* Tha Road D-to the-O-to the double-G Brian Jammes and the WWF have parted ways, says Ross. The Dogg is a tremendous pothead and Jim sincerely wishes him the best of ganja in the future.

* Spring cleanup is coming quite early for the WWF this year, as more roster changes are upcoming. Official odds as for who's getting the boot are as follows:

Gangrel 2:3.

Just Joe 2:3.

Essa Rios 3:2.

Lo Down 3:1.

Big Boss Man 5:1.

Billy Gunn 26:1.

The Rock 832,781:1

* TV Guide Canada is planning to have another set of WWF covers in time for RaxXxylManya X-Se7en. Certain hippies in exile from The Glorious Internet Wrestling Scene are praying for another bondage-fantasy inducing cover like they had with the Kat last time around. At least it'll tide him over if they have TV Guides in the waiting room at the dentist's.

* WrestleMania has NOT pulled an "ECW" and sold out yet, thank you very much. Buy your tickets now, because as Jim says, you owe it to yourself to go see it if you can. It's for your own sake! Come on, you deserve it. If you can't go, at least pat yourself on the back. That's it, Barry.

* Brian Bosworth is not that there censorship guy, but he is a former Oklahoma Sooner who has signed up with the XFL. If I had any idea about who this guy is or if I gave the slightest shit about football, you might've seen some more jokes on that one.

* More Xational Football League news: Jimbo and Jerry The Perv broadcasted one half of an XFL game between Memphis and San Fransisco last Saturday in Las Vegas. On that note, I must say that I wish the XFL would have their teams have clearly defined face/heel roles and gimmicks. In the abovementioned game, Memphis would of course be the Angry Hillbilly team, whereas San Fransisco would be the classic homoerotic effeminate and cowardly heels, á la Lane and Lodi. In any event, J.R. blabbers on about TV times and dates that I'm gonna make you go elsewhere to find, but I will tell you that Jim hopes you'll check them out on Saturday, Feb.

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* 3, on NBC.

* Football cut into Jimbo's beauty sleep (which he personally asks med not to make any wisecracks about, sadly) last Sunday, as he didn't arrive in New Orleans for the Rumble until 5 am. So if you're looking for an explanation for his misidentifications of Edge and Christian (or is that Christian and Edge?) at the PPV, then there you have it. If you're looking for an explanation for why he does it otherwise. . . Keep looking.

* Jim feels so badly for little Tiffany Eunick who was killed by 13-year old Lionel Tate. That Tate's attorney tried to use pro wrestling as an excuse is just sad and unfortunate and improper and bad and irresposible and tragic and wrong. Tate has been contacted by XPW for appearances and a possible long term contract.

* Ooh, bad taste joke. Boo!

* "Mean" Dean Malenko will be on hand at WWF New York this Monday, hosting RAW is WAR. A handful of tickets are still available for the show at Jerry Lawler's favourite venue, Pittsburgh's Mellon Arena.

* Pre-production is ongoing for "The Scorpion King Says", The Rock's movie. It'll wrap sometime in May. Rock's promotion of said movie began way back last year, if you recall, as he started using the Scorpion Leg Lock.

* "Test Test This is a" Test will shoot an episode of TNN's "18 Wheels of Justice" in San Diego in a few weeks. Test and Diesel; The similarities are endless.

* Willie Regal's a pain in the neck and needs to avoid physical activity for the next few weeks. This young Blackburn blueblood will still make his facial expressions felt at all Federation events, says Ross. I predict that Ross will continue to refer to Regal as "young" just to drive the point home for a while into the future. Say, two decades or so.

* Chris Jerrko's back is sore from the ladder match, but he's not expected to miss any action and should be able to continue bumping his head into that nasty glass ceiling for the time being.

* "D-Von, get the tables!" "I don't know if I can, Buh-Buh. First I might neeed to get my shoulder scoped!" "OK."

* X-Pac has been cleared to return to wrestling and while no TV return date has been set, he'll work a house show in rrRaleigh, N. C., February 2. In paranthesis, Jim Ross explains to all that a house show is a non-televised wrestling show. Damn, I've read the Ross Report for almost two years, and he tells me NOW? Ah well, at least now I finally know.

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* Well, I'll be damned. . . Faarooq's *other* knee might now need to be scoped, this just weeks after the first one was cleaned out at the operating tables. I think he needs to stop with his high-flying ways and perhaps start developing a more ground-based brawling-oriented offence.

* Eddye Guerrerrerero is available and at the bookermen's mercy, ready to return to TVs as needed. He'll return to house shows around mid-February, if not sooner. Or later.

* Gangrel has been out with a neck injury for a while now and should be completely healthy soon. No mention of a return to wrestling though. Hmm. VERY hmm.

* Jim Ross expects the Austin-HHH contract signing to be a real doozy, perhaps insinuating that the contract signing won't be as incident-free as past contract signings in the WWF! I hope they write their signatures in BLOOOOD!!

* The Slightly Smaller But Still Pretty Big Show weighs 414, only
fourteen pounds from phase one of his goal. Phase two is 243 lbs, MAX! Down below 200 and he might not have to job to everyone! Jimbo says that this potentionally anorectic star needs to continue to be very serious about his jobs.

* Speaking of weightwatchers, Mark Henry is down to 331, having lost roughly a Max Mini and half a Torito since he was sent to OVW. Just so that the WWF doesn't have to bring him back to TV just yet, he now needs to become more "explosive and athletic" in his matches. I think they might just make up things for a while.

* Right here in the Ross Report (or for you, who's reading this here, the Notes from the Ross Report), Jimbo confirms the big WWF signing everyone's been talking about! Yes, the WWF has indeed signed Bobby Eaton to work as an instructor down in Memphis.

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* From where Jimbo sits, which for those of you who don't know is the announcers' desk, Sunday's PPV was the greatest Rumble since he joined the Fed in 1993. Ross appreciated the efforts of every single superstar. Especially Chyna, who was as impressive as she's ever been
when she was carried out on the stretcher. Jim would give the event a solid 8 or 9 out of 10, just like most PPVs in the past year.

* Triple H and Angle had a very good match too, don't you know.

* The ladder match between Chris and Chris was awesome, with Chris working as good a match as can be expected of anyone, and Chris doing the same. It was one of the finest pieces of business Jimbo has seen in his 25 years in the industry. Doesn't everyone wish they'd elevate Benoit so we wouldn't have to see him in these sort of matches? Or is that just the Canadian Benoit-is-God-and-if-he's-not-world-champ-and-making-every-top-face-tap-to-the-Crossface-he's-being-wasted fans?

* "Kane came up huge in the Rumble and seems to be poised and ready to lead the way as a very significant fan favorite. But I still think we should hear from him from time to time, don't you?" SEEEAAAAANNNNN!!!!

* Former WCW US champ "Stoning" Steve Austin is currently focusing solely on rasslin' (and drinking beer), but quite a few offers have been coming his way. Eat your heart out with your Scorpion King, Rock; Just wait until you see Austin back on Nash Bridges!

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* Chyna's book "If They Only Knew That I Was a Woman, They Might Buy Me Drinks" will be getting a widespread promotional tour, including stops at Howard Stern, "Good Morning America," "The Edge with Greg Dillard and Chris Hyatte Paula Zahn" on Fox News, Extra, "Judith Regan Tonite," People's Magazine, USA Weekend, "Late Night With C-Dawg O'Brien," and "Insight on Freaky Muscular Chicks With Soccerball-Sized Implants -- Special Edition".

* The Hardy Boyz aren't splitting anytime soon. Unless one of them dies, then it might become an option.

* The WWF had no talks with Curt Hennig about returning to the WWF before, at, or after the Rumble. No word on Kurt Henning.

* It's good to see Haku back. He's a great hand, a tough guy, and he'll take your eye out and hand it to you on a small dinner platter.

* "I like Test with the European Title. I hope he has more than a cup of coffee with it and seizes this opportunity to run with the ball against the wind without putting his head in the sand and having his wings clipped so that he can make the most of his time in the sun and be the recipient of more mixed metaphores."

* Jimbo will travel to Louisville, Kentucky to watch some OVW action this Wednesday. He hopes the talent will be relaxed and have fun and not at all concerned with the fact that their careers might be fucked quite hard if Jim "President of Talent Relations" Ross doesn't like what he sees.

* The WWF had a full house at Madison Square Garden this past Saturday, with the biggest house show gate in MSG history, with well over $500,000 at the box office. Does that mean they haven't had sell-outs for Garden house shows in the past? No, silly! They've just raised the ticket prices a whole lot!

* Tickets are slower than normal in North Carolina; both rrRaleigh and Greensboro shows next weekend are not yet fully sold out. These recent bad economic situations surely means impending doom for the WWF, unless something major happens. I'd be very surprised if the promotion was still around by mid-March.

* Oh wait, did I say the WWF? I meant ECW!

* Ross had a nice time working with Drew Carey at the Rumble. Drew developed respect for the business throughout the night and seemed to have some fun himself. He was disappointed to hear that his old acquaintance The Disciplinarian was now working for WOW, however.

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* We end on a serious note and thus, with little joke material for me as J.R. pays his respects to the family of Val Venis, whose momma passed away unexpectedly early Monday morning. Val's teammates (Bull, Steven, and Goodfather? I'd have thought the other Canucks would have been more likely) within the WWF stood by him and helped him through the tough time.

* B-B-Q! B-B-Q! B-B-Q!