* Jimbo be shillin' with his homies and says he has a good feeling about this year's WrestleMania.

* RAW IS WAR and SmackDown! IS !nwoDkcamS were both total corporate sellouts last week, and contained some awesome television moments. You just can't fail when you have midgets on. Oh, by the way, there are tens of thousands of tickets left for WrestleMania, so go buy one already.

* Apparently, every single WWF Superstar will take part in (WrestleMania weekend fan festival)AXXSSEXXSS at one time or another. I believe it when I see "Just" Joe there. Paying people to let him give them his autograph.

* Bob "Rod Man" Holly recently had an MRI, but his C5 and C6 discs should be A-OK within a couple of W.E.E.K.S. The WWF certainly wouldn't have him return to action before he's 100%. That's only done when it comes to badasses from Texas, not Alabama.

* Bust a move! Bust an eardrum! That's what Rikishi did, and despite his successful surgery last Tuesday, he probably won't be able to return to action before WrestleMania. That certainly puts the tag title match with him and Haku wrestling Undertaker and Kane in jeopardy, doesn't it? I mean, that was such a sure thing!

* Last Wednesday, Steve Austin was on The Tonight Show with Gay Leno, and apparently did a good job. Unfortunately, Leno didn't get to feel the KICK WHAM STUNNER! I guess the danger of that huge, pointy chin chopping Austin's arm straight off was too great.

* Chyna's promotional tour for "If They Only Knew" has reached Canada, as she's going to Toronto and Montreal this week. Jimbo wonders if the book maybe turned into a made-for-TV movie one day. Or perhaps a FOX Special. "WHEN FOOTBALL SIZED IMPANTS ATTACK",
maybe, or "WHEN HANDSPPRING ELBOW GO HORRIBLY, HORRIBLY WRONG".

* The Chris Benoit vs.

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* Eddy Guerrero match on SmackDown! was quite awesome, wasn't it? Both the Wolverine cub and Eddy are main events waiting to happen, says Ross: Let us all pray they get elevated tomorrow, because having talented wrestlers stay in the upper midcard over a year into their WWF careers is just ridiculous, when you can easily have a main event lineup of half the roster. I just hope Eddy and Benoit don't sever any vital veins breaking through that glass ceiling.

* Drop your pants, Kurt Angle, here comes the JR BlowJob of the Week. Ross manages -- between gurgles -- to tell us that Angle is the most talented wrestler he's ever seen, as relative to his experience level.

* Mick Foley will shoot a new Chef Boyardee commercial next week. Says Ross: "Beefy!"

* William Regal II; Australian Outback. The Commish will travel to the land of kangaroos, dingos, and Minogue sisters next week -- missing some TV in the process -- to do some promotional work. I assume he will lick heads and bite butts, as is custom Down Under. Or so I understand.

* Play that funky music, Black Man! Steve Blackman, that is.
Ross notes that Steve is quite the dancer.

* Speaking of dancing and general funkiness, Scotty 2 Hottie's still injured. He probably won't be able to return in time for WrestleMania. But maybe if he returns at the same time as Rikishi. . .

* THIS IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE DANCE

* How do you like your ribs, K-Kwik? How about broken? No? OK, let's have them heal, then, and then maybe you can return in a few weeks. You little charismatic young man, you!

* Dave Taylor has been dropped from the Tuff E.Nuff project, but should appear on WWF TV instead. Perchance he shall be involved with Regal and recreate the magic of the Blue Bloods, Ross tells us, although it has not BEEN ETCHED.. IN STONE!

* Still on with Tuff E.Nuff, however, are Jacquelyn, Tori, and Al Snow (alongside his midget friend Tazz).

* We should keep our eyes on the new faction of X-Pac, Justin Credible, and Albert. I liked the potential of an Albert/Saturn team better myself, but them's the breaks. Hey, I wonder if, in a few years, Albert will be considered a member of the Clique, like revisionist history has transformed people like Billy Gunn and Justin into full-fledged members in the minds of some people.

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* Undertaker vs Triple H looks to be on like a bon-bon for WrestleMania, and Jim thinks it's the feud has begun really well. It's been an awesome slow-burning build ever since their time together in the Corporate Ministry, arguing over who should get a shot at the WWF title. WrestleMania is in Texas, you know, and that's Undertaker's home town, an advantage that is not to be underestimated. Why, even race car drivers may get clean non-title pinfall victories over the Intercontinental champ if the conditions are just right.

* Last week, while in Memphis, Jimbo had the opportunity to watch Power Pro Wrestling and Memphis Championship Wrestling on TV., and he seems pleased with what he saw. Former Mean Street Posse members Pete Gas, Joey Abs and Rod "Ney" Rageous were impressive, as were Shawn Michaels trainees American Dragon, Lance Cade, Shooter Shultz, and Spanky, the latter of which has the most awesome name in American wrestling this side of the Samoans.

* Charlie and Russ Haas have a good work moral and are continuing to improve, giving them a fairly decent chance to appear on TV at some point in their lives. I hope that if and when they do debut, McMahon goes the old "Funk Brothers" route, naming one of them Hoss. Hoss Haas.

* Raven might turn into a fan favourite in the future, or people may just continue not to care. He'll need some more mic time though, which Ross says is hard to come by on RAW and SmackDown! That's how it goes when you pack the shows with wrestling for almost two hours straight.

* Well it's a mention of the Big Show without mentioning his weight issues! It sure looks like Show will wrestle Kane at WrestleMania, but before we get into details, let's take a

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* As I was saying, it looks like the Big Show will take on The Big Red Monster at WrestleMania, and if so, then Wight better get ready because Kane is awesome. In other words, Wight's likely to job.

* The Hardy Boyz and the Lita Grrl are a great trio of amazing performers, and Jimbo feels they could all become awesome singles wrestlers. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow.. But the next day, and for the rest of your life. Or something. In fact, Ross says all three will turn out to be "main event singles competitors". Personally, I have a hard time seeing Lita main eventing a big show, but you never know. Anyway, the trio will be doing a photo shoot for the Rolling Stone in the near future.

* Ache's Edging back (or is that the other way aro-- never mind) is getting better, and he'll be back in action in his hometown of Toronto this weekend. You know, a hometown crowd is an advantage that is not to be underestimated. Why, even race car drivers may get clean non-title pinfall victories over the Intercontinental champ if the conditions are just right.

* Deja vu!

* You might think that Ross contradicted himself when he made the XFL call to action on TV after saying in last week's Report that e-mailing WWF writers regarding the Lawler situation was not the right way to go. You might think so, but you'd be wrong. Dead wrong. Now let us move on.

* Again, we must speak about Paul Heyman. Take it away, Jim: "It amazes me to read on the Internet how people perceive my relationship with Paul Heyman. No one has interviewed me about it but here's the story. I like Paul's Kool-Aid. I like drinking Paul's Kool-Aid. I respect Paul's Kool-Aid's taste and funky colors.

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* "I do not hate or dislike Paul's Kool-Aid. Paul's Kool-Aid and I have had a positive relationship for many, many years. I helped Paul mix his Kool-Aid, and for that I am very proud. Paul's Kool-Aid containers are easy to dislike and we hope to work off this natural tension and produce some fun TV for our viewers. I have personally supported Paul in a variety of ways in ECW over the years; and I am in awe of what amounts of Kool-Aid he, his team and their fans mixed. However, are we going to drink that Kool-Aid on TV? I sure hope so! Will it be fun to watch? That's the obvious goal, and we will both work damn hard to make that happen (but it can't and won't happen overnight)."

* All is silent on the Lawler front. Jimbo has talked with his former commentating partner twice this week, and they remain friends. And so they shall remain, forever and ever.

* "Can You Take the Heat?" is still doing well, and Jim's always happy to sign them whenever annoying little smark brats come up to him with it, using it as an excuse to present him with their own booking ideas and suggestions. I'm talking to YOU, Scott Keith!

* Even though the debate between Vince McMahon and Bob Costas on HBO last Wednesday was a ratings grabber and made for riveting television, Ross tells us not to expect a one-on-one matchup between them at WrestleMania. Instead, look for it to be a free-for-all battle royal type of thing, with various members of the McMahons duking it out with the likes of Costas, Phil Mushnik, L. Brent Bozell III, et c.

* Oh joy, we are now entering the lengthy XFL paragraphs of the week. Most of the time, I simply don't care about the XFL one way or the other. Once a week, however, when I write the Notes from the Ross Report you see before you, I wish for its demise, just so that I wouldn't have to deal with these blatherings. With that little personal note out of the way, let us get right into the exciting things said about the league. As you might have heard, Jimbo was called "one of the XFL's biggest mistakes.", an insult so horrifying we must take a

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* And we're back. There've been some more insults thrown Jimbo's way recently, but he's used to it after some twenty years in the rasslin' bidniss. Bringing that up allows him the opportunity to suck the metaphorical penis of the business on the whole, before closing the lengthy diatribe with some more XFL praise/defending. Oh, and there were a bunch of dates for important games and some other stuff thrown into the mix, but I don't feel like getting into it.

* And that's it. See you next week.