* Mideon got dropped from the roster last Friday. It was a sad, sad day for wrestling fans everywhere.

* Wishful thinking, Internet smarks; the rumors that the Big Show and the Ass Show were released are untrue.

* Jimbo was at the OVW A Month Or So After Christmas Chaos event and had a good time. Jim Cornette and "Not Dangerous" Danny Davis are doing such a good job, they should get mentioned in the Ross Report, and their organization deserve a big collective BJotW as slobberblobber Jim Ross goes down on quite a number of the rasslers. And they do. Chris Benoit had a match with Nick Dinsmore and Ross says it was good. All thanks to Dinsmore, I'm sure. No telling if Benoit's OVW champ or not, though. "Mark Henry (330, down 85!)" says Jim, and I'´m wondering if the eighty-five is a report on the amount of weight lost or if it's a command on how much more he should lose. Maybe it's a typo and he meant "330, down towards 85!". Anyhoo, Mr. Sisterfucker 'deserves another chance with the Fed. OVW; AMOSACC also featured a battle of the demons, as Kane and Leviathan fought in a match. Leviathan has unlimited potential but needs more time in Ohio Valley. I looked up 'leviathan' in Webster's to find some fun material, like if I was able to tell you that it meant "Snot" or something. Sadly, it doesn't. The bastard has picked a cool name. However, Webster's DOES tell me that 'Leviathan' was the title of a work by Hobbes. Now, some of you may ask "Hobbes, the cartoon tiger?" to which I say: No, silly. I think it's actually Hobbes, the Delphi poster and nTo member. So there.

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* More OVW blowjobbery: Sheldon "Been Jammin'" Benjamin and Brock "N. Broll" Lesnar are as close as you can get to can't-miss prospects, and the latter, though weighing in at 290 pounds, executed a perfect Shooting Star Press in his match Wednesday night. Sylvester "The Turkey" Terkey and Ron "Water Man" Waterman are "physically awesome" but need to focus on the "sizzle" part of the barbecue. Seven footer Russ McCollough looks too much like Kevin Nash to be brought into the WWF just yet. Maybe fall/winter, though. Damaja is also progressing well, but needs to pop more pills and juice his ass up. An ass that he busts in practice, though. Both previous uses of "ass" are figurative, you should note. B J Payne and Slick Robbie are an afterthought, but they did OK at the show.

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* The situation has greatly improved in Memphis with Randy Hales and Terry Golden working together more smoothly, and of course Bobby Eaton now works there. The Haas Brothers are looking good, as are "Springboard" Scott Vick and "No Nickname Needed" Steve Bradley. The Dupps are also doing much better, and might be called up to do dark matches before tapings. Oh, I'm sorry, they've been doing that for over a year now, if I'm not mistaken. There's no reason why any of those mentioned could not be moved up to the WWF withing twelve months if they work hard and improve their mic skills, says J.R. and godDAMN the waiting list is long for the WWF these days, says J.F.

* Chyna's book promotion is underway. Go buy "If They Only Knew, Their Ass Better Call Somebody" today, at the very least as gratitude for keeping her off TV.

* "Can You Take The Heat" is still selling well and blablablah you don't care. Good Ol' J.R. is also preparing for a book or two he'd like to write and it'd likely be a mighty interesting one as Jim has kept notes on the business for a long, long while (longer than I've kept Notes on him). I wonder how a Shawn Stasiak book would turn out, considering he has a much more detailed recordings, in the literal sense in his case, of goings-on. Anyway, a few more book deals should be announced in the future. By me. Mr. JF. Possibly not genuine ones, though.

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* RAW is WAR; Now entirely Chyna-free! At least for the folks at the arena. If you only knew. . . She'll be at WWF New York.

* Talks with 'representatives' of Shawn Michaels are ongoing. Jim hopes that a deal will be made within the next few days so they can get to work with getting him onto television. Jim also assures us that Shawn is making the deal with him personally, and it's not Triple H or Peter Polaco using their influence to get their "little clique hanger-on" back into the mix.

* Jim really likes hearing feedback, but it'd be nice if he didn't have to deal with the annoying smarks who find fault at everything the WWF does. This week, ECW mutants are especially guilty, with them being disappointed with an "Extreme" SmackDown! without such extreme extremities as canes, barbed wire, or limericks. People shouldn't be disappointed, because it's not the WWF's fault that SmackDown Extreme was called what it was: It was just a marketing tool created by UPN. Like pop.

* D-Von's shoulder continues to bother him. STOP BOTHERING D-VON! Bad shoulder.

* (and a very bad joke)

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* The Rock has a little PAIN in the NECK. I re-use that joke because these little injury updates are quite un-materialistic. Joke-material, I mean. I apologize.

* X Pac gets back to work this weekend. No date set for a TV return, however. Did you know that X Pac smokes WEED? Also, the Road Dogg Brian James smokes WEED! That doesn't have too much to do with this here, actually, but it's so funny, it's almost like it's a joke in itself. They smoke WEED! They SMOKE weed! My, I even think they insinuated it once or twice in catchphrases!

* William Regal also has an injured neck and while it's coming along nicely, he will be kept out of physical activities until further notice. I don't think it'll be too hurtful to his career, though. It'd be much worse if he somehow damaged his face or had to wear a facial protaction thingy that'd keep us without all them hilarious "I'm disgusted" or "I'm appalled" expressions. So let's keep him away from Mabel and Yokozuna, just to be safe.

* Ever wonder who's the most integral player of Lo Down? Jim sez: "Tiger Ali Singh has a minor concussion and a neck problem that will prevent him and Lo Down from appearing at TV and house shows until further notice." And there's your answer.

* Radical injury update # 1: Perry Saturn continues to suffer from lower back pains, no mic skills, and the charisma of a rock (as opposed to a Rock).

* Radical injury # 2: Dean Malenko will probably be cleared to return to action in two weeks. I hope it turns out that he's been hiding under Lita's bed during the period in which he's been goe from TV. Then he'd tell all sorts of fun stories. Dean + sexual innuendo-filled mic work = Gold.

* Radical injury update # 3: Eddy Guerrero's ready to return as both his string of ham *and his groin* are much improved. If there was ever a time where I'd use a cheap Pat Patterson joke, this would be it. Oops, I think I just did, only in the unimaginative manner of "I'm not actually thinking up a joke". Be on the lookout for those whenever you're reading anything, anywhere. My advice to you.

* Radical injury update # 4: Gangrel's expected to get doctor's clearance to return from his neck injury in mid-February. Gangrel is expected to be handed his termination papers mid- to late-February.

* What do you mean 'Gangrel isn't a Radical'?

* The Big But Getting Smaller Show is weighed every Friday, presumably just for the sake of the Ross Reports. He's now down to 414 from 483, no matter how fat YOU think he still looks. His ultimate goal is 375. Jim's ultimate goal for him is 175. Jim says that Wight broke into the biz back-asswards and spent his early years listening to the wrong people. WCW bookers.

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* More talk about Wight and how he better change his ways and work hard. Personally, I think Ross is just a bit too hard on him. "Either he makes [the changes needed], as he is currently trying to do, and succeeds in the Federation, or he fails to make changes and is out on his fat, dimpled ass curtesy of J.R.'s cowboy boot. And I will spit on you and I will laugh!" Tough love, I guess.

* Lots of former WWF employees as well as people from other organizations are trying to jump back on the WWF bandwagon, but they are S.O.L. as the hip new expression goes. Jim won't mention any names, but I have good sources telling me that he might be talking about. Here is the list: All of ECW. All of WCW. All wrestling writers on the world wide web. Mideon.

* First XFL broadcast is today, or as Ross calls it, "tomorrow". They will be reporting from Orlando, where the Rage play the Chicago Whatever.

* The XFL has been overanalyzed. Agreed. I'll move on.

* RAW got 5.4 ratings for last Monday's show. It was really strong considering most TNN programming usually gets 400% less than that, says the all-knowing Jim Ross. That would mean negative ratings in the pure mathematical sense. TNN can't be doing too well.

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* "The straw that stirs the drink" seems to be missing from HeAT on MTV, apparently. Jim admits to not be a huge MTV buff, although he never misses an episode of Undressed.

* You know what I'd like? If Jim did one Ross Report for WWF.com and one for XFL.com. Then there'd only be four pages or so for the WWF one.

* Chyna's Playboy sold over 1.3 million copies, outselling the one with the BLONDE silicon-filled woman of wrestling, which also did high numbers. I think this speaks greatly for the marketability of big boobies.

* Speaking of which, Terri is going to audition for a part in a new TV show produced by the WWF, but not wrestling related. I for one cannot wait for SlutDown!

* J.R.'s BBQ sauce is on the backburner as the ingredients are too costly. Steps are being taken to solve the problem, such as diluting it with water. It is available at WWFShopZone at the current, presumedly high-as-fuck price. Those wealthy bastards who have tried it said it was tasty, though. All four. Jim believes in the project and is doing all in his power to get this thing back rollin' rollin' rollin'

* XFL! Stuff he already said and I didn't tell you the first time! I'm not gonna do it now, because when you're reading this, it'll already be obsolete due to XFL already having debuted.

* Take things. See you next week.