This document was reborn as the much more comprehensive Camp Diary, but this is a pretty word-for-word transcription of the notes and quotes written at the time. It focuses more on the spoken word, and should really be read in conjunction with the Camp Diary, as many quotes relate to events the Diary describes.

Day 1 - 30th July

The coach broke down, but some fool had put an extra accelerator cable in, so we didn't have to change coaches

Emily went off with some guy

"Rosanne, did you really ask Owen if he slept with a priest?" - Arthur

Scaring Caity Roe

"Well, if you really want me to..." - Emilia
"What?" - Chris
"Well, I can if you want me to.." -Emilia
"Um.. did you just say 'Wow! It's a fallopian tube!'" - Chris

"Who are you then? His little sidekick?" - Drunk Mel, about Rosanne

Meeting Adam; "Oh yeah, sticks in our sleeping bags!"

"Simon's here, but he's gone off to play with some girls / play with Becky" - Arthur, to several Dfs...

Disco King! / Arthur's dancing / sitting on shoulders / "He must be on drugs!"

Rosanne with a fork in her arm / "lychee juice, have you got any lychee juice? They have some in Kentish Town!" - Rosanne

On the bus; "Rosanne?" - Adrian (old man on bus, there's an old man here to see you!)

"I don't want a reputation as an old man magnet!" - Rosanne

"Ahh.. look.. maybe we can get a drink there! Does that say drink?" - Arthur
"No.. I think it says Rinky-dink!" - Rosanne
"Ahh.. but maybe they were too drunk to write drink!" - Arthur

Running into Stonehenge

Day 2 - 31st July

Doing nothing all day / waterfights / Rosanne joins every single clan

Painting the tents to avoid Foot Painting - drawing on Emilia and Louise's feet, painting "Caity Roe" on Rosanne's shirt...

Swimming in the river, printing the star on people, everyone with crazy hair

Alan gets a ghetto blaster and woman

Louise and Robert, Rosanne and Joe, Arthur and Anna; "LOOK AT THE STARS! Look! It's Orion's Belt!"

"Show me your white face, bitch!"

Simon's swollen leg / something else swollen / Emilia lying in Simon's lap / Arthur being blunt

Fido using his magical hands of joy on himself... "would you ever give a guy a foot massage?"

"What happened to the man with the head of an orange?" - Becky

"You can't whisper because you've got too much mucus in your mouth.. clear your mouth out and start again" - Simon

Steve, Arthur's fancy boy

Rosanne scaring Andrew Gowland - "I'm Caity Roe! Remember me from ADC?!"

Evan and the underground two-step club!

Sleeping out all night / Noodles (tex-mex and balti!)/ could you drink a pint of that? / Simon's incredible moving sleeping bag / incest twins

"Can I have a hug?"

"You called Emilia a sex demon?" - Chris
"I did? I must have been on drugs!" - Adam

Day 3 - 1st August

Bunked off wide games / swimming in the river again / chucking a rock at a kid

"Oh look! Becky's tanned already!" - Arthur
"What, in ten minutes?"
"Yeah! Boil-in-the-bag-Becky! Ready in ten minutes! Just add water!" - Arthur

Arthur became Anna's brother

Washing our hair in the river / trying to go swimming for 5 hours

Rosanne befriends Caity Roe

Arthur / Anna, Louise / Robert, Emilia / Patrick, Rosanne / Joe

Stroking Emily's head

Hugging Milko

Widget Soup / sleeping on broken cans

Louise drinking salad dressing / putting sugar on noodles

"These toilets are really dark!" - Chris
"They're also the mens!" - Adrian
"Adrian! It's Chris!" - Chris
"Sorry! Maybe you should speak in a lower voice!" - Adrian

Nick goes 'road' tripping / Robert becoming Arthur

Day 4 - 2nd August

"Cleaning the toilets is fine!" - Simon
"No - when you're pouring it out, it can splash all over you!" - Arthur
"No it doesn't!" - Simon
"It splashed all over me! It's really dangerous!" - Arthur
"How could it be dangerous?" - Simon
"You could suddenly become weak and drop it all over your feet!" - Arthur

Wine shopping spree - £60 on booze

"How could I have got through 120 filters in two days? I didn't smoke 60 a day!" - Alan
"Maybe you smoked 80 one day and 40 the next..." - Arthur
"Hmm.. that would explain why I was s--tting tar, then!" - Alan

Emilia being ill and sitting in a tree

"Either they're just whispering .. for a long time .. or .." - Nick

Making a bong out of lychee juice and a lemonade bottle

Emily reading the "head stroking" comment

Wine party in the medical tent

Two way radios; "NICK IS COMING WITH THE JUICE!" - Alan

"Simon, get two straws, a two litre bottle, and some tin foil!" - Alan

Rage against the Vending Machine

"..then I'll blow on you!" - Louise

Alan buying wine for Becky / throwing everyone off his bed

"Ooh, I wonder why the machine's not working!" - Some evil nestle buying woman
"Maybe there's a dead baby caught in the works!" - Chris
Emily talking in a northern accent

Day 5 - 3rd August

Everything is changing / The big conspiracy theory

Arthur wearing bunches

The mad kid (oliver); "Oh, it looks like a cowpat .. it looks like a shiny, glistening cowpat!" / Nick drowns animals / dropping the orange in the salad dressing

Greg being a dirty pervert / Alan claiming to be one of the women

Alan the raver with a whistle / Churning up the floor at 10am in the rain

Reggae Riley / manic folk songs, performing in the Cafe International with no lights or audience

Summer of Love

Rosanne and Chris running into the Nestle machine until a man stopped us

Shaving greg

"I'm really p--sed off that the girl I'm seeing on camp lives in Barnet" - Alan
"Barnet! That's not too far away!" - Arthur
"That's the problem!" - Alan
"What? Don't you want to see her?" - Arthur
"No, I don't want my girlfriend to see her!" - Alan

Throwing the orange into the kitchen tent

Rosanne being scared by the raver horns

Alan starting drinking at 4.30ish

Having more storage tents than sleeping tents

Biggity flash the lighter crew / Biggity splash the h20 / biggity slash the penknife crew

Day 6 - 4th August

Something funny in the paddling pool!

Using Simon's cup to shave greg's legs

Ben - he's twice the man any cow could ever be! (and has eight stomachs)

"I was really cold last night, so I tried to steal Tom's sleeping bag, but he caught me, and I had to sleep without one .. and I was half off the airbed, because I was wearing my shoes" - Nick
"Why didn't you take your shoes off?" - Chris
"Because then I'd get even more cold.." - Nick

Emily reading the "Emily reading the 'stroking emily's head' comment" comment

Chris, Rosanne and Emilia actually having our meeting at long last!

"It's a bit better if you've got a longer one, because then you can put it in their mouth without the other person having to kiss you.." - Arthur, on blowback

"What time did you get back last night, Alan?" - Chris
"I don't know.. but dawn had broken.." - Alan
"What were you doing until dawn?" - Chris
"I can't remember..." - Alan

"Does Becky really have wine, or is it a code for something?" - Nick

Simon talking about Rosie Upton and doing the motions

"Hoodie and big jeans, sipping genteely from a bottle of cheap wine..." - Alan, about Becky

"These tents are like the ghetto of camp" - Nick

Rosanne getting drunk (?) / eating Alan's E pills; "I thought it was a paracetamol!" / "I want to give the cannabis recorder to a charity shop.. with a pear!" / "Let's melt the recorder" / "Mine's a pint of the black stuff!" "You can't drink melted recorder!" / "and destiny and short shorts and butter" / "I have to take you clubbing with me in London.. it wouldn't cost you a penny!" - Alan / melt the recorder / let's make a bong out of the boiler / play the cannabis recorder .. or give it to a kid! / asking Emily if she can play the skinflute / anna wanting to write bong on the marquee

"Have you signed the child protection act?" - Alan
"Um.. yeah.." - Simon
"What was tonight about, then?" - Alan
"You mean last night!" - Simon
"No, tonight! What was tonight about?" - Alan

Meeting Mad Nic.. Alan's old man wine theft, "Give me some sugar! I have diabetes!" - Arthur

Day 7 - 5th August

"There is a god!" - Chris

"You lent someone the cannabis recorder" - Rosanne

"I can wear your Woodcraft top..." - Becky's mum
"I don't think that's a very good idea!" - Becky

"and Simon threw a slug in Becky's hair.. on the 20th of May .. and she kept it in her diary as a token of his love .. and on the 27th of May .. he gave her.." - Chris
"a child!" - Alexi

"Alan, why are you so far out?" - Tom

"So, do you think Emilia and Patrick have been sleeping much... or just not sleeping.." - Simon
"I don't think they have .. " - Becky

"Alan said 'I've lost' to me, and I thought he'd said 'I'm lost'" - Simon

Performing Reggae Riley amplified on the big stage

"Hey, we could write 'damn, I lost' on a piece of paper and put it in someone's pocket" = Arthur
"Or you could put it in someone's sleeping bag" - Becky
"Or you could put a brick in their sleeping bag, and they'd be, like, what the f--k!" - Rosanne
"Nah, that's just malicious!" - Arthur

Day 8 - 6th August

"Where's that bottle of wine gone? Give it here.. I don't want to be sober when she comes!" - Alan

[Enter Anna]
"Ah, look what the cat sicked up!" - Alan

"Yeah, you could blowback in their face and watch it drip down.." - Arthur

"If I find myself surrounded by flammable tent material and melting, then I'm going to kill you..." - Arthur

"Are they just doing that to annoy me?" - Grace, about Arthur and Anna

"What happened last night?"
"Alan slept with a lesbian!"

Rosanne becomes the most wanted person on camp (second only to Alan)

"No smoking in the tents .. whatever it is you may be smoking .. I won't ask.." - Adrian

Making soup out of Haribo

Rosanne and Rob (cheese sandwich boy)

"You look melancholy" / "You've got a melancholy aura" - Ellie

The dead baby hanging from the tent

"I'd love it for you to do that!" - Tom
"Do you really want me and Rosanne to have lesbian sex?" - Grace

"F--K ME! Have you seen all the crap that's down here!" - Rosanne

"Grace, we have some marajuana... please can you take some and CHILL OUT!"

"Alan, your cup was in Town 3 Marquee" - Ivy

Lizzie visiting us - Rosanne giving her rizla.. "I thought you were supposed to be getting fresh air"

"Shut up Greg, or I'll screw you in the ass!"

Day 9 - 7th August

Finding 'surprises' in the tent in the morning..
"Was it used" - Grace

"LUST" / "The ghetto of sin"

"Hands off cocks and on with socks!" - Alan, to Simon

"Simon? Hello?" - Chris
"Hi Becky!" - Simon

Tool (Roach), Gimp (Damselfly), Lust (Scorpion) and Slut (Mantis)

"Rosanne says we can spend her money on wine" - Alan

"That means you slept with your lesbian mother last night" - Nick

"Would you ever bounce a corpse along the moshpit?" - Rosanne

"Coprophilia is when you have sex with a foetus.. or is it a placenta?" - Grace

"Simon, you've got to come with us- you're over 18, you've got your own bike, and also, well, you're kind of fit.." - Robert

"Arthur and Anna went for a roll in the bushes, but then it got wet and they had to come inside.." - Chris
[manic laughter from Becky]
"I can't believe you got that first!" - Simon and Chris

"We could sign on as Milennium Voulunteers, get six hundred pounds, and then go to Spain!" - Alan

Teaching Rosanne how to roll

"You got a whole litre for less than £10?!" - Chris
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that!" - Adrian

"You're so funny when you're wasted!" - Rosanne
"What about the rest of the time?" - Chris
"Oh, you're still funny then.. but you're more funny when you're wasted.." - Rosanne

"Alan, why are you smoking a really long cigarette?" - Ivy

Alan smoking (nearly) a plastic tube full of filters

[People bang on Alan's well travelled 'no parking' sign]
"Oh, someone's hitting my sign.. if they do that again, I'll go out and sort them out" - Alan
[more banging on sign]
"OH, F--K OFF YOU F--KING C--TS!!" - Arthur
[pause]
"Was that a bit harsh?" - Arthur

Day 10 - 8th August

Carrying Rosanne - "I'm really small!" "I'm fine!" "This is my one clean hoodie!" "Becky! Rob!"

"I love cannabis smell.. it's the best smell in the world" - Becky

Evan comes into our tent (and passes out on the floor) (and passes out on Emily, who feeds him biscuits)

Sleeping outside / "What are you doing? You can't sleep here here!?" - Emilia and Pat

Simon calls Becky "Emilia" / Chris calls Becky "Emilia" / Alexi calls Anna "Emilia" thinking she was Becky

"Are you the one who dances funny? Are you a man or a woman?" - Townie girls

Charlie's matchmaking / Sarah smelling the jacket

What happened last night / three point plan / sandwich boy
"Were you really drunk last night?" - Rosanne
"Um, why?" - Chris
"Well...." - Rosanne

Grace and Tom 'playing cards' / spending all day in the Tool Tent / tooling up

"You don't like Spaced? You BITCH! Just leave now.. I'm not even joking.." - Becky, to Alison

"I'm really not drunk, really, no, okay, that's a TOTAL lie, I am drunk, okay.." - Emilia

One swift motion / lovenests / gossip mongering

Simon wanting to clone Emilia / Simon plotting to kill Becky

Emilia and Pat making 'noises' in the night

"What happened in the end, because it ended with a lot of swearing?" - Becky
"Was that me or him?" - Emilia
"Chris'll be writing this whole conversation down" - Simon

"Where's my camera? I want to take photos of this!" - Rosanne, being carried home

"It was neat vodka! We hadn't mixed it with lemonade!" - Becky
"Was it?" - Rosanne

"Nick! Don't drink the whiskey! It's for your own good!" - Becky

Going canoeing - "join the clique!" - Rosanne / learning how to roll (in a canoe) / barrel raft

Alan having his own morning cry

"No, not Becky, the other one!" - Simon, about Emilia

Day 11 - 9th August

"Do you have any more messy hand jobs? Because I've got messy hands!" - Tom

"That tent's full of the skulls of Emilia's ex-boyfriends! They're shrunken skulls so there's room for them all to fit in!" - Alan
[Enter Emilia and Pat]
"What are you doing here? We want to sleep in our tent!" - Emilia
"Don't go into your tent! It's full of the shrunken skulls of your ex-boyfriends!" - Becky
[Pat looks worried, and then falls on Simon, Becky, Chris and Alan]
"What?" - Emilia

"Bride of Chucky!"

Throwing meat at Emilia, and then wiping it off

"What happened to Emilia and Pat?" - Chris
"Maybe they're in the portaloo..." Simon
"Can you hear the bog rattling?" - Sarah
"A red bog, a rattling bog, a bog down in the valley-o!" - Rosanne

"Barry! You remember me!" - Rosanne

Who's who in the ghetto.. "Saturday must have been a good night.. no-one can remember where they slept!"

Alan becomes the god of Hellfire

Dan 'loses' on stage

Chris becomes a Medieval Knight-in-a-dress

Going swimming in the pool / simon waxes his back / "Swiming Pool"

Grace & Mark with Dreadlocks (syphillis mark)

Day 12 - 10th August

Rosanne steals Rob's shoes / Nick and Alan nearly miss the coach because they go for a 'walk' / coach skids in the mud

Nick stealing Tom's sleeping bag / Rosanne taking Simon's sleeping bag because it's one of Nick's 'limbs'

"I hurt my neck at the pioneer" - Grace
"Was that dancing to Alan's tune?" - Nick

Using Simon's cup as an ashtray

"Did you see when they used this [pan] to bail all the water out of the tents? There was a big hole in the middle of Tool and Gimp, so we used this to bail all the water out.." - Nick

20 cigarette burns in the floor of Tool

Harry's rizla paper desktop / rolling up on the move

"I just said 'let's skin up', and in came Rosanne.. again.." - Alan

"Babies can survive having their necks twisted around" - Nick
"No, that's owls" - Rosanne

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