesky Pokémon. Now, if you don’t have any further inane babblings, please let me get back to my calculations.” Pinky decided to look at a globe to see if he could find this lake. After mindlessly running a few laps around the spinning plastic sphere, he tripped and was flung off, splatting into a big map on the wall. There, he saw the lake. After he hit the floor, he looked at another map. There it was in the same place! He ran around looking at many maps, sometimes the same one twice, yelling “Pictures of Pikachu all over the place! AHHHHHH!!!! I bet they’re on every map in the world, advertising without us knowing!” Brain exploded, “Stop running around like a cosmonaut fleeing from the Mir Space Station! It’s just a lake that happens to look like... Wait! Pinky! Are you pondering what I’m pondering?” “I think so, Brain, but if everybody keeps getting voted off the island, won’t the rats get lonely?” Brain paused, then inquired, “Are you feeling okay? You seem more inept than usual.” Pinky assured, “Nope, I don’t feel any different than yesterday, or the day before yesterday, or the day before the day before yesterday, or the day before the day before the day before, ummmm...” Brain retorted, “Oh yah, you always act this way. My mistake.” “Oh, don’t mention it.” “I’d rather not”, uttered Brain, then declared “We will build a lake in the likeness of yours-truly. I shall use it to promulgate my position as prime leader to the planet! Geography teachers will talk about me in class! The locals will make me a legend!” Pinky cheered, “...and the tourist industry will create keychains and magnets of your head and sell them for $1.99 each! Zounds! Brilliant, Brain! Oh, wait, no, no. How will we make this lake that looks like some guy named ‘Yours Truly’ that you’re going to use to propel eight of your posse’s chins as prime leisure to the prickly poppies plant? Poit!” Brain clarified, “I said, ‘to promulgate my position as’... oh, nevermind. We’re going to make the lake ourselves! It’ll be easy compared to that life-sized paper maché replica of the Earth we made a while back, and without the fumes.” “It was two, two, two Earths in one! Wahahahahaaa!” laughed Pinky. So, they went to the future location of their new lake, which was exactly where the Pikachu lake was. Pinky asked, “So, why are we building the lake here?” Brain explained, “For the tenth time, it’s best if we use an existing lake so we can shorten the time it takes to make this aqua portrait. If I re-form this lake to resemble me, it’ll eliminate competition, thus strengthening my presence in the peoples’ minds. That, and there’s a hamburger stand over there that has the best darn 39˘ hamburgers anywhere. Come, Pinky. We shall start digging here.” The two took their shovels and began digging according to Brain’s well-planned map. They dug into the dry dirt around the lake for days, taking occasional breaks to eat a yummy hamburger. Brain would dig slowly, while Pinky would dig away like a hyper gopher. “Pinky, you have a shovel. Use it! Stop digging with your hands like you’re trying to escape from Elmyra’s house.” “A shovel? Where’s a shovel?” As if by reflex, Brain wapped Pinky over the head with his shovel and Pinky laughed, “Wahahahahaa! There’s a shovel, and stars! Bop! Right on the noggin! Troz!” Brain shook his head and they resumed digging. After a few minutes, Pinky started singing joyfully to the tune of A Hard Day’s Night. “It’s been some hard days, NARF! And I’ve been shoveling, like a, ummm, walrus. It’s been some hard days, NARF! And I want a burger, with the works. Poit! Uhhh, la la la la la la...” Then Brain bopped him on the head and Pinky enjoyed it. Another several days passed and they were finally done. Brain decreed to Pinky, “Yes! The lake-potential capitose shape is now dug!” Pinky complained, “Oh, do you think ‘Doug’ is the right name for the cappy tosey shapoosie, thing? I rather prefer ‘Robert’, but if you want to call it ‘Doug’...” “Pinky, do you want to meet your shovel again?” “Oh, yes! I haven’t seen that lughead in ages! We have some catching-up to do!” Pinky received a bop on the head with the shovel and laughed, “Wahahahahaaa!!! Oh, just like old times! I can’t wait to see the kids!” Brain ignored his partner’s idiotic remarks and went on to finish his plan. “I’m now going to press this button, which will release a very powerful liquid over the levee that will dissolve it, letting the water spill into our newly-formed reservoir, thus finishing the lake.” Pinky asked, “What’s the liquid that’s so powerful it can melt dirt? Hydrochloric acid? Radioactive waste?” “No,” said Brain, “even more powerful than those combined. I’m going to use steaming hot McDonald’s coffee to bring down that wall!” Amazed, Pinky said “Naaaaaaaarrrrrrf. Hey! Can I press the button?” “Oh, okay. It’s a simple enough task, even for your simple mind.” “Oh, goodie! I get to press the big, red, shiny button! I love big, red, shiny buttons!” After Brain gave a face that looked like “Yes, I know”, Pinky looked at the button, scratched his head, trying to figure out how to do it, then he smashed head first into it. The hot coffee spilled onto the levee, melting it, and the water filled in the lake additions. “Yes!” yelled Brain. “The world will see this new geographic feature and view it as a sign that they should bow down to me! Let’s go to the burger stand to celebrate. Burgers are on me.” “Well I don’t see any burgers on you. Maybe the coffee fumes got to your head. They sure got to mine.” At the burger stand, they enjoyed some burgers with extra cheese. The guy at the counter looked at them and walked over to their table. “Whoa, dudes. You look familiar. Have I seen you on TV or some paper thing?” Brain suggested, “Yes, you may have seen me on a map. Perhaps as a local lake.” The teenage burger stand worker disagreed, “No! Wait! I know! You’re one of those new Pokémon! You’re Foreheadron!” “No! I’m not a Pokémon! I’m...” Just then, a commercial came on the TV. “Introducing 500 NEW Pokémon! You didn’t think we had enough? Well, now there’s more!” Brain focused on a certain image on the screen. It was a Pokémon that looked like him, and more importantly, the lake. “Our plan has been turned around on us, Pinky.” said the Brain. Pinky commented, “It made me dizzy and I kinda like it!” Brain sighed, “We must return to the lab and prepare for tomorrow night.” “Why, Brain? What are we gonna do tomorrow night? Get the new Pikachu Edition Nintendo 64 and play a virtual card game that’s better with real cards anyway?” Brain objected, “No. The same thing we do EVERY night, Pinky. TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!” One
is a genius and the other’s insane. |
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