journal

10:59 10/23/01 - Okay, I missed a couple days on here cause english has been a bitch for me...hell, my whole life has been a bitch. I have been stuck in a rut; hopeless, depressed, frusteratted.
I've come to the realization that my attempts of finding love is hopeless, and an impossible task which I can never seem to over come. I know my life is pointless.... I can't acomplish anything for myself that will bring me joy or satisfaction. So...this afternoon I decided to take a different approach..sure happiness in my love life is a nice goal but not possible. I have tried to make a small difference golbaly, bring joy to others as I cannot bring it to myself. I started by sending some e-mails to organizations I found off of u2.com and ratm.com as they both support many worldly issues. I came to amnesty.ca where I found I could send a pre-written letter to a local mosque and PM Jean Chretien regarding the recent world choas. Well...that was quick...gotta go to be...later!
...Let Love Ruuuuuule.....
Song of the day: "I Want Love (Just a Different Kind)" by Elton John

12:24 10/19/01 - Well, today was bad, let's just leave it at that. It marked the end of an era in my life and a new beginning (not one I was planning on but a beginning none the less). I guess at the end of the day, even if you think you've lost everything, things aren't so bad afterall. Right now so many little cliches pop into my head "You don't know what you've got till it's gone", "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is", "It takes a second to notice someone, a minute to like them, a month to love them but an eternity to forget". I don't know... positing this is alittle risky but for me this journal is my way of staying somewhat sane through all of life's troubles. Let's me get things of my chest. So here's the deal ol' Ryan, a part of you died to day and most likely will never come back. Life's a bitch...no shit! But there's no way out so I just gotten bite my lip and go on through the days. Hopefully the pain will subside and be replaced by happiness but untill then... it's gonna be a long and slow time. Talk about an uphill battle, eh? Not that this is anything new for me... but hey, when you're at the bottom there's no where left to fall. Things can only get better. Hmm... can you say despression case. I've never really wanted to admit it but today I did. I am chronicly depressed and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. But admitting one's faults is half the battle. Anyways...sleep may do me some good as it is now 12:34. I'll leave with a summing up of the way my life goes : The good times are like heaven on earth, but when it rains, it pours. Damn...looks like I've set myself up for a sleepless night. Lates
Song of the day: "Alone" by Tool and Pearl Jam

10:56 10/181/01 - Way too late to write much for today, but I want to keep record of my life. Again, this isn't truly meant for visitors, more so for me but some people may find it humorous or interesting...WHO KNOWS? LOL Just finished watching two consecutive concerts on TV: Pearl Jam and KISS. Some good stuff...kinda old but still good. Didn't have the best of days, feelings very insignificant and worthless...hoping just another teenage phase. I'm sure it'll be ended now... just got that unnoticed feeling during the day. Anyways, tomorrow is friday! The start of a new week...should do me good! Hope to go out on friday night, then Liz's Hallowe'en party on the Saturday...should be a decent weekend cept for my Romeo and Juliet essay. But... I have a new outlook. I'm tired of wasting my life away, going to get homework done and spend more time with friends, rather than wasting away on my ass at home. Too many days spent slacking... to the point of people actually getting on me about it. You know you're bad when.... LOL Night.
Song of the day: "Just To Be A Better Man" by J. Gains & Soul Attorneys

10:46 10/17/01 - Today was pretty plain and simple, alittle better than yesterday but still equally as boring lol I've been kinda having a psychological battle wit myself lately. Just miffed with myself... but hey, thats life! I won bronze for archery in gym...and got bitched at by Jenkins yet again! Watch the New York Rangers woop those NEW JERSEY (Haha. Carswell...) Devils. Lindros scored a goal..oh, joy?!?! lol That's about all for today...pretty basic. Despite being temporarily miffed, life is gooooood... belligoosh. Well, gotta get me sleep..Peace, Love, Hangten California, Dreamin' of the perfect wave, Yea, Yea, Yea! PEARL JAM ROCKS! Bye :)
Song of the day: "Lipstick and Bruises" by Lit

9:01 pm 10/16/01 - Today had it's shares of ups and downs which I suppose is normal. However, I'd rather have a world of ups. School was it's usual boring self...screwed up a physics quiz and wasted the rest of the day. Afterwards, went to the Oshawa Center to update my OHIP card (oh joy!) and family portraits (double joy). And to this point I've been doing some god awful english *blech*.
It seems today calls for another one of my rants. I usualy have this commentary in my head all day but now I have an outlet for my Mental Mayhem. In life there are a few things that you can be absolutely sure of. Death, taxes and the heart. Everything else can screw you when you least expect it. Those who have a value for love will be there..to trust, respect and honor you. While those who don't or haven't appreciated the value of love and respect will always find a way of setting people off; having the little comments that are so crude and so unthoughtful that it can break down the best of people from the inside out. So...people...lighten up..live your life, not others...and think before you speak <<END OF RANT>>
Well I must be off to complete Romeo and Juliet...argh...I hate this shtuff! lol Later!
Song of the day: "Never Had A Dream Come True" by S Club 7

6:29 pm 10/15/01 - This is the first day of another step towards proving I have FAR too much time on my hands. Haha..don't get me wrong, just because I have a webpage it doesn't mean that I'm some kind of loner computer geek who lives in fear of "other people" and thinks mom is a "very pretty lady" *cough* JON *cough* Anyways...pretty boring day. Up till one o' clock lastnight with my fucking ISU and only finished at lunch. School was it's usual bore lol Watched the Mariners woop those dang Indians this afternoon and goin' to see Cadie @ work in about 2 hours. That's all folks!
Song of the day: "Stuck In A Moment" by U2