* Trish Stratus had surgery, and I bet you all are saying "Well DUH, tell us something we don't know, buttmunch". First of all, young man, you don't talk to me like that. Second of all, I meant medical surgery; She's having a bone chip removed from her ankle, and will be away from "physicality" for a few weeks. "Physicality", eh? Heheheheheh... Eh.

* FYI, WCW's Billy Manchild, AKA Kidman, had an MRI done, the results of which should be in ASAP; It appears he has PCL tear in his KNEE.

* LOL.

* WCW champion Sucka T has a strained calf, which apprently hurts. He will not miss any ring time.

* WWF champion My Name Is Stone Cold Steve Austin is not 100%, but the kid is really improving and could some day make it real big. He won't miss much ring time, as he's returning to action this Sunday.

* Sean O'Haire has a sore collarbone and elbow. He will not miss any ring time.

* Triple H's rehab is ahead of schedule, just as scheduled. He's working rehab six days a week, with the free day being spent manipulating the doctors and improving his standing at the clinic at the expense of other patients.

* Hu Morous has tendonitis in his shoulder, but that's not a hindrance to crappy moonsaults and a standard "another one of those WCW guys, I think -- put him on HeAT" push. He will not miss any ring time.

* Controversial black movie director-turned-Dudley brother Spike Dee will soon be released by his doctor for a hairline fracture in his fibula, says Ross. Now, I'm no expert, but I'd imagine that a fracture, no matter how hairline or in which silly-sounding bone of the body, is not a good reason to release someone from doctor's care. But as I said, I'm no expert.

* Hey, notice how in the past six bulletpoints, WWF wrestlers get the best medical care possible, while WCW/Alliance wrestlers are forced to work through their injuries? Talk about war tactics. Crafty, Ross. Real crafty. I can imagine how Ross will call the action on an upcoming RAW now... "MY GOD, BOOKER T'S CALF HAS BEEN BROKEN IN TWO! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SUCKA!"

* Flash, of Ohio Valley Wrestling superduperstardom, will undergo surgery to repair a torn bicep. Maybe he should think about doing something about that face, THAT HIDEOUS FACE. Actually, I don't remember what Flash looks like, but I *do* remember a Ross Report from a while back where Jimbo expressed how Flash had great timing, heart, work ethic, and had a bowling-shoe ugly face. Or something along those lines.

* Chris Benwaa is doing well, and will be doing appearances for the WWF in upcoming months. When told this, the Crippler salivated and asked if that meant he could go through a few tables, dive off steel ladders, or in any other way please please please murder his body, but was told that wouldn't be allowed. This was met with a strong exclamation of "Aw, MAN!".

* Rikishi's range of reaching for cheeseburgers is much improved, as the shoulder ehab has been going well. He'll be examined by Dr. Jimmy Jam Andrews, who, if I understand correctly, is due back in October or November. He's taking a long vacation, it seems, and I sure hope Rikishi will be OK in the mean time.

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* Kurt Angle's brother Zip Angle is healing from a torn biceps tendons, but has had other problems since the surgery. The plans where he'd take over as Kurt when the Olympic Champ needed time of for surgery (like when Brian Lee stepped in for the Undertaker or when there were nine different Ultimate Warriors being used) have been put on the shelf.

* In some sad news, another tragedy strikes wrestling. "Good Golly" Molly "Dolly" Holly will 'relocate' (euphemism for 'be sent down the river' which in turn is a euphemism for.. something, I dunno) to Ohio Valley where she'll assist in training Victoria as well as work on her own game, because she simply isn't up to the standards of, say, Torrie Wilson. Victoria works hard and is showing excellent cleavage in OVW.

* "John Cena", real name The Prototype, is getting excellent reviews for athleticism and work ethic down in Ohio Valley. He reminds Jimbo of a young Sting from 1988-89, which I assume means Ross hadn't seen much of Sting in 1988-89 either and based his reviews of him on a picture or two and other people's judgement. Or it's just that they're both products of Rick Bassman, who has a real good eye for steroid freaks with star potential.

* One of the toughest parts of Jim Ross's job is not to refrain from softly weeping whenever Lillian Garcia manhandles name after name of wrestlers on RAW, nor is it filling the Ross Report with uninteresting filler about WWF talents' upcoming appearances in vain attempts to kill off any potential for hilarity in the NftRR. Nope, instead it's making the necessary decisions of who gets to continue in the developmental program and who "gets their sorry no-talent asses thrown out on the streets" -- J.R.'s words, not mine. I'm thinking that the WWF spent way too much money on Tough Enough when they could've just sent a few cameramen down to these territories. They'd show how all the participants huddle around a computer screen on Fridays to see what Jimbo says about them, and would no doubt find out about who's getting cut via the major news sites. One down side is that Rick Bassman may not be as hilarious as Al Snow, but I have the fullest confidence that Ross will work at least as well as Tazz in the badass-mentor-who'll-berate-you-until-you-cry. Also, there's the problem of motivation; We all know that no one ever gets moved up to WWF TV, no matter how much they supposedly improve each and every week.

* Dennis The Menace Coralluzzo and Rhonda Singh-Whippleman, aka Bertha Faye, both passed away during the week. Condiments Condolences go out to their families.

* Remember this line: "There is no movement whatsoever with any negotiations with any former WCW competitors." Some of them (read: Sting) are not interested at all, some (read: Jeff Jarrett) are mildly interested, some of them (read: Goldberg) have financial issues, and Scott Steiner (read: Scott Steiner) is still too injured. Notice how a while ago, there was debate on whether or not the WWF should pick up Steiner, and now slowly and almost unnoticably, he's morphed into an obvious signee where it's only a matter of time and is the only one singled out by name time and time again.

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* The Brian Pillman Memorial Show is August 9th in Cincinnati. If you're in the area, please do attend: Maybe there'll be a very good wrestling match that you can hail as the best of the year and feel superior to the masses, since the vast majority of them won't ever get to see it. J.R. truly misses Brian and often thinks about how much fun it'd be to have him hobbling around.

* A number of ECWCWWF wrestlers will be taking part in a celebrity softball game at Shea Stadium, NYC, on August 11th. It's times like these that Sid really mourns his injury.

* Hey, you know that line I asked you to remember? If not, here it is again: "There is no movement whatsoever with any negotiations with any former WCW competitors." Now, why in the world is this important? I don't really know. Let's move on to the next bulletpoint.

* Jim Ross will be meeting with "former WCW competitor" Rey Misterio Jr. in Los Angeles next week. Sure looks promising, Rey-Rey.

* "The Alliance" is merely a working title. It has yet to be determined what the final brand name will be , but it maye still have "alliance" in it. No doubt. I say that with the large part being held by Paul E. and the recent inclusion of Steve Austin, they should just go all out, bring Bobby Eaton and Arn Anderson to TV, sign Larry Zbyzsko and Madusa, and dig up and rejuvenate Rick Rude.

* Let's play a game! First, take a look at this paragraph, quoted verbatim but with a few key dates and times taken out:

"The company will launch a new [...] broadcast [...], starting [...]. The exact format has yet to be finalized, but it will be a magazine format for the lack of a better term. [...] The show should allow more personality profiles, which will familiarize our audience with some of our talents who do not always receive adequate TV time. This show may feature several exclusive features, will probably have a new broadcast team, and will provide the opportunity to thoroughly promote our Sunday Pay-Per-Views. I expect it will take a few weeks of trial and error and reviewing the feedback to settle in on a compatible format. Our TV staff does a magnificent job producing features, vignettes and music videos. I think this time slot can work but not overnight. I hope the audience is patient enough to let it develop."

Now, to the question. Is he talking about the upcoming Saturday night show that is to debut on TNN in a few weeks, or is it a quote from when MTV HeAT was starting up? YOU MAKE THE CALL!

* In the middle of that paragraph above, there was a !!! PAGE BREAK !!!

* Da Supastars will be getting some time off between December 23rd and January 2nd to allow them to celebrate the holidays. Expect RAWs and SmackDown!s to be centered on talent who don't celebrate Christmas, Hannukah, or even Kwanza (like Scotty 2 Hottie). This will include Kai En Tai ("We do not celebrate Christmas. We do not receive gifts, because we are EVIL!" "Indeed!"), D'Lo Brown ("Worship the cow"), Chris Benoit ("I don't wanna go home, I wanna wrestle! I wanna dive off ladders! Can I, can I please?") and Perry Saturn ("You're welcome.")

* Jim likes the possibilities of the Jericho-Rhyno match-up, which I assume will continue and end up as a match on SummerSlam. Good chemistry, sez J.R. Dull booking, sez J.F. Why? I don't really know.

* Rob Van Dam has "it", which is not to my knowledge a code word for stacks of marijuana. He should have a stellar career, and Jimbo hopes it's not shortened by his high-risk, physical style. Personally, I'm guessing that he's looking to take more bumps up until the point where he's in just enough permanent physical pain to qualify for using certain newly-legalized drugs with a viable and legal excuse. He'll just have to move to Canada.

* Lance Storm had a good SmackDown! and will do well in his WWF career. Maybe some day win the Fed's number two title or something.

* SmackDown! goes Live! on August 16th and Augusst 23rd, in Salt Lake City and Denver, respectively. Tickets are available. Joke material is not.

* This week's RAW is WAR in Anaheim and SmackDown! in L.A. aren't sold out either, but will soon be near full capacity. The Alliance storyline, the Rock's return, and Justin Credible's singles push have all certainly revived fan interest in the product.

* Shane McMahon stars in Street Fighter; the Sequel this Monday, taking on a certain recently reinstated WWF superstar. I won't keep you guessing, it's the Rock. The match should do awesome ratings (SWEEPS, BAYBEE!), but who knows how high they'll end up being? Jimbo doesn't, I don't, you don't, why is this question even being asked?

* The following wrestlers will be sent down to work for Les Thatcher in the Heartland Wrestling Association: Kaz Hayashi, Johnny The Bull, Kwee Wee, Shannon Moore, Reno, Elix Skipper, Jason Jett, Evan Karagis, Lash LeRoux, Jamie Noble, Kid Romeo and some guy called Jimmy Yang who I sure never heard of before. Good news: no more laying around in crates in a Stamford storage room, gathering dust for these guys. Bad news: The Wall is not included. Worrisome.

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* Dean Malenko and the Big Boss Man will be spending more time with the developmental guys in upcoming weeks. Not to work as teachers or participate in matches or anything, just hanging out because they have nothing else to do and are becoming a bit bored.

* You betta recognize! D'Lo Brown has survived his stint in Puerto Rico and as a reward, he'll be brought back to the primary roster "soon". Not that the word means much when used in the Ross Report (BBQ sauce, RTC members repackaging, bunch of developmental guys being moved up; all coming "soon" for quite a while.), but still. It may be worth debating when the last time was when D'Lo was on the "primary" roster. I say 1999.

* "When will the Federation and the Alliance make their first trade? Who's next to jump leagues? Will there be a big gay draft?" The answer to the last one is thankfully no.

* Jerry Lynn vs RVD on HeAT: Jimbo says it's good. Check it out, and to all you Lynn fans out there, set your VCRs. Then you can re-watch it every week on Mondays and pretend that Lynn is getting exposure.

* Chuck "E. Cheese" Palumbo and Sean "Full Head" O'Haire are doing well but have a long way to travel. Moving to where the grass is not so damn green, you could say.

* Plans are still for the WWF and ECWCW to have two separate weekly TV shows, but that's a long way down the line. Maybe by the end of the year, but that isn't a guarantee but just mild speculation in order for Ross to have something to say. However, there will be two house shows per weekend (except for PPV weekends) starting in Octobre, with one secondary and one primary market. No mention of it being devided on company lines, so why it's mentioned in the same paragraph as the note about the TV shows above I don't really know. If they're gonna do it that way, may I suggest that on the WCW ones, they keep the biggest stars off the shows. Keep the tradition alive, and stuff. Plus, it would make it easier to distinguish which one's the B-show.

* Who better than Kanyon? Well, maybe a few people. Still, he had a nice week of TV.

* Mike Sanders will be working on his announcing skills up in Stamford. He seems to have an aptitude for it, and besides, it's not like he's got much star potential inside the ring.

* Speaking of which, Tazz and Al Snow are both working hard on SmackDown! and HeAT, respectively. Both seem to have settled into their roles, J.R. says, which likely indicates that Tazz hasn't been his whiny bitch self recently. Al and Tazz both find broadcasting more challenging than when they first broke into the wrestling business. Even if it took Al about a billion years and six hundred gimmicks before anyone took notice.

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* My GOSH, why don't you just scream from the rooftops that Paul Heyman is one big flaming gay homosexual, J.R.? This week, he expresses how there's never a dull moment broadcasting with "Happy" Heyman. Certainly, it brings a better balance to the broadcasting when you have one one play-by-play man and a color commentator, rather than just two straight men, so to speak. Paul brings a certain edginess to the shows, says Jimbo. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

* Most of the WWF talent need to chill out and not be so "spot" oriented. Not Jim's dog Spot, not Jim's liver spot, but.. Well, maybe he really is referring to his liver spot.

* Reportedly, -- because it seems no one speaks to Ross directly and he just hears stuff from various sources -- Val Venis is in great shape and is totally ready to contribute. As a reward, no return date has been decided.

* Toodles!