* Jimbo is very confident that Judgment Day will surprisingly good and entertaining. I agree fully. All that separating lambs from goats and whatnot seems like a fun game, and I'm certain there'll be some nifty special effects. Also... Wait a second. It seems he means the WWF pay-per-view event this Sunday, so color me embarrassed.

* Undertaker vs Steve "I'm a Heel" Austin will be OLD SCHOOL IN DA HOOOOOOUUUUUSE, predicts Ross. They'll show all them young punks how things were done back in the nineties!

* Kane. Chain. The Gane. Err, Game. It will be "uniquely physical", whatever that means, and will contain some innovations with the chain. That doesn't really matter, though, because as J.R. notes, not too many WWF fans of today have seen (m)any chain matches. That will be a good thing fdor these people, as they won't be bored by spots that have already been done in past chain matches. Such as the classic "I hit you with the chain" or "I choke you with the chain" spots.

* Chris Benoit vs Kurt Angle will be very good to excellent. Those hard-to-understand words mean ***3/4 - *****, Internet wrestling fans. It could very well end in a third fall in which the object is not to fall off but to climb up a ladder. Either that, or Benoit wins two straight falls and Angle gets pissed, beats him up with the ladder, and climbs up to get his medals. I don't think that will happen, but when you come up with a prediction no one else has come up with, you have tp put it out there, just in case it should happen to go through.

* Lita vs Chyna should be totally spankarific.

* In another Judgment Day match, it will be Test taking on the Big Show! And Rhyno! The Hardcore champ was added, presumably, because they forgot to find a squash victim for him and because they want to further show the world how short he is. ECW should really have come with a caption that said "PLEASE NOTE: WRESTLERS IN PROMOTION MAY APPEAR LARGER THAN THEY ARE." Yeah.

* Rikishi vs Regal is hard to predict due to Rikishi's injured shoulder. Maybe he could use his ass more or something. As always, the facial expressions will be there.

* The TagTeamTurmoil match that will determine the number one contenders for the TagTeamTitles could be the sleeper match of the evening. That's an expression meaning it might turn out unexpectedly excellent, and not a match stipulation.

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* The Acro Arena will be hot and loud, just like Jimbo likes his hanky-panky. The hope is that people will feel they got their money worth and that the PPV will receive at least 40% "thumbs up" on the Observer poll. That's always the goal, and it's no different this time.

* So there. We're done with the first few mentions of current WWF events and onto the second page of the Ross Report, and you know what that means, don't you? Yes, it's a WCW roster update! The update this time is plenty of progress, but only the sort that is invisible to the naked eye. Lots of unsigned talents are interested to join the signed talents and non-talent-but-having-"the look" folks. Verbal commitments abound, and talents should be written up soon. The whole roster should be finished within two or three weeks. Personally, Jim Ross cannot wait to see them all get started and worship some Satan. I mean raise some hell.

* Speaking of small-time WWF developmental areas in the South, Jimbo went for a little visit to Kentucky last Wednesday for an OVW taping. It reminds him of his early days in the business, at such places as the Tulsa Playground XtremePro Center and the Irish McHardcore Boyz Club in Shreveport, which was the home for the backyard feds Jim recommends to everyone as the optimal starting point for a career in pro wrestling. Jim Cornette, who handles business down in Ohio Valley, "is coming into the present somewhat reluctantly as far as his personal philosophy of the business is concerned". Trying hard to understand how boobies sell and match stipulations where the losers must kiss feet or wear diapers don't, no doubt.

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* Those old school values are good for the young punks who're being trained there, however, so it's all good. These new guys need to learn about tradition and respect, so stop it with the banana jokes already. Also doing a good job as a trainer is "Harmless" Danny Davis, and Bobby Eaton is so good that he may get to stay there through August.

* Now let us drop names. Nick Dinsomore, congratulations on that college graduation last week! Rico Constantino, Flash, and Randy Orton may be dropouts, but they've shown improvement over the past few months just like Smart Guy Nick. Leviathan has an awesome look -- Goldberg possessed or something -- and unlimited potential. He's also lucky enough to have been born with a cool sounding name! Sheldon "Been Jammin'" Benjamin and Brock "N. Broll" Lesnar, the musical tag team, looked very good and will some day be on RAW. Maybe playing cops or security guards or something. Ron "Water Man" Waterman has been a pleasant surprise and looked much better than he has in the past. He's a former amateur mixed martial arts fighter, teacher, and coach, but a professional First-Class Human Being. Eric "Zip" Angle has quite a challenge ahead of him in trying to follow his brother Kurt's footsteps, but that road to Olympic gold and then a WWF world title reign within a year of his debut in the Fed just got a teensy bit delayed when he tore his triceps and ad to have surgery, which will leave him on the shelf for a few weeks. Rob Conway, BJ Payne (that combination of initials with that last name just brings along unpleasant connotations, doesn't it?) and Damaja (not to be confused with Midajah) are progressing "better than expected" which isn't exactly glowing praise, but it's something. Mark Henry's conditioning improvements and braids are positives, but you have to have negatives to go along with it, or else they'd have to put him back on TV or something. Said negatives are the needs for a more focused in-ring technique and improved interviewing skills. Come on, J.R. The man's a POET, damn you! You don't tamper with that.

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* Continuing the parade of trainees, "Solo" is a smaller version of the Rock, but has a broken ankle as a reason for being out a few weeks more. If you know your NftRR, you might remember mention of Rock look-a-like Solomona Saippo (or something along those lines, I'm too lazy to go check). I guess I'm the only one who prefers wacky island names to stuff that's easily pronouncable. Sylvester "The Turkey" Terkey and Brian "Cack" Keck must find the "sizzle" to go with the steak. And buy some of J.R.'s BBQ Sauce! Mike Howell used to be one of the punnerific Dupps (you know: Jack Dupp, Bo Dupp, Puck Dupp, Mae Dupp), but now calls himself Mike Hard. Get it? Mike Hard! Haha! Hahaha! The possibilities are endless. Besides the thoroughly awesome and memorable new name, he must find "it" -- which means the ability to get people to notice and remember him in a positive light. A flashy hat would be my suggestion.

* Do you want even more OVW talk, you say? Oh, you don't? Well, tough shit. Surely you need to know that all these guys are on separate timelines, that the training facilites are being modernized and improved, and that even more focus will be put on this area of the company in the future. That means closer talent evaluation and higher expectations. That in turn means more layoffs for those not cutting it, methinks. I'm also thinking that, with a few exceptions, the earlier a wrestler was mentioned in the above few paragraphs, the more likely he is to keep his job if cuts should come into effect. Better run out and buy that flashy hat, Mike. Some of these guys could very well make it to WWF or WCW TV within the next twelve to eighteen years.

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* After weeks of hard work, this sort of field trip to go look at the sweaty young hard-bodies lifts Jimbo's spirits.

* Take a look at the Rock on the cover of the Rolling Stone! But for God's sake, don't buy the damn thing. According to reliable source Mike Lavieri, it's all about erections and stuff, so yuck.

* Mick Foley's is once again a top-selling author. He'll be # 1 on the New York Times bestseller list. It's a must-read, says Jim. Sure, you gotta know who'll be # 2-10.

* Some tickets are still available for RAW IS SAN JOSE and SmackDown! is Anaheim, but thanks to the force of the Ross Report P.R., both shows will be close to sold out by show time.

* Jim Ross's daughter is getting married, and J.R. thankfully doesn't say she needs to lose weight and improve her attitude. Says Ross: "I'm not sure I'm prepared to be a father-in-law, but I've personally had three so I hope I know what to do by now. Seriously, I'm very happy for my daughter and what's-his-name (Just Joe)."

* Wait, that was "just joking." Not Just Joe. Pardon the mistake.

* Kurt Angle's doing a book as well. Jimbo read it and while it's not quite as good as Foley's, he liked it a lot. "Angle Is Almost As Good", it will thus be called. Alternative title: "The WWF Is Faker Than Amateur Wrestling." It contains stuff about the murder of some dude, and as that's not comedy material for me (because I don't know the gory details), I bid you...

* Lizzater.