PAST THOUGHTS
March 18, 2005
BUZZ KILLZ
So here I sit, 9:00 in the morning and I'm on what appears to be my 3rd and final cup of coffee today. At this point one of two things will happen, I will either: A) Get off my butt and start getting things done or B) My heart will explode from the extra scoop of coffee grounds I used this morning (It was 6:30am - it seemed like a good idea at the time.)
Yes - I know that caffine is probably not the best thing for me but it is my only vice. I'm not a shopoholic, I don't smoke, and I don't take drugs. (BTW - over the counter sleep aids do not fall into that last catagory, nor does vicodin, in most countries you don't need a perscription to purchase those precious little pills!)
So here I sit, and as the caffine starts to take effect I can't help but wonder.......Will it be an "A" day or a "B" day?
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October 15, 2004
WHEN A PICTURE TELLS IT ALL
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August 11, 2004
FORGIVNESS
What is it about forgivness that is so hard? It is one of the most difficult things that I have ever had to do.
But in forgiving the people that have done me a "wrong", I realized what a wonderful release it was TO forgive someone. Not forgiving someone was such a horrible burden to myself. Why should I be the one to carry that.
So in forgiving: Did it really change anything? Did the situation get better? Do old wounds ever really heal?
I no longer carry the burden for other people--I choose to forgive, and I feel better for it. I have the ability to make a situation better.
And soon the old wounds are nothing more then faded scars, that are hardly noticable.
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May 14, 2004
SAFE INSIDE AN ANTI-SOCIAL WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By nature I consider myself to be anti-social. But for whatever reason, when I give that discription of myself to people, they tend not to beleive me! I am not the sort of person that goes out of my way to meet people. I'm not fond of crowded places. And only on rare occasions I will answer the phone!
I will however, have conversations with those I feel most comfortable with--be in social situations for the sake of my children or my husband--and speak my mind when the need arises.
My rhelm of Anti-Social behavior is a place that I use to to keep me a safe--but from what......I'm not quite sure!
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April 15, 2004
When I was a child I loved the color purple. Purple symbolized one thing for me. But that is my memory, so I will just leave it there.
My high school years thru my 20's evolved around the color red. A color that I still hold dear to me to this day. It represented all my passions, all my zest for life. My youth. I could conquer the world as long as I could feel the red.
Lately, it seems, I have been inundated with the color green. It seems to surround me everywhere I go. I am flooded by the life it represents. From every blade of grass, to shrub, to evergreen tree that I can see outside my window. I can breath the life of green. It is truly the color that heals the world.
Now my life is filled with all the colors that exist. Every color displaying an emotion, a feeling that there are no words for. And sure some colors may be more appealing then others, but they all deserve the same appreciation. They all serve their purpose, and have a reason for being!
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April 4, 2004
"You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left." ---- Dr.Seuss
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March 27, 2004
"EVERY DAY IN EVERY WAY MY LIFE GETS BETTER AND BETTER" This is something that my father always said to me whenever I felt my life was truly miserable. That was when I was a child. It must have worked because as an adult I am not miserable at all.
Everything that has ever happened to me, everything that hasn't happened to me, everything that I have been told and everything that I believe to be true has made me the person that I choose to be today.
Simply -- I am no more or no less then what I am -- I am better then what I was yesterday -- I will be even more so tomorrow.
It is the DAWN of my life. And this is all that I am.......FOR NOW!
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March 19, 2004
What in life is worth knowing if we cannot reflect upon it later? Is there a small unimportant bit of knowledge that we obtain from reflection?
I never thought much about reflecting on the events in my life. I LIVED, I ENJOYED, I CONTINUED to carry on. Whether I accually reflected on these events or not-I never payed much attention to it.
Not so long ago I was a part of something that had broaden my "Field of Experience". I was given the opportunity to "reflect". More important, I was given the opportunity to write about my reflections.
Now I spend alot of my silent moments just reflecting on events, moments and the people in my life. And I become inspired to do....EVERYTHING!
Then I found this passage. And it just seem to make alot of sense to me.
"I came to see that what counts in life is not the events that surround one, but the reflections of those events in one's consciousness. All of a man's life - his work, his deeds, his will, his physical and mental prowess - is completely and utterly devoted to, fixed on bringing about one or another event in the external world, though not so much to experience the event itself as to experience the reflection of the event on his consiousness." - M. Ageyev
The world, in my "lenses", seems to be tied together. All of our thoughts intertwine with one another. On rare occations we are able to find familiarity and comfort with the idea that there are others who have the same wonderful notions that we claim as our own. Instantly we have made a connection with someone in the world. We realize and reflect upon the fact that NO ONE IS EVER ALONE!
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