Voices whisper in her head, and faces appear and disappear with a frequency that makes her heart pound, if not stop momentarily. It's all she can do, when it happens that is, to not cry out in pain or risk doubling over in laughter. For so long, too long by some accounts, she's been locked in this self invented solitary confinement, swaddled in the icy hands of heaven and hell, and watching as the world goes by.

Alone.

She fights with the armies in her head. Those who have been her companion for her entire life. On Bajor, those faces kept her going; made her strong, but now, so many years later, those images simply make her weep. 

Innocence is a trait lost to any and all who have been thrown into hell. Hell, as she knows it, varies from day to day. Perhaps, yesterday it was holding back tears as her partner lay dying in her arms. Tomorrow, hell will be nothing more than fighting back vomit as they run their filthy hands where no one should ever go.

And today, hell is recognizing that some things do end, and realizing that not everyone in the world is full of hate.

"Nerys" 

The voice of salvation ringing in her ears. The touch of resignation on her hand is all that it takes and she's standing in his arms, weeping for everything that is and will never be.

"I love you Nerys”, he whispers, and she feels him meld his body into hers, holding her closer than she ever thought possible. 

And she lets out the breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding. Smiling, sadly at first, she rests her head on his fluidic shoulder. "I wish you could."

And the moment is lost forever.

A sigh, a nod of understanding, and a self-indulging tear are all that she allows before she backs away, unwilling to quite let go of his hand. Then again, he is also reluctant to release his grip, for fear that once he has let her go, he will never find her again.

"It's sad, isn't it.” A question, but not really, thrown into the darkened room.

He turns to where he senses she is standing- very much aware that she is standing closer than she should."Sadness is a part of life Nerys."He says, at some point.

"Is it?" she replies thoughtfully. "I hadn't noticed."

"Noticed?" 

"That I was alive." She answers, at a disconnected moment much later.

She says she’s tired of living in a world where only she belongs; tired of fighting with the memories in her head. But memories are persistent, and ghosts are the greatest armies in hell.

-Aqui

new earth
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