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* For several reasons, some of which he'll get into next Friday, Jimbo feels No Way Out will be That Damn Good of a show. Ooh, cliffhanger! Good Ol' marketing genius J.R. making sure we tune in next week! Well, I'll do him one better and remind you again at the end of this document. If I remember to, that is.

* Chyna's debut litterary work "If They Only Knew How Much This Book's Gotten Trashed By Anyone With Brains Who's Read It Then No One Would Buy It" is doing very well, and Jim says it seems to be popular with female readers in particular, insinuating that the female gender is of lesser intelligence. Hey, he's the one who's saying it. Don't blame me! By the way, Mrs. Ross enjoyed it! It's currently at # 3 at the New York Times' bestsellers list, which is the same spot as last week! If you're missing the joke here, it seems that the book uses way too many exclamation points! I just explained to joke to make sure everyone was following along! Now, isn't this hilarious?! OK, I'll move on!

* Tajiri hasn't signed his WWF contract yet, but is expected to do so this week. I wonder if Tajiri actually writes his name when he signs contracts, or if he just sprays green mist on the dotted line. On the other hand, Mr. JL's contract should just be waiting for a signature from Mr. JR when the latter gets back from the road trip he's on. See, there was this tape, and Ross doesn't want his wife to know about it, so he and his wacky buddies have to reach it before it arrives at--. . . Hey wait a minute, that's not right.

* If you're awaiting an e-mail response from Jim Ross, don't hold your breath or you will turn purple and die. It's not that he doesn't love you, it's just that he's not at his computer a lot. Me, on the other hand, you can e-mail and I'll get back to you within AT LEAST two or three weeks. Probably sooner.

* The Kat-RTC storyline will continue to escalate and will likely have a presence at No Way Out. I hear they're planning on having all the participants in the tag title match join the Right to Nudity and will wrestle the match wearing nothing at all. Except for Kane, he'll have the mask.

* Eric Angle is training down in OVW, meaning he can stand to lose some weight, I guess. Too soon to tell if Eric can approach his younger brother Kurt's success, though, says Ross. I smell Body Donnas 2K.

* Even if Jimbo doesn't answer e-mails, it seems he does read them. Ross is NOT an obstacle keeping Paul Heyman from joining the WWF, contrary to what a lot of people seem to believe. No, Jim really wants it. He wants it bad. Also, a previous comment by J.R. where he said he'd drink Paul's kool-aid has been misinterpreted by some as a negative remark. As if that saying's not universally known. No no, Ross really likes Heyman and thinks he can be a big addition to the staff. He'll wear Paul's home-made bunny slippers any day of the week!

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* Last week, Ross mentioned how awesome the Dudleys and Edge and Christian were in the tag division. Big mistake, as he now has to rectify the statement by adding the Hardy Boyz to the list. Presumably in reaction to millions upon millions of fourteen year old girls (named Danielle or Tory or such) e-mailing him, wondering why the brothers weren't listed. Jim blames sleep deprivation. BUT WHAT ABOUT KAI EN TAI?

* Eddie Guerrerrererro is regaining his timing after his injury-induced layoff. He's currently at 75% of his abilities, which is still better than most. And he's at 120% of his usual size and 53% of his normal skin pigmentation.

* Chris Benwaaah will turn babyface in 2001. Jimbo just about tells us flat-out, and this smells a little bit like Russo looking in his crystal ball in the WWF Magazine, if anyone catches that reference. Chris for King of the Ring, sez I, booked with a Bret Hart-in-93 vibe as he goes over, say, William Regal, Paul Wight, and Eddy Guerrero along the way. Even if we'll probably get the common formula of a midcard heel winning in preparation for moving to the next level, that'll be my pick.

* "Working with Jesse Ventura is much like I remembered from days of yesteryear. Jesse is Jesse." They hate each other's guts, don't they?

* Lisa Marie Varon, who may or may not be the daughter of Elvis and the ex-wife of Michael Jackson with a new last name, is improving her in-ring work down in Memphis Championship Wrestling. With Bobby Eaton there, she's sure to get better, though. Will she ever be good enough for the high-standards WWF women's division? Only time will tell.

* Kurt Angle, "Wet" Willie Regal, Triple-H and megasuperduperstar K-Kwik will all be at the big MCW show that's being held on Wednesday in in Jonesboro, Arkansas. I hear "Camouflaged Teenage Riflemen" is a popular gimmick down there. The people in charge in Memphis, that being Randy Hales, Terry Golden, and Bobby Eaton, are doing an excellent job and should continue to raise the bar. The bar has already been raised high enough so that only one of the Dupps manages to approach it, apparently, as Murray "Dupp" Harper is the only one of the so-called brothers mentioned. Others with potential are the Haas Brothers, Steve Bradley, and "Springboard" Scott Vick.

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* That's not etched in stone like in the old Dungeon of Doom skits, though, so others, maybe even some Dupps, might move up and surprise Ross. Who will then say "You almost gave me a heartattack, you bastard, you're fired!" Perhaps.

* Jim Ross wants Tazz (whose new "Just Another Midget" T-shirt is available in the JF'NShopZone, if you missed it) to get more in-ring time. Jimbo's 'intuition' tells him it'll happen, too. Ah, bookerman's intuition seldom fails.

* X Pac looks rested, almost like if he wasn't high. No "always sleepy eyes", as TAKA would say. There's a "creative piece" missing, however, and he also needs to have more than two words for us if he wants to go places.

* Mick Foley won't be returning soon, neither now or at WrestleMania. That makes me happy, curiously enough. He will return to TV soon enough, though. Mick's time is being spent with his three kids as well as with writing. A new book is on the horizon, with still more tales of his injuries and, one hopes, Brett Hart.

* Dean Malenko returns to action this Sunday in Evansville, Indiana, wrestling against Jerry "The Perv" Lawler. Ross tells us to expect a ground attack in the match. Because they're so SHORT!

* Justin Credible will make his live event debut at the same card, versus megasuperduperstar K-Kwik. I wonder so who will win.

* "Wet" Willie Regal is coming closer and closer to returning from his neck injury. He'll be travelling to Australia in late March to represent the WWF. Them's the break when you don't keep Outback Jack on as a goodwill ambassador.

* "Lita spent a couple of days in Toronto doing promotional work for the Federation and our hard-working Canadian staff this week. I love her boobies! No, I mean potential! I really, really love her potential."

* RAW in St. Louis this Monday is about 90% ECW'd, whereas SmackDown!

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* Tuesday night in Kansas City has been ECW'd for a couple of weeks, though. I really like how the page breaks at wwf.com seem completely at random, cutting off anywhere there is a period, exclamation, or question mark.

* Roster cuts are still to come. Let the speculation begin, commands Jim. Hah, I started that WEEKS ago. Odds-on favourites are still Gangrel and Just Joe. A more complete list is in a past NftRR, if you're gonna be betting.

* "WrestleMania: The Official Insider's Story" is being released soon. The book is on the history of WrestleMania and will be promoted by several WWF wrestlers. Just wait until next month and "Backlash: The Official Insider's Story", that one will be huge.

* It's alive! It's ALIIIIVE! J.R.'s BBQ sauce lives and good news are forthcoming. I expect he means the proposed combination package of J.R.'s Slobberknockin' Vibrator and the BBQ sauce as lubricant.

* It's party time for Jim Ross when he broadcasts football. Not only does he have a great time doing it, but he also thinks it's fun AND he's having a blast! Lots of people say that he has no business calling football because he's in the pro-wrestling game. But no one said Steve McMichael shouldn't have been allowed to call wrestling, did they? They did? Oh. Still, those saying bad things about Jim Ross and who are jackasses about pro-wrestling in general are pathetic motherless fucks (is what Ross is saying), as well as insecure and ignorant. This whole paragraph has a feel of an anti-blowjob, as Ross zeroes in on a particular goal but instead of heaping praise upon it blasts it to hell. Quite painful in other words. It even spans across two pages!

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* So, instead of a BJotW in this report, we have a BBotW. Yup. Ball-Bite of the Week.

* With that unpleasant imagery, I bid you adieu. Tune in next week to find out the secret reasons why No Way Out will kick some serious ass.