* A non-wrestler you might've heard of, by the name Shawn Michaels, has signed a new contract, and this one, it seems, entails more than simply being paid for not going to WCW. He'll return to TV and might also, possibly, maybe, step into the ring again. To do promos, but also to wrestle.

* Terry "Ryzin'" Gerin, aka Rhinocerus, the current ECW World and TV champion, has signed with the WWF. I'm thinking that if Paul Heythiscompanyisdeadman wants to do a few more shows with the talent he has left (Tommy Dreamer, Cyrus, and Mikey Whipreck, more or less), he needs to do something about his champ leaving. Maybe he could bring in an ex-ECW wrestler from WCW to win the belt from the guy who's going to the WWF. Have Awesome come in and beat Rhino, and then, as they can't have a WCW wrestler for an ECW championship, he jobs to Tazz (as he does in these situations). Then you have the perfect setup for a WrestleMania matchup, and that should be a good deal for Heyman, since he'll be a WWF booker at that time.

* Provided he doesn't get lost on the way over, Mick Foley will speak at Cleveland State University on Friday. That might mean yesterday, it might mean next week, we don't know. Due to his pee-pee-related comedy and mentioning of genitalia, Foley's become one of the most popular speakers on college campuses. Go figure.

* The Rock will be on the Tonight Show with Gay Leno Friday night. On Saturday, in LA, he'll be part of an XFL game. As a player or a cheerleader, Jimbo does not tell us.

* Al Snow recently inked a new contract. He was later told that contracts should be typed and that the WWF talent agents normally handled that job.

* Possible trainers for the new WWF/MTV show Tuff E-Nuff are Tazz, Jacquelyn, Al Snow, and Squire Dave Taylor. The first one would be interesting because he could laugh in the losers' faces bellybuttons when they mess up a move. Al Snow would be good because he could come up with hilarious dairy-related gimmicks. On the other hand, Jacquelyn has big, big boobies. Squire Dave Taylor, however, would just bring tons upon tons of watchers to tune in, so I guess they'll go with him.

* "If They Only Knew What a Whiny Bitch I Am" is being pushed hard, despite reportedly sucking. Kind of like the woman herself. The book is up to # 3 of the New York Times bestsellers list. Trailing by just a few thousand spots is The Buzz on Pro Wrestling by the esteemed Mr. Scott Kieth, by the way.

* Triple H keeps getting better and better, and that scares Jim Ross for some reason. I know my Halloween costume next year will be of someone improving. The horror, the horror. HHH and a guy Austin will have a match at No Way Out, and what a match it will be! So says Jim Ross, at least.

* The Haas Brothers as well as Matt Anoia and Ekmo Fatu did well in dark/tryout matches last week, in the eyes of Good Ol' JR. Haha, "Ekmo". Them Island folk and their wacky names. . . hahaha.

* "Uliuli Fifita," for instance. Haha. Awesome.

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* X-Pac is bac in ac. -tion. He's wrestled on house shows and will maybe be back on TV as early as RAW.

* Did you know that the World Wide Web is full of FILTHY, FILTHY LIARS!!!? Well, you should now, because neither PJ Montoya nor Mr. JL were backstage in Atlanta or North Charleston, contrary to what some sites said.

* Ultimate Pro Wrestling. Southern California. Run by Rick Bassman. Training for young talent. Several excellent prospects. If I knew a single name of a wrestler in the fed, I might care enough to write complete sentences. That is all.

* Ross tells us we need to keep a close eye on the Kat/RTC issue, as it might be fun TV. I predict full frontal nudity on SmackDown! In a shocking twist, it'll be by Bull Buchanan.

* Billy Ass has the flu but hasn't missed any bookings. Bummer.

* K-Kwik continues to improve and has a bunch of backstage people smiling. Obviously code for telling us that he's distributing WEED! He teamed with Road Dogg before you know, and that is what happens.

* Sexy mofo Paul Bearer is working behind the scenes, scouting and eveluating talent. Hoping he'll find some new good dead guys, no doubt.

* On SmackDown!, The Big But Getting Smaller Or Is He Really Show had his best outing since returning, according to Jimbo. His total fattitude is still a problem, though.

* "Wet" Willy Regal's sore back is getting healthier and he should be returning back to action in a few weeks. No no, William, slow down, no need to rush! Regal needs the time to heal. In the mean time, Regal is taking the time to heel.

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* The Radicalz should be getting back at full force by mid-February. In five days, in other words. The WWF needs them to become more viable in the big picture, presumably as a group. I'm betting on at least three of them teaming up at WrestleMania, just so they tie up a number of the wrestlers into one match. Gots to fit them all in, you know.

* Mark Henry is down to 325 pounds from the starting point at 415. He's beginning to "get it", says Ross. I wonder when he'll begin to get how similar his situation is to the Blue Meanie's.

* WrestleMania tickets are still available in Houston and Texas ticketmasters, so what are you waiting for? ROCK vs AUSIN! HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM!

* Albert is making excellent progress in the ring, but Jimbo thinks he needs a new name. I suggest "Alfred".

* Raven will be getting more TV time, it seems. He's one of them "outstanding talents" that are fairly common, and he has real love for the Game. Or is that the game? "We're very happy he's with us." Another word for 'happy' is 'gay'. This piece of evidence needs to go into the RSPW FAQ.

* Jim would like Tazz to get a more prominent role in WWF storylines, but his announcing role takes up a lot of his time. The WWF had the same problem with Ray Rougeau in 1995. In any event, Tazz is not just undersized, he's underutilized as well.

* "Are there any better teams in the business than the Dudley Boyz and Edge & Christian? Not for my money." With Mideon and Viscera gone, I guess I must agree.

* Good golly, miss Molly Holly has not had a bad match since joining the WWF. You can't say the same about Chris Jericho, can you, smark? MOLLY FOR IC CHAMP!

* RAW and SmackDown! have both sold out like an ECW champion.

* Ross promises us that some very interesting storyline changes are in the planning stages. I'm half expecting that we'll see Commissioner Dokk Hendrix.

* If Trish continues to improve and could become as "big" as any other WWF female ever, says Jimbo. OBVIOUSLY hinting at a pregnancy angle.

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* Jim wishes they (the WWF, including Good Ol' JR himself) could get serious with their light-heavyweights and stop using Essa Rios as a lawn dart at staff parties.

* Xational Football League blabber. I'll just copy and paste: "I've been in L.A. since Wednesday preparing for my NBC/XFL national broadcast Saturday night between L.A. and Chicago. I'm slated to work with Jesse Ventura on the broadcast, which should be most interesting because I hate his damn guts. "The Body" and I have somewhat of a checkered past, which should make our game more interesting to long-time fans who can catch me calling him names under my breath. My thanks to all the fans and my friends who have offered their support and positive feedback on this assignment. Yes, I am nervous, but I'm really looking forward to a slobberknockin' kick-off on Slobberknocker Saturday night at 8 p.m. ET. Football purists and some media types won't like our non-traditional slobberknocker presentation, but they can suck my balls. I promise you that they will be sweaty."