-Wyrm 7- Some of us are Metal. Greetings you pop culture vultures. In an attempt to make even more sweeping generalizations IM gonna throw the endless varieties of loud and aggressive music into one seething bulk., we shall call this giant mass of anger and frustration METAL. I do realize not all metal-heads are young but it's so easy and fun to generalize. Some of my best friends are metalheads. They’re essentially good people, but throw them into a frenzy of sweat and power chords and you’ll find that they quickly revert to a feral state of existence similar to a Scotsman in a lollie scramble. Anyone else notice the words Metal and Mental are uncannily similar> they are in fact separated by a single oppressive N, N being a wussy 'non metal' letter. Over the years the gods of rock/metal have tried very hard to prove just how mental they are. Iggy pop used to cut himself with a razor and rub raw meat into his wounds, weve all heard the stories about ozzy ozbourne and the decapitation of small mammals , and lets not forget the delightful Mr. Manson performing oral sex upon himself. But this is just the tip of the iceberg The history of metal resembles a traveling carnival of Mongoloid freaks. Metal may well be the tool of the devil, but at least Satan knows how to have a good time. Play some metal at sufficient volume and you will soon find yourself besieged by throngs of intoxicated young people whipping their heads around violently- this is known as head banging. this phenomenon was stared by a secret society of evil chiropractors as an investment in the future of their profession. Thousand of heads thrashing amidst the gloom of a metal gig creates a tempestuous ocean of poorly groomed hair and contempt for authority Its rather pointless but it is contagious, and even yours truly can get caught up in the vibe sometimes. Ever seen a mosh pit or a slamming circle?, these little sideshows form at metal gigs when people get so bored with just being angry they decide its time for some violence. A mosh pit reminds me of a food processor, people go in whole and come out missing limbs and jewelry. Amongst the mass of grinding, thrashing and throbbing humanity there’s a lot of the bad touch going on. Do not let your girlfriend enter a mosh pit if you want her back with her dignity in one piece. I think dangerous criminals should be executed by taking him/her to a metal gig, dressing them in a spice girls T-shirt and backstreet boys undies and throwing them into the mosh pit. The slamming circle forms when some of the bigger/stupider metal heads decide they want to ram into other people (as you do), a circular clearing quickly forms amongst the crowd as the sane attempt to avoid injury whilst still trying to get a good view of the carnage. the brave/stupid few charge each other and try to knock each other to the ground in an effort to prove who is the hardest metalhead. Slamming quickly lead to the realization that metalheads are not made of metal. Duh duh... duh dad duh.. dada dada dada duh..duh duh duh. That’s iron man by black Sabbath. Metal is all bout the guitar riffs. - Heavily distorted lumps of pure evil that spring from the ass of Satan himself. With this emphasis on guitars the rest of the band goes largely unnoticed. This problem first emerged with the beatles. How many beatles can you name? Chances are you forgot ringo starr (he assaulted the drums for the pop/rock supergroup) So henceforth this condition shall be known as Ringoitis. A vigorous metal salute to all the forgotten members of metal bands. The wyrm feats on a well balanced musical diet. Some days IM a little bit country other IM a little bit rock and roll. One thing is for sure. I do my best to be open-minded and respect all music, but this is not always possible when your an opinionated bigot. What was the point of this episode of the Wyrm? Don’t be so musocentric (seeing your music as normal and judging other music by those standards.) Wisdom: There’s a big difference between hearing and listening. web: www.geocites.com/thewyrmhole