* Meetings were held in Florida the past week with both prospective WCW talents and those who are already talented. Talents included "Awesome" Mike Awesome, "Humorous" Hugh Morrus, Billy "Kid-Man" Kidman, Torrie "Tori" Wilson, Jamie "San" "Knoble" Howard and "Shawn" Stasiak. Non-talents were Jimmy Hart, Johnny Ace, and Barrio Brother Ricky Santana. No props for Fidel Sierra? Anyway, the meetings were all positive but fairly "informational" in nature. That means Ross simply told them in a very straight-forward manner how much weight they needed to lose, I imagine. Awesome, Morrus, Howard and Stasiak will be sent down to Memphis Championship Wrestling (which is apparently in Memphis) later this month. I say they just make MCW into WCW and WCW into MCW, thoiugh I don't really know what I mean by that. No one else of the aforementioned people are under contract, but they were at least mentioned in the Ross Report, and that means they're about half-way there. "As far as in-ring talents are concerned, Billy Kidman and Torrie Wilson are two very positive and talented young performers whom we are interested in." So now Torrie and Kidman are pretty much equals in terms of "in-ring talent". That wraps up the "WCW Talent Meetings, Spring of 2001" US tour, and the only one left out is Lance Storm, who Jimbo will meet with later this month when the WWF hits Calgary... Alberta, Manada.

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* Still no confirmed start date for WCW television, but all indications say it will happen within the next two decades. Progress is "evident". Quite. J.R. acknowledges that they're probably moving too slowly for some; however, those people are whiny bitches who need to realize that Ross and company want to be able to make sure WCW has the best TV product possible from the beginning, a good staff, and most importantly that they make the correct decisions when it comes to rasslin' talent. And that takes time, you whiny bitches! Jim mentions that he was a part of the destruction of the UWF when Crockett Promotions (NWA, or Niggaz With Attitudes) bought it up, and he doesn't want to live through that sort of heartache ever again. The WCW roster, when it's done, will be made up of all sorts of good stuff. Most of the people on it will be young, athletic and hungry. Incidentally, those are three words that could be used to describe Mark Henry back when he got signed.

* Jim Ross sends out his love to Tazz and his family who are undergoing a difficult and challenging time. I'll do the same, although it seems no one -- not the Torch, not Dave Meltzer, not even me -- knows what the situation is. Maybe they had a pet hamster who committed hara kiri, maybe it's something really serious and I shouldn't be making jokes. Let's hope for the former. Not that I don't like hamsters, I mean they are small and cuddly and stuff. On the other hand, they run around all the time and they pee in people's hands at times, so that is not so good. Either way, hara kiri is by far the most honorable of all the various forms of suicide, and--... I'm digressing. Jimbo says it's a strong family and they'll endure this, and hopes Tazz will be able to return to HeAT duty this Sunday.

* There wasn't much serious business talk with Jimmy Hart, but he and Ross had a nice time, even if Hart kept screaming into his megaphone and insisting J.R. listen to his new musical compositions which all sounded eerily familiar.

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* RAW is WAR this past Monday wasn't that good. The effort was there but it just didn't click for a number of reasons. No sucky Long Island crowds mentioned, of course. SmackDown! is !nwoDkcamS, however, was solid and Jim much enjoyed the backstage shenanigans of the Undertaker, Steve Austin, and their hangers-on. Also, the crowd didn't SUCK ASS. YOU SUCK ASS, LONG ISLAND!

* The WWF was supposed to be doing a show in Columbus, Ohio this Sunday, but the Columbians will have to wait until RAW hits their town in September. Instead, WWF wrestlers will get the weekend off to celebrate Mother's Day with their families, even if the holiday does nothing but bring up bad memories for the Undertaker and Kane, and tension has been high between mother and son at the Big Show household for quite a while now.

* Eddie "Fat" Fatu and Matt "Fatt" Anoai are kickin' it and kickin' it good down in Memphis. Ain't no party like a Samoan Gangsta Party cause a Samoan Gangsta Party gots Samoan gangstas. Who party.

* Jim Ross is going to Ohio Valley this Wednesday to meet with talent and lose a few pounds. He's a very talented announcer who should be able to return to WWF TV soon after, however.

* Russ McCollough (he looks like Kevin Nash!) is getting positive reviews down in Puerto Rico's IWA. He's working hard, and Jimbo says that's where it all starts. On the flip side, though, Puerto Rico is oftentimes where it all ends.

* Good Ol' J.R. is sorry to see the XFL cancelled. Good Ol' J.F. is mighty happy to see the XFL cancelled, as that means less blabber I don't care about in the Ross Report and less always-there, always-unfunny, always-bombing XFL jokes on the Tonight Show with Gay Leno.

* The amount of people within the WWF interested in the lightheavyweight division is increasing. At exactly the same pace as the amount of signed lightheavyweight wrestlers are increasing, as a matter of fact. Jim feels that they have excellent talent in the weight class, so why, why, WHY can't it succeed, damnit? Because the biggest push it's gotten so far has been in the Ross Report, perhaps.

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* Spike Dudley has contributed much to the Dudley Boyz "presentation" and has a great attitude about taking crazy-ass table bumps. Speaking of the Dudz, journalist Mikhail Jenkinson recently brought forth a theory on his Delphi message board explaining how the team is very comparable to the Bushwhackers. None of the fifteen people who posted in that same thread agreed one bit with the parallels drawn, of course, but it certainly cannot be denied that both teams on occassion have worn camouflage. Also, there's the surprisingly little-known tidbit that Spike got his start in the wrestling business by playing the Bushwhackers' kangaroo mascot back in 1995. Oh you didn't know? It's a fact!

* Well, it's not actually a fact. Merely an unsubstantiated rumour. Sorry.

* Slim and sexy Paul Bearer, who seemingly will keep that name even when he's just a backstage employee, is a-travellin' the roads, looking at the different talent developmental territories. That'll be done alongside superstars Dennis Brent and Bob Clarke, as you know -- that story was broken right here in last week's Ross Report, and what a story it was. This area of the Fed, the talent development and the various territories, is very important. You may have caught that hint with the progressional increase in the Ross Report devoted to it over the past months/years. It's very noticeable when you think about it, actually.

* "Bruce Prichard has left talent relations to work full time with the creative arm of the company." If you believe Jerry Lawler, and if you're one of those people who likes to read between the lines, let me explain that "the creative arm of the company" is here an euphemism for "Stephanie McMahon's crotch". I LOOOOVE YEWW, STEPHANIE'S CROTCH.

* No return date for Scotty 2 Hottie or for his worm. It's a sad, sad, sad, sad, sad thing.

* Faarooq's brother died unexpectedly recently. Condolences and a heartfelt NOD fist salute goes out to Faarooq and his entire family. Death, too, is a rather sad thing.

* Tuff E. Nuff tapings were finished Friday, and the show will launch on MTV in June. Jimbo hasn't seen any of it, but he has no problem passing on to us that everyone's ecstatic about it. Al Snow, Tazz, Jackie, and Tori were the trainers, of course, and all did excellent jobs -- just like they're used to. They'll hopefully benefit from the show when it begins airing, since they'll actually be on TV and stuff.

* J.R.'s company shill's intuition is telling him that RAW will be hot and intense, much like that sexy video tape of Jimbo and Jennifer Lopez. You may be under the impression that Ross predicts good TV every week, but for this week, there's the added factor that WWF bookers just remembered that Judgment Day is coming up. I mean the PPV.

* Bye.