* Resistol hats. They resist shit.

* WWF superstars have a three-day Easter holiday, from Friday through Sunday. For the past few years, particular wrestlers have spent their time off with entertaining Easter-games, such as re-enacting the crucifiction of Christ with old Undertaker props. This year, however, all that is in doubt due to the new symbol-less "American Badass" persona. Instead, perhaps they could re-enact the hit-and-run of (Scott) Christ. Even if that didn't really happen. Anyways, the wrestlers will be back in action on Monday in front of what should be a slack-jawed crowd in Knoxville, Tennessee. There's place for almost 20,000 people in the arena, and it looks to be completely ECW'd or close to it. On Tuesday, it's the SmackDown! tapings in the Jeff Gaylord Entertainment Center in Nashville. Nashville, by the way, is one of the WWF's favourite stops. Look for the shows to give you a little bit of a clearer direction for the Backlash card, which will be held in Chicago, Sunday, April 29th.

* Yes, Backlash will be held in Chicago, more specifically in the Chicago Allstate Arena, which is already EC-Dubbed. Chicago, by the way, is one of the WWF's favourite stops. Ross is frank with us and admits that ticket sales are strong all-round, including post-Backlash TV towns Milwaukee and Indianapolis. As if we haven't already gotten enough future WWF stops to keep track of, we'll just mention four more: wacky Waco and stylin' Tyler, both in Texas will be sites for upcoming house shows, and so will Albert-jerky, New Mejico on April 22nd. Then it's off to 2xDenver for RAW and SmackDown!. Got all that? Good.

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* Being in the same town for both TV tapings is liked by the wrestlers, obviously. They don't have to pack their bags, go to the airport, tell the strippers to go home because they can't stay overnight, etc. So now they'll have more time to play ribs on one another and poop in gymbags and such.

* Bidniss on Wednesday and Thursday in Florida neither picked up nor down, and generally was unextraordinary and nothing to speak of either way. They did OK on a market that's not huge. Thoroughly unremarkable in every way. Let's move on.

* TAKA Muhfuhnoku has a tear running down his rotator cuff in his shoulder, but the doctor thinks it will be OK with time and physical therapy. TAKA will have to strengthen his shoulder to prevent further injury, but he will be able to continue to wrestle JAKKED main events, only restricted by the immense pain. Pain is temporary, TAKA is for ever.

* You may know him to bust his ass in cage matches or bust a move on occasion (and perhaps move a bust, although I don't know what that'd mean), but at the moment, Rikishi Phatu also has a busted eardrum. He will see a specialist this Tuesday to determine when he might be able to come back to action. You know what joke I could make? I could type stuff in all-CAPS and make it seem like I'm screaming due to Rikishi not being able to hear me properly otherwise. But I won't.

* Main event draw K-Kwik's shoulder is gettin' a wee bit rowdy on him, and he has called somebody. Namely a doctor, and he has an appointment for next week. It wouldn't surprise Ross if the shoulder will need surgery down the road. My gosh, the top WWF babyfaces just keep dropping off.

* "D-Von, get the orthopedist!" Buh-Buh's having some knee problems and is yet another WWF wrestler who has a doctor's appointment next week, thhough keeps working for the time being.

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* Scotty 2 Hottie is still several weeks from returning and dance along with Grandmaster Sexay and Rikishi Phatu to an enormous pop from the crowd.

* The countdown is on! WWF Insurrextion, the UK PPV, is drawing nearer. Unless Essa Rios or someone becomes world champ, the show looks to be headlined by the Dead Dude taking on "Stoning" Steve Austin for the WWF title and the Other Dead But Red Dude taking on Triple-H. Also, Chris Jerrko will wrestle Kurt Angle, and Chris Benwaah wrestles "Wet" Willie Regal in a match that will surely be viewed as a match of the year candidate by smarks Internet-wide. It won't be as praised as their match at the Pillman show, naturally, as more people will see this one. A lot of the time, quality is relative to how mainstream something is not, you know. These matches, and particularly having Austin and Triple H in singles matches will give the UK fans more "bang for their buck". Tee-hee. That's funny if you know what those words mean in Brit-slang.

* "bang" means a loud noise. "buck" means money. See how funny it was?

* Both Regal and Bradshaw will go to the UK on May 2nd for some promotional work. Only one of those two is British. I forget which one. Either way, they'll make appearances at various schools as well as a black-tie fundraiser for the Make-A-Wish-Sunshine Foundation.

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* Chyna will be on "The View" to talk about her book, her fitness video, her left boob and her right boob. Opposing her will be amazon woman Barbara Walters.

* Da Rock will be on the Tonight Show with Gay Leno on May 1 to hype "Finally The Mummy Has Come Back To Egypt" and "The Scorpion King Says" while attempting, like all guests, to resist the temptation of punching Leno in the mouth. Rock has been well received by Hollywood, and from what people are telling him, Ross will be very disappointed if they don't receive a nod from the Academy at next year's awards. Rock's a nice boy, so he'll be allowed to return to the WWF after filming is complete. The plan is to have Rock both be a major motion picture star and a WWF Superstar, still featured on RAW, SmackDown!, PPVs, and house shows. You know, just like guys like Kevin Costner and Jim Carrey have day jobs. Jim Ross lets us know that there are hopes for other WWF superstars to become successful actors as well. Can't you just see Perry Saturn and Terri Runnels in a remake of Casablanca? Not to mention Citizen Kane.

* While we all take pride that the pudgy, nickle-and-dime, Buster Douglas-of-2000, amateur wrestler Rulon Gardner got to be the one to score a lucky win over an unfocused, aging Alexander Karelin who was more focused on his political career than the Olympics, the gold medalist has not received any scandalous offers from the WWF. Go figure.

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* Mick Foley's next book is called "Foley is Good" -- the originally planned title "Leftovers From the First Book" was scrapped -- and will be heavily hyped by the WWF. It has some big shoes to fill, but if you need to fill out your shoes you're better off with plain old newspaper scraps. Ross feels Foley's a talented writer and has many bodies of work in him, despite the lacking qualities of his own body. Foley will be back on TV soon, most likely. He'll have his own segment where he reads aloud from the book and tells us to go buy it if we want to know what happened to Brett Hart next.

* SmackDown! did a 3.7 rating this past week, down 14% from last week. "Ironically," Survivor also went down, as did Friends. It's like ray-ay-ayynn on your wedding day / it's a free rai-aide when you've already paid / it's the good advaaaayyyce that you just didn't take / it's having Friends and Survivor and SmackDown! all do poorly in ratings." Yup, yup. Jim Ross, smart man that he is, reaches the stratling conclusion that less people were watching TV than the week previous. By the way, you have to wonder what Triple-H will think about the fact that Austin left the building and wasn't there to save HHH from dropping the WWF title belt. You have to.

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* The XFL playoffs are this week, and Jimbo wants you to make sure you watch them so they can get a rating.

* Now that the XFL season is over and done with on Jimbo's part, he's keeping himself busy with the little playground we call WCW. He'll soon meet with the talent that have already been signed (all three or four of them) as well as some other talents that look to be in on it. The preliminary date for the first tapings is June 9th in Fairfax, Virginia. It'll be a two hour "live-to-tape" show -- pronounce "live however you want, as the noun or verb -- and will air at 11 pm/10 pm that same night on TNN. A staff of agents and writers is being put together, and Ross is acting as consultant. As in "Parodized me on TV. Out." Kevin "That Is Simply Well" Dunn is trying to pick the broadcasters, but of course needs the expert help of Good Ol' J.R.

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* Jimbo will be in Atlanta Wednesday through Friday of next week meeting with potential wrestlers, potential writers, potential agents, potential jobbers, and potential bookerman's bitches. WWF leftovers and the Not Quite Ready For Pime Time-players of OVW and Memphis will likely be part of the new WCW. The administration would love to have some more experienced people with star power onboard, but if that doesn't come through then it'll sure be fun to watch the li'll ones try their darndest, won't it? By the way, the programs name has yet to be determined, but suggestions have made the rounds on a WWF.com poll, including "WCW Saturday Night Hard-On" and "WCW Cumbox". One of those was not a joke. Jimbo's favourite is the simple "WCW Saturday Night Nitro" option, but he's been told that he's an old unhip, dull bastard. However, he has also heard that it is hip to be square. He is confused.

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* WCW successful again, the company must come first, blahblahbla blah. Blah bla blah, blablah blah blah, become as significant as the WWF brand, blah blah. Blah blablah bla blah. Blablablah blah. Blah.

* Molly Holly, MCW's Victoria, and Edge and Christian will all take part in Rick Bassman's Ultimate Pro Wrestling event on Wednesday, April 25th. Bassman's group does a good job in scouting and training roid freaks and giving them valuable face paint they may need in their future careers.

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* Is Hardcore Kid the lovechild of Mr. Holly's affair with Barbara Bush? Whether he is or not, he's going to have back surgery done to him on May 1st. If they put in a steel rod in place of his spine, then we'll know if there's any relation. While the poor kid is good enough to play a Conquistadore, he could become a bit bigger. "Naturally", of course, because that's the only way it's done around here, isn't it? Yes.

* Danny Davis and Jim Cornette are doing a good job down in OVW and have lost several poun--... Wait, that's not why they are there, is it? Well, they're doing a good job with the developmental talents don't there, who are neither late for practice or pains in the ass. Jim will be shocked if he doesn't see some of them on TV in the next few weeks. Whoa.

* Kurt Angle's brother Zip is getting started in the OVW, and while he isn't the prodigy that Kurt was, he too has a great work ethic and a good athletic starting ground. Problem is, while Kurt was a championship amateur wrestler, Eric's (as Zip is sometimes called) greatest passion was table hockey.

* Another OVWer is Solomona Saiopo -- judging by the name either one of them funky islanders or a Finn. He looks like the Rock and is trained by Afa, so I'm gonna have to go with Finland. Anyway, his achille's tendon is healing and he was able to return to regular workouts this week. We can all breathe easier now.

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* More OVW news: Flash Flannagan's elbow is healing fine after some unnecessary bone was removed from there just for fun. Flash is one of them ugly people, says Ross, but he has great timing, heart, and will to injure himself for our amusement. Jimbo hopes that some day, Flash will be allowed to be on TV. Perhaps as a jobber in a LH title tournament, I don't know. Either way, he sort of reminds Jim of Mick Foley, who's also ugly.

* Savio Vega and Victor Quinnones are doing a fine job keeping silent about stabbings they may or may not have seen in wrestlers' locker rooms -- oh, and also handling some rasslin' shows. Pete "Gas" and Russ McCollough are both on their way down to what we affectionately call "Final Destination". Russ McCollough is a big ol' seven-footer who looks a lot like Kevin Nash. So much, in fact, that Jimbo tells us Russ at times seems to not know who he really is. McCollough should focus on being himself, because there's only place for one Nash under WWF contract. And that's Test. If McCollough can survive Puerto Rico then he may have a shot.

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* Now that Tiger Ali Singh is healthy again, he too will be sent to Puerto Rico. That's like saying "now that you're healthy, we're going to have you killed". Tiger Ali is a nice enough fellow and keeps himself in great condition, but he simply hasn't stopped sucking as the WWF hoped. On to Final Destination.

* The Memphis situation is a bit "fucked-up" as we like to call it, but it's no fault of Terry Golden, who runs MCW, nor anyone else anywhere. Bobby Eaton is an MCW trainer and is one of the best MCW trainers ever, says Jimbo. Name dropping: Russ and Hoss Haas, American Dragoon, Spunky, Shooter Notkurt Schultz, and Lance Cade -- They are all working hard. None harder than Cade, though, and hard workers get blowjobs. Gurgle, tremendous future ahead, gurglegurgle, bonafide chance to go to the next level, gurgle slurp gulp. Oh, and the two wrestlers who singlehandedly killed ECW (think about it, it makes sense) Joey Matthews and Christian York have both been signed by the WWF and could also become stars if they put some weight on the "the right way". No breast implants then, I guess. Victoria is also working hard, and she wants it. She wants it bad.

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* Kurt Angle, William Regal, Chris Benwaa, the APA, Crash and Molly Holly will all participate in a big MCW event in Jackson on April 18th. If you want to check it out, Jackson's about an hour outside Memphis.

* See you next week? Maybe.