LISTENING TO LARRYAfter a issue of letting everyone recover from my Beat Poetry, (Beat - that's a style not a condition), I'm going to share with you some of my philosophical ideas about life.
#1. Have you ever noticed how things get heavier as you get older? This thought came about because I am moving to a new house. As I pack my kid's room I notice everything is made out of plastic. I can pick up a toy UZI with one finger. Now, when I take my real hunting UZI out of the closet, I have to use two hands. It's hard to say, "Hey son, bring me my UZI" when he can't lift it because its too heavy. No help there! Also all of the rest of the kid's things are lighter, too. Pick up a Golden Book and compare the weight to The Comptons Dictionary. No match there! Not only do they get heavier as one gets older, but we get weaker ourselves. I can barely reach over and tie my shoe now, when I used to be able to put my whole foot in my mouth. I can still do that sometimes tho-
#2. Don't you think that the manufactures of Styrofoam should color-coordinate it? It would look much better to see a cup lying in the sand at the beach if were sand color! What an idea. They could have mountain colored cups for Colorado. Sand for Florida. Muddy brown for Missouri. Green would still work well in Greenland. A little camouflage would work well in forest areas. And last but not least, white would be best in the Florida Keys to go with all of the other Styrafoam that is already there. Maybe we could get the manufacturers of cigarettes to do the same thing with cigarette butts as well. Make them tile color so they could blend in nicely with the front porch of offices everywhere.
#3. I have decided that Microwaves will be the polution of the future. Forget about the ozone, it is almost gone anyways. How many communication devices will it take to completely fill the air with Microwaves? Beeper, cellular phones, wireless computer networks, TV, popcorn. Soon there will be no space in space for anything. You will walk into a solid wall of Microwaves. The human body can only take so much. If you can pick up TV inside a building, why can't you pick it up inside your stomach? It's everywhere folks, and getting worse. There are people walking around with two or more beepers, a couple of cell phones and a laptop computer hooked up to a cellular phone for data operation. Yikes, it makes a nerd like me want to run for the nearest LEAD building.
#4. Just when you think that your sons are really growing up, something like the following happens: The other night I was sitting around my castle and my son, Tyler, came running into the living room yelling, "Daddy, Daddy there is a two headed palmetto in the bathroom!" Me being the kind of daddy that I am, I threw down my reading material (Studd Magazine) and went running to see. Sure enough in the bathroom was a two headed palmetto bug. How disgusting! They were doing "it" and sure enough it looked like the palmetto had two heads. I didn't think it was time to give Tyler a lecture on the birds and bees so I proceeded to do what any good dad would do at a time like that, and smack the little critters with my shoe. Let me tell you, they are a hardy bunch of creatures. No wonder they are the oldest living things on Earth. Anyway, I think my kids are older than they are until it comes down to seeing what they really know, instead of what they think they know.
Ok, in the multicultural way of doing things: Goodbye for now. Sayonara. Chow. May the Great Spirt guide your steps. Live long and prosper. Check you later. And as I said to the two headed palmetto, Adios Coo-Ca-Ra-Cha!