PAK N FRESH. This is about grocery shopping. Why write about grocery shopping?. Well there's a good reason.. I just haven’t thought of it yet. Well first of all we all need to eat, and in order to do that, we need to go shopping for groceries. Here are Some musings in no particular order. Why is it you always get the trolley that handles like a drunken watermelon. It seems good at first, its only once you get inside and beyond the point of no return that she starts to resist... Things are made worse when you hook a v8 engine to the rear wheels. As, of course, I did. So there I was, plowing through the vege section at 185kph, trolley constantly pulling left and hurtling toward impending doom at every corner. I narrowly avoided the bolangiase shelf, rebounded violently off the meat freezers and skidded across the aisle until I was grinding against the bulk bins. Finally, I came to a halt. Unfortunately, I was halted by another trolley. It was a rather sporty model piloted by a nubile young vixen named Beatrice von braithwaite, she was shaken but not stirred and after swapping insurance details I turned the beast once more and brought here back to speed. Once I re-entered the slipstream head for aisle 1, biscuits, crackers, jam and mostly importantly Coffee. Coffee, contains considerable amounts of caffeine. Caffeine is an addictive stimulant of the central nervous system, it has a diuretic action (causing increased production of urine) and it also raises blood pressure, heart rate, gastric secretions and various other things. The average cup of coffee contains 60-115 milligrams of caffeine (depending on what type of coffee it is and whether it is instant, filtered or percolated. I drink one or two coffees a day. I don’t have a morning cup of coffee as it is important to hydrate after sleep, but I do drink it during the day. I know many of you are familiar with coffee... I can tell by the uncontrollable shaking of hands and blinking of eyes as you try to read this.strong coffee is arguably the stimulant of choice of many a late night student exam cram/last minute assignment writing session.. therefore, I deem coffee the official beverage of those undertaking a bachelor of procrastination. With the stimulants in the trolley out of the way it was time to seek my favorite quarry, Nachos. I navigated my way into the snack zone, passing through the pretzel belt with practiced ease and low, beyond the lollies quadrant I spotted my target, the lush pastures of planet nacho. I circled the nachos in a deep orbit analyzing exactly where I should land. A point of note, I always but the cheapest of everything partly because of my frugality, born of Scottish heritage, and partly because I am a student and thusly have more important things to spend money on, such as watered down spirits and textbooks. After locking my sensors on the cheapest nachos in range of the visual scanners I beamed the party of spicy triangle shaped beings aboard the trolley. As I went to gather the vegetables, namely potato chips and popcorn, I noticed some interesting products. In the fridges near the butter, lurked an entity called 'SPREAD', well how generic can you get. IM not sure if this was the products name or a serving suggestion or instructions. Apparently aimed at art students. Then at the bulk bins I noticed Pine nuts were $64 a kilogram. at this point, you could forgiven for thinking that pine nuts were a class b drug. Just Wait till it hits the streets, roving gangs of disenchanted youth will form a back alley network - dealing in ground pine nuts. Professional Athletes, vagrants and movie stars will litter the darkened city, seeking a dose of the magic grindings and snuffing themselves into nutty oblivion. Not that I even know what a fucking pine nut is. A few shopping points to note: Reduced to clear - means stale, disgusting,rotten or covered the in runes of some foreign language and therefore a little weird. Things that seem amazingly cheap, aren’t really cheap (they offset the losses by raising other items across the board and ever so gradually). The freshest stuff is up the back, the move old stuff to the front of the display/shelf to move it faster. Supermarkets use special codes for dealing with suspected shoplifters. troublemakers, if you ever hear a PA message containing two aisle numbers (one of which does not exist I.e.: Aisles 2 and 17 - in a supermarket that has only 15 aisles.) its a shoplifter, vagrant or member of parliament being dodgey in aisle 2. Web: www.geocities.com/thewyrmhole Wisdom: Yes we have no bananas.