I
guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things
you could not show her
She's
been watching me all night. Everywhere I turn, I feel her eyes as they
burn a hole through the back of my head. I'm not sure what she wants; I
haven't asked her yet.
I
think she's drunk. No, I take that back, I know she's drunk. Otherwise
her glances, if any would be quick and insecure. Only now that she's had
a few-they make her stronger, she thinks-only now does she risk the constant
surveillance she's been undertaking. No worries of her subordinates and
friends, whispering behind her back; she's got an excuse. And, for the
past forty minutes we've been dancing around each other. She'd look my
way, I'd catch her eye, and we'd both turn back.
I
know something's happened between her and Seven. You don't work that closely
with someone for that long and not know when something changes. She'll
tell me when she's ready. I hope.
And
all of a sudden, out of the din of the crowd, I hear her laugh. That wonderful
sound fills my ears and I instinctively turn toward her. She'd been talking
with Chakotay and she laughs again as he hands her another drink.
All
at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl
But
then she does something that surprises me. She looks my way, and instead
of the game of tag we've been playing, she gives her first officer a pat
on the shoulder and starts walking. She has a look of determination in
her eyes I haven't seen in a long time. And it scares me.
She's
standing in front of me now, sipping her drink. Absently, she begins to
trace the lines from the shoulder of my black dress. "Did you really mean
it?" she asks. She doesn't look up. For a moment I'm dumbfounded and when
I don't answer, she looks up at me out of the corner of her eye. "About
the coffee."
And
instantly I'm flooded with memories of a day so many years ago. "I'd
even bring you coffee in the morning..." A joke, but not really. And
you feigned denial, giving me one of 'those looks'. It was a defining moment
in our relationship, or at least I thought so.
And
then I'm shaken from my reverie by the feel of her hands as they softly
caress my cheek. They've apparently migrated from my shoulder. "Can I walk
you back?" I whisper. Somewhere along the way my voice seems to have gotten
lost. And she nods without speaking, links her arm with mine and we leave,
oblivious to anything and anyone but each other.
And
it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to
tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass
It's
a quick trip. We don’t speak; I walk and she moves at my left, her hips
swaying seductively with each step. "Do you want to..." she asks when we
stop in front of her door. I nod quickly, afraid that if I think too long,
I’ll walk away. I pick up her shoe when it falls from her hand and she
laughs when I stumble, a private, magical sound that sends a shudder through
my body even now.
She
opens the door, turns to face me and in that instant, there is no one in
the world but her and I. My dress falls to the floor, and her shoes on
top. I pull at the front of her dress and when the arms come loose I am
on her instantly.
My
lips find their way to the hollow of her neck, to her breast and then back
up again. She is moaning beneath me when I cover her lips with mine, fulfilling
a dream I'd been saving since the day we first met.
But
then she pushes me back and struggles to free me from my clothing. Her
hands grasp the front and she fumbles with the ties. "Need some help?"
I joke and finish what she'd started.
She
doesn’t laugh.
Her
hands move from my breast to my thighs while I continue the ministrations
on her neck, and all the while she is backing me into the room, determination
and lust in her touch. And the intensity of it all scared me.
In
her bed we react to all those years of un-realized tension and moments
gone by. The passion and intense emotion find its way into our lovemaking
and she feverishly lays claim to my body while I savor the remnants of
my dream. I know it will never happen again.
Whether
she is trying to prove something to me, or herself, I don't know. Maybe
she is trying to make up for what she has done with Seven.
Or
maybe she is really just drunk.
It
isn’t long before our fast pace becomes almost overwhelming. And as I call
out her name, I realize that all the while, she has been crying, her tears
falling to my breast. At some disconnected moment much later she whispers
in my ear. "I'm sorry."
"I
know." I answer quietly and hug her tighter.
I
bring her coffee in the morning.
A
long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said
as you were leaving
Now the days go by so fast
She's
watching me. She has been all evening. Every now and then our eyes would
meet and I'd smile and raise my glass. And then she turns her attention
back to the group and Chakotay hands her another drink.
All
at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl
It's
getting late, and the combination of alcohol, memories and her are making
me tired. But I can't break with tradition. She doesn't disappoint me.
It isn't long before I hear her footsteps and I turn around and smile.
She reaches up and runs her hand across my bare shoulder. "Did you really
mean it?"
I
raise my eyebrow, feigning confusion. It's a game; we play it every year.
"About the coffee." she says and I smile; a secret smile meant only for
her. I raise my glass and brush it lightly against hers. "Wouldn't you
like to know." I answer. And she grins, as we toast the beginning of a
new year.
And
it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean...I
guess I should
-aquiel