DDP: We should be watching Shotgun instead of doing this this kind of deal.

Kevin: How many up there?

DDP: Three or four.

Kevin: That's counting our guy?

DDP: Not sure.

Kevin: So that means there could be up to five guys up there?

DDP: It's possible.

Kevin: We should be watching fucking Shotgun.

Kevin: What's his name?

DDP: Eric.

Kevin: Eric. . . How did he and Hollywood meet?

DDP: I don't know. However people meet people. You know, getting together right before the WWF contract runs out, that sort of shit. He used to be a producer-slash-actor. One of them David Hasselhoff wannabes, I guess.

Kevin: Oh, really? He did anything I oughta seen?

DDP: I think his biggest deal was that he starred in a pilot.

Kevin: A pilot? An airline pilot? Like the one Steven Regal pissed on while I happened to occupy the airplane bathroom, thinking up future storylines?

DDP: That was a stewardess. Who gives a scum anyway, I was talkin' 'bout a TV pilot.

Kevin: I don't watch TV. Except for that RAW show. And Smackdown!. And the occasional episode of HeAT. JAKKED is OK as well, I guess. And it's too bad SuperAstr--. . .

DDP (interrupting): All right, so you are aware that there's this invention called television, and on this invention, they show shows.

Kevin: Yeah.

DDP: Well, the way they pick TV shows is, they make one show. That show's called a pilot. Then they show that one show to the people who pick shows and on the strength of that one show, they decide if they wanna make more shows. Some get chosen and become television shows. Some don't, become nothing. He starred in one of the ones that became nothing.

DDP: Remember Rodney Anoia? Half-Samoan, half-seacow. Used to call him Yoko Fat-Assed Horror?

Kevin: Yeah, maybe. Fat, right?

DDP: I wouldn't go so far as to call the brother fat. I'd go so far as to call him the FATTEST MOTHA' I EVER SEEN!!!!

Kevin: I think I know who you mean, what about him?

DDP: Hollywood scummed him up good. Word around the campfire is that it was on account of Hollywood's bitch.

Kevin: What'd he do, sit on him?

DDP: No no no no no, nothin' that bad.

Kevin: Well what then?

DDP: He gave him a head scissors.

Kevin: A head scissor?

DDP nods.

Kevin: That's all?

DDP nods.

Kevin: What did Hollywood do?

DDP: Sent a couple of cats over to his place. They took him out to the ECW arena, threw his ass off the balcony. Fatso fell like a meteorite. They had these tables set up at the bottom, along with some trashcans, like one of them ECW brawls. Fatso fell through that. Then there was a ring. Fatso fell through that. Then a concrete floor. Fatso fell through that. Then solid bedrock. Fatso fell through that. Sort of developed a visibility problem. Hasn't been heard from ever again.

Kevin: That's a damn shame.

Kevin: Still, I gotta say, play with matches, ya get burnt.

DDP: Whaddaya mean?

Kevin: You don't be giving Hollywood's new bitch a head scissor.

DDP: You don't think he overreacted?

Kevin: Rodney probably didn't expect Hollywood to react the way he did, but he had to expect a reaction.

DDP: It was a head scissor. A head scissor's nothing. I let jobbers give me headscissors.

Kevin: It's putting your fat ass thighs around Hollywood's new bitch in a familiar way. I mean, is it as bad as headbutting him in the groin and staying down for longer than you're supposed to? No, but it's the same fucking ballpark.

DDP: Wowowo, stop right there. Headbutting a guy in the groin and giving a guy a headscissor ain't the same scummin' thing.

Kevin: It's not, it's the same ballpark.

DDP: Ain't no scummin ballpark either. Maybe your method of headscissors differs from mine, but you know, clamping a guy's head with your thighs and putting your headbutt in the holiest of holys ain't the same ballpark. It ain't the same league. It ain't even the same scummin' form of sports entertainment. Headscissors don't mean scum.

Kevin: Have you ever been in a headscissor?

DDP: Don't be tellin' me about headscissors. I'm the head scummin' master!

Kevin: Been in 'em a lot?

DDP: Scum yeah! Got my technique down and everything. I don't be inhaling or nothin'.

Kevin: Would you give a booker a headscissor?

DDP, realizing where this is going: Scum you!

Kevin: You give 'em a lot?

DDP: Scum you!

Kevin: You now, I'm kind of tired, I could use a rest hold like a headscissors.

DDP: Yoyoyo, you best back off, Im gettin' a bit JACKED! here. . .This is the door.

Kevin: Yes it is.

DDP: What time you got?

Kevin: Vader time!

DDP: Huh?

Kevin: Enough is enough and it's time for a change!

DDP just looks at him.

Kevin: Time to take out the trash?

DDP: Look man, I wasn't givin' you an opening for a catchphrase, I just wanna know: what's the time?

Kevin: Oh. 7.22 a.m.

DDP: Ain't quite time yet. Let's hang back.

Now look, just cause I wouldn't give no bookerman with a gas like you a headscissor don't make it right for Hollywood to throw Rodney off a balcony into a ECW motherscummin' match, scummin' up the Earth's center of gravity. That scum ain't right. Motherscummer did that to me, he better paralyze my butt, 'cause I'd run over him with a Humvee, you know what I'm sayin'?

Kevin: I ain't saying it's right. But you're sayin' a headscissor don't mean nothin', and I'm saying it does. Now, look: I've given a million wrestlers a million headscissors, and they all meant something. We act like they don't but they do. I mean, that's what so fucking cool about them. It's a sensuous thing going on. You know it, he knows it. Fuckin' Hollywood knew it, and Rodney should've fuckin' better known better. I mean, that's his fucking bitch, man. You don't have a sense of humor about that shit. You know what I'm sayin'?

DDP: You've got a point. Come on, let's get into character.

Kevin: What's his name again?

DDP: Eric. Why you so interested in the big man's bitch?

Kevin: Hollywood is going out of town, Florida, and he asked me to take care of him while he's gone.

DDP: "Take care of"?

Kevin: No, man! Just take him out, you know, show him a good time. Make sure he don't get lonely.

DDP: You're gonna be taking Eric Bischoff out on a date?

Kevin: It's not a date. You know, it's like when you take your friend along for a push. Just good company, that's all.

DDP just looks at him.

Kevin: It's not a date. It's definitely not a date.