Things I Have Learned From Anime

1. Hair sweats

2. And it always sweats in one large drop

3. Hair can become injured

4. But it can be repaired by two bandages in the shape of an X

5. In fact, any injury can be repaired by such a method

6. Even on a motor vehicle

7. Larger veins and arteries are perpendicular to each other -- this can be seen when people become very angry

8. These blood vessels also go into the hair

9. Bed rest and a cold compress is an all-purpose healer

10. People have large eyes and small noses

11. And they cry a lot

12. A lot, like more than humanly possible, an amount that would dehydrate a normal person

13. Eventually the world's defense programs will be based on giant fighting robots

14. Which will be necessary when Hell opens up and gigantic demons terrorize the Earth

15. Nosebleeds occur when somebody thinks about naughty things

16. People lose their temper very quickly over very small things

17. Martial Arts masters have the ability to regenerate limbs

18. You can bleed a lot (I mean, a lot) and not die

19. Bleeding occurs in a spray, not a gush or spurt

20. All groups of friends have some kind of cutesy animal thing mascot

21. No matter what you do, Tokyo is going to be destroyed

22. And will be replaced by Neo-Tokyo, Mega-Tokyo, New Tokyo, Tokyo-2, or some other Tokyo

23. And chances are, that city will get annihilated too

24. Be wary of people, for they hold mallets, and will whack you when you irritate them

25. It's hard to tell the difference between males and females

26. Semen glows

27. Demons have enormous genitals

28. Hair comes in three styles: really really long, mop-top, or spikey

29. Losing an appendage or breaking your spinal column is not too big a deal

30. When you sleep, bubbles come out of your nose

31. Pop singers also double as dragon slayers

32. The less you care about sex, the more opportunities you get

33. Inversely, the hornier you are, the more you'll be turned down

34. If it runs around a corner, you've lost it

35. Noses tend to disappear

36. If one person falls on another person of the opposite gender, they will land in a "compromising" position

37. Actually if you fall at all, there's a pretty good chance you'll land in a "compromising" position

38. A large ingestion of alcohol produces a small puff of gas to be expelled immediately after swallowing

39. There is always a mysterious organization

40. There are always mysterious powers

41. "Yaoi" is so named because that's what you exclaim as soon as you realize what it is you're watching

42. If a character is a gun fighter, he will, at some point, stare off into space, make a gun with his fingers, and say quietly "bang"

43. Cellar doors, wells, holes in trees, and any other types of dark openings lead to other dimensions, which are generally bad

44. Anybody important is part of the kendo club

45. You cannot smile without closing your eyes, just like you can't sneeze with your eyes open

46. Ignore the strange girl in the pod

47. People getting into college are generally high-strung, schizophrenic, and have problems with panties

48. Samurais fight by running toward each other really really fast, jumping in the air, slicing each other, then landing and waiting five minutes to see which one bleeds

49. Writing "idiot" on someone's forehead is a great way to pick up chicks

50. Strange girls of strange origins, like goddesses or androids, are always cute and willing to do your housework

51. Wacky girls have fangs.

52. Serious girls have lazy eyes.

53. Anime doesn't end.  It stops.